Summer lovin'

As is my way in these days of unemployment, yesterday afternoon I spent some time just sitting in the sun in the local park, reading a book and watching the world and the ducks go by.

As ever there was the usual mix of small children playing, babies in pushchairs, teenagers 'hanging out' and the more senior among us just enjoying the sun and the chance to take the air for a while.

A short distance from me I noticed a courting couple, as ever there is dotted around the place, lying in the sun on the grass happily enjoying a moment or two of sun-bathed cuddles. Contrary to those who disapprove of such public displays of affection I actually quite like to see it, it's a small reminder that there are still happy things in the world and that love does still exist...all is not lost. Ok, it might in part make me feel a little lonely in my current situation sometimes but I still find it a nice sight.

But, I digress. This particular couple it transpired were to give me a moment of feeling maybe things in this strange old world we inhabit are improving in some respects, that just maybe we are moving forward and in a positive fashion.

It was only a while later as I walked passed these two individuals that I realised two things, the first was that they were both guys and the second was that one of them was caucasian and the other Asian.

I'm sure there will be people out there who would have some complaint, we can't I suppose eradicate all homophobia or racism over night but it warmed my heart to see that this particular couple felt relaxed and safe enough together to be as they were and in that little moment and embody some hope that perhaps one day we can live in a world without prejudice.

Busy getting better!

Life seems to have become somewhat hectic of late, due in the main to the fact that TP's small surgery a couple of weeks ago is taking slightly longer to recover from than first anticipated.

All is well, it's just slower going than we had expected and as he isn't allowed to drive for now and my mother can't, all driving duties are for a short time, mine. The upside is that I get to have a decent car for a few weeks as opposed to trying to drag the crap car from place to place and I can't say that I much relish having to return to it anytime soon, hell, no electric windows or power assisted steering to name but a few! Ppfftt.

We are up against something of a time issue with this recovery process too because next weekend it will be 50 years since my parents married (jeez, 50 years....given my relationship history that seems pretty damn impressive, if something of an impossibility) and there is a big celebration with overnight stay etc. planned at a local hotel. TP has to be fit by then and so this coming week will be concentrated on that goal...which will be achieved without doubt!

Believe me, you don't do 50 years of marriage and then miss your own party! ;o)

How to change a tyre!

Madness...but I can't help but be impressed! ;o)

I'm me!

The last few months of my life have been a pretty steep learning curve in one way and another and situations and emotions I thought, or at least hoped, I would never have to face, I have had to look hard in the eye at a time when I mistakenly imagined I was begining to get my life in some semlance of order and be in the place emotionally that I had always wanted to be.

No-one's life is always straightforward and there are many with far greater difficulties than mine to face. We are each the sum of our own individual life experience, we all have our personal ups and downs, our happy times and our sad and it's those experiences, the good and the bad shape us and make us the individuals we are.

I have learned, I hope, a considerable amount about myself and about others over the last three months. Most of it I would have been only too glad to have never had to learn but the option wasn't mine to choose, so having been thrown in the deep end without a life jacket so to speak, I had two choices, sink or swim. I chose to swim, though as those who are closest to me would tell you, I did a fair amount of just treading water trying not to drown, while I mustered the strength and decided which!

I'm still some way from 'fixed' but I'm also a long way from where I was three months ago and emotionally, if not yet practically, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I've learned, if nothing else, that I am who I am and never again will I try to be someone I'm not. I'm me....and I kinda even like some bits of me! The other bits are a work in progress.

I'm far from perfect, I probably have more than my fair share of 'quirks', I make mistakes, I make poor choices, I fuck up spectacularly sometimes and I'm certainly not all 'sugar and spice'......but there's some okay bits in there too and I'll be damned if I'm going to go through life any longer trying to please everyone.

My bio in my profile here has long said that 'one of the things I have learned in half a lifetime' is that 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'.... so maybe it's time I stopped trying and started living my life my way. I can't morph into something I'm not to suit others and I'm not even sure anymore that I want to.

I'm me, I have always been me, I will always be me and those who don't like it can do the other thing!

Done and dusted!

It's been a mad few days consisting in the main of driving to and from hospital to visit TP and fighting the hospital's shambolic car parking system. I have yet to have the pleasure of any hospital car park (and believe me there's been a few of late) that does actually operate in a fashion that might assist it's patients, this one certainly didn't and it took me anything up to an hour of aimless driving around in circles on each visit until I could ditch the car anywhere at all.

And then we pay for this privilege!?

How cardiac care units aren't full to the gunnels, purely from the effects on patients and visitors of trying to park amazes me, I'm sure my blood pressure was considerably elevated by each foray and I certainly didn't arrive cool, calm and collected, rater more, hot, harassed and very un-collected!

But, it was all worth it, TP's procedure went to plan, the recovery was text book and so far so good, it appears to have done what it was intended to do and been a complete success. As a consequence, this morning, still half asleep and with bed head in my case bright and early he was turfed out back into the real world and into the care of my mother and myself, god help him! ;o)

So that's another stage in the whole long process about done and dusted and another positive step forward.

Fingers crossed that the next phase goes as well.

The home run

This next week will be one of returning to the 'occupation' of taxi and visiting services.

Today TP goes back into hospital for what will hopefully be the last leg of his treatment. Assuming this goes well it should be the last in-patient stint in the whole protracted affair.

This time it's relatively minor 'tidying up' surgery to complete the process that was begun a year ago and hopefully it won't be too traumatic, though I have to say, any surgery seems pretty traumatic to me but then I am not one of the world's brave souls where such things are concerned!

The 'action' isn't until tomorrow but various things require stabilising before commencement and hence the early admission.

It is thus that things may be a little quiet in these parts for a few days.

Now, where my chauffeurs cap............

'Reach' by Luke Randall

This is so fab but so sad!

From The short film corner, Cannes 2009. Details here.

One year on - Kicking cancer

Those of you who visit here loyally and regularly will recall perhaps this post a while back documenting the ongoing recovery of 'TP' from a rarely survivable form of cancer.

Well, it's been a year since he underwent very major surgery to begin the process of attempting to eradicate those particularly nasty little cells from where they had decided to set up home!

It's been a year of very significant ups and downs, of hospital visits so numerable that one almost requires a P.A. to keep a track of them all to ensure attendance at the appropriate time, of so many meds we have to have charts to keep track, of disruption and sleepless nights...and of course my being royally dumped in the middle of it all just to add to everyone's stresses and upset (nice timing!) but thus far it has all paid off pretty impressively. There's still a way to go, TP has to undergo one more small surgery next week and the original surgery has quite some impact on lifestyle but much has been achieved in the year since it all began.

What prompted this post? Well, we attended The Churchill Hospital in Oxford (don't mention the parking issues!)on Friday for the first of the 'one year' checks and TP passed with flying colours, there are more to come of course, the most scary of which is the one year scan in a month or two, but so far so good.

We all know of course that those in the know in professional oncology circles never make promises, never talk of cure and hate to offer prognoses but it's looking good to date and the odds have already been beaten by a mile.

*For the history follow this link.

*For the image see here.

Hmmmm....

.....it would appear I am having something of a blogging 'dry spell'!

My mind just doesn't seem to be coming up with anything worth putting out there, or even not worth putting out there!...Doubtless it will pass as it has on previous occasions and I'll be back to bore you all rigid with codswallop again any day now!

;o)

Thundery skies

Sunday evening, 'post storm'.



(Clickable)

Direct hit!

Picture the scene. Friday afternoon and I'm pottering my lazy way into town, minding my own business and in my own little world. I walk everywhere now if I can and I kind of enjoy it...save for the occasional incident.

So, there I am, almost into the center of town, still lost in my own little world when suddenly 'sploosh', without warning and bringing me out of my reverie instantly, I am soaked through, the hair I had actually bothered to 'do' saturated, mascara running down my cheek instead of on my eyelashes and my entire right side wet through!

Startled I looked up to see a small boy on the top deck of a passing, rush hour speed bus, retracting a bottle of water back through the window...the bottle of water he had just emptied, for fun, on top of my head. Gotta admire his aim, he achieved a perfect direct hit!

He and his mates were laughing heartily as you might imagine. I didn't miss a step, looked up at them, poked my tongue out and laughed out loud. I'm not entirely sure that was the reaction they were expecting or hoping for but it was pretty funny! :o)

Sunday silliness!

Very lazy cheaty post but you gotta love Lolcats/elephants/foxes!

That must have been...

...summer then?

From this....


Back today to that which we have come to expect of an English summer!

If..........

.....I had much to say I would say it but life seems just to be kind of pottering along at the moment in a fairly uneventful manner with little of note to report. I am of course not complaining, after the last few months 'issues' just to begin to feel slightly 'normal' (don't say it those of you I know will be tempted!) now and again is pretty acceptable and I'm trying my best to see the positive side of my situation.

Ok, so I don't have a job and that has all the obvious negatives but I can't change that immediately, I can only keep looking and waiting, but in the meantime I have made a concious decision to try and not worry about it unendingly. Worrying won't alter the world's current financial situation and it certainly help won't find me work! The only thing it will serve to achieve is to make me more miserable, so for now I'm trying to count my blessings and concentrate on how lucky I am in other aspects of my life..... and how to be able to spend my days sat in the sun in the park reading and watching the world go by isn't all bad!

Yes, it might not be ideal to say the least, but it could be worse, and I've come to the conclusion that life's just too bloody short! So I haven't got a job and I haven't got any money but I do have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, people who love me and who I love and some pretty amazing friends...and those are the things in life that ultimately matter, people, living life, loving and caring and accepting that not everything is always within our control.

I might not be able to maintain a positive approach always and there might be much I would like to change if I could but beating my head against the proverbial wall to achive things that for now I can't, isn't going to help!

'My' cygnets

At last I got to take a few pictures of 'my' cygnets' the ones I have watched from their early days as eggs, through to now when they are three weeks old.

There were six, in the last week one has 'disappeared' but the remaining five thus far seem safe and well :o)




(Clickable) More HERE.