A new chapter?

That's it, I am no longer living at the cost of the taxpayer, I signed off the 'rock and roll' today, thank goodness, though annoyingly I didn't get to see one of the many dragons the DSS employ that I have in the past and consequently didn't feel I could 'impose' my opinion of the system as a parting shot, on the very young girl who sat across the desk from me politely telling me how happy she was that I'd got a job. Dammit! ;o)

So what next, tomorrow morning at 06.30 I start my new job. I feel as though I'm supposed to be elated or happy or some other highly positive emotion but in actual fact I'm just freaking terrified very apprehensive. It's been a long time since I had the 'privilege' of working full time and for a worry guts like myself that immediately brings to mind plenty to worry about! Will I get up in time or will two alarm clocks and Tilly fail me? What if I don't like my new colleagues, or worse still they don't like me? What if I mess up somehow and make a complete pigs ear of it all? What if, what if, what if?.....

Hopefully this is the start of a new (and improved) chapter in the debacle that has been my life since last summer, the start of better things to come but it's odd how we human beings (or at least some of us) hate change and it's odder still that however awful the last six months of my life have been I have none the less fallen into some degree of routine that, whilst it may not have been good, has in a strange way become familiar and hence kind of comfortable....dragging oneself out of that comfort zone is as scary as hell, however much it was hell itself at times.

I know deep down I'll be fine, I might even enjoy it but I just wish I was two weeks down the line when all this 'scary first bit' is over and I can begin to settle down to some degree of feeling it is my normality, that I know the ropes and what is currently unfamiliar territory becomes part of my new routine.

Ekkkk....here goes.....