I've been very bad!

It seems that a lifetime's commitment to a principle and lifestyle I had adhered to for most of my life is beginning to suffer some degree of corruption!

Since I was knee high to a grasshopper I have been vegetarian, not extremely so in that I would eat animal fats and other derivatives.... but dead animals, no way. Just wasn't going to go there. I don't have a problem with others eating meat just so long as the animals life has been humane and it's death the same. I'm not a fool, I just know that my views are mine and not those held by the majority and to try and impose them on others by way of nagging or 'whittling on' would be pointless and inappropriate.

However, after almost forty years, circumstances have gradually evolved which have made it harder and harder to adhere too, health issues, practicality for my mother, who insists on always cooking for me, and one or two other things mean that over the last few months I have been 'testing' the occasional piece of what was once fur covered and walking on four legs.

It's been kind of difficult, I have to make quite an effort divert my mind and if I lived on my own I wouldn't entertain it but last night, having dinner at my brothers, there seemed to be something of a worrying development. I almost enjoyed some of this....


I shall blame my brothers corrupting influence! This is not good!...but actually it was, dammit! I need to get a grip again!

Up -'date'

Well....date number two was bought forward to last night and tomorrow has now become number three.

I'm a grown up (well, I think I am supposed to be, though that hasn't always been my forte), I am doing this thing one day at a time, the communication level is unusually and refreshingly good and straightforward and for the right here and right now, life suddenly got a whole lot more bearable! :o)

Tomorrow of course is another day but if I have learned nothing else this last year I have learned that what will be, will be, and whatever it is, life is too short to play games and not to take risks, calculated though they may be!

Date number two....

....is scheduled for Sunday evening!

I can't wait, it's sad I know of a woman of my years but I feel like a bloody teenager, all excited and silly and with way too many butterflies dithering around in my tummy at high velocity!

Ok, ok, I know, it's early days and anything could, and probably will happen but recent events have begun to teach even me, she who previously liked guarantees in life, to live for the day and not to look too far forward.

So that's what I'm doing, if Sunday is the last date then so be it, if it's not then so be that, but whatever, feeling happy today is far more preferable than not feeling happy today! :)

The date...

...went particularly well, there were no gladioli (not very private joke, see comments), we never stopped talking and I haven't laughed quite so much in some time!

Add to that, this guy is one of an apparently dying breed in that he is, I think, one of the few not to have made an attempt to 'jump me' on date number one. I'm impressed.

That's all for now guys....very early days but there will be a second date.

Not to be off put...

... by the last debacle, I have another date tomorrow evening!

This one looks a lot more promising, three hours straight on the phone the last two evenings must be a good sign.... and it can only be better than the last one and it's necessary emergency escape!

I know, I know, famous last words!

What is it that they (whoever 'they' are) say, no pain no gain? ;)

Spotty!

I returned to my car in the local car park yesterday to find this parked next to me. It belongs to an acquaintance of mine with a very definite sense of humour.....


The beginning of it's index is SP07 ### (for obvious reasons of privacy I won't add the three remaining characters but they make it even better) just to make the whole thing even more amusing.

Love it! Want it!

On dating and escaping!

Though it seems it isn't something many will readily admit, similarly as guys seem not to easily admit if they have availed themselves of the services of a working girl at some time in their lives, I, being me, have little issue is admitting I have joined a dating site. Well three to be more specific...and if nothing else it is turning into something of an 'experience'.

My theory is simple, I don't get to meet too many people in the 'real' world right now because of my situation and as I spent a fair proportion of my time online, it seemed to be an obvious route to investigate.

The first thing that is very apparent however is that hearts and flowers it is not and as with most things in life, you get what you pay for, very much so...but regardless of taking all steps at minising time wasters, it is still a jungle out there and not for the faint of heart or the less internet savvy. One has to be able to sort the wheat from the chaff with some degree of speed and alacrity...and believe me there is plenty of chaff to be sorted. A more honest way of putting it I suspect would be to just say there are a scary number of serious weirdos out there and narrow minded-ness in dealing with them is not an option!

Add to that one has to be able to accept it all for what it is and be resilient to rejection, not expect a great deal and know that in many cases the image of an individual is at least ten years old and the description wouldn't stand up in court.

All that said, you just never know and once in a while someone surprising pops up. Don't get excited here, there is no stunning announcement about to come from these quarters but as in most things, there are possibilities and I've never been one to at least not dip a toe into new things. Life is too short not to be pro-active.

The down-side is that my first real date, thankfully in the event, only a coffee in a public venue during daylight hours, was so completely dire as to require me to make a very hasty escape. Plan 'A' swung into action and having hidden in the bathroom to text my brother that he was required to call me with a sudden 'emergency', I made my apologies and legged it! Terribly obvious I know, probably almost classic sit-com but hey, I was at least polite and smiled as I cringed through an hour an a half of strained conversation!

I will admit it is quite fun from time to time and on the positive side it can be flattering, but thus far, in the main I would have to say it is straining my lifelong efforts not to generalise and pigeon hole the male of the species in a negative manner.

I will persist for a little while longer though because you just never know....

*And yes, before anyone asks, I do and will always meet in a safe place (should I risk the prospect of another escape debacle again at all), I always let someone who is capable of effecting my escape know where I am and when and with whom.

The demise of 'bus puss'

Rememeber bus puss, Casper the cat who was a regular commuter on the local bus route?

Sad news, he was killed, run over by a car, earlier this week!

Story HERE.

Oh no! :o(

Home alone!

The last months have been pretty tough going one way and another and somehow in my tunnel visioned way I had never really looked beyond getting the funeral over with...and when I had looked slightly beyond that I think I imagined that life would become simpler and I would get my life back.

Wrong!

I suspect I was a little over optimistic on that front or perhaps I just didn't look beyond to this point, in an effort to cope with the 'here and now' at the time. Suddenly however, life isn't what I had anticipated and instead I am faced with what seems to be the almost impossible task of finding a job and of taking care of my mother, who whilst she is coping in many ways, is requiring more taking care of than I had anticipated, my naively looked forward to freedom is once again somewhat curtailed some for the immediate future.

However, this week, in an effort to give 'the mother' a change of scenery and myself a break, my sister has kidnapped and spirited her away to the midlands for a week and I have the whole house and 24/7 all to myself and I'm loving it, absolutely no responsibilities for six whole days, do what I want, when I want, how I want and with no-one but me to consider!!! I had forgotten what this feels like and it's fab!

I love my mother dearly of course but I have done my share and a few days off is being much relished. In actual fact, aside from trawl the employment websites and go for walks via coffee shops I haven't actually done a great deal but it's the knowing I have the freedom to do what I want without worrying that feels so good! The being able to eat when I want, sleep and wake, go in and out when I want, all the little things that usually I have to think about and plan to some degree, that I am enjoying so much!

Now, back to the job thing.....

Seems amusingly appropriate!

I like her style! Heh.

Why does no one tell you ....

....when you look like a complete idiot?

I have a habit, in an effort to prevent myself from losing them, of putting my gloves in the hood of my jacket when it's hanging on the coat hook. Nothing wrong with that I hear you say, good plan.

Not so good when one forgets and parades for hours around town with them still in there, hanging over the back, looking particularly stupid like a small person trying to escape and in danger of becoming completely lost. Entirely the scenario the idea was designed to avoid!

Luckily they didn't, I just looked like a fool no doubt...and don't anyone dare say 'nothing new there then'! DOH!

Compare the outtakes.com

There's always something to make you smile....

Over again

Today I suspect is not set to be one of my best!

I made very brief mention here a few months back of a fledgling relationship, I didn't blog it beyond that in an effort to give it it's best chance and for reasons of privacy but in short, it didn't quite fledge and for reasons I won't go into, I deemed it necessary to call time on it yesterday.

I'm sad, it hurts but I'll survive.

I think I'll probably have to go through this a few times more before my knight in shining armour shows up so best I learn to get used to it.

Onward....

Ask me anything!

Ok, so this is something that if you 'Facebook' you have probably seen around the last few days but I thought I would modify it some and blog it as a meme. I won't tag anyone in the usual meme manner but if you ask a question, whilst it's not obligatory, I dare you to put this on your blog.

So here goes....

I'LL BE TRUTHFUL FOR 24 HOURS ..... YOU CAN ASK ME ANY ONE QUESTION NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. I WILL ANSWER IN FULL HONESTY THOUGH I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ANSWER PRIVATELY IN EMAIL IF I DEEM IT NECESSARY!

QUESTIONS CAN BE ASKED IN COMMENTS OR BY MAIL (there is a mailto link at the top of the sidebar).

Maru and the box

I really should actually write something here before too long but right now my brain doesn't seem to have anything resident worth writing, so again, some amusing piffery!

Enjoy!

Some things...

....are so horrible but at the same time just so, so funny!

Stress management

From my inbox, works for me!

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile...

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream..

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

See, it works, you are smiling already aren't you? ;)

It's just snow!

I adore all this snow malarkey, this is no secret, I spend every winter wishing for it, but all I seem to have heard this last week is people grumbling about it, so much so that even I begin to wish it would thaw just to stop the negativity.

Perhaps it isn't the snow itself that presents the problem, rather our seemingly complete reliance on that great invention, the car! The moment the roads are difficult to negotiate the whole infrastructure grinds to a halt, we are all so used to travelling distances to work etc. that it becomes impossible to live life 'normally' and many seem either never to have learned even the basics of controlling a vehicle in snow.... or apparently have lost the use of their legs as an alternative.

Minor panic seems to have set in, those who do venture to the supermarkets are buying up stocks of the staples like Armageddon is about to hit us and all around I hear precious little other than whingeing about how 'awful it all is'. Hells bells, it's a bit of snow, not nuclear fall out we are dealing with.

I do however appreciate it doesn't necessarily make life easy from time to time. Having found myself responsible now for my mother, the snow does present something of a new challenge. She can't walk any distance in this , well she thinks she can but all we need right now is a broken arm or hip to add to her misery, so walking has been banned by myself and her quack and the car is the only option for her from where we live.

This is however not an insurmountable problem, as many seem to think it might be. Yes, we need food to be bought etc. just like everyone else but I can walk and I have and do, each day, the two or so miles into town to get anything we need badly, and I have arms, I can and have dug my car out and negotiated the steep hill too and from the house on a few occasions, with the mother in tow to relieve the cabin fever she is beginning to suffer.

It's not all ideal I will readily admit but please, it's beautiful, it won't be here long, it's not an international disaster it's just a bit of snow, and it has it's positives. For those who really can't get out and are seriously inconvenienced by it due to illness or infirmity, there is always that old thing community spirit....which incidentally I have found quite heartwarming.

I have met people this last week who have lived for thirty or more years in the same street as we do and who until now, I never knew existed. We have organised gangs to clear the street, we have called on neighbours and shopped for them, I have had a coffee with someone I hauled off the pavement when he slipped over and I have watched families sledging in the park enjoying one another's company for a day or two, instead of having to spend their time negotiating the rat race.

It's not all bad guys, what is bad is that it brings into sharp focus just how insular we have all become in our day to day lives and how skewed we have our priorities...and I include myself in that!

Redundant!

This sight just amused me on my walk yesterday! ;)

Karma in snow!

So, I spend all winter wishing and hoping for snow and finally I get it. Then I snigger at those who have to go to work, watching them to slip and slide on their way in the early hours, while I sit warm and cosy drinking coffee.

Today I got my comeuppance. I needed a doctors appointment, the only available one was at eight o'clock this morning. Off I trudged in almost a foot of snow, in the dark and at minus six degrees because the car is firmly stuck where I last parked it!

Karma?

It did however give me an opportunity to take a few more pictures....





*More HERE

Wishes do come true!

(Clickable)

I am waiting....

.....with breath baited for what the meteorological guys promise me is going to be a pretty significant snowfall here over the next few days.

Thus far there have only been a few flakes but the 'official' time of commencement isn't until approx. 18:00hrs so I remain ever hopeful!

Quite why I enjoy all this so much I am never entirely sure, there are certainly a few negatives, trying to fight my way through frozen locks to get into my car and home, at 2am this morning in minus 6 degrees, being one of them.

Even I will admit to looking forward to the summer for a moment at that point...but it soon passed!

Beginning again!

At last, I have found a positive in not working!

Today I can snigger madly at the sight and the thought of everyone else shuffling back to work bleary eyed and grumpy after the Christmas holidays! I can stay warm and cosy indoors with no nasty boss to face nor a backlog of work that was cheerfully abandoned in the pre-festivity highs only to be faced this morning. There is a silver lining to every cloud! ;)

However, the sniggering will be short lived because here starts the rest of my life. There are still issues to be addressed at home since the death of my father and things are not all as straightforward as I might like them to be but the job hunting begins again, in earnest, from now.

This is not going to be an easy nut to crack. I've been out of work for one reason or another for getting on for two years now and paid employment still appears to be about as rare as hens teeth (thanks Gordon), but try I must. It's all a bit daunting and scary, I have lived through so many changes and oddities in the two years in question that really I just would like to hide away for a while but that's not an option.

So here starts phase one of trying to re-build my life yet again from the ground up.

You would think I was used to it by now really wouldn't you!


*I may or may not blog the minutiae of the hunt, I'll see how I feel, last time it became too depressing to keep going over one rejection after another!

Foxy fail!

How do people get these shots? Love it! :)

Bring it on!

Well then, so that's 2009 dispatched and not before time and now off we go headlong into 2010.

I don't like to try and foresee what it might bring, trying to plan or organise life appears only to be setting oneself up for failure in my experience and no matter what, the actuality is never even close to the plan!

Neither do I do all the new years resolution codswallop, another recipe for failure.... but I am this year determined to make a few changes and grab a few bulls by the horns.

I need a job and I'm damn well going to find one if it kills me and I need a life and I'm going to start finding one of those too! 2009 was my annus horriblis and enough is enough, I may well fall on my face some more, I will doubtless lose my positivity intermittently and you will certainly, I imagine, have to suffer my whingeing and whining now and again but if there is one thing I learned last year it is that life is too bloody short, way, way too bloody short.

So, onward and upward, throw at me what you will 2010... one way or another, metaphorically speaking, I am going to be in a better place by this time next year!

Bring it on.....