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Monday, 25 April 2011
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Half a century!
So, last Wednesday, yes, the 13th wouldn't you know it, saw me reach my half century!
I can't believe it, where did all that time go, I certainly don't feel like I was there for all of it and as I'm sure everyone bleats, I definitely don't feel it! I'm not entirely sure exactly what age I do feel but it's not fifty, for heavens sake. Anywhere between about eight and twenty eight (occasionally about ninety eighthttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif, I'll admit), depending on the day, would be closer.....but there is no denying it. I am FIFTY and I don't like it one tiny little bit.
No other age bothered me, until this one they were all just numbers but this one bugs me, big time...jeez, even Saga will be at my door now bothering me with their unwanted attentions. Ergh.
I'm not exactly sure why I have such an issue with it, I really didn't think I would have. Maybe it's because my life is far from the place I ever dreamt it would be at this stage and even further from where I would like it to be...or maybe it's just that it sounds so bloody, heinously old, dammit!
Whatever, thus far I have not been persuaded to embrace this particular birthday....though I did have a good day despite it all! :)
I can't believe it, where did all that time go, I certainly don't feel like I was there for all of it and as I'm sure everyone bleats, I definitely don't feel it! I'm not entirely sure exactly what age I do feel but it's not fifty, for heavens sake. Anywhere between about eight and twenty eight (occasionally about ninety eighthttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif, I'll admit), depending on the day, would be closer.....but there is no denying it. I am FIFTY and I don't like it one tiny little bit.
No other age bothered me, until this one they were all just numbers but this one bugs me, big time...jeez, even Saga will be at my door now bothering me with their unwanted attentions. Ergh.
I'm not exactly sure why I have such an issue with it, I really didn't think I would have. Maybe it's because my life is far from the place I ever dreamt it would be at this stage and even further from where I would like it to be...or maybe it's just that it sounds so bloody, heinously old, dammit!
Whatever, thus far I have not been persuaded to embrace this particular birthday....though I did have a good day despite it all! :)
Friday, 8 April 2011
Can anything else go wrong?
The answer to that is a resounding YES!
Wouldn't you just know it.
I don't know right now if I am more angry, disappointed, worried or just plain scared but mostly I just feel completely floored.
This of course concerns my imminent and necessary move of residence. I have maybe six to eight weeks left until I have to actually move from here and as my last post illustrated it hasn't been an easy task finding somewhere I could even remotely hope to afford.
However, after months of my brother and myself doing much hand wringing, brainstorming, manipulating of figures and plotting and planning we were almost there. In fact probably literally only a few weeks from my having my very own tiny home, some privacy, some self esteem, somewhere to call my own (in so much as renting can ever be) at last. I was so excited, I hardly dared believe it, it would have been tough financially, no more coffee in Nero's etc. etc. and it would have taken every last penny to keep said roof over my head but it would have been worth it, so worth it.
You will notice I speak in the past tense, for today, out of the blue, I was informed that the working tax credit I was awarded nine months ago is being cut. We are not talking pennies here, we are talking upward of a fifth of my entire income....which when you have no disposable income at all makes the whole thing fall apart instantly. Fin.
I've checked it out, there is no error (other than the minutiae of the bloody legislation in the first place), there is nothing I can do.
I can't really even bring myself to talk about it right now without risking dissolving into tears.
There is no 'Plan B'...we were already at about 'Plan G'.
Fuck...sorry but just FUCK! :(
Oh...and to add to my woes I'm 50 next week and this isn't even close to where I imagined my life to be with half a century gone. I feel very old!
Wouldn't you just know it.
I don't know right now if I am more angry, disappointed, worried or just plain scared but mostly I just feel completely floored.
This of course concerns my imminent and necessary move of residence. I have maybe six to eight weeks left until I have to actually move from here and as my last post illustrated it hasn't been an easy task finding somewhere I could even remotely hope to afford.
However, after months of my brother and myself doing much hand wringing, brainstorming, manipulating of figures and plotting and planning we were almost there. In fact probably literally only a few weeks from my having my very own tiny home, some privacy, some self esteem, somewhere to call my own (in so much as renting can ever be) at last. I was so excited, I hardly dared believe it, it would have been tough financially, no more coffee in Nero's etc. etc. and it would have taken every last penny to keep said roof over my head but it would have been worth it, so worth it.
You will notice I speak in the past tense, for today, out of the blue, I was informed that the working tax credit I was awarded nine months ago is being cut. We are not talking pennies here, we are talking upward of a fifth of my entire income....which when you have no disposable income at all makes the whole thing fall apart instantly. Fin.
I've checked it out, there is no error (other than the minutiae of the bloody legislation in the first place), there is nothing I can do.
I can't really even bring myself to talk about it right now without risking dissolving into tears.
There is no 'Plan B'...we were already at about 'Plan G'.
Fuck...sorry but just FUCK! :(
Oh...and to add to my woes I'm 50 next week and this isn't even close to where I imagined my life to be with half a century gone. I feel very old!
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