So long 2006

And it was 'so long'!

2006 has for me seemed to drag on forever. It hasn't in many ways been my best year, in fact to say it has been one of the hardest of my life to date, would probably not be an overstatement. It's seen me go through the break up of a relationship, lose my home as a consequence, move 500 miles to my parents, almost lose Tilly (situation still pending) and be declared personally bankrupt. Yup...I think in many respects I recall having had better years!

But it has not all been bad. 2006 has also seen me face some of my greatest demons...and beat them or at least stare them in the face, it has been the year I learned to take some big risks, to jump blindfold off the precipice of life and trust that somehow I would land in a place that was bearable, if completely unknown. Often I still feel in 'freefall', often I still feel scared half to death but even that I suppose is part of the learning curve and part of what life has become about for me.

This year has seen some of my greatest emotional extremes, almost daily at times, as circumstances and emotional issues have created in me some desperate lows but also some amazing highs and one way and another I have got through it all....often not too elegantly but I made it this far none the less.

My year has seen me do things and go places I never imagined I would or could and contrarily it has given me one of the best days of my life and some memories that will stay with me forever. None of this would have been possible without the immense support and care I have been privileged to be on the receiving end of from so many people.

So thank you to you all who stood by me, and yes, that includes you lot here in the blogosphere who were rooting for me throughout and who left me comments and mails of encouragement, help and advice, even when at times this blog was probably about the most depressing thing you read in an average day!

Among those who helped me get through this year there are a few who deserve special thanks, my parents of course for putting up with me day in and day out, 'JW' for always being there when I need him, Lisa who as ever is a friend in a million and of course the individual who said to me (and I quote) "You make it happen, not me, all I can do is open the doors, you have to find the strength to walk through them, and that's the tough bit (and opening doors is easy unless they are on one of those really stiff door closer things)!", to that person: without your understanding and patience, your intellect and care I would never have made it this far and I reckon the 'door closer thing' must have been pretty tough from time to time....so a special thank you to you.... you are an absolute star and you have helped me more than you will ever admit.

And so onward into 2007, I have learned a fair amount of stuff over this last year I hope, about life and about myself and good or bad I wouldn't have missed it. My enduring memories will be very mixed but the good outweigh the bad and whilst I can live without a repeat performance this year has given me a whole new outlook and hopefully a bit more backbone.

All that remains then, in case I don't make it back here before the onset of 2007, is to wish you all a very happy and peaceful new year, here's hoping it's gonna be a good one for us all! :o)

Tilly is back!

Yes, 'madam' is returned from her none too popular 'holiday abode' and leaving a small trail of devastation in her wake presumably to remind us of her disapproval and just how much we miss her carrying-ons!


Every cloud has a silver lining as they say, for despite her displeasure at the whole issue her usual lack of interest in eating when cattery bound has meant she has returned looking less plump and rather elegantly feline!


There is more to come though, for circumstances over this festive period require she returns to the dreaded place again soon for a few days, and whilst she was instructed by the vet to diet there is a happy medium!

Hopefully with a little more 'practice' she will learn that we do always fetch her and this self imposed starvation business is not necessary!

Sometimes.....

....a track just really 'gets' to you....

Happy Christmas

So, the countdown is nearly over, I have finally managed to get some gifts bought in a marathon one day shopping spree and got myself a little more organised than I had been up until this point!

Tilly puss is in her much disliked 'holiday home', the tree is decorated and a turkey is lurking somewhere.

I'll be spending the time here with my parents and 'Fletch' and as things speed toward the big day I am unlikely to make it here to bash out another post so all that remains is to wish you all much mirth, merriment and peace over the coming mad few days.

Have a good one guys! :o)

Christmas cat of grumpiness!

Do you think she knew she was about to go to the cattery for the duration? :o(

Schools out!

Today is a good day, I have just completed my final day in the dreaded white van until next year! My first real Christmas holiday since.....well since so long ago I don't remember since when, but at least 20 years....and I intend to enjoy it!

Of course, the final day could not possibly pass without becoming from the outset, 'eventful', oh no, no chance of that, just one day without incident was too much to hope for.

I arrived in thick, freezing fog at 6.15am to the news that all the company vans had been vandalized overnight. It appears that my employer is the victim of some kind of small time vendetta, this vandalism issue is not new, there have been other incidents just in my short time there. Do I look surprised? Nope, I thought not....lets face it, one can't operate like this place does without rubbing someone up the wrong way at some point and eventually one is likely to reap the er, 'benefits' of such questionable business practice. That said, it's hardly a mature way to deal with whatever issue has been the cause of someone's distain but whatever....my already 'delightful' van was minus it's windscreen wipers when I arrived. The police had already been and gone and I was met with the news I was to take the jalopy out anyways....apparently as it wasn't raining my boss considered I had little need for wipers!

I think the look on my face said it all as I pointed out that I already have one missing indicator, one missing headlight...the other stuck on sidelights, no brake lights, two very questionable tyres, a heater blower that doesn't, a bumper hanging limply about four inches from the tarmac, a sticking accelerator and four doors that don't close properly! Come on now, no wipers added to that is not likely to help my case should I be pulled over now is it?!

His reply....to offer me a window scraper and a bottle of water!!!! Yeah, that's gonna do the trick in sub zero temperatures ain't it.....Not!

In the end my protestations fell on deaf ears....this is selective deafness on his part bought on by the thought of losing a days takings, the God money is this guys sole motivation in life and in the end my choice was to take the van out or take a hike. I took the van out....hey, I need the money too.

I set off very gingerly in the freezing fog on country lanes that have never in their life seen a gritter and by the time I had completed maybe just ten miles I had lost count of the times I had stopped to scrape crap and ice off the windscreen and had already very gently and elegantly 'broadsided' the van around a corner.

My patience was lost, I called my boss, told him I would go get it fixed if he wouldn't and took it into the local 'please mend my van in a hurry' garage. They did, though with two odd sized wipers, miss-matched and too small but beggars can't be choosy and I wasn't, the drivers side worked and that was a 100% better than it had started off!

The rest of course remains in a state of disrepair but I'm kinda getting used to all that, to having to do hand signals and look behind me before I brake etc.....hell, what would I do if I didn't have all that to think about?!

So, the day passed in a haze of thick fog, frost and ice but eventually I completed my round and now I can forget it all for almost two whole weeks!

Yayyyyyyy. :o)

Some Tilly-ness

It seems an age since I wrote here about Tilly, so long in fact I can't recall the last time I did.

The reasons are various, namely that my laptop has completely died so the photograph thing is a little problematic right now and for a while I was very wary of tempting fate by mentioning that for the time being at least she is still with me.


So what has she been up to. Well firstly her diet seems not to have done the trick, or at least she and I haven't managed to gain to tight a control over her eating habits and hence she is still a little 'portly'! We have promised each other we will try harder in the new year, her at not eating in a fashion reminiscent of a large horse and me at not giving in so readily to her pleading looks by an empty bowl! Hmmm....we'll see.

This week has seen her first experience of a Christmas tree, last year she was tiny and I was convinced the tree would prove too much temptation so didn't have one, but I have to give her her due this year, whilst there have been one or two 'slip-ups' in the main she has been remarkably well behaved and thus far has only managed minor wrecking sprees on a few occasions....I won't speak too soon though, 'well behaved' is not her forte! ;o)

She still persists in sleeping on my head and in waking me at 5am most mornings though at the moment that is a bonus and guarantees I'll be up in time for work....the weekend is another matter entirely though but last weekend she managed to allow me a small lie-in! :o)

Winter she has decided is not quite her 'thing'. Her days of gallivanting in the garden have come to an abrupt halt since she had a rather major 'run in' with a big local Tomcat and came off the worst for the encounter. That along with the dramatic drop in temperature have reduced her to very short trips to the 'bathroom', a preference to laying stretched out under a radiator and to much time looking at the outside from inside!

As I mentioned at the start of this post, for now we are still here together and though I am still scared to tempt fate it is beginning to look like there is a possibility it might stay that way. I have absolutely everything crossed but for now I'm not counting my chickens. The thought of losing her now seems even harder than it did a few months back and the thought of going through all that upset is not something I want to deal ever again so it's fingers firmly crossed that somehow this time it will work out.

So that's about it, a quick round-up and a new picture of madam and her antics, she is off to the cattery for a few days over Christmas which won't please her (or me) but will allow my parents who now I'm at work have taken on much of the day to day feeding etc. a few days 'Tilly rest' and a few days without having to pick every Christmas card off the floor at least a thousand times a day!

Pet rules!

(To be posted VERY LOW [snout height] on the refrigerator door)

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the

middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is

not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline
attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough!


To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.


Remember: dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

I woke up this morning....

....as one does on occasion in a state of 'ugh-ness' and panic at the realisation that Christmas is now only a week away and I am still completely unprepared for it!

I don't 'do' disorganisation very well, I like to have things sussed as a general rule and yet this Christmas I seem to have 'gone to pot' in a big way.

I still have way too many gifts un-bought and little idea of what to buy to rectify that situation, I have managed to gather together some cards but as yet they are still nicely packaged and completely un-written, and aside from Christmas day itself, which we will spend with my parents, I have absolutely no idea where or what I will be doing for the rest of the festive season. This is the first year I have been in a job (if you can call it that) where I have the whole period off work (unpaid mind you....eekkk, I need the money) but I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself.

For reasons I won't bore you with I have a slightly difficult week ahead of me before I even make it to the season of 'joy' and right now I still just wish I could hibernate until next year and a return to some semblance of normality.

Ok....I'm gonna go back to bed and see if I can wake up in a better frame of mind.....

Bah, bloody humbug!

Doodle!

This is amazing....the mother of all doodles....click HERE.

Thanks JW.

Christmas kiss!

Those among you who are unfortunately familiar with the vagaries of some cat behaviour might appreciate this.... in a cringing kind of way!

Another crap van.....

....and another small disaster!

This week it seems is not turning out to be my best. After yesterdays carrying-ons I had kind of hoped for a better day today....harumph, it was not to be.

The new van (ok, it's way older than the last one....why are you not surprised?) is barely an improvement, though it does boast a heater of sorts, a functioning (just) propshaft and central locking.....and thereby hangs my problem of today.

My delightful employer failed to tell me that the button on the key is so sensitive that just the act of turning the ignition off is likely to activate the locking system and of course, wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what happened. I stopped at my second call of the morning, turned the ignition off, got out, shut the door and hey presto...I was firmly locked out. FFS! I was far from full of Christmas joy I can tell you!

This time I was determined not to call for assistance only to be the recipient of more hassle and so made a deal with the guys on the site I was at: anyone who could get me into my van without causing damage could have what they liked to eat on me.

It worked like a dream, ten or so of them pitched in trying one way or another, until one guy (presumably of slightly dubious 'history') told me to look away and he would get me in....20 seconds later I was in...... I was happy, I care not how or why he learned to do it, the fact that he could was fine with me and all it cost me was the price of a breakfast....more than worth it to avoid the hell I would have suffered had I called the boss! :o)

The death of a disaster legend

The white van from hell is dead! I killed it!

Now, before any of you start making utterances about women drivers and all that malarky, let me fill you in on a few details here.

The route I drive everyday in the pursuit of making the lunchtimes of the locality a moment of gourmet magic is in the main on country roads. One of these 'highways' in particular is liable to flooding in a number of places. There is a longer route but after more than a few arguements with boss #2 I gave in and did as I was told i.e. "not waste time (time is money yada, yada, yada) driving the extra miles" and instead plough on through the floods when they occur. Assured as I was that a diesel angine won't give out because it has no distributor! Now this guy is supposed to be a time served mechanic among other things but even I know that engines are more complicated than that but having argued my corner, drive through I did...on numerous occasions over the last month.

Today was different. The heavens opened and my route flooded 'very nicely' in the middle of nowhere and as ever I gritted my teeth and went for it....only to come to a grinding halt in the middle of a flood maybe a foot deep, ten car lengths in width and a considerable length. This flood took over the road, went up the bank and carried on into the woods at either side.

So what was I to do? I was stranded in the pouring rain and my only route for escape was to wade out...yeah right, fat chance. I called my boss, the one who instructed me that the van wouldn't give up and requested rescuing...he was not impressed and as I had suspected might be the case (with his parents being the other partners in the business) he started trying desperately to wriggle out of responsibility for the debacle first claiming he hadn't advised me to drive through and then that he hadn't realised 'which flood I meant' (despite having claimed to have drive through it himself on many occasions)!

And sit in my small lake I did, with the water rising
above the doors and gradually seeping in...and I waited and waited and waited....

In the meantime the rain continued to pour down and other traffic wishing to use the route intermittently pulled up infront of me flashing lights or 'hooting', presumably to get me to shift (this is a one track road). Now forgive my ignorance here but there I was, knee deep in a small lake, stuck smack, bang in the middle of the road with my hazzard warning lights on..what exactly were they expecting me to do? Did they imagine I was sat there for the good of my health? Was my predicament not apparent to even the most stupid of individuals?

A large pick up even turned up, two builders got out, stood at the edge of my personal 'lake', asked me what had happened, then laughed.....and drove off. Hello.....it might have been nice to offer me a tow or at least have 'rescued' me from my cab!

Finally my boss appeared looking none too pleased and failing completely to grasp the principle that this was his fault....and he had come without a two rope!!! FFS!!!.

At this point my patience was wearing a tad thin-ish and I was very cold and wet so I pointed out that he might like to drive himself to a local garage where he might find assistance. He did...leaving me behind still stranded in my cab, the thought that I might be getting just a tiny bit disgrunteld very pissed off sitting like a fool in a big puddle never seemingly crossed his mind!

I won't bore you with the rest but suffice to say two very nice guys in a truck arrived sometime later and hauld me and my van to dry land and then to their garage where the van was pronounced D.O.A. Yup, I told him it would happen, I argued with him time after time but he wouldn't have it and yet, somehow now, it is deemed my fault that the white van from hell needs a new engine and is considered a write off!!

Belive me, I have made my position and my feelings crystal clear. If I had been idiot enough to choose that course of action for myself as opposed to under his insistent instruction I would be only to happy to take the fall...... but 'new girl' or not I'm not having this pinned on me and if I have to walk I will. I am livid. It's bad enough that he was so stupid but to now try and wriggle free of the responsibility for the outcome infuriates me....it's not gonna happen I promise you.

Hey...on the upside I get a different van tomorrow, surely it can't be any worse....can it?

Butch Cattidy & Sundance?

Heh :o)

Thanks JW

Ohhhh.....

.....I've just noticed this little spot in the blogosphere has passed the 80000 hits mark...whoda thunk it!

Certainly not me!

Panic is setting in....

.....it's less than three weeks until Christmas and the normally 'organised to the Christmas hilt' gemmak hasn't even bought a Christmas card yet, let alone had any inspiration as to what gifts to buy, or further more how to finance said purchases!

Do you think anyone would notice if I just hibernated for a few weeks? ;o)

How ridiculous!

Ok...so clumsy me, I dropped my mobile phone a few days back and broke the back cover. Upon investigation I discovered it is not a part that can be purchased at retail so contacted o2, the provider from whom it originally came. Bear in mind I have only had this phone three or four weeks.

O2 very kindly said they would send me a replacement part free of charge and that it would be with me by yesterday....you know what's coming don't you? of course you do, it didn't arrive. I called again today to confirm it was in transit only to be informed that they can't provide the part and have no idea why I was told otherwise!!! My displeasure at their lack of reliability was registered and I was told to go to an o2 store where the part could be ordered.

Off I trundled to said store.

The staff in said store informed me they 'don't order parts' and had no idea why I was informed otherwise!!! FFS I registered further displeasure and 'suggested' that they call their head office whilst I was there to sort this debacle out. They did....no joy, both laid blame and responsibility at each others door!

I was by this time beginning to breath fire and the 'sales associate' dealing with me was beginning to look a little flustered.

I took over the phone conversation and made it reasonably clear I expected one or other of them to sort this out, afterall, I only wanted one small part that by their own admission was only a couple of quid. The lady on the end of the phone contacted Nokia (apparently) and came back to me saying they couldn't provide the part either!! Hello? They manufacture the damn phone so if they can't I wondered who the hell can?! The answer, apparently no one!!

My displeasure became more intense. By this stage I had spent maybe and hour and a half talking to half-wits, getting conflicting advice and very little in the way of results.

Finally 'girl wonder' on the end of the line said she had a solution....wait for it....she would send me out a new phone! I explained yet again I only need one part of the cover, they didn't need to waste a whole handset but it fell on deaf ears. Apparently they can only send out whole phones, not just parts and the suggestion she just take the back off the phone and mail it to me thereby at least saving the cost of a courier, was met with complete confusion!!!

I gave up at that point! If they see fit to waste £300 then who am I to stop them I thought but hells bells, it's the 'throw away' society gone mad....is it any wonder we are using upresourcess at such a rate of knots when a company of such magnitude behave in such a ridiculous manner?

How a woman's brain works!

This was sent to me as an email by a friend (thanks 'Retroguy')....the image struck a chord with me...my brain feels just like this lately....oh, and I couldn't resist the punchline!

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:



Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

*Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls! ;o)

...but I don't 'do' cooking!

When I saw my job as the driver of the white van from hell advertised it said nothing about 'cooking'. In fact it very carefully didn't it seems to me, what it actually asked for was a 'sandwich van salesperson'. Had it mentioned anything remotely involved with culinary skills you would have seen me headed in the opposite direction....and fast!

There are things I do and things that I definitely don't do and one of the definite don'ts is anything remotely associated with food, aside from eating it of course or dipping the odd strawberry into deliciously melted chocolate. Domestic I can be, cleaning, ironing, washing, vacuuming...all no problem but things culinary...ugh! Ok, so my way to a mans heart is not through his stomach! ;o)

It has come as somewhat of a shock to me therefore to discover that by 06.30 each weekday morning I am up to my armpits in 'sandwich making' equipment, for in reality not only do I have to deliver said delights but I also have to produce them all myself beforehand, this is not good, it does not start my day well to be surrounded by commercial quantities of various hams, cheeses, salad stuffs and other assorted 'fillings', nor do mountainous piles of empty baguettes, and other bread products fill me with joy with there apparent need to be transformed into attractive lunchtime fare, by my own hand.



But fill them I must and if you please, at the rate of approximately 60 an hour.... yes, that's one a minute, no mean feat let me tell you. That includes wielding an electric knife (OMG), the 'buttering' procedure (though the stuff we use has long since lost any resemblance to real butter) and the tidy and attractive inclusion of usually something in the region of five or six different items of filling...all of which are hell bent on not remaining where I originally put them!

But there is worse still to come. Once I have fought tooth and nail with lettuce, beetroot, stuffing, pineapple, corn, etc. etc. etc and various dead animals and persuaded them successfully to 'stay put' I then have to somehow maneuver them into a long thin bag and then into a 'sealing' contraption, all the time fighting the attempts of the darned stuff to escape and fall untidily into an ungainly heap at the bottom of the bag!

Now this might not sound like too much of a trauma to most of you but I really don't 'do' cooking and to me this comes under the heading of cooking, it involves food and knives doesn't it? Yes? so it's cooking then and I don't do it, I just don't!...or at least I didn't!

...but three weeks in and I've got it mastered, I've got a routine and a plan and this morning by 7.30 all 60 were done and dusted and immaculately waiting to be sold within the ridiculous given timeframe. There they were all tidy and yummy looking, nothing hanging out or sitting sadly at the bottom of the bags and at last, my supervisor (I use the term loosely here) who can rarely let a moment go by without criticism, could find nothing to winge about!

...but I still don't 'do' cooking! Ppffttt.

Wonders will never cease!

At last! The white van from hell has a new prop-shaft!!

This may not sound like heaven to you but for me, who has had the displeasure of near dragging the offending vehicle along behind me these last two weeks, it is a gift of large and much coveted proportions!

No longer does my every minute pressure on the accelerator cause there to be unnerving shuddering below me, no longer do I sound like an approaching tribe of over excited banshees and finally, oh joy, when I hit the gas I am propelled forward at a reasonable rate as opposed to having to sort through a selection of low gears in an effort to merely keep going! Ok, so this is still not anything Schumacher would be fighting to drive but it is a a very large step forward.

Yes, there are still the airless tyres, lack of heater, jammed door, failed fan and one (slow) speed wipers to attend too but I am for now just thankful for small mercies!

Oh....and it's Friday tomorrow, so it's all good. It's seemed a hell of a time in coming this week but who cares now, it's almost here and a Friday is a Friday and not to be sniffed at, two whole days of nice stuff and sleeping and not a white van in sight!

***************
On the subject of Friday's, tomorrow is likely to be a difficult one for someone very close to me (you know who you are), a day of uncertainty, mixed emotions and upheaval, so my friend, if you read this, know I am thinking of you and that I wish I could do more to help.

Aversion therapy!

Luckily it's owner wasn't home! ;o)


(Clickable)

Another meme

I have no idea now who I stole this from but if you recognise it as yours, thanks....but what happened to the '4's?

As ever...if you wanna have a go feel free, just let me know so I can go look.

TEN FIRSTS

First Best Pal: 'Karen'
First Hamster: Never had one
First Piercing: Ears,...my only piercing.
First Crush: Hell....that was a long time ago....some boy in my 3rd year of junior school, his name escapes me.
First CD: I dont remember.
First Car: A lime green 'mini'.
First Love: 'Robert'
First Stuffed Animal: A teddy my Godmother gave me the day I was born, I still have him but he's a little 'delicate' now!
First Teacher: Don't recall her name but she was scary!
First Watch: Tiny 'timex' with a navy blue face.

NINE LASTS

Last Beverage: Coffee of course!
Last Vehicle Ride: Drove home from work.
Last Movie Seen: Highlander.
Last Phone Call: A friend.
Last CD Played: A compilation in my car.
Last Bubble Bath: Last night.
Last Time You Cried: About two hours ago.
Last Person who gave you a hug: Um....
Last Time you rang your mum/dad/guardian: This afternoon.

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS

Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Nope.
Have you ever been arrested: No
Have you ever skinny dipped: Yes.
Have you ever been on TV: Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: No...the regret is those I didn't kiss! ;o)
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you knew: Excuse me...there are some things even I don't blog!
Have you ever been in love: Yes.
Have you ever wanted to slap/punch a friend: No.

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING

1 Fleece
2 Fleece jacket...ok, I'm cold!
3 Knickers
4 Socks
5 Slippers (oh, this is painting an attractive picture - not)
6 Earrings
7 Ring

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY (in no particular order)
1. Got up.
2. Wanted to sleep!
3. Smoked too much.
4. Had a Tilly 'conversation'.
5. Been to work.
6. Procrastinated.

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER

1. Tilly.
2. Chocolate.
3. Cuddles
4. Sleeping!
5. Maple sugar.

THREE CHOICES

1. Eat or drink: Eat
2. Blonde or brunette: No preference.
3. Pink or black: PINK!!!!


TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Realise my dream.
2. Feel content that I have done most of the things I wanted to do before I die!

I could...

...if I wasn't so perpetually knackered of late, regale you with tales of the white van from hell, of how my rear offside tyre still remains unrepaired and requires that I find among my daily calls to various mechanical workshops, one kind soul or another with an air-line just handy and ready to offer assistance in keeping me on the road!

I could tell you about the prop shaft that has now been received from the manufacturers but still loiters unhelpfully in it's packing instead of loitering in it's proper place among the components that make up my van.

I could perhaps amuse you with tales of customer complaints......yup, customers it seems in all 'walks' of life, not just my previous life, like to complain much more than they like to shout joyously at how impressed they are that in the torrential rain I stand there like a fool day after day getting saturated, just so they can have something to eat for lunch. Today's complaint I could add, that apparently warranted an abusive phone call, was that I had delivered five pints of milk to a customer and the bottles didn't all carry the same 'use by' date. They were of course all in date just not the same!!!!....WTF is that all about then?

I could tell you of the less than moral business practices I am encouraged to pursue, but that I don't and won't, which seems to cause my new employer a deal of exasperation and consternation, or I could enlighten you as to how I am encouraged to break the speed limits and/or use the company mobile phone while driving to keep to the impossible schedules.

I would like to amuse you with a tale of how I (very gently) backed my van into another this morning, it was the fault of a dog, a puppy infact, that had unfairly attracted my attention by looking so cute and cuddly and who's cute and cuddliness caused me to perform this maneuver infront of a queue of customers! No damage done, well in the case of my van one would be unable to detect any if there was some it is already so battered, but the vehicle of the other party was rendered unhurt! My pride however was not but I considered it the better part of valor, under the circumstances, to take the 'woman driver' jokes and jibes without complaint. ;o)

....and finally, if I had any energy to post I might tell you just how rewarding and fulfilling delivering sandwiches for a living is but I'd be fibbing...... and besides the 5am starts are still killing me, so instead of blogging I'll just go watch Corrie....and fall asleep yet again! ;o)

Really...

....I promise you, I haven't forgotten that I'm supposed to post something here from time to time other than images, it's just that I'm so so tired!

This working for a living business, along with the 5am wake up call, is taking some getting used to and if I'm not chasing around the countryside in the van from hell then I seem to be able to do little more in the way of anything constructive than sleep!

Bear with me please while I get my second wind.....

Invisible bike!

Well I think it's funny! ;o)

Baptism by fire! ~ Part 1

Today, my first day off from this confounded working malarkey and what happens? I don't imagine it's too hard to hazard a guess that Tilly has, in her inimitable way, had me up and out of bed since 05.30!! Bloody hell fire, that's only a half hour later than my weekday 'stumbling out of bed' time but apparently to small cats that is of no consequence, she would like company and so I have to provide it! Ugh....all I want is some sleep!

So how did my first two days alone on the road go? I think the best and most positive word I can use to describe them is 'interesting'!

My allocated van is no joy, in fact to say it is a disaster would probably be an understatement. The thing is an eyesore having seemingly had every panel and bumper make contact with a hard object at some point in it's history, and whether it's even roadworthy is very questionable! It's refrigeration unit I was told leaks a 'little', where in actual fact it creates a small internal waterfall, I have no heater in the cab and no fan, they should be there, they are in there in principle, they are just completely dysfunctional and as a consequence, on days like the last two where it has been cold and wet outside, the inside of my windscreen has been running with condensation!

The mechanics of this wonderful vehicle are no better. It sports a gear box that takes the strength of ten men to force into any gear, two tyres with very persistent slow punctures and a propshaft that is so past it's sell by date that it 'clunks' very worryingly and constantly and if I dare to put it under any load at all, screams like a stuck pig! This is all very well but kindly souls on the pavement and in other vehicles keep trying to draw my attention to it to warn me I have a problem....like I can't hear it for myself! It's reminiscent of a hoard of banshees screaming.....how could I miss it?! The brakes 'bind' and pull, the steering requires to be coaxed from permanently attempting to put me into whatever is on the nearside of me, the exhaust has seen better days and the windscreen wipers only have one speed.....very slow! Oh....and there is no water in the washer bottle, that shouldn't be a problem in itself but for the fact I can't find the bonnet 'pop' and no one else seems (despite this van having been there's for over four years) to know where it is!

How this vehicle made it's way through an MOT test is anyone's guess but I have to say that when I am hammering it along country lanes trying to adhere to my drop times I have little confidence in it's safety or ability to make it to my destination without coming to a grinding halt in some Godforsaken out of the way place!

Hmmmm, what can I say? This vehicle does not inspire confidence but it does if nothing else provide me with a daily challenge just getting it from point 'A' to point 'B'....a challenge is a good thing right??

~ To be continued~

Puppies? Kittens?

Forgive my skepticism!

Read the story HERE

© Reuters

My apologies but.....

.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

White van woman

Ok...I'll admit it, today was some improvement on yesterday when I was tempted to take a hike before I had even completed day 1!

Today was another day (my final, eekkk) of 'learning the ropes' which meant of course another day accompanied by my boss and another day of no break, food or cigarettes but I was at least allowed to drive the route myself and in his van, a new Transit.

Ok, I accept this is not a treat on the scale of driving a DB9 but it is newer and bigger than the van I will be allocated and playing at 'white van woman' was not without it's amusement. It's surprising just how much more one can get away with pushing and shoving into traffic when the vehicle is significantly larger than average. I probably didn't make any friends but I do now have a very small understanding of why white van man exists....hey, I have a route and a pre-determined 'drop' timetable I have to adhere to strictly and complete by a set time.....and no, it isn't generous in timing, quite the reverse! If I drove sedately I would be out of work again in no time, my new timetable is my bible apparently and to be worshipped suitably yada, yada, yada.

That said it was kinda fun, I felt more in control today, was only late for one drop, made up my time, ran the rest of it without any mess up and made it back in time.

Um.....let's not get too confident here, tomorrow I have to go it alone, anything could, and probably will happen and I am soooo tired right now I don't know what to do with myself, but anything has got to be better than how I felt this time yesterday! :o)

Day one

What a relief....I woke up at 05.00 hrs in time for my first day back at work, though some might say it's hardly surprising given that I had set four alarms in my state of paranoia last night, that I would oversleep!

That was about where the good news ended mind you. By 05.10 Tilly had very 'helpfully' deposited the entire contents of a packet of cereal on the dining room floor necessitating that I clear it up and risk waking the whole household in the process.....oh how popular that would have made me!

From there on in it was kinda downhill, this job, though it maybe holds some small promise for improvement does not fill me with any degree of passion at this stage..... and the fact that I went the entire day until home time with only one cigarette, and no food or drink didn't cheer me none either, other than for the simple reason that I don't think I have ever gone that long without nicotine in the last 25 years!

At this point I don't relish tomorrow, my head is a tired muddle of routes, prices, fillings, orders and timings and the panic that I'm supposed to have it all sussed by the end of tomorrow to take it on alone on Thursday. I have a sneaking suspicion that by mid morning Thursday I'm going to be completely lost but hey ho, if nothing else that's day one over with and I suppose it can only get better....can't it?

Can I go sleep now?

A new chapter?

That's it, I am no longer living at the cost of the taxpayer, I signed off the 'rock and roll' today, thank goodness, though annoyingly I didn't get to see one of the many dragons the DSS employ that I have in the past and consequently didn't feel I could 'impose' my opinion of the system as a parting shot, on the very young girl who sat across the desk from me politely telling me how happy she was that I'd got a job. Dammit! ;o)

So what next, tomorrow morning at 06.30 I start my new job. I feel as though I'm supposed to be elated or happy or some other highly positive emotion but in actual fact I'm just freaking terrified very apprehensive. It's been a long time since I had the 'privilege' of working full time and for a worry guts like myself that immediately brings to mind plenty to worry about! Will I get up in time or will two alarm clocks and Tilly fail me? What if I don't like my new colleagues, or worse still they don't like me? What if I mess up somehow and make a complete pigs ear of it all? What if, what if, what if?.....

Hopefully this is the start of a new (and improved) chapter in the debacle that has been my life since last summer, the start of better things to come but it's odd how we human beings (or at least some of us) hate change and it's odder still that however awful the last six months of my life have been I have none the less fallen into some degree of routine that, whilst it may not have been good, has in a strange way become familiar and hence kind of comfortable....dragging oneself out of that comfort zone is as scary as hell, however much it was hell itself at times.

I know deep down I'll be fine, I might even enjoy it but I just wish I was two weeks down the line when all this 'scary first bit' is over and I can begin to settle down to some degree of feeling it is my normality, that I know the ropes and what is currently unfamiliar territory becomes part of my new routine.

Ekkkk....here goes.....

Time for a meme

Stolen from Paddy.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
"If you're using Opera as your browser and you want to import your bookmarks into Firefox..." Firefox & Thunderbird Garage, my dads not mine!

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
....and then what??

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Um..... can't remember, it was weeks ago, or longer.

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
08.55

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
09.16

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The dishwasher

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 10 minutes ago for a cigarette.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My email

9. What are you wearing?
Knickers and a duvet.

10. Did you dream last night?
Can't remember, I don't think so though.

11. When did you last laugh?
About 20 mins ago.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Wallpaper!

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Nope.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Um....

15. What is the last film you saw?
Pirates of the Carribean.

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A boat.

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
I don't know what you already know about me!

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Eradicate all forms of discrimination.

19. Do you like to dance?
Only if no one is watching!

20. George Bush
Who?
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
No idea.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Ditto #21

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes.

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
So we are assuming there is a God?

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
Hey....do it if you want to, my days of landing people with these things are over. Just let me know if you do so I can go read :o)

GOT IT!!

The job that is!

Yes, as of next Tuesday yours truly will no longer be an unemployment statistic, but instead a fully paid up member of the rat race again, back to the business of nine to five, well ok not actually nine to five but more on that later, back to earning a living and likely, after the novelty has worn off, grumbling about having to go to work again.....but for now it feels pretty good, I have a full time job, yayyyyyy.

Ok, so this is not a career move, this is not a job to die for and I'm highly unlikely to be giving Bill Gates a run for his money (no pun intended) in the salary stakes but it sure beats the dole...though likely once the Official Receiver gets his/her share I'm not gonna be patronising Prada or hitting Harrods anytime soon....but it is a job.

So what is this job? I'm not sure it has a title but it involves driving a nifty little van around offices and factories etc. delivering and selling sandwiches and other lunch and break time culinary paraphernalia to those cooped up in their work places from nine to five.

Like I say, it's not career move but it has promise of being a bit of fun, very little stress (more stress I don't need right now) and will pay me a wage while I try and gather up the rest of my life and put it back into some semblance of order.

There is of course a down side...starting time is 06.30 hrs!!!..... so no more late nights for gemmak for the foreseeable future, but the upside to that of course is that my work day finishes at 14.30 hrs, leaving me with a nice big bit of the day left to play. Oh and it's Monday to Friday so I get to keep my now much revered weekends.

Hell, it's years since I worked full time, it's gonna kill me for a few weeks, I think sleep will be top of my leisure time activity agenda for a while but hey, who cares, I get a pay cheque at the end of the week and absolutely the best bit of all....I can tell the miserable old trout in the dole office to 'go to hell' (in the politest possible fashion of course) on Monday! Working full time is worth it just for that pleasure alone.

.....and thank you all for your wishes of good luck yesterday. If luck had anything to do with it then you lot surely helped as ever you have over these last few somewhat 'trying' months.

Do group hugs work in the blogosphere? If they do then consider yourselves duly hugged! :o) Cheers guys.

Yikes.......

......I have a job interview today!

A little extreme!

Somehow I don't imagine 'madam' allowing this sort of carry on!


Did you ever see such a more miserable looking cat face?

'My rock'

So where have I been all weekend, what kept me from this little patch in the blogosphere? Cornwall is the short answer...but of course this being me and my being renowned for using ten words where three would suffice, I'll give you the longer version!

Since about the age of nine, which is far more years ago than I care to recall, I have had a 'favorite place in the world'. Ok, so I haven't actually seen much of the world but of that I have seen Trebarwith Strand in Cornwall is absolutely the best bit.


As a child I went there on a family holiday and I visited many times subsequently..... to this day it remains my place of solace, a place of peace and healing, there is a tiny place on the cliff face rocks that I consider 'my rock' and in times of trouble, if I can't get there (which usually logistically I can't) it has been my calming visualization. At low tide this place boasts an amazing surfing beach but it is at high tide I really love it, when the sometimes immense waves crash endlessly against the rock face and the beach disappears completely beneath meters of raging, powerful waves.


So Saturday, having hooked up with Fletch who has his new love 'Eloisa' to become truly accustomed to and having been told we would ride to the West Country 'somewhere' off we set on a beautiful but cold November morning, for what I envisaged to be maybe a couple of hundred miles. I do not do 'cold', I mean I really don't do cold, leathers let me tell you are not made for warmth, they are made for safety.....and 600 miles later I was bloody cold! Fletch may have been in his high tech all weather gear and he may have been on the front but whilst he was warm and snug I lost all sense of feeling in my lower limbs and completely lost track of where my hands used to reside!



But, and here is the big but, having made mention at sometime previously of 'my rock' little did I know that was where we were headed until finally about an hours ride away I 'fell in' and all thoughts of the cold were lost in my excitement at seeing once again the place I love so much.

We arrived in beautiful bright clear sunshine (is this really November?) in the mid afternoon to an amazing and unusually high tide and he could barely get the bike on the side stand before I was rushing off over the rocks to my very favorite special little bit of the cliff face. I was 'home' again. :o)

We booked into the local cliff top hotel , a place I have long wished to stay in, it's rooms overlooking the beautiful vista of the beach and rugged cliffs, I have always imagined falling asleep to the sound of the waves breaking against the rocks and Saturday night, at an embarrassingly early hour (hey, riding pillion is hard work), under a bright moonlight I did just that, left the window open and fell asleep listening to the sound of the sea. Amazing.



Sunday morning is was back onto Eloisa and on the road again, this time the less scenic but faster motorway route home. I forgot just how much stamina is required to ride any distance in the cold....600 miles later and I'm shattered, I can only guess how tired Fletch is having had to do the real hard bit but it was a fantastic weekend, a real treat and worth every numb finger and toe.

Thank you Fletch, you're a star :o)

You can read the version 'from the front' HERE.

*Apologies for the image size and quality, um, I ran out of battery and had to use my phone! :o/

Ooopsss...

......I seem not to have been too forthcoming on the posting front these last few days, my only excuse, I have been 'playing out'. I'll try and make up for my lax attitude later on today I promise! ;o)

Feline assistance!

It being autumn and all that my mother decided that having got the garden into a suitable state of over-wintering she really ought to get the 'gardening shelf' in the cupboard tidied up before she abandoned it completely for the year...Tilly decided she would 'help'......not!


(Clickable)

All is not as it seems

Having spent most of another weekend back in the saddle riding pillion I feel it is my duty as a woman to point out to all you guys out there that make lewd flattering comments about women in leathers...... that all is not as it seems!

It's winter you see, or at least it's fast heading that way and that means only one thing ...it's damn cold out there. The cold must be fought somehow and the preference is for rather ungainly and certainly not remotely sexy undergarments!

Suffice to say, I pity any poor A&E staff should I ever be unfortunate enough to hit the tarmac (unlikely though it is, the 'guy on the front' is good, believe me I wouldn't be on the back if he weren't) who has to cut me out of my leathers only to find an horrendously ugly exquisite set of thermal underwear, really guys, this is not the stuff of Agent Provocateur!

So chaps (no pun intended), next time you ogle the leather clad rear of a female biker, you might like to bear that delightful visualisation in mind! ;o)

The 'awwww' factor......

...and no, it's not cats!

See HERE.

Well worth a few minutes of your time. :o)

How very remiss of me.....

.....I haven't managed to get online for four whole days, I think that's probably unprecedented in gemmak's-ville! I certainly can't recall not making a connection at all for more than a day or two prior to this moment in time, it's a wonder I didn't wither away in the interim...four whole days is outrageous! ;o)

I have unanswered emails coming out of my ears, I haven't blogged for days and I'm not about to regale you with anything of interest today either, again I seem to be horribly short of time.

So there you have it, another 'non-post'...I really must do better this week!

I would blog....

....this evening but I'm busy 'revisiting' an old hobby!...and no, I'm not going to say what it is, there are those among you who will find it a great source of amusement...... ;o)

One whole Tilly year!

Today is Tilly's first birthday...well really it's a year since I got her, I always do cat birthdays on the date I bring them home, because I never know the actual birth date!

I really didn't think she would still be here with me by today but she is so we're gonna have some cat birthday celebrations...that said I'm not sure quite what because she's had a new bed, toys and a collar in the last week and she doesn't like all the usual 'human food' treats (chicken, tuna etc. she's not interested!!!) most cats would kill for!

Perhaps it will just be a day of her favoured game,'worm catching', extra cuddles and bigger rations of her favourite cat food, one day ignoring her diet can't do any harm, it is her first ever birthday after all and I'm just grateful she's here with me at all. :o)

"Happy birthday Tilly puss".

25 October 2006
25 October 2005

Oh...and she never did grow into her ears! :o)

Thank you......

....to all of you for the kind comments you left on my post, Maybe there is a God after all, last Friday, they were very much appreciated, as has been your unending support over the last five months, when most of the time from time to time my miserable postings must have almost been enough to send you all running for the hills!

Really though, knowing you lot were out there rooting for me made a big difference in some of my darkest moments so again....THANK YOU.....hey, and don't run off just yet please, I imagine there may be a few more ups and downs before I get this chapter in my life completely sorted out! ;o)

So, where am I at now. Well, as you know I have my car, (more yayyyyyyyy's) it may not be worth much in monetary terms but to me it is worth a great deal, not only does it allow me the usual degree of freedom afforded anyone with a vehicle but it is also kinda symbolic for me too. It's about the only material thing I have left to show for thirty years working and to lose even that would have been very difficult. I know my father or some kind soul would have helped me out and I would have acquired new wheels, but this car is mine and for all I am grateful to those that have supported me financially over the last few months, I hated the thought of having to rely on others yet again.

As for Tilly, she may have by default, won a 'stay of execution' but the situation remains unchanged in essence and she will still have to be found a new home before too long, though at the moment I have no idea where and I can't begin to really get my head around it again for a little while. The run up to her previous departure date was one of the most difficult times I have ever gone through and I'm not looking forward to the repeat performance, but on the up side we remain the 'gang of two' for a little while longer now and I will make the most of every minute we have left together.

Next on the agenda is a job, for various reasons it has not been possible to make getting work a top priority until now but the necessity for employment (and money!!!) has shifted up a gear or two in the last week, so the job hunt begins in earnest any day now.

And that's about it, gradually I feel like my life is becoming slightly less of a pigs ear as things that have been hanging over my head since May get sorted out, the Tilly issue is of course the big one for me but somehow I'll get through that too no doubt and who knows.......a year from now I could be anywhere doing anything!

Back in the 'Saddle'

After a good few years of 'temperance' this weekend has involved quite a treat for me. On top of all the recent divine happenings in my life, today has seen my return to the adrenalin fuelled exhilaration that is motorcycling....

Gemmak is back in the Saddle !!!!


This morning, after hooking up with Fletch I went for a 'Spin' on his Africa Twin (Eloisa), riding pillion of course (my feet were eight inches off the ground!).

The weather may have been wet and windy and I may not have been on two wheels for many years, but it was fab and as the saying goes 'It's just like riding a bike'... you never forget how or the buzz riding gives you, once a biker, always a biker... :o)

Maybe there is a God after all!

I can't belive it, this moring in the space of ten minutes I feel as though my life has turned around completely and it's a long long time since I felt so happy.

The reasons?

When the official receiver decided to sieze my car I appealed against the decision, filled in the paperwork, provided letters from professionals in support of my case and crossed my fingers....I just heard that the decision has been reversed, I get to keep my car!!!

Five minutes later the phone rang, it was the lady who was to become Tilly's step mum.......she has changed her mind on the grounds that her current cat is very nervous and would be likely too fazed by an 'interloper'....so whilst I still have to find her a new home, for now we get to stay happily together at least for a little while longer!!!!

Yaaaayyyyyyyy :o))))

It's been a long time since I danced around the room like a fool, full of glee or shed a happy tear, I feel like I've just had the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, I had no idea until now just how miserable I had been feeling and for however long it lasts it's fab!

Yipeeeeeeeeee, yayyyyyyyyyy, hurahhhhhhhh!!!!! :o))))

Something for the weekend

I have a feeling that in my 'dotage' I may have blogged this before, my memory fails me....but it's worthy of a second showing in any case! heh.

Oh how we cat parents know just how much this sums up 'cattitude'. :o)

Loser!

So guys, that little amusement behind us and it's onto the weekend, we made it to another friday at last and the weekend bekons, this one holds promise, hey weekends are always good..... I'm gone, have yourselves a fab one. :o)

A happy day

It's been kind of an odd day today, all bits and pieces, a little stressful but a happy day and happy days are something one can never have too many of. Maybe, just maybe this is the start of a change of fortune in gemmak's-ville.... but I won't start counting my chickens just yet!

So what made my day a happy one?

Firstly, massive 'CONGRATULATIONS' to a friend who today 'made the grade' in style, and with determination achieved an important goal. Hey...very well done you, you know who you are.

Secondly, Poppy cat would have been 18 years old today ....happy memories of a happy cat.

Thirdly, there has been a small hiccup in the business of Tilly's rehoming (more another day perhaps but don't get too excited, she still has to go) which means I get to keep her for another 10 days. :o) I'm not sure that having geared myself up and stressed myself out so severely for her departure tomorrow, that I want to go all through it again but in the immediacy, if 10 days is all I can get then for now it's a bonus and I'll take it thankyouverymuch!

...and finally, my day began at approx. 5am (thankyou not Tilly), by reading this post which raised my spirits immediately and which if you can spare a few moments to read is well worth the time :o)

Fat cat!

Tilly has become something of a handful of late now and again, it's inherent in her colouring, tortoiseshell and white cats are renowned for being feisty and 'madam' is no exception.

This has manifested itself in her apparent enjoyment at taking more than the odd 'swipe' in the direction of any passing individual, usually my mother, the result being a too frequent drawing of blood! Now whilst my mother is a patient woman this 'amusing Tilly activity' has worn a little thin and so under advice from the vet we decided to clip the very end off her claws. I have done this many times before to Gemma and Poppy, both of whom were furniture destroyers, I foresaw no problem, indeed Tilly had it done a few times in her early days when she became a little over zealous with Ditto.


Things were not to work out as I had planned, Tilly was having none of it and despite the best attempts at everything from kind, gentle words of encouragement to the more necessary arm and hand protection for both myself in the 'trimming' position and my father in 'holding' position, the only result was one angry cat and more blood drawn!

And so...this evening I ventured to the vets to have the job done professionally, having warned the attending physician in advance of Tilly's somewhat lively temperament....you know what happened of course, not a sound did she utter, not one attempt at an escape from the clutches of the vet, no howling, no spitting, the picture of perfect cat sat there on the table as good as gold and had all twenty toes attended too without so much as a murmur in no more than an instant!!

Never work with children or animals eh?

However, things were not to go without a very minor hitch for her. Whilst she was there the vet decided to give her a 'once over' and declared, having completed the poking and prodding procedures (to a still remarkably well behaved Tilly)....that she is too fat and needs to begin some pussy weight watching activities!!

Thus it was that home we went, having been issued with a special bag of diet feline food and with our tails ever so slightly between our legs.......there is going to be one fat small cat more than a little disgruntled at tea time, when her favourite menu, in it's usual portion size, fails to appear!

Brighton ~ A day of escape

So Friday the 13th promised to run to form when my previously mentioned two hour journey became extended to almost four, this time not courtesy, as usual, of the M25 but of my brakes choosing to present with a problem I thought had been rectified many months back. Brake calipers just aren't intended to remain in the 'on' position permanently, mine have a habit of doing so on occasion though, requiring frequent 'cooling down' stops and hence the extended journey time!

Oh, and on the subject of the 13th, I had a rather scary peculiar 'run in' with a very odd guy in a cafe en route but I won't go into that, suffice to say I think 'care in the community' is probably an appropriate phrase here...why do they always pick me to hit on??

But I digress, it is Saturday that is of note. Saturday it was decided on impulse would be a day out to Brighton,

a place that I have long had an affection for. A town of eclectic and diverse experiences, a place always it seems of relaxation, of escaping, of feeling at one with life.

This town on the south coast has everything, the vibrance of London, beautiful regency architecture, a very cosmopolitan ambiance, a place where one is allowed to be oneself, whatever

that may be and enjoy anything from the grand sight of the Royal Pavillion, to a stroll on the traditional and twinkling light festooned pier with it's constant ringing of fruit machines and music, to a relaxing meander around 'The lanes' with their heady mix of alternative retail, equally alternative inhabitants and on an unusually warm October Saturday, a pavement cafe culture one could happily lose a whole day immersed in.

Lunch was Yaki Soba (That's Japanese fried noodles to you and me)at E-Kagen, dinner at a 60's American diner and the interim time spent just wandering and drinking good coffee, enjoying the atmosphere and reveling in a day of utter escapism.

Oh and for added interest I found the perfect job, 'fudge maker'
(I'm sure there must be a technical term but I'm damned if I know it)


at Roly's fudge, yes, this guy really spends all day making this stuff....and I ran (not literally) into Zoe Ball for those who like to spot the not so famous!

A fabulous day, one I will remember for a long, long time to come, the trials and tribulations of my day to day life seemed a million miles away..... and should I win the lottery, Brighton would have to be about number one on my list of places I would like to live in the UK.

What is it....

....about cats and boxes?!



(Clickable)

Doing the rounds.....

'Borrowed' from Justitia....I won't tag anyone, just steal it if you wanna.

ARE YOU:
1. A Cuddler? Yes
2. A morning person? NO!
3. Are you a perfectionist? YES :(
4. An only child? No, I have two younger siblings.
5. Catholic: No
6. In your pajamas? I don't own any pyjamas.
7. Currently suffering from a broken heart? Nope.
8. Okay styling other people's hair? Not something I indulge in often enough to know.
9. Left handed? Yes.
10. Addicted to MySpace? WTF is Myspace?
11. Shy around the opposite gender? No.
12. Loud? Yes.

DO YOU:
12. Bite your nails? Nooooo!
13. Get paranoid at times? Ummm I wouldn't call it paranoid, more insecure!
14. Currently regret something that you have said/done? No regrets.
15. Curse frequently when you get mad? Yes, a bad habit.
16. Enjoy country music? Nooooo.
17. Enjoy jazz music? Kinda, wouldn't be my first choice though.
18. Enjoy smoothies? No...don't they involve fruit or some other healthy ingredient?? :o/
19. Enjoy talking on the phone? Yes :o)
20. Have a lot to learn? An enormous amount.
21. Have a pet? Don't go there :o(
22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person? No comment!
23. Have all your grandparents died? Yes.
24. Have at least one sibling? Yes.
25. Have been told that you are smart? Yes. I think they were clinically delusional though.
26. Have had a broken bone? No....famous last words!
27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone? Yes.

HAVE YOU:
28. Changed a diaper? Um....once or twice.
29. Changed a lot over the past year? Yup!
30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair color? Yes...but my hair is it's natural colour...it just has the grey bits covered up! ;o)
31. Had surgery? Yes.
32. Killed anyone? No.
33. Had your haircut within the last week? Yes.

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in the bed beside you? My pussy :o)
2. Saw you cry? Ummmm.....
3. Went to the movies with you? My mum.
4. You went to the mall with? I go on my own.
5. You went to dinner with? Ummmm.....
6. You talked to on the phone? My ex-bank!
7. Said 'I love you' to you and meant it? I only say it when I mean it.
8. Broke your heart? Ok....best I don't answer this one.
9. Made you laugh? Tilly

WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Neither but if I had too then my nose....like I'de have to!?
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Skim.
4. Die in a fire or drown? FFS...nice question (not)....Fire I suppose though un-surprisingly neither would be my preference!!!
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents.

ABOUT YOU!
1. What time is it? 23.46
2 Name? Lol...'gemmak'
3. Nickname(s)? Don't have any.
4. Where were you born? Near London.
5. What is your birthdate? April 61 (shurrup Fletch) ;o)
6 What do you want? Love, contentment and chocolate.
7. Where do you want to live? Anywhere..... with the right person.
8. How many kids do you want? Pass...bit late for all that malarky now!

I'm not superstitious but.....

..... it is Friday the 13th


and lets face it good luck hasn't been high on my list of events lately, a degree of paranoia is threatening somewhere in the back of my small mind and I am fighting a strong urge to hide away in my bed until midnight! That said I was woken way too early by one small cat shredding the bedroom carpet and to find that something appears to have twisted my neck overnight into an unacceptable position rendering it painfully inactive...... so perhaps the bedroom is best avoided.

On my agenda this 13th is the submission of my appeal to the courts in an effort to save my car and a relatively long drive (while I still have a car to drive at all) involving the much and rightly maligned M25, where on a good day my projected two hour journey more frequently expands to over four hours....hey,what could possibly go wrong? ;o)

But on the positive side, any Friday has to be good, it has to be better than the Monday to Thursday stuff, it's Friday, Friday's are sacrosanct, Fridays hold the promise of the weekend and weekends are good.

Really, I'm not superstitious!

Coronation Street still exists!

My parents are away in the Midlands this week taking care of my sister who underwent surgery on Monday and as a consequence Tilly and I have this whole house to ourselves.

Three floors of freedom to do as we wish, no one else to consider, no creeping up and down stairs in the wee small hours trying to miss the floor board that always creaks outside my slumbering parents bedroom door, eat when we like and what we like, sit on the computer unendingly and generally 'revert to type'.

Don't get me wrong living with my parents has it's benefits and it's kinda lonely and quiet by ourselves but a few days of 'living my way' is also a nice change.

The strangest thing is this: When everyone is here in situ I never watch television, I mean never and yet each evening since I have been here alone, when the hands of the clock hit 7.30 I seem to automatically gravitate to the television to watch Coronation Street....and then stay glued to the infernal machine for the rest of the evening, books and computer abandoned in favour of staring transfixed by the moving wallpaper in a state of apparently minimal consciousness!

I can't say I haven't enjoyed this lazy pursuit, it is kind of relaxing and how I lived (ok, apparently very easily) without knowing the most recent traumas in Corrie for so many months is a mystery but what on earth is it about television that
turns one back into that strange state of lobotomised idiocy in an instant?!

Oh, and apparently Nigella was doing her stuff on a different
channel last night, I do hope you guys didn't miss that treat! ;o)

.........ok, I must employ a little self discipline this evening and discover where I left my book!

Happy oblivion

'Someone' is happily oblivious of her impending change of circumstance and the furore and trauma surrounding it.

Oh to be a cat!




(Clickable)

Friday the 13th came early....

......the official receiver just took my car off me! :o(

Well in actual fact it hasn't been removed yet but it will be.

I was grilled by a hard faced bitch civil servant for well over an hour and having satisfird herself that I own nothing else she decreed the car will be siezed......unless of course, and if there is anything remotely sadistic amusing about this it is this....I buy it back off them at a price decided by their valuers!!

Yup, I can buy my own car back with money I don't have.

If I could afford a car would I have rendered myself bankrupt I wonder?

F*ck!

Oh bugger and damn!

It has just been pointed out to me that this Friday is a Friday the 13th!!!

On past form I DO NOT need a Friday the 13th right now!

Anyone got any effective avoidance techniques? ;o)

A 'Monday' kinda Monday

Monday's are never good but I'm having 'one of those days', a very 'Monday' kinda Monday, call it pathetic, call it feeling sorry for myself call it what you will but it's not one of my better days, in fact it's pretty crap. It's one of those days when you just want to hide away somewhere quietly until the black cloud lifts a little, when you wish wishes really came true and when a cuddle would be good.

The reality is that tomorrow I have my interview with the official receiver, the 'day of judgment' when I will learn if I am to lose my car and it's getting way too close now to the day of Tilly's departure to her new home. If ever there was a wish I wanted to come true it was the 'save Tilly' wish but it seems it's not going to happen, we have less than a fortnight left together now and it just seems to be getting harder.

On the up side there has been one small light on today's grim horizon....I managed to open a new bank account despite my recent bankruptcy. Yup, Barclays Bank were prepared to take the risk. It's not much of a risk I grant you, the only account I am allowed as an undischarged bankrupt is very limited but it does mean I can at least get paid a salary (when I earn one) and pay my bills via direct debit, the lack of a direct debit facility in my life was beginning to cause me real problems so at least it's one less thing to worry about.

So, yayyy for Barclays ( I never thought I would say that about a bank) for giving me something of a second chance, it may be a very small step but in my recent financial life it's about the most positive thing that's happened in a long long time. For a few minutes this morning when the application was granted I almost felt 'normal', it made such a nice change to have something work out right among the melee that is my current situation.

Oh....and I had another small 'hairdressers incident' today, I might go into that another time but for now I'de rather ignore it, today probably wasn't a good day to choose to have my hair cut!

Carpe Diem

"Carpe Diem"
...... two words, just two words from a poem by Quintus Horatius Flaccus but two words that were to change my life forever, that would ultimately lead me down a path I could never have imagined.

Those words were to give me a dream, lead me on a journey of discovery and self discovery that has only just begun, that is in it's infancy, that may never be over. It is a dream and a path that is neither easy nor simple but it is, in it's many facets, sometimes profound, sometimes unbelievable, sometimes terrifying, sometimes beautiful but always amazing.

It is a dream of understanding, of living, of communication, of freeing one's mind, a dream that crept up on me, grew in me, took me by surprise. It is a dream that at times fills me with hope and wonder, at times fills me with trepidation and fear but it is a dream held precious, nurtured, a goal that outweighs a thousand fold the strength or sacrifices needed to attain it.

For it is a dream of letting go the shackles that bind the mind, the body and the soul, of believing what once I thought the impossible, of seeing with new eyes. It is a dream spawned of courage and of fear, of happiness and pain, of purpose and of loss...... it is a dream of belief, of what is truly important and of ultimate trust......

"Carpe Diem"

It's Friday again.....

.......and my cold is almost gone so I'm gonna try and make up for last weekend's debacle....I'm outta here.

Have a good one you lot :o)

The morning routine

One of the many things I'll miss when Tilly is no longer part of my day to day life is our 'first thing in the morning' routine. Every day begins the same and despite my not being one of life's morning people I have grown to enjoy, nay almost look forward to, our days beginning.

We wake long before the rest of the household at somewhere between 5.30 and 6 am, or rather Tilly does which in essence means that I do too, if I should fail to be compis mentis at the required hour a few minutes sitting on my head and chewing my hair resolves that to madams satisfaction!

We creep downstairs together, I trying to find my way without waking anyone and she investigating if she can access my parents bedroom on the sly en-route. On reaching the kitchen/living room Tilly takes up residence by the back door 'asking' insistntly to be allowed out whilst I try, in my sleepy state, to turn the kettle on for the all important strong cup of fresh coffee and to negotiate the key into the door lock.

Having carried out the key maneuver Tilly leaps over the threshold and into her territory, excited by the days possibilities and waking birds while I deal with the business of coffee making and finding a cigarette....and then our morning really begins.

I park myself on a step overlooking the lawn and somewhat wild bordering hedges while inquisitive cat begins her early checks for interlopers and any interesting looking slugs, worms or other slow moving possible prey. She paddles happily through the dew laden grass chirruping to herself and intermittently running back up the steps to me to say hello and insist on a quick stroke....Before she goes off again.

For my part I love sitting there in the quiet, I can hear the birds coming too, Tilly shuffling about in the bushes chattering away merrily in her excitement to herself and the sound of the locality gradually coming to life. It's a special me and Tilly time, a time when I can reflect on life quietly and try to haul my mind into some semblance of order for the day ahead, a time when there is just me and madam quietly together going about our waking up procedures and enjoying one another's company.

I can't imagine sitting there alone in the mornings without her carrying-ons to amuse me and her little furry feline-ness to keep me company.

Comment moderation

Unfortunately it has become necessary for me to activate 'comment moderation' temporarily. I know it's an aggravation but bear with me if you would for a short while until I can return things to normal.

I thank you. :o)

More bass?

So, whilst I still have madams daily shenanigans to share..... here's herself enjoying the latest favoured perch!

(Clickable)

The hardest decision

I have made reference on one or two occasions recently that I have been trying to deal with a particularly difficult situation, until now I haven't felt able to blog it, even now I'm not sure if I can but here goes, I'll try, though you might have to forgive me for what perhaps seems a slightly hard attitude, right now it's the only way I can handle the situation at all.

The situation is this:

I have to give Tilly away to a new home. :o(((

The reasons are many and various and to be fair to others involved it's not appropriate that I regale you with all the finite detail, suffice to say she can't stay here long term with me and as I have no money, and no prospect of an income on which I could afford a suitable home for Tilly and myself here near to London, where it is particularly expensive, I have had to finally consider the unthinkable.

By coincidence someone offered Tilly a home a few weeks ago and belive me it will be a perfect home for her, I have absolutley no qualms about the lady who will likely become her 'step mother' or the life she can offer her...I just wish more than almost anything I have ever wished that I didn't have to be considering this at all.

In reality though I do. I'm not in a position to offer her a suitable home and it's likely I won't be for maybe as long as a year or two so I have no choice. I have thought and thought about it until I've driven myself almost demented, I have hoped and prayed that I would find an answer, a way for her to stay with me, I have investigated every option I can dream up but in the end I think I have lost the fight..... and too keep her now would be more about me and how I'll miss her, than about what will make Tilly happy and give her a stable and happy life.

So, through the tears, the doubts, the fighting and the trying now to find a way to come to terms with losing her I have to keep telling myself that if I really love her as I say I do, then I will do what's best for her, not me.

I probably have her for about another two to three weeks before she goes to her new home, her 'step mum' is a lovely lady, a true cat lover who has already fallen in love with her. She has a lovely garden, won't ever subject her to a cattery, preferring instead not to take holidays longer than a few days and already has one other cat, who once they are accustomed to one another will hopefully become company for them both. If I have to do this now is the time while Tilly is still so young, while she is still adaptable. My biggest concern is that she is very much a one person cat and right now I am that person but I hope that given a little time she can become as attached to 'A' as she is currently to me.

There will still be some Tilly stories and pictures once she has settled down and once I can face seeing her and keep leaving her behind because I will retain lifelong'visiting rights' and she will only be half an hours drive away, but for now it seems scant compensation for not having her with me all the time and there has been little in my life before that has made me so sad.

In the back of my mind there is still a tiny glimmer of hope that somehow I will be able to keep her but it's fading fast, my deadline for a decision is Thursday and I've about run out of options and ideas that don't involve shuffling her from one place to another (which isn't in her best interests) just so that I can have her back once I'm in a position to, whenever that might be.......

:o((

The best laid plans...

...and all that!

Well so much for the wild weekend of sex,drugs and rock and roll, for in actuality what transpired was that on Friday night, what had been a mild sneezing session turned into the full blown cold from hell!

By Saturday morning I was a snivelling, snotty, pathetic heap, fit for nothing and that's about what I did all weekend ......nothing!

By last night things had improved marginally and as I type the improvement is considerably marked, but those heinous little bugs certainly made sure the weekend didn't go as I had planned! Pfftt!

Ah well....there's always next weekend.....

TGIF!!!!

Thank God (or whoever your particular 'God' happens to be) it's Friday!!

I don't ever want another week like this one, it has to rate in my top 5 worst ever and I am more than glad to see the back of it. This was the first week since I moved that I seriously began to question whether my sanity would hold out, but one way or another, and with some fantastic support, I managed to 'hold it together' though not always too elegantly and only because I have such a wonderful 'support team'...thank you again guys.

I still have my biggest worry to sort out and to come to terms with, (sorry but I can't bring myself to blog the details yet) though slowly I think I'm getting some small degree of a grip on that one too.... but for now it's Friday and I'm determined for the sake of my mental health and that of those around me to try and have two days of R&R and to put all the crap somewhere in the back of my mind until next week.

So that's it, the week is over and I'm outta here for a weekend of sex and drugs and rock and roll....ok, maybe not quite that wild ( hey...I don't do drugs), but if nothing else I'm gonna hit my tee total years on the head, get drunk and eat chocolate by the barrow load! ;o)

Bankrupt!

Today at 12.21 pm gemmak was declared officially bankrupt.

I was struck by the fact that the judge is required by law to record the time the bankruptcy order is made on the official documentation and to 'announce' it, it kinda reminded me of the manner in which a doctor is required to record the time of an individuals death, the irony was not lost.

The day went as well as could be expected. I plumped for the 'suited and booted' approach but minus the Prada (like I own any!) and off I set to face the music.

I have to say that the court officials were excellent, efficiency personified, they took me through the checks on the 35 page (yes I said 35, it wasn't a typo) petition I had already submitted in a flash, without hiccup and in a relaxed manner I hadn't expected.....my time with the 'big guy' however wasn't quite so pleasant.

I assumed I would be seen by a judge in chambers but no, it was the full hit court room scenario, save for the fact there was only he, myself and a video camera 'in residence'.

Emotionally it was a very odd and none too enjoyable experience. He was as one would expect a faceless, suited gent who seemed to spend an eternity pawing over my petition in detail interspersing his note taking and small grunts with questions. I felt suddenly very small, almost like a child waiting to be berated by the headmaster for some heinous misdemeanor. All I could think was what on earth must this man be thinking of someone like me. There he sat, midway through his own presumably successful career with all the associated trappings, making judgment on me who has literally nothing of monetary value save for a five year old car. My life and his must be about as diametrically opposed right now as it is possible to be.

I promise you, today was not an experience designed to boost one's pride in oneself.

Eventually having satisfied himself of the facts he agreed to make the order and pronounced me bankrupt with an almost apologetic tone. I wasn't sure whether I should thank him, punch the air that it was over or cry, the latter seemed to threaten dangerously for a moment but what little pride I had left won over and off I went for my first interview with the official receiver with my head held high and a very hollow feeling somewhere inside me.

I have yet to have interview #2 with these guys in a few weeks, it will be at that point I learn the fate of my car but in essence that's it, I am debt free but at a very different kind of cost.

So that's it, I'm now officially an undischarged bankrupt.

C'est la vie....I had no other option I know..... and hopefully in a few days I will begin to feel it's the beginning of a new start and all that, but for now the hollow 'thing' in my gut still prevails and I'm still wondering how one receives a salary (when I get one) or pays standing orders etc. for a year with no bank account.......