The hardest decision

I have made reference on one or two occasions recently that I have been trying to deal with a particularly difficult situation, until now I haven't felt able to blog it, even now I'm not sure if I can but here goes, I'll try, though you might have to forgive me for what perhaps seems a slightly hard attitude, right now it's the only way I can handle the situation at all.

The situation is this:

I have to give Tilly away to a new home. :o(((

The reasons are many and various and to be fair to others involved it's not appropriate that I regale you with all the finite detail, suffice to say she can't stay here long term with me and as I have no money, and no prospect of an income on which I could afford a suitable home for Tilly and myself here near to London, where it is particularly expensive, I have had to finally consider the unthinkable.

By coincidence someone offered Tilly a home a few weeks ago and belive me it will be a perfect home for her, I have absolutley no qualms about the lady who will likely become her 'step mother' or the life she can offer her...I just wish more than almost anything I have ever wished that I didn't have to be considering this at all.

In reality though I do. I'm not in a position to offer her a suitable home and it's likely I won't be for maybe as long as a year or two so I have no choice. I have thought and thought about it until I've driven myself almost demented, I have hoped and prayed that I would find an answer, a way for her to stay with me, I have investigated every option I can dream up but in the end I think I have lost the fight..... and too keep her now would be more about me and how I'll miss her, than about what will make Tilly happy and give her a stable and happy life.

So, through the tears, the doubts, the fighting and the trying now to find a way to come to terms with losing her I have to keep telling myself that if I really love her as I say I do, then I will do what's best for her, not me.

I probably have her for about another two to three weeks before she goes to her new home, her 'step mum' is a lovely lady, a true cat lover who has already fallen in love with her. She has a lovely garden, won't ever subject her to a cattery, preferring instead not to take holidays longer than a few days and already has one other cat, who once they are accustomed to one another will hopefully become company for them both. If I have to do this now is the time while Tilly is still so young, while she is still adaptable. My biggest concern is that she is very much a one person cat and right now I am that person but I hope that given a little time she can become as attached to 'A' as she is currently to me.

There will still be some Tilly stories and pictures once she has settled down and once I can face seeing her and keep leaving her behind because I will retain lifelong'visiting rights' and she will only be half an hours drive away, but for now it seems scant compensation for not having her with me all the time and there has been little in my life before that has made me so sad.

In the back of my mind there is still a tiny glimmer of hope that somehow I will be able to keep her but it's fading fast, my deadline for a decision is Thursday and I've about run out of options and ideas that don't involve shuffling her from one place to another (which isn't in her best interests) just so that I can have her back once I'm in a position to, whenever that might be.......

:o((