The epitome of selfishness

One of my calls in the white van from hell is to a group of five builders who undertake small-ish renovation works, as they move from job to job every few weeks so do I. Currently they are renovating a cottage at the head of a private road in the middle of the countryside. This is their first week on the job and all has not run smoothly.

The road is an unmade track and a dead end and is accessed from a country lane, there are two small cottages at the head and a large country house at the other end, approximately a mile away, the owner of which also owns the lane and all the surrounding acres of land.

This 'lady' is just about everything I dislike in someone, very faux upper class, the horsey type with a mouth full of plumbs and 'sensibly' dressed in green wellies, a riding jacket, head-scarf and with a severe haircut dragged back off her forehead with a kirby grip.

She has a problem it seems with the builders, apparently their three cars that are parked at the top of the lane are 'destroying the grass verge (there is none) and disrupting here peace and quiet' and the small earth moving vehicles required for the job are 'an abomination'....add to that my small van that is there for five minutes a day is a 'nuisance'!

There have been, between builders and 'Lady Muck', a number of 'disagreements' over the last few days, she told them to move their vehicles onto the road (thereby causing and obstruction on the narrow lane) and to be finished with the earth movers (they are very small, these are not of road building proportions)within the week. They tried in vain to explain that the cars would be a hazard and would likely have their expensive tools stolen from them (a common occurrence lately here) and that the earth mover would be gone asap (it's expensive to hire) but would be needed for approx. another 10 days. Lady Muck was having none of it, she wasn't interested in anything other than asserting her rights and power as landowner and patronising all involved.

So...the builders ignored her.

Next it was my turn, I was banned from turning around in her muddy unmade track road for fear I might put a tyre on the non existent verge....I bit my tongue....and ignored her too.

Today things moved up a notch on the 'unbelievable' scale. The builders were met early by the owner of the cottage they are working on, he was in a flap and begging them to do as Lady Muck demanded on all fronts. It seems the old cow she has threatened him with legal action (I have no idea on what grounds) if 'his builders' don't do as she has told them to. He too has tried in vain to explain one can't move that amount of earth by hand and that the vehicles parked on the road are a hazard and at risk of theft...... but she is still not listening!

I am confounded by her attitude, she gave permission apparently for the renovations to take place and presumably the owner of the cottage has some rights of access over the lane but what really confounds me is this lady's small and selfish mindedness, she I doubt has ever done a days work in her life beyond making the canapes for the monthly bridge meeting and nor does she appear to have the vaguest idea of what goes on in the world outside of her own cossetted life. All of that I could almost bear if she wasn't so damn rude and condescending, as it is I could happily poke her hard in the eye with a blunt stick but like the others I'm gonna have to tow her line.....for me that means reversing my van (no rear windows remember) onto a blind bend on exit.

As for the earth moving considerations.....who knows, that's yet to be resolved.

It's not my fight but oh how I would love just five minutes of her time!

Eekkkk, not again!

So....I plucked up the courage, I faced my fear and I had all the dental work done that was required a few months back, it took weeks, way too much time pinned helplessley in the chair...... so I could be forgiven for thinking that might be that for a while but nope!

One of the teeth that underwent major 'surgery', not but a short while ago, disintegrated again last week, so tomorrow it's back into the lions mouth (no pun intended) in a hot and shaking state of panic once more for me......

Eekkkkk

Do I look like...

....a mocha latte?!

Contentment?

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever again be a time in my life where I can just feel peaceful and contented. Nothing to worry about, no problems that seem unsurmountable, safe, secure and light of mind.

I don't ask for much eh? heh. ;o)

Ok, so I know life ain't exactly supposed to be like that, if we didn't have the crap bits we wouldn't appreciate the cool bits and we wouldn't build strength of character.... but hey, whilst I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it would be nice just for a little while to feel that chilled....

who the hell needs strength of character anyways! ;o)

A new species?

Saturday sunrise

The laughing duck had me awake this morning at 7....not good, though for someone who has to be up and at it by 5.30 in the week I suppose 7 qualifies as a lie-in! However, good or bad I woke to the most beautiful frosty sunrise, I couldn't resist and was out, unsuitably dressed in my hurry not to miss the sight almost as soon as my eyes popped open. I was utterly frozen within a few minutes and after only a short while had to give up for lack of being able to depress the shutter button with numb fingers any longer.....but it was worth it.





(Clickable)

Oh fab!

So I got in from work this afternoon to be greeted by a letter (big event, I don't get many).I opened it in anticipation........
only to find that it was the vet reminding me that Tilly's vaccination is due now. Fabulous!

I needed that like a hole in the head! :o/

Ohhhh Darling......

.....how very well done!!!!

Seems there has been something of a... er... slight 'lapse in security' somewhere here doesn't it?! (Excuse my sarcastic tone)

Apparently Alistair Darling has urged those a affected to monitor their bank accounts "for unusual activity". Perhaps I could suggest he monitor his staff for any brain activity too!

I'm just glad I don't have a child under 16!

Whoopie bloody do!

Yup, that about sums up my day...'whoopie bloody do' indeed, a fiasco from start to finish. HM and yer man might have had something to celebrate but I certainly didn't!

Let me explain.

It started at 4.30 this morning with a 100 mile drive from Cambridge to hit work for 06.30. The weather was appalling, torrential rain and winds of apparently almighty strength. I was on two hours sleep, with something odd going on in my head (no, not the usual madness, I keep suffering some strange momentary giddiness)trying to vie for position on the already overly busy M25 with what felt like most of the U.K's articulated heavy transport (no one else is daft enough to be out there at that ungodly hour). Visibility was almost non existent and why in the name of idiocy do HGV drivers insist on driving their tonnage within an inch of my boot??!! FFS, if I came to a shuddering halt unexpectedly I doubt the traffic police would find much of me and my little car left!

But I made it...only two minutes late, phew, and it was on with my day.

There was no improvement. I was soaked through courtesy of the incessant rain, within half and hour of hitting the road again, this time in the white van from hell, I had gained a steaming headache (and yes, to those of you who have nagged shown concern over my recent health I have a doctors appointment tomorrow) and an already painful shoulder was giving me more gip than usual. My phone had seemingly given up on it's endeavours to send email and every customer I encountered was grumpy...even by Monday morning standards.

But there was more. My favoured 'coffee stop', the one that gets me through the second half of my day, was closed for a refurb.....that I didn't notice until I had sailed in through the doors to be greeted by a group of workmen, my subsequent detour to the nearest 'Costa' took 10 minutes longer than anticipated and rendered me late for the rest of the day......

....and then next I got nicked for speeding!!!! Approx 34 in a 30!! I got done for speeding once before in my life....35 in a 30, Jesus! Why do I never get caught on a fast bike? Ok, probably best I don't tempt fate on that one! Yeah, I know, 'fair cop guv' and all that, but why oh why did I not realise why the oncoming traffic was flashing me so vociferously and why oh why did I not notice that the white van, secreted halfway behind a hedge, had a lens shining out prettily from a sneaky little window?!! Dippy bitch!

One might think it ended there....but one would be wrong, next I discovered a CV joint on my car has disintegrated....more money, damn car has only been out of the garage for a few days and that was something in the region of it's 8th visit this year alone.

Enough is enough, I've got the hump, I'm off to bed before anything else can fall apart on me, fall on me, fall over me, etc. etc. etc.

Ack...a freaking speeding ticket....whoopie bloody do! Anyone got a spare £60? Oh....and another for the insurance hike....and a good answer for my boss when the ticket lands in his mail.

*Not checked for spelling or punctuation....too miffed to care!

Exhibit one!

Apparently one's drink of choice, in this case Leffe Blonde tastes way better if it can be consumed from the appropriate receptacle.

To this end I have committed a grave sin (well they just don't sell the Leffe glass at any retailers I can find) I have 'purloined' one from the local establishment that regularly serves 'himself' this delight. I would make an appalling thief, I was 'all of a dither' just trying to find a suitable moment to lift this one small object of desire.... but more worryingly not only did I manage to relieve them of said glass but I went equipped.....I took an appropriately sized handbag with me in which to conceal my quarry!

I'm going straight to hell! ;o)

Yet another haircut nightmare!

Why is it that each time I visit the hairdressers the event has a habit of turning rapidly from the relaxing, pampering experience it is suggested to us it will be into something of an ordeal?

It is well documented here how a number of my past appointments have degenerated rapidly from pleasure to pain over the years..... and again this week my endeavours at an hours relaxation and attention in the barnet department turned out not to be quite what was expected! Ok, so perhaps I should by now expect that it will not be all I wish for, but somehow I keep having faith only to go through the same realisation as I sit trapped in the chair that my faith is misplaced!

So, having managed for a year (yet again) to grow my hair into something resembling 'girly' on Monday my patience with hairdryers, straighteners and unending time faffing wore out and off I went to have it all chopped off again! Hey, I have to get out of the house for work by 6.00 am and I wear a crash helmet....'pretty' hair is just not appropriate....and anyways I can't be bothered!

Hence it was that I walked into the salon on Monday afternoon looking forward to my relaxing Indian head massage and a new look, gentle music playing, good coffee in hand and soothing things happening to my head.

Nope....what I got was a bloody building site! It seems there were 'improvement works in progress',for my future comfort I was promised ( I don't want damn future comfort I want it now please). My relaxing hour turned into something more reminiscent of an assault course! There was plaster dust absolutely everywhere, the water from the shower heads seemed to have lost all vestiges of pressure which rendered me sitting at the torturous 'back wash' for an age, refreshments were non-existent and instead of gentle music there was an accompaniment of a kango hammer, constant drilling and a circular saw!

How lovely!

There is of course always a silver lining....I didn't have to tolerate the inane drivel that usually purports to be conversation with the stylist, a few sentences shouted regarding 'what I wanted done' was all she could manage..... and I did finally get my short hair cut!

Really, if I win the lottery one time, my first consideration will be a personal stylist!

Collecting 'Sgt. Podge'

I can't begin to explain THIS but it's hilarious! :o)

I need.....

...me one of these!




Some things you just have to share!

and if 'anyone' so much as mentions bacon.....

The bloody laughing duck!

So, I profess to be being a lover of all things natural (spiders excepted of course), be they blessed with fur or wings, leaves, flower heads or natural phenomenon I have a passion for them.....but just occasionally something is sent to test us.

That 'something' is a duck, a duck that has prompted intermittently, consideration from 'some parties' for a shot gun to be readily at hand! This of course has been met by myself with the loudest of protestations though I do have a degree of understanding.

Aforementioned duck lives on the river that runs immediately parallel to Fletch's flat, a beautiful spot, much of natural beauty to behold with the exception of the one offending duck.

The winged creature in question has a very particular call, it sounds like it is laughing raucously, continuously, all day long until nightfall, but that is not where it falls out of favour, where is pushes the bounds of a love for nature is that it would give even the most experienced crowing cockerel a run for it's money in the morning wake up call department!

The damnable thing kicks off it's laughing exploits at approx. 4 in the morning, relentlessly,noisily, annoyingly, come hell or high water it doesn't shut up, once it's started it's started, no stopping and not even the closing of the well fitting double glazed windows deadens it's ability to end a good nights sleep abruptly, day after day!

Ugh....maybe Fletch has a point, anyone got a shotgun?! ;o)

What's in there?

A meme....it's been a while and I fancied an lazy post so I stole this from 'burning the ground'.

1. What’s in your medicine cabinet? I don't have a medicine cabinet (there's a requirement for one's own home for that) but I do have a medicine 'basket' full of er...medicine! Oh, was I supposed to be specific? Ok, backup supplies of the meds I use long term, important papers that I can't be bothered to file away properly and 'girly' stuff. Probably the odd software CD too, it tends to be a general dumping spot.

2. What’s in your wallet? About £200, I hate carrying cash but bankrupts don't have the luxury of plastic, my driving licence, old receipts, an old train ticket, a pre-paid prescription certificate and my E111.

3. What’s in your bag/briefcase/backpack/purse? Heavens above, I cant list all that, I have one of each with me most of the time! OK, I'll try:

Backpack: Permanently packed with clothes and survival kit for my transitory lifestyle.

Bag: Ok, this is my lappy bag....contents, um, a lappy, cables/dongle/camera/batteries, papers, CD's, the odd DVD and probably a book.

Handbag: Small scale transitory life survival kit. Purse, cigarettes, memory sticks, phone,headset, various meds and 'girly things',keys, hairbrush, and little sentimental souvenirs I pick up here and there, a pebble from the top of Grossglockner, a tile from a Spanish swimming pool(don't ask)a tiny conker, one of Tilly's wiskers and a lock of someone's hair!(no one mention the 'sentimental old bint' phrase!)

4. What’s in your glove box? CD’s, service book for the car, phone and headset chargers, spare cigarettes, chocolate and my pay slips....I don't know why I keep those there!

5. What’s in your imagination? This is a family site, I couldn't possibly tell you that!

Tornado??!!

One of my long held life ambitions has been to experience a tornado, the weather/windy kind not the aircraft, though I wouldn't turn an opportunity to do that down either!

Well, WOW, maybe I just experienced a life ambition in a small way, right here, on my way home from work in little old England!!!

So what happened? I had just parked up outside the house on my return from white van hell, when the heavens opened, I mean this was instant and absolutely torrential rain where previously there had been nothing.


I was still in my parked car so I turned on my wipers to see. Moments later all hell seemed to break loose, there had been a slight breeze but suddenly there was mayhem on a small scale. Leaves recently shed from the trees advanced up the road at me in a rapid spiralling motion, recycling bins were lifted into the air, a good 15 foot high, and rained down around me (one hit the car....don't ask, I haven't dared look yet), their lids became detached and the contents became airborne and twirling at high speed everywhere..... and then there was the sound.....immediate, thunderous but not thunder, like nothing I've ever heard before.

The whole incident lasted maybe a minute, I wanted to get out of the car and video it but I couldn't open the door against the wind so I just sat, not quite sure what I was watching, thinking WOW...WOW...WOW......amazing....absolutely amazing!!!

....and then as fast as it had arrived it was gone, leaving only heavy rain and a mess of bins, papers, leaves and loose road signs in it's wake.

A tornado? I don't know, I'm not meteorologist and I didn't see it approach but it seemed suspiciously like a little tiny one to me.....anyone hear any reports of any in the U.K. today?

Whatever it was it was pretty cool, pretty amazing stuff and has reinforced my wish to go on a storm chasing holiday someday!

Wow....just wow!

Next please

That's the next weekend to which I am referring, I've kinda had enough of this week already, I know, it's only Wednesday but somehow it's not turning into one of my better of this years 52!

I'm not really sure why but I have the 'right hump', I'm tired, miserable and cold, I've had a bloody headache for days and I am completely without any single iota of motivation!

I'm sick to death of the white van and all it entails, I've had enough of making sodding sandwiches and given the option (which of course I'm not) I would happily sit in a warm corner somewhere and sulk for a while.

I have tried all the usual tricks for cheering myself up...to no avail, even a small amount of retail therapy (which I can ill afford, don't start me on the finances issue!) has been unsuccessful along with the usual chocolate therapy, more failure.

Yup, I need it to be the weekend, I need to play for a day or two.......


....and if anyone dares mention PMT....just don't! ;o)

Motivation!

For more and better go HERE! ;o)

Silly me!

Home office minister Liam Byrne, who has campaigned for road safety extensively, was today convicted of using a hand held mobile phone whilst driving.

In mitigation of his behaviour he said in a letter to the court that he was taking "an important call on a deportation matter"!

I seem to have missed the piece in the legislation that allows for that.

Oh, silly me!


Happy weekend guys :o)

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