Today....

....life feels good!

Good in a way that I thought too often over the past few years it would never be again. Good in a way that feels real and is rooted somewhere deep inside me, is part of me. Not the fleeting good of instant gratification, of jumping up and down in excitement but of feeling I have got to a moment in life that I struggled for and worked hard to get too, through times that I wouldn't wish to see again. A gentle kind of good.

Life is about dreams and challenges. Not the dreams of winning the lottery, owning a car to die for or a palatial house but more achievable hopes and dreams, about setting ourselves realistic, if at times still seemingly very difficult goals, that even in the harsh light of reality, life might just allow us to live. To always dream of the unattainable is to usually fail, to fall short and face disappointment.

We can't escape ourselves, no matter how far or how fast we run nor how much we deny our own psyche, the person who inherently we are always accompanies us, all our fears, all our preconceptions, misconceptions and difficulties remain intact. We can only learn acceptance of who we are and continue challenging ourselves, but within that acceptance we can learn to see our real and very personal achievements and to feel pride in them.

I don't doubt life will throw me many more a curved ball, that I won't fall at many more fences or that there are those who cannot for the life of them imagine that with no job, finances with much in common to those of a church mouse and still with a long way to go I couldn't possibly feel good about life right now, but today I do.

It may be momentary, life is about only moments but I can truly say I would rather feel as I do at this moment than win the lottery or drive a Lotus.... because ultimately for me, life is about those rare moments of happiness that come from struggle and achievement in the smaller things that are very personal to each of us, for it is those smaller personal mountains we face and the allowing ourselves to feel and accept that are really what life is all about and what matter most.....

You get what you pay for

Among all the rushing about, getting settled into the new abode, looking for a job and general sorting out I made haste to the optical 'supermarket' that messed up my glasses a couple of days back. Having had a real optician mark up the

offending lenses with the correct information as to how they should have been centered for my eyes prior to my visit and having played merry hell with them for a half hour, they had little option but to admit defeat and give me a full refund....though not with much grace or attempt at customer service I might add.

So all should be well wouldn't you think?

There is a down side though, isn't there always particularly in my current job-less state. To have the correct glasses made up, even with none of your designer frame malarkey, is going to cost me something in the region of £400!

I have a slightly odd problem with one eye, I already knew that, hence previously I always had to have expensive lenses but this time I was hoping to 'get away' with the cheap crappy version......it's not going to happen!

I knew it before I ever set off on this wild goose chase but I tried to kid myself.....you only ever get what you pay for.

Mebbe I'll just keep squinting at the fuzzy bits for now!

Earthquake hits Britain!

What earthquake was that then?

If it quaked here then I slept right through it!

Looking without seeing!

Against my better judgement I chose to buy my recent new glasses from one of the 'supermarket' opticians, the decision made purely from financial consideration....bad, bad decision!

I know that one only ever gets what one pays for and I know that the last time I went this route many years ago it was a small disaster, it's looking like this is a repeat performance.

Having worn varifocals for years a new pair shouldn't have proved too difficult to adjust too, but a week on I was still tripping over and still struggling to see anything without a deal of aggravation, more concerning a week on I certainly shouldn't still be suffering a nasty persistent pain behind one eye!

Patience worn through, yesterday I sought advice from a 'real' optician, who actually bothered to check the centering of the lenses (unlike the original providers)....oh, surprise surprise, one lens has been made with the centering completely out of alignment with my eye! Hence I am trying to see through a piece of lens that may as well belong to someone else. "No wonder your eye is painful" was the opticians response, "they need re-making".

So, here begins the fight, I've lost faith, perhaps I'll let the original supermarket guys have one more try if, which I doubt, they can convince me they have any idea what they are up to but I suspect that I'll ultimately have to fight the refund fight and learn what I already really knew....that if one needs glasses one should go to a well qualified optician, not a chain of "turn em over in a flash, market share merchants"!

The tale of Prince Albert!

So, probably the last tale from the white van is of an 'incident' on Thursday morning.

When I first applied for the job they went to great pains to ask me to convince them that I could cope with my particular 'clientele'....the previous four women who had undertaken the job had shot through in a matter of weeks, or less.

Selling sandwiches from a van might not seem a particularly concerning occupation on the face of it but the round I did was in the main to building sites, factories and brick works. All my customers, with the exception of two, were men, and oft times men with little or no finesse, absolutely no idea what political correctness is and even less understanding of the meaning of the phrase sexual harassment!

As a consequence I ran the gamut daily of crass jokes, innuendo and outright suggestion but whilst they knew pretty quickly that I was 'up for a laugh' and perfectly capable of being one of the lads, they also learned just as quickly that there were boundaries which they weren't gonna be allowed to cross. In short they could say what they wanted but touching was out. Hell, if you had ever seen me at 6 in the morning in my very 'non- haute couture' uniform I can only say that those that tried must have been somewhat desperate!

There was one guy in particular. I was used to him, kinda felt sad for him, his life had been a tale of horrendous happenings that had culminated in a serious head injury as the result of an RTA. He had a big alcohol problem and he was volatile to put it mildly, though in an odd way he seemed to think I was his friend, maybe because I listened to him talk of his troubles often.

On Thursday, as usual, he came telling me his latest tale of woe. Apparently last weekend he had the not very bright idea that to have a Prince Albert piercing might be a cool idea, ok he was probably so drunk he would barely have noticed it being done but subsequently it seems it had become infected.

I tried without laughing to sound concerned and offer suggestions as to what he might do about it....like go to the bloody doctor, but he was not convinced and without a byyourleave or an excuseme proceeded to show me the 'offending item'!!

Oh lovely!....I have encountered more pleasant experiences and sights before breakfast in my time but he looked a little confused at my comment that maybe I wasn't the best person to be showing this too and the idea that it might be just a little inappropriate was completely lost on him!!!

'Moving' on

So, the days of the white van are over, there are one or two more tales from that nasty but occasionally amusing era I will likely regale you with in the near future but for the time being they can wait, it's the weekend and I have other fish to fry (no Lisa not carp! ;o))

Ok, let's be a little more specific here.

Yesterday was quite a significant day in my little life, for more reasons than the demise of the white van.

The job having been dispensed with in relative silence, because once my notice had been given my delightful employer decided to relegate me to the status of persona non grata,(not surprisingly there was a very definite lack of 'goodbye and good luck' speeches) the true purpose of the day got underway.....that of moving house, which might go some way to explaining my sudden state of voluntary unemployment. Really, though it might surprise you I am not quite mad enough to ditch one job without another to go to with no good reason, the reasons just couldn't be blogged until all interested parties were personally informed.

So, 'post employment' I loaded my little car with all my worldly possessions, there are not many, I have moved so often over the years I have learned to 'travel light' and much was left in Scotland never to be seen again, bid au revoir to my parents and hit the motorway en route for a new home and a new life near Cambridge.

Those of you who read this regularly or know me well may draw your own conclusions from the geographical location and will very likely draw the correct conclusion, but I will say no more other than on Monday, the full time occupation of finding a full time occupation begins in seriousness and today a new phase in my life is beginning.

:o)))

The end!

Finally, having endured it for almost fifteen months, today is the last time I will ever have to haul this confounded van (yes I'm hiding in a country lane right now blogging from my phone) and it's contents around the area. Six hours from now I get to hand the keys to the white van from hell back to the employer from hell and consign the whole unhappy episode to the list of memories I'd rather forget! :-) Six hours.... and counting!

In miniature

It seems the usual internet bugs that apparently follow me around various parts of the country over the years have found me again and rendered my internet connection D.O.A. Joy! So... For the next day or two I am reduced to opera mini and my phone. Don't be expecting anything in much depth! .... And don't cheer at the back! ;-)

Can I see what?

Anyone who has ever had the doubtful pleasure of paying a small fortune for new varifocal glasses will understand when I say, that far from feeling the money was worth it because suddenly everything has become clear, instead I am stumbling around like a fool with a serious case of nodding dog syndrome looking for all the world like I should be making haste back to the opticians!

Ack!

Yeah, I know, it takes time and all that but still....ack!

So much for professionalism!

Well, I handed in my notice and my boss was about as crappy with me as is possible...this was not quite how I would have liked it to be but I suppose after all that has gone before it was to be expected.

I have a distinct feeling that the 'this is business' philosophy is only supposed to function her way, not both ways in her opinion.

The conversation began to rapidly degenerate into unpleasentness, I tried my best to be professional and polite but in the end was forced to remind her that as she failed ever to give me a contract of employment, despite a number of requests on my part, I could leave and give notice of that intention when and how I liked.

Hey...in the time I have been there, eleven members of staff have left, 100% of them just shot through, no warning, no phone call, no nothing and whilst that may not be the best way to go about it in my opinion I can perhaps see their point now!

The remainder of this week I suspect is not going to be too much fun, more than a fair share of toilet cleaning duties, among other very lovely tasks, I fear will be coming gemmak's way!

Oh joy.

The end of the road

It's a Monday, and unusually a good Monday, because this morning didn't involve the regular 4am, 100 mile drive to work from Cambridge and because I have the day off....for a purpose.

The white van from hell is about to become history, decisions have been made and the decision is that I have had enough....today I am resigning!

It may not be the ideal situation to resign from one position without another to go to but it is necessary in this case. I have saved a little money to 'keep me going' and this morning I am off to an agency to begin finding a new employer, one that doesn't run a shonky fleet of white vans and hopefully adheres to a greater degree of current employment legislation than I have had to endure these last fourteen months!

It's all rather unusual and a little of my glee at being able to tell them I am abandoning my van at the end of the week has been tempered by the fact that they have only last week suffered a family trauma, so my timing might not be too excellent from their point of view but hey, when they treat me like crap their 'excuse' is that 'this is business'....so the new (trying to be) braver and more assertive me is merely returning the favour! ;o)

The Ukuele orchestra of Great Britain

Ok, so I am cheating today, my state of 'bloggers block' still reigns so I stole this off Fletch (with permission of course!).

These guys (and gals) are excellent, worth a watch, if you like this one there are lots more here....all good :o)

Don't wanna do it....won't do it!

Ugh...I so wish the Blogger gods would cease with their constant barracking in attempts to get me to change to the insanely aggravating 'all new and wonderful' template version!

I don't want to!!!

It's a fiddle, my coding skills?? struggle badly with it and I don't want to bloody well 'drop and drag', nor do I want to have to wade through all the infernal code that the damn drop and drag creates....I just want to be left alone with my own little template and not forced to sign in umpteen times just to circumnavigate the persistent attempts at forcing my hand to change.

I'm not gonna do it Mr Blogger...are you listening?, I just don't want to and I don't see the point of making life so complicated when I have pottered along like I am for years.

Much more of it and I'll be off to Wordpress! :op

Oh....and has the spellcheck facility died on anyone else the last week or two or are Blogger really trying to wind just me up?

I said this last week....

.....and I'm gonna say it again now....'it's been an odd old week' for various reasons and mostly I haven't really known which way is up for the most part! I could regale you with the details but I'm not going to, or not yet at any rate and I seem to have a temporary case of 'bloggers block' into the bargain, so any attempt at formulating more than a few coherrent sentences would doubtless be a bad mistake anyway!

Thankfully the working week is almost over now though and maybe I even learned a little along the way (learn? me? change the habit of a lifetime!?). Whatever, it's Friday, I can breath a sigh of relief and look forward to the weekend.

Have a good one :o)

Gizza cuddle

A suitably fluffy post on a day when my intellect can cope with little of a more challenging nature!

Sound on. :o)



*Thanks JW.

The ultimate Brazilian!

The male alternative to waxing!


Hmmmm...what did he think was going to happen?!!

Ewe'd love it!

The stuff of sheep or to be more specific, Cypriot sheep, of what am I rambling I hear you mutter, ok, Halloumi, a Cypriot sheep or goat cheese, is what this is about.

Belive me, if you have never tried it it's worth a trip to absolutely anywhere that stocks it, this is the food of the God's, heaven on earth. Ok, yeah, I liked it!


I thought there wern't many cheeses I hadn't partaken of over the years, I 'do' cheese in a big way, for half my life I have had cheese after dinner most days and never let it be said that there are many repeats...my mother is expert at persuading the verynicelady on the local Waitrose deli counter to find new and interesting fare to try.

But Halloumi had evaded my taste buds until yesterday. One of Fletch's stronger points is his ability with all things culinary (this is good, I don't 'do' cooking and he can really cook, like for real) so for my delictation at breakfast time, along with some damn good coffee, there was Halloumi, fried gently with garlic and in fresh muffins.

I have rarely tasted anything so utterly, simply, good!

Misty morning sunrise

St Ives, this morning, there are a few benefits to not being able to sleep!






(All clickable)

How much is your blog worth?

Hmmmm....pity no one wants to buy it! heh.

My blog is worth $23,146.14.
How much is your blog worth?

Well....

...I've had a slightly odd week this week and I had a long post all typed up here ready to go....and then I read it back to myself and it sounded something akin to the ramblings of a mad woman (shushh at the back), so I deleted it and this is what I came up with in it's place.....damn all!

Like I say, an odd week, I'm blaming it on a distinct lack of sleep, so I'll just wish you all a happy weekend and see if I can't come back here marginally more compis mentis next time! ;o)

Have a good one guys.

White van surfing!

Call me am addict but this I like! Courtesy of Opera mini and an unlimited data package (very reasonably priced I might add) here I am sitting in a picturesque lane in the white van from hell blogging and surfing to my little hearts content! :-) Yes it's a tad on the fiddly side and hardly high speed but it does help relieve the boredom of the average white van day. Ok... I suspect my employer wouldn't approve but my employer does nothing to earn my loyalty sufficiently that my concience has any difficulty with this new found passtime! ;-)

Custody hearing of a Shih Tzu!

Would the money not be better spent on psychiatric care for the mayor than dragging such stupidity through the courts at doubtless signifigant cost?!

Give me strength!

Some days...

... you just can't but help having have a big fat stupid grin plastered all over your face! :-)))

'Blood Diamond'

We watched 'Blood Diamond' on Saturday night....for light entertainment, not!

Don't be fooled by the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio takes the lead, this is most definately not of the romantic, lightweight, chick flick genre of films, it was amazinng and if you have a couple of hours to spare well worth a watch.

It's not fun, it was one of the most harrowing films I have ever watched, in parts I thought I was going to have to stop watching such was it's power, but it was an education and from one who always believed in the saying 'Diamonds are a girls best friend'....believe me if I ever get lucky enough to buy another one I will do with much more 'attention to detail' than just the cut or the clarity!

Defining the moment

There are moments in our lives that bring us to a point from which we cannot recoil, from which, regardless of the seemingly insurmountable ahead of us, we cannot ignore, moments that in an instant but also in a lifetime of traveling to that time and place, move our lives, our minds and our physical being from everything we were to everything we are about to be.

A moment, a fraction of a second when with unexplained clarity we know our path, it is not asked for, it is not bidden, it is inherrently all that we are, the end of a journey, the single option, an understanding of the unexplained, the touch of a lifetime's experience amalgamating with powerful frission.

There is no option, in the quiet sunlight, in apparent peace, turmoil fear and hope collide within, in utter silence, in deafening simplicity, one defining moment in a swirling darkness of timeless search , from which we know that which we sought in confusion, in denial, in fear.

There is no gentle return, there is no place to hide, there is no longer ignorance, comfort or masking veils of reason. Bereft of choice, courage and hope sustaining against an unknown void, the path is set, immovable, unquestionable.

With pounding heart and mind and blood, with only love and life in which to place our trust, alone we face our clarity, our life and mind's dictated course. In cold bright light, with new perception we take a breath, we close a soundless door and tread a road of hope and faith and fear, of clarity and profundity, the only place we know, the only route left for us to go......


*For two very important people in my life the title of this post should be 'Jump', if you understand why then you are one of those people.

About Charley

Charley is a beautiful tabby cat with a difference, Blogger seems not to like the code to display the video clip but if you hit THIS LINK it will take you there. :o)

I don't have a good record...

....with technological hardware! Phones, computers, you name it and I can break it...or to be more specific I expect it to work like it says it will on the box! That seemingly is too much to ask, and furthermore, over the years I have learned that if I want technical help on one of these subjects the place to go is most definitely not the manufacturers or providers technical helpline, for it is there that one is most likely to get nothing in the way of technical help!

Mobile phones, my current case in point. My last one lived for three months before the email client died. I updated the software, I reinstalled the software, I called the helpline for further assistance and I was told I knew 'more than he did' (jeez) and so finally (and this is not the first time believe me)I 'persuaded' the provider to exchange it. Quite a feat of persistence in itself.

The replacement arrived. I charged it, I turned it on, I saw the email client for a moment.....and then the software died again and it fell off the phone completely!! FFS.

More phone calls, two and a half hours worth to be precise and a replacement of a different model was agreed. This was promised for two days later, in actual fact it took another two hours of phone calls and six days to get it to me in reality!

And they call this service????

Among all of this the most ironic and amusing aspect was that the guy I was dealing with gave me his email address and asked that I mail him instead of call because it would reach him more easily. Here is the ironic, frustrating, amusing f*ucking ridiculous bit.....

This was o2, I have an o2 contract, my phone emails through an o2 server.....but 'Sonny Jim's' o2 work email server classifies this server as spam and wouldn't let my emails through!!!!!

Give me strength. Is it just me that finds all this unbelievably aggravating and stupid??

But finally my new phone arrived, a Nokia 6500c, intact and apparently working (touch wood), I can email, I have the joy of Opera Mini (they have this sussed, it's so easy to use and surfing the web is such a good distraction from the daily white van grind that I have felt it 'appropriate' that I add to my monthly contract unlimited downloads! See they know how take our money, no problem there), the email works....and works well, I can even blog and comment from this little marvel, in fact all would be hunky dory, save for the fact that the 3g connection seems defunct and despite copious amounts of setting changes and calls to the un-help guys at o2 it remains defunct!

Maybe I just expect way too much in my assumption that technology does what it says it will on the box!