Kicking cancer where it hurts!

Firstly, apologies for the length of this post but it can't be helped and I do have an excuse.... for me it's probably the most important 'missive' I have posted to date.

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You might remember way back early last summer I posted a few slightly vague offerings here (you can find them by clicking the 'cancer' tag if you have a mind too) regarding someone who I only referred to as 'The Patient' (TP for short). T.P. is a private kind of guy and as a consequence I felt it inappropriate to rattle on about it all too much here, but I think today can make an exception.

After almost a years illness T.P was finally diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer back in May last year, the survival rates of which were given as something in the region of 2%, unless he underwent some pretty massive surgery. For those interested in the specifics, the procedure involved is pretty rare, the 'Whipple procedure' but if you are squeamish I might suggest you don't click the link.

Luckily and quite unusually T.P was fit enough in all other aspects to be subjected to the surgery which was scheduled to last 6-10 hours, and a week or two after the initial diagnosis he was wheeled into theatre. Amazingly the 'very clever surgeon men' did the job in just over 6 hours and T.P. was then dispatched to ITU where he was expected to remain for maybe 4-5 days...but he beat the odds and was back on a ward in hours and then again beat the odds by being discharged within a week instead of the expected 2-3 weeks!

What followed has been months and months of recovery and chemotherapy, of up's and down's, of hospital visits, of doctors visits, of two steps forward and one step backwards and a plethora of medical and emotional issues to deal with along the way.... all I might add with barely any complaint! T.P is an absolute star, my hero, and I am extremely proud of him. If I ever face anything such as this I hope I can be half the (wo)man he has been through it all!

So, what has prompted this post? Well, yesterday T.P. was summoned to the 'very clever Mr consultant man's' office for the results of the final scans, performed three weeks ago, to ascertain just how much of a success all this amazing medical malarkey had been. I don't know quite how he felt but he went off in the morning sounding astoundingly relaxed... but back here at home I did some floor pacing I can tell you!

And the result?

He's clear!!! No detectable cancer cells remaining!!! It was a resounding success, it was all worth it!!! Huraahhhhhhh!!!

One is never of course referred to as 'cured' and there are one or two minor issues still to be mended and lots of strength rebuilding and getting back to some semblance of normality to be done but the outcome is as good as can possibly be hoped for and probably better than I dared to hope for!

It's been a tough year for all involved but we got there in the end and by no little effort of the N.H.S. who have been marvellous and about whom I will hear nothing bad said (unless it's about parking!) It's been a year none of us would want to live through again and it's been a year of emotions and difficulties no one would relish but it's come to the very best conclusion and with a little luck and a prevailing wind it's all it's all gonna be good from here!

For me it's had an added 'odd-ness' that I couldn't blog it, I blog most things that trouble me but my thoughts and feeling were not paramount, respect for T.P's wishes and privacy were. He will probably still clip my ear for this post if he gets the chance and if he ever sees it but given the happy outcome he might just forgive me!

Did I ever mention T.P. is my dad? No, I thought I didn't! I could bang on now with lots of soppy emotional stuff but he hates that and I hope he knows how I feel anyway, so I will resist and just say today is a happy, happy, happy day and 'well done dad' I'm very proud of you and....no I said I wouldn't do the soppy bit.......

;o)

Mission accomplished

The mission has been accomplished...and in more ways than one.

Patient transport services have been carried out successfully and with only one major traffic jam to contend with in 400 miles of motorway, which was pretty impressive so I can now hang up my chauffeurs cap for a week or two, all things being equal.

More importantly the consultation at the hospital was even more impressive!

The prof. (hey, no common or garden consultants or registrars here thankyouverymuch) who carried out the surgery was completely amazed by TP's speed and manner of recovery, suggesting that maybe plastic surgery had been carried out in error for such an apparently well looking patient to be in front of him, as opposed to the massively invasive surgery that it actually was!

Of course things are never quite that straightforward, we also learned, as we expected though one always hopes won't be the case, that 'phase two' of this experience will next move onto a course of chemotherapy but, and it's a big but, the chemo is a 'belt and braces' maneuver, just in case one or two of those nasty little mutant cancer cells made a last minute run for it. None have been tracked down in any place they shouldn't be but they can be masters of disguise so for safety's sake the buggers are about to encounter the chemical version of Pearl Harbour!

So, we have a few weeks to regroup the troops both emotionally and in the case of TP also physically and then it's onward and upward.

It may sound somewhat peculiar that we walked into a consultation to discover a confirmed diagnosis of cancer (the boffins could only be 90% sure prior to surgery) and that chemo was the order of the day but despite that we came out on a relative high, but on the scale of all things cancerous, and particularly the cancerous thing in question, TP and the rest of us couldn't have been luckier! It's a tough thing to go through but by chance we got one of the world's most experienced and knowledgeable professors in the field on the case and performing the surgery and the hospital houses one of the leading oncology units and research facilities. If you are going to have cancer then this is the place you want to be treated! It's amazing, as is the prognosis for recovery and as ever TP's resolute and inspiring approach to the whole issue!

None of us are under any mis-guided idea that chemo is going to be a walk in the park but methods of delivery and the pharmacology of anti-emetics have come on in leaps and bounds in recent years..... so with a little luck and much finger crossing it should all be reasonably civilised and before long this whole hoo ha can be consigned to history! :o)

The perfect life

Sometimes something comes along that hits you between the eyes like a sledgehammer and reminds you just how lucky you really are and just how fragile and unpredictable life can be.

We all set off in life with a plan of sorts, even before we have our own plan our parents have one loosely worked out for us but most, if not all of us, know as we get older that life rarely works out according to those plans. In my case very much so. I was going to get a good education, a career, marry only once and in my thirties, children optional but unlikely, a decent pension, own my own home, take holidays abroad, blah, blah, blah.

In the event I screwed up the latter part of my education, married young, successfully avoided the offspring, divorced, lost my career through ill health, married and divorced again, lost my home and eventually ended up here in Scotland with the life I now live.

Hardly any resemblance to the original plan at all and yet I still feel lucky in comparison to many and specifically having heard from a friend of many years yesterday.

My friend and I met in our first job at age sixteen, we went through many of the usual teenage up's and down's together and then we both married, I moved away and our days of 'hanging out' were over. We have however managed to remain in contact over the years and meet up once in a while.

My friend had what I considered to be the perfect life, her husband was stunning, he built a well remunerated career, he was charming, articulate and bright, they lived in a beautiful home in a very select area, they had two equally beautiful children, wore designer gear, furnished their house with designer furnishings, drove cars to die for and took international holidays, but most of all they seemed to remain very much in love and very grounded.....and that was it, one assumed a happy ending. One was very, very wrong in that assumption.

Lately I hadn't been able to make contact with my friend, I was worried she may have move and we would finally lose contact but yesterday she called me. I don't know too many details and if I did here is not the place to broadcast them but she has moved but not to an even more delightful home but because she and her husband have parted ways, reason unclear and I didn't like to pry. She now lives in a dingy little flat and struggles financially but worse than that, much worse, her husband lost his job and then his health, he is still just in his forties but is undergoing his fourth course of chemotherapy for a cancer which remained undiagnosed for way too long. She is wracked with guilt, her children (now adults) are at a loss and her beautiful husband is scared for his life and a shadow of his former self!

Never in a million years could I have imagined that this perfect couple, living their perfect life would have ended up where they are today.

I feel extremely sad for them, maybe even a little sad that what I considered a dream relationship and life for most of my own adult life, didn't in the end, survive any better than many dreams do, but most of all I feel lucky, damn lucky, that when my life didn't go to plan, it didn't go so catastrophically and sadly off the rails as my friends. It is perhaps selfish but today I am counting my lucky stars!

Get walking

Today is 'Stride for life' day, the day myself and hopefully many others muster our walking feet and take part in an 8km sponsored walk to raise money for breast cancer research. A Sunday off work is a treat at anytime for me but this one has special significance.

We all know someone who has faced the trauma of breast cancer, it would be hard not too considering one in twelve of we women will be diagnosed with the disease at some point in our life and for many of us that figure is even higher. For myself the significance is heightened by my currently having two friends dealing with having been diagnosed with breast cancer, both of whom have astounded me by their positivity and courage. 'M' my colleague who still to date, despite her chemotherapy having kicked in big time now, has only missed two days of work and 'P' a friend of many years, who has more recently been diagnosed and has just undergone the surgery stage of the process, again with an astounding attitude that is humbling and impressive in the extreme. Both these friends have faced their illness in a manner and with such courage that at times makes it hard to believe they are ill at all.

Taking part in today's sponsored event is not much but it is something and hopefully I will raise a few hundred pounds and do my little bit to support a charity that without funds for research could not have helped make breast cancer as treatable as it is today and cannot continue to carry out it's work to one day find a cure and lessen the trauma of the treatments.

So 'M' and 'P' and of course my mother, who beat this horrible disease almost 18 years ago, with the same bravery and with little more fuss than if she has been told she was suffering a head cold, today is for you, my 8km hobble is with the three of you very much in mind, you are all an inspiration.

If you ever catch me.....

....feeling sorry for myself, moaning about some insignificant occurrence in my life or indulging in a 'self-pity party' please kick my ass hard and remind me of this post!

A few weeks ago I posted about my friend who having just been diagnosed with breast cancer was coping in a manner which I found then, and still find now, incredible.

This lady is a true inspiration I think to all who know her. I won't go into her personal situation, it is not for me to elaborate on that and if she even knew I write about her doubtless she would deny all I say, for she herself thinks she is 'nothing special'!

Nothing special eh? Within ten days of her diagnosis she underwent the necessarily quite major surgery....... and three days later she returned to work! From that day to this she has not missed one shift, never called in sick, never been late and has been the devils own job to persuade to go for an extra break here and there, even when she feels shattered. She hasn't complained of her quite considerable pain, she hasn't uttered a single self pitying word and she hasn't allowed anyone to take any of her work responsibilities from her. We do quite a physical job at times, we are required to life items sometimes up to 25kg, in multiples, and the only concession she has made to her illness or surgery is to allow me or someone else to do some of the heavy lifting for her, though on occasion I have had to be particularly 'firm' with her to stop her carrying on even that as usual!

This coming week she undergoes the first session in a particularly gruelling program of chemotherapy that is set to last well into next year....still not a murmur of complaint! Yes, of course she is scared witless, her greatest horror right now is in losing her beautiful hair but even that she has faced and later next week she is having it all cut off so that the 'falling out' process hopefully won't seem quite so traumatic. For her it is not a case of 'if' she loses her hair, rather of 'when'. The doses of chemo she is to receive leave little room for doubt.

This lady is truly amazing and leaves me feeling very humble, she has barely 'missed a beat' throughout this traumatic time, she has remained fun to be around and to anyone but those who know her very well there would be nothing in her manner to even suggest she has a head cold, let alone cancer. In all of this I have only known her shed one tear and thus far she has attended every hospital appointment alone, despite constant offers to accompany her.

Finally today she gave in a little and has agreed to let me take her for some of her chemotherapy sessions, but I might add she has every intention of driving herself where she can and her parting words to me this evening as we left work were...."I'll see you next Saturday", this was not a reference to a visit we have planned, it was a reference to her intention to be at work next Saturday!!

In comparison I feel an incredible lightweigh, my friend is facing all this with a level of courage I can't imagine possessing and yet I, the bystander, find myself at times just looking at her and having to bite back the tears! I have of course become quite adept at various distraction techniques for should I shed a tear she would no doubt 'clip me one hard around the ear' and tell me to pull myself together in no uncertain terms!

So, from here on in it's 'best foot forward' and all that, I am not ignorant of the facts but being a wimp never helped anyone and a positive attitude just might....and like I said at the beginning of this post, if you hear me even begin to organise a self-pity party over some insignificant happening, do me a favour and kick my rear hard!

A happier nation?

Prozac

According to a report in yesterdays 'Observer' traces of the drug Prozac, or Fluoxetine to give it it's generic title, have been found in the UK's water supplies. Despite our water being treated to remove pesticides and the like it would appear that we take this drug in such numbers it still remains to be recycled into its next unsuspecting glass of water!

The report states that the level to be found, once it continues it's journey back into the water system, is likely not to pose any threat to individuals given it's greatly dilute state. I for my part wonder if perhaps we will all gradually become a nation of wonderfully chilled and happy people!

All joking aside this in theory at least is marginally worrying. We have long been concerned about the quality of drinking water in the UK and this will only serve to send a new battalion of concerned souls rushing headlong into Sainsburys to buy up stocks of various bottled products. As an individual I have never subscribed to the bottled water option, I prefer to take my chances, there are greater things to worry me in this world but I understand the concerns of those that do, particularly those with children to consider. If Prozac can find it's way back into our water system then presumably so too can other chemical compounds, that I find more worrying, Prozac is at least manufactured for human consumption, manufacturing and agricultural chemicals are not!

What I find far more worrying than finding this drug in our water is the fact that the numbers of people being prescribed it are high enough to cause this situation in the first place. This I hasten to add is not an indictment of the medical profession on my part more an indictment of the society so many of us live in. I do not believe that in the main doctors prescribe this drug unnecessarily, quite the reverse. We are a nation forced into longer and longer working hours, we live in a 'must have it all' culture where we try to attain perfection in our lives, we have more personal debt than ever before and live with the permanent threat of one atrocity or another hanging over our heads. Is it any wonder so many of us rely on a drug to keep us going?

I over simplify the situation of course, 'pill popping' is not the best answer but for many it is an answer or at least part of an answer. I am angered often by blase statements I hear from entirely unqualified individuals regarding the use of Prozac and it's like. Commonly I hear people say things such as "Oh I would never take tanquilisers" or "you shouldn't take those you know, they are addictive" blah blah blah. I was party to such a conversation yesterday by coincidence, in which someone blithely said "tell her (a colleague of mine) to stop taking the prozac, they don't work anyway" Had this woman any idea of what she was saying she perhaps would have realised what a dangerous statement that was both physically and psychologically.

We are it seems far more frightened of Prozac than most other drugs and mostly in my opinion because it has had some bad press and the differences between this and previous drugs used in the treatment of the illnesses indicated for its use, are not fully understood This is not an old fashioned tranquilising compound such as Diazepam ( though that too has it's uses) it is a modern SSRI antidepressant which has transformed the lives of millions and is a great pharmacological breakthrough.

The side effects of this compound are well documented, the most serious of which of course is a claimed higher likelihood of suicide in some users. This is still under dispute and subject to investigation but the incidence when compared to the incidence of those using it with no serious ill effects is minute. I do not of course detract from the tradgedy of that for those affected in this manner but life is a compromise, nothing is completely safe and under the correct medical supervision Fluoxetine is comparatively safe. Drugs used in chemotherapy are extremely dangerous but we accept the down side to gain the positive benefits, depression etc. for some is no less life threatening than cancer.

In an ideal world there would be far less use of this drug. Those suffering from the various disorders, which include among others anxiety, depression, OCD, and bulimia, would receive the appropriate therapy and the millions suffering an over abundance of day to day stress would find other ways to reduce their stress levels. We do not however live in an ideal world, we live in a real world with all it's inherent problems and those who expound, without the appropriate knowledge, on the use of Prozac are perhaps lucky enough not to have not suffered one of these life damaging illnesses. They might also bear in mind here that for some of those illnesses no amount of therapy will rid the sufferer of all the symptoms because depression etc. are not in all cases purely 'in the mind'.........for many the cause is chemical and needs to be addressed chemically!