Bankrupt!

Today at 12.21 pm gemmak was declared officially bankrupt.

I was struck by the fact that the judge is required by law to record the time the bankruptcy order is made on the official documentation and to 'announce' it, it kinda reminded me of the manner in which a doctor is required to record the time of an individuals death, the irony was not lost.

The day went as well as could be expected. I plumped for the 'suited and booted' approach but minus the Prada (like I own any!) and off I set to face the music.

I have to say that the court officials were excellent, efficiency personified, they took me through the checks on the 35 page (yes I said 35, it wasn't a typo) petition I had already submitted in a flash, without hiccup and in a relaxed manner I hadn't expected.....my time with the 'big guy' however wasn't quite so pleasant.

I assumed I would be seen by a judge in chambers but no, it was the full hit court room scenario, save for the fact there was only he, myself and a video camera 'in residence'.

Emotionally it was a very odd and none too enjoyable experience. He was as one would expect a faceless, suited gent who seemed to spend an eternity pawing over my petition in detail interspersing his note taking and small grunts with questions. I felt suddenly very small, almost like a child waiting to be berated by the headmaster for some heinous misdemeanor. All I could think was what on earth must this man be thinking of someone like me. There he sat, midway through his own presumably successful career with all the associated trappings, making judgment on me who has literally nothing of monetary value save for a five year old car. My life and his must be about as diametrically opposed right now as it is possible to be.

I promise you, today was not an experience designed to boost one's pride in oneself.

Eventually having satisfied himself of the facts he agreed to make the order and pronounced me bankrupt with an almost apologetic tone. I wasn't sure whether I should thank him, punch the air that it was over or cry, the latter seemed to threaten dangerously for a moment but what little pride I had left won over and off I went for my first interview with the official receiver with my head held high and a very hollow feeling somewhere inside me.

I have yet to have interview #2 with these guys in a few weeks, it will be at that point I learn the fate of my car but in essence that's it, I am debt free but at a very different kind of cost.

So that's it, I'm now officially an undischarged bankrupt.

C'est la vie....I had no other option I know..... and hopefully in a few days I will begin to feel it's the beginning of a new start and all that, but for now the hollow 'thing' in my gut still prevails and I'm still wondering how one receives a salary (when I get one) or pays standing orders etc. for a year with no bank account.......