These images were taken in what was my local town today, dammit! ;)
Showing posts with label Scotland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scotland. Show all posts
Monday, 29 November 2010
How typical....
....the whole four years I lived in Scotland, why did this never happen and today it has?!!
These images were taken in what was my local town today, dammit! ;)
© J. W. of Welcome to my world.
These images were taken in what was my local town today, dammit! ;)
Monday, 18 August 2008
I'll be brief....
(I know that will make a nice change won't it!).....because I have to go sleep.
Last night's itinerary;
Out for early dinner and a beer, early night (no smut please) in readiness for a 4am start today to get Fletch on his flight.
Easy.
WRONG!!
The actuality;
Early dinner and a beer, very relaxing in readiness for the 4am start. Bed early....all went horribly wrong.
Bed collapsed, making big scary cracking noise (honestly we were sleeping), spend hour trying to fix in sleepy miffed state, couldn't fix, grumpy and very unrelaxed. Back to now very sloping and unstable bed, much rolling downhill, no sleep until 3.30am, up at 4.00am, drive to Luton, fight annoyingly happy Tenerife/Malaga hordes. Drop off very tired Fletch dragging bags through heavy rain to terminal, drive home in still very heavy rain, struggle to stay awake, miss last turning (bugger), do extra 20 miles, make it home, get tool box, mend bed (no mean feat)!
Moral of the story: Don't buy an Ikea bed!
Sleep, I need sleep........
*Update;
Fletch's flight delayed, missed connecting train, stuck in middle of nowhere waiting for next one...two hour wait. Total estimated travelling time Luton-Scotland: 10 hours!!! This week is starting well then I see.
Last night's itinerary;
Out for early dinner and a beer, early night (no smut please) in readiness for a 4am start today to get Fletch on his flight.
Easy.
WRONG!!
The actuality;
Early dinner and a beer, very relaxing in readiness for the 4am start. Bed early....all went horribly wrong.
Bed collapsed, making big scary cracking noise (honestly we were sleeping), spend hour trying to fix in sleepy miffed state, couldn't fix, grumpy and very unrelaxed. Back to now very sloping and unstable bed, much rolling downhill, no sleep until 3.30am, up at 4.00am, drive to Luton, fight annoyingly happy Tenerife/Malaga hordes. Drop off very tired Fletch dragging bags through heavy rain to terminal, drive home in still very heavy rain, struggle to stay awake, miss last turning (bugger), do extra 20 miles, make it home, get tool box, mend bed (no mean feat)!
Moral of the story: Don't buy an Ikea bed!
Sleep, I need sleep........
*Update;
Fletch's flight delayed, missed connecting train, stuck in middle of nowhere waiting for next one...two hour wait. Total estimated travelling time Luton-Scotland: 10 hours!!! This week is starting well then I see.
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
The perfect birthday
You have to be impressed by a man who not only lets you have chips and apple pie from McDonald's for breakfast on your birthday but also presents you with a big bag of presents and chocolate and then, way beyond the call of duty, organises a trip to a National Trust property...... just because they have a farm with lots of 'lambing action' going on. If there is one thing guaranteed to make me happy it's anything with fur and four legs and particularly new lambs. :o)
Ok, so fair comment, a National Trust property isn't our 'thing' by a long chalk, all those verynicemiddleclass families with hordes of screaming kids in their Barbour wellies just don't do it for us but the lambs do, well for me they do.
Fletch prefers his very rare on a plate with an elegant sauce (ugh!) but I have a passion for the living kind and since I left Scotland my annual small pleasure in watching the new born lambs playing in the fields has been severely lacking.
So, Sunday, off we went to Wimpole Hall, the aforementioned NT posh residence, not for the architecture or the Capability Brown gardens....nope for the farm, in search of lambs....and lambs we found, lots and lots of them, many only a few hours old and so utterly cuddly and cute....and daft! :o) And not only lambs, but donkeys, pigs with piglets, cows with calves, chicks of various breeds and big shire horses
......it was positive plethora of 'awwww-ness'....and ok, this farm facility was no doubt really intended for the under 10's but who cares, I loved it....and Fletch soldiered on bravely. ;o)
Then it was home to have dinner cooked for me, my favourite rich chocolate souffle for pudding, chocolates and more chocolates and my choice of movie, The Shawshank Redemption (incidentally a 9.2 on the IMDb scale).....the perfect 'gemmak' birthday.
Thank you to he who organised it all :o)
(Images clickable)
Ok, so fair comment, a National Trust property isn't our 'thing' by a long chalk, all those verynicemiddleclass families with hordes of screaming kids in their Barbour wellies just don't do it for us but the lambs do, well for me they do.
Fletch prefers his very rare on a plate with an elegant sauce (ugh!) but I have a passion for the living kind and since I left Scotland my annual small pleasure in watching the new born lambs playing in the fields has been severely lacking.
So, Sunday, off we went to Wimpole Hall, the aforementioned NT posh residence, not for the architecture or the Capability Brown gardens....nope for the farm, in search of lambs....and lambs we found, lots and lots of them, many only a few hours old and so utterly cuddly and cute....and daft! :o) And not only lambs, but donkeys, pigs with piglets, cows with calves, chicks of various breeds and big shire horses
......it was positive plethora of 'awwww-ness'....and ok, this farm facility was no doubt really intended for the under 10's but who cares, I loved it....and Fletch soldiered on bravely. ;o)
Then it was home to have dinner cooked for me, my favourite rich chocolate souffle for pudding, chocolates and more chocolates and my choice of movie, The Shawshank Redemption (incidentally a 9.2 on the IMDb scale).....the perfect 'gemmak' birthday.
Thank you to he who organised it all :o)
(Images clickable)
Saturday, 23 February 2008
'Moving' on
So, the days of the white van are over, there are one or two more tales from that nasty but occasionally amusing era I will likely regale you with in the near future but for the time being they can wait, it's the weekend and I have other fish to fry (no Lisa not carp! ;o))
Ok, let's be a little more specific here.
Yesterday was quite a significant day in my little life, for more reasons than the demise of the white van.
The job having been dispensed with in relative silence, because once my notice had been given my delightful employer decided to relegate me to the status of persona non grata,(not surprisingly there was a very definite lack of 'goodbye and good luck' speeches) the true purpose of the day got underway.....that of moving house, which might go some way to explaining my sudden state of voluntary unemployment. Really, though it might surprise you I am not quite mad enough to ditch one job without another to go to with no good reason, the reasons just couldn't be blogged until all interested parties were personally informed.
So, 'post employment' I loaded my little car with all my worldly possessions, there are not many, I have moved so often over the years I have learned to 'travel light' and much was left in Scotland never to be seen again, bid au revoir to my parents and hit the motorway en route for a new home and a new life near Cambridge.
Those of you who read this regularly or know me well may draw your own conclusions from the geographical location and will very likely draw the correct conclusion, but I will say no more other than on Monday, the full time occupation of finding a full time occupation begins in seriousness and today a new phase in my life is beginning.
:o)))
Ok, let's be a little more specific here.
Yesterday was quite a significant day in my little life, for more reasons than the demise of the white van.
The job having been dispensed with in relative silence, because once my notice had been given my delightful employer decided to relegate me to the status of persona non grata,(not surprisingly there was a very definite lack of 'goodbye and good luck' speeches) the true purpose of the day got underway.....that of moving house, which might go some way to explaining my sudden state of voluntary unemployment. Really, though it might surprise you I am not quite mad enough to ditch one job without another to go to with no good reason, the reasons just couldn't be blogged until all interested parties were personally informed.
So, 'post employment' I loaded my little car with all my worldly possessions, there are not many, I have moved so often over the years I have learned to 'travel light' and much was left in Scotland never to be seen again, bid au revoir to my parents and hit the motorway en route for a new home and a new life near Cambridge.
Those of you who read this regularly or know me well may draw your own conclusions from the geographical location and will very likely draw the correct conclusion, but I will say no more other than on Monday, the full time occupation of finding a full time occupation begins in seriousness and today a new phase in my life is beginning.
:o)))
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Double take
Friday evening on my usual mind numbing sit in the parking lane journey via the M25 to Cambridge I stopped, as ever I do, to relieve the boredom and acquire a coffee at a the usual faceless service station. Twice a week I stop there, nothing ever changes, I could find my way to the coffee machine and the bathroom blindfold and Friday held no promise of anything different.
So I headed to the 'ladies', usual comatose state of mind prevalent and on walking out, taking a quick glance in the mirror instead of looking where I was going, I walked smack bang into someone. I hastily apologised for my clumsiness and walked away but as I did so I realised I had seen that face before. I turned round to look again at the victim of my clumsiness, to see her looking back at me...it was one of those moments when one does a double take.....we both realised at the same moment that we knew the other and fell immediately into animated conversation.
The woman in question had been a teenager the last time I saw her, about a 1000 years ago, ok maybe closer to ten but it seemed forever! She had been at university at the time and we worked together when she was on holidays, we had been quite good buddies but when she left and I moved to Scotland we lost touch completely.
So, we stood for maybe an hour catching up to the sound of hand dryers and flushing toilets, too riveted in our gossiping to think of moving elsewhere and eventually parted with an exchange of email addresses and a promise to meet up again soon.
I love it when that kinda stuff happens! :o)
So I headed to the 'ladies', usual comatose state of mind prevalent and on walking out, taking a quick glance in the mirror instead of looking where I was going, I walked smack bang into someone. I hastily apologised for my clumsiness and walked away but as I did so I realised I had seen that face before. I turned round to look again at the victim of my clumsiness, to see her looking back at me...it was one of those moments when one does a double take.....we both realised at the same moment that we knew the other and fell immediately into animated conversation.
The woman in question had been a teenager the last time I saw her, about a 1000 years ago, ok maybe closer to ten but it seemed forever! She had been at university at the time and we worked together when she was on holidays, we had been quite good buddies but when she left and I moved to Scotland we lost touch completely.
So, we stood for maybe an hour catching up to the sound of hand dryers and flushing toilets, too riveted in our gossiping to think of moving elsewhere and eventually parted with an exchange of email addresses and a promise to meet up again soon.
I love it when that kinda stuff happens! :o)
Saturday, 6 October 2007
Shoplifting seagull!
This came to me in three emails yesterday from different corners of the world....I have no idea how true it is but the 'lottery' sign is definitely a UK thing and it's very funny! :o)
"A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighbourhood shop. The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds!
The seagulls shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland and helped himself to a bag of chips..Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips and customers have begun paying for the stolen bags because they think it's so funny".
"A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighbourhood shop. The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds!
The seagulls shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland and helped himself to a bag of chips..Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips and customers have begun paying for the stolen bags because they think it's so funny".
Sunday, 15 July 2007
Sunset in St Ives
Saturday night, St. Ives, Cambridgeshire......I don't think I've seen one as good as this since I left Scotland.
Amazing!
(Clickable)
Amazing!
(Clickable)
Friday, 25 May 2007
One year on
Today marks a year since I made the decision to leave Scotland, at times it seems like no time at all but at others it seems like a lifetime ago.
The day I left was a very difficult one for all of the obvious reasons but I think with the benefit of hindsight, whilst I anticipated my immediate future would be likely very hard, I didn't anticipate quite how hard it would be or just how many hurdles I would have to get over along the way.
I really didn't think for instance that I would have to declare myself bankrupt, I thought that ultimately I would find another way, I didn't imagine that a year on I would still be living with my parents and I certainly never anticipated the very worst of the problems I encountered.....that I would lose Tilly. But I did.
There were many things I didn't anticipate, some I have blogged about over the year, some I have not because they invade the privacy of others or are just too personal for even me to put out on the world wide web. There have been moments when I began to be live I wouldn't make it, there have been small triumphs, there has been many tears and dark times but there have been some truly amazing times too and maybe along the way I have learnt a little.
One thing I have learnt for sure is that it's when the crap hits the fan that you discover who in your life can truly be relied upon, regardless of how difficult things get and just how important those people are. I have had hammered home to me the value of the small things in life, of noticing the sunrise, the raindrops on a leaf, a rabbit running or the sight of a newborn calf laying in the grass. Without those small daily pleasures I think I might have gone mad at some times when all I seemed to do for weeks on end was worry about one thing or another.
Many, many things have surprised me but most of all what has surprised me is that I have made it through this far....whilst still maintaining some degree of sanity. I have climbed mountains I never thought I could and coped with situations, sometimes well and sometimes very badly, that had you asked me a year ago I wouldn't have thought I could deal with at all. But cope I did, one way or another.
It's not been a year that I would like to re-live but there have been some high points and some very special times and for those, and those who made them possible I am extremely grateful, as I am to all who stuck by me and helped drag me kicking and screaming this far.
Maybe along the way I have become stronger, I hope so even if it is only a little stronger and maybe with a modicum of luck the next year will be an improvement on the last.
So.....Thank you to my small band of staunch supporters, you know who you are but you will never know just how much I appreciate you.
The day I left was a very difficult one for all of the obvious reasons but I think with the benefit of hindsight, whilst I anticipated my immediate future would be likely very hard, I didn't anticipate quite how hard it would be or just how many hurdles I would have to get over along the way.
I really didn't think for instance that I would have to declare myself bankrupt, I thought that ultimately I would find another way, I didn't imagine that a year on I would still be living with my parents and I certainly never anticipated the very worst of the problems I encountered.....that I would lose Tilly. But I did.
There were many things I didn't anticipate, some I have blogged about over the year, some I have not because they invade the privacy of others or are just too personal for even me to put out on the world wide web. There have been moments when I began to be live I wouldn't make it, there have been small triumphs, there has been many tears and dark times but there have been some truly amazing times too and maybe along the way I have learnt a little.
One thing I have learnt for sure is that it's when the crap hits the fan that you discover who in your life can truly be relied upon, regardless of how difficult things get and just how important those people are. I have had hammered home to me the value of the small things in life, of noticing the sunrise, the raindrops on a leaf, a rabbit running or the sight of a newborn calf laying in the grass. Without those small daily pleasures I think I might have gone mad at some times when all I seemed to do for weeks on end was worry about one thing or another.
Many, many things have surprised me but most of all what has surprised me is that I have made it through this far....whilst still maintaining some degree of sanity. I have climbed mountains I never thought I could and coped with situations, sometimes well and sometimes very badly, that had you asked me a year ago I wouldn't have thought I could deal with at all. But cope I did, one way or another.
It's not been a year that I would like to re-live but there have been some high points and some very special times and for those, and those who made them possible I am extremely grateful, as I am to all who stuck by me and helped drag me kicking and screaming this far.
Maybe along the way I have become stronger, I hope so even if it is only a little stronger and maybe with a modicum of luck the next year will be an improvement on the last.
So.....Thank you to my small band of staunch supporters, you know who you are but you will never know just how much I appreciate you.
Thursday, 8 March 2007
'Tosh'
There was a time when I lived on my computer....and then I left Scotland, clutching only a laptop..... which duly died a death (wouldn't you know it) a few months later! :o( Since that day my time online has been much limited, we bankrupts don't have credit cards and money has been tight to say the least so I had to learn a whole new computer-less way of life.
It was not all bad I have to admit, I even read books for a time but the now, courtesy of much saving and a very generous 'donation' from a friend (thank you, thank you, thank you) I have a brand new, sparkly, shiny, wonderful, amazing laptop all of my own again! Yayyyyy.
The thing is fabulous, it has more ram, more storage, a faster processor and more of a thousand other facilities than ever I had before and I love it.....ok, so maybe 'Vista' will take a little getting used to but hey...I need a challenge!
....and there is more to come, my father has promised to install a wireless connection asap..... so I can sit around in a corner somewhere and connect to my hearts content once more! :o)
It was not all bad I have to admit, I even read books for a time but the now, courtesy of much saving and a very generous 'donation' from a friend (thank you, thank you, thank you) I have a brand new, sparkly, shiny, wonderful, amazing laptop all of my own again! Yayyyyy.
The thing is fabulous, it has more ram, more storage, a faster processor and more of a thousand other facilities than ever I had before and I love it.....ok, so maybe 'Vista' will take a little getting used to but hey...I need a challenge!
....and there is more to come, my father has promised to install a wireless connection asap..... so I can sit around in a corner somewhere and connect to my hearts content once more! :o)
Wednesday, 16 August 2006
Only the good die young
Way back in the 70's when I started my second job I met and made friends with a couple who went on to remain friends until this day although over the last few hectic years we had seen little of each other, relying instead, whilst I was in Scotland, on phone calls to keep up.
'A' and 'M' were the 'perfect couple',I don't use that phrase here in a derogatory manner, I mean they really were lovely people, kind, honest, hard working, attractive, nice home, good jobs and two much wanted sons, financially comfortable and apparently happy as two pigs in muck. Sadly something went wrong and a few years ago they split, albeit amicably.
Today I learned that 'M' died on Sunday, he had fought a long hard battle with cancer. No one deserves to die at only 47 but 'M' was one of the good guys and if anyone deserved to live he did......
You are in my thoughts.
'A' and 'M' were the 'perfect couple',I don't use that phrase here in a derogatory manner, I mean they really were lovely people, kind, honest, hard working, attractive, nice home, good jobs and two much wanted sons, financially comfortable and apparently happy as two pigs in muck. Sadly something went wrong and a few years ago they split, albeit amicably.
Today I learned that 'M' died on Sunday, he had fought a long hard battle with cancer. No one deserves to die at only 47 but 'M' was one of the good guys and if anyone deserved to live he did......
You are in my thoughts.
Monday, 17 July 2006
I don't believe it!!!
Finally after over five years of searching I have found a dentist!!!!!.
Quite why I should be so happy about that I'm unsure given that the whole dentistry 'thing' scares the wits out of me but having been dentist-less for so long common sense (yes there is a modicum in there somewhere)dictates that my tracking down someone prepared to take me onto an NHS list is reason almost to crack open a bottle of something expensive.
This breakthrough has of course been prompted by a small dental disaster...that of a large part of a particularly rumbunctious tooth having decided to drop off over the weekend, sending me into a small state of panic in realisation that I would again have to take up the challenge presented by our government and dentists over the last few years.
So take up the challenge I did and whether I was just lucky or whether the South of England merely has more user friendly dentists than Scotland did I don't know, but suffice to say on the 2nd August, at last, a dentist will peer into my mouth...ok, so it hardly constitutes an emergency appointment but I can live with half a tooth for a few weeks and I'm not sure I want to know the 'what I need doing' bit anyways quite yet!
Bring on the Vallium!
Monday, 5 June 2006
First things first
It goes without saying that the last ten days of my life haven't been the easiest I have lived through, the emotional impact of my decision to leave Scotland doesn't need elaboration, we have all been there to one degree or another and it's never fun but it is something we learn to deal with over time.
The practical aspects of my move are however more pressing, the emotional stuff will carry on loitering in the background for a time but my lack of a job, the fact that I have about £20 to my name, a scary level of debt to deal with and no home to call my own require that I 'pull my finger out', and quite rapidly.
Money is an odd thing. Had someone asked me prior to now if would I mind others funding my life I would have joked and said 'hell.. no, feel free', the reality is very different...I hate it, I hate that I am completely dependent on others to pay for absolutely anything I need, I hate that I can't make my own decisions and I hate that I have found myself in that situation at all. All that said I am of course very lucky that I have people prepared to help me right now, where I would be without them doesn't bear thinking about and I will be eternally grateful for their practical and emotional support.....but it doesn't stop me hating it!
And so that's what this week is about....finding myself some suitable employment, or even unsuitable for that matter, anything is better than nothing from where I'm standing! On the up side now I'm back in the 'big city' there is a far greater chance that I will be able to persuade someone that I am employable, at least in the short term, Scotland may have been beautiful, it may have been many positive things but it sure as hell wasn't the place to be if you need to find work fast!
The practical aspects of my move are however more pressing, the emotional stuff will carry on loitering in the background for a time but my lack of a job, the fact that I have about £20 to my name, a scary level of debt to deal with and no home to call my own require that I 'pull my finger out', and quite rapidly.
Money is an odd thing. Had someone asked me prior to now if would I mind others funding my life I would have joked and said 'hell.. no, feel free', the reality is very different...I hate it, I hate that I am completely dependent on others to pay for absolutely anything I need, I hate that I can't make my own decisions and I hate that I have found myself in that situation at all. All that said I am of course very lucky that I have people prepared to help me right now, where I would be without them doesn't bear thinking about and I will be eternally grateful for their practical and emotional support.....but it doesn't stop me hating it!
And so that's what this week is about....finding myself some suitable employment, or even unsuitable for that matter, anything is better than nothing from where I'm standing! On the up side now I'm back in the 'big city' there is a far greater chance that I will be able to persuade someone that I am employable, at least in the short term, Scotland may have been beautiful, it may have been many positive things but it sure as hell wasn't the place to be if you need to find work fast!
Wednesday, 31 May 2006
gemmak is back
After a week of silence on the blog that promised you a post everyday for a second year I felt it was about time I showed my virtual face, at least by way of some small explanation.
Sadly last week PG and myself went our separate ways, he remains in Scotland whilst I have moved to my parents for the time being, near to London.
It is not appropriate or fair that I regale you with the details, suffice to say it has been a very difficult week for all concerned and I can only imagine it will remain so for a some time yet, but as a good friend once said to me, 'shit happens' and with a positive attitude I'm sure things will eventually sort themselves out for both of us.
That said, I currently have no job, no money and no home to call my own, but I do have the support of my family, a few very good friends (thank you, you know who you are) and Tilly.....PG has Ditto.
Now it's time to regroup and start over, I don't know where life will take me from here and I can't promise a post every day for the time being..... but I'll do my best to get something here when I can and gradually I hope this little patch in the blogosphere will get back to some semblance of normality.
So that's it, a very sad and difficult week but life goes on.
Thank you to all of you who left comments (temporarily removed) and mailed me with your words of support and thank you for loyally keep checking back here in my absence.
Laters.....
Sadly last week PG and myself went our separate ways, he remains in Scotland whilst I have moved to my parents for the time being, near to London.
It is not appropriate or fair that I regale you with the details, suffice to say it has been a very difficult week for all concerned and I can only imagine it will remain so for a some time yet, but as a good friend once said to me, 'shit happens' and with a positive attitude I'm sure things will eventually sort themselves out for both of us.
That said, I currently have no job, no money and no home to call my own, but I do have the support of my family, a few very good friends (thank you, you know who you are) and Tilly.....PG has Ditto.
Now it's time to regroup and start over, I don't know where life will take me from here and I can't promise a post every day for the time being..... but I'll do my best to get something here when I can and gradually I hope this little patch in the blogosphere will get back to some semblance of normality.
So that's it, a very sad and difficult week but life goes on.
Thank you to all of you who left comments (temporarily removed) and mailed me with your words of support and thank you for loyally keep checking back here in my absence.
Laters.....
Wednesday, 24 May 2006
Thursday, 4 May 2006
Respect!
Yesterday afternoon meandering my way home from work in the sunshine on the first really warm day of the year my day was brightened further by a visit to a petrol station. This may sound an odd way to gain pleasure of any description and as the norm I would have to admit that filling up is not my favorite task, but fuel was becoming dangerously close to the desperate situation and tyres required checking so in I went.
Whilst stood there gazing at the pump dials endeavoring to hit a round figure (don't you just hate it when you go one penny over, you just have to go on to the next round ten pounds, if it fits!) I was jarred from my reverie by a thunderous sound, a sound I know well from my past, as onto the forecourt rolled with aplomb an Aprila RSV
Now for those of you uninspired by vehicles with only two wheels let me tell you this is a piece of engineering to die for,and probably on but I won't go there, there is little like it, it is an absolute shining star among many stars, perhaps the 'must have if can ever afford it' for many petrol heads.
So onto the forecourt rolled this stunning machine and from it dismounted it's rider and pillion. Well actually the rider didn't, in true 'man rider' style he stayed seated whilst poking nozzle into tank (yes there is good reason for this aside from laziness) and she trundled off in the heat and her leathers to pay.
Now as ever in these situations I felt obliged to strike up conversation with this couple (it's a biker thing) and revel for just a minute or two in their experiences with aforementioned beautiful machine....which unusually for a Mille was 'sporting' throw over panniers....a sight almost unbearable on such a piece of machinery but necessary on occasion.
What earned my utter respect was this. The couple in question were on a holiday touring Scotland, that in itself may seem like no big deal but believe me, having ridden pillion on one of this beauties I can promise you it is! This is most definitely not a thing of comfort, it is a thing of beauty, of outrageous speed, of cornering on rails, of scratching and racing, it is not a thing designed for comfort in any respect whatsoever. Riding pillion on this requires one to be almost acrobatic in the ability to curl ones body into odd shapes, it requires that not only the rider but the passenger deal with the full force of wind and high speed turbulence, it requires one's knees to be almost under one's chin and legs and back bent into uncanny positions for hours on end. Oh....and then there's the suspension to deal with! I promise you, as someone who has spent an enormous amount of time in such a position and who can on most pillion seats fall fast asleep, this is not one of those 'comfortable touring' experiences!
Add to that the lady in question was no spring chicken and was on the 'larger lady' side the fact that she could even consider touring for a week on this marvel earned my utter respect....and envy, an envy that was only heightened almost intolerably as they screamed past me at a break-neck rate of acceleration a few minutes later!
Whilst stood there gazing at the pump dials endeavoring to hit a round figure (don't you just hate it when you go one penny over, you just have to go on to the next round ten pounds, if it fits!) I was jarred from my reverie by a thunderous sound, a sound I know well from my past, as onto the forecourt rolled with aplomb an Aprila RSV
Now for those of you uninspired by vehicles with only two wheels let me tell you this is a piece of engineering to die for,
So onto the forecourt rolled this stunning machine and from it dismounted it's rider and pillion. Well actually the rider didn't, in true 'man rider' style he stayed seated whilst poking nozzle into tank (yes there is good reason for this aside from laziness) and she trundled off in the heat and her leathers to pay.
Now as ever in these situations I felt obliged to strike up conversation with this couple (it's a biker thing) and revel for just a minute or two in their experiences with aforementioned beautiful machine....which unusually for a Mille was 'sporting' throw over panniers....a sight almost unbearable on such a piece of machinery but necessary on occasion.
What earned my utter respect was this. The couple in question were on a holiday touring Scotland, that in itself may seem like no big deal but believe me, having ridden pillion on one of this beauties I can promise you it is! This is most definitely not a thing of comfort, it is a thing of beauty, of outrageous speed, of cornering on rails, of scratching and racing, it is not a thing designed for comfort in any respect whatsoever. Riding pillion on this requires one to be almost acrobatic in the ability to curl ones body into odd shapes, it requires that not only the rider but the passenger deal with the full force of wind and high speed turbulence, it requires one's knees to be almost under one's chin and legs and back bent into uncanny positions for hours on end. Oh....and then there's the suspension to deal with! I promise you, as someone who has spent an enormous amount of time in such a position and who can on most pillion seats fall fast asleep, this is not one of those 'comfortable touring' experiences!
Add to that the lady in question was no spring chicken and was on the 'larger lady' side the fact that she could even consider touring for a week on this marvel earned my utter respect....and envy, an envy that was only heightened almost intolerably as they screamed past me at a break-neck rate of acceleration a few minutes later!
Wednesday, 26 April 2006
A camellia and a pick up truck!
Some years ago, maybe seven or eight, whilst I made my way across a Sainsbury's car park on my daily foray from work to find myself some lunch, I looked on in some degree of miff-ment as a woman driving a very large American pick up truck, merrily reversed into another vehicle.
Not satisfied with merely hitting this parked and brand new car she proceeded to drag her very hefty bumper the full length of it....and then move forward and drive off. She knew without doubt I had watched her antics but off she drove anyways.
Incensed I hastily took her index number and left a note on the windscreen of the now badly damaged victim vehicle giving details of where I could be contacted.
Two days later a woman I didn't recognise approached me as I went about my business in the store I worked in at the time and introduced herself as the owner of the damaged car. I gave her further details, she thanked me and left....returning later that day bearing a small thank you gift for me.
The gift in question was a small Camellia, no taller than maybe a foot, a twig really but I 'do' plants, my dream job would be to be a botanist or horticulturalist at Kew gardens (ok I'm twenty years too old and short of a first class degree but that aside) and so I took it home touched that this stranger had been kind enough to offer me a gift at all and planted said twig to begin its new life with me.
And it grew and it grew but when I left London for Scotland I decided it would unlikely enjoy such bitter howling winds and so transplanted it into a pot for re-homing at my parents.
Every year now my father regales me with progress reports and photographs and my once little tiny twig, has in it's seven or eight years now transformed itself under the close supervision and tutelage of my mothers green fingers into this:
It's now bigger than me (yes I know most things are) and happily produces it's stunning blooms year after year...much the same as the insurance companies involved in the original accident claim who harassed me year after year for five years for one statement after another.....but each spring it is worth it. :o)
(Images clickable)
Not satisfied with merely hitting this parked and brand new car she proceeded to drag her very hefty bumper the full length of it....and then move forward and drive off. She knew without doubt I had watched her antics but off she drove anyways.
Incensed I hastily took her index number and left a note on the windscreen of the now badly damaged victim vehicle giving details of where I could be contacted.
Two days later a woman I didn't recognise approached me as I went about my business in the store I worked in at the time and introduced herself as the owner of the damaged car. I gave her further details, she thanked me and left....returning later that day bearing a small thank you gift for me.
The gift in question was a small Camellia, no taller than maybe a foot, a twig really but I 'do' plants, my dream job would be to be a botanist or horticulturalist at Kew gardens (ok I'm twenty years too old and short of a first class degree but that aside) and so I took it home touched that this stranger had been kind enough to offer me a gift at all and planted said twig to begin its new life with me.
And it grew and it grew but when I left London for Scotland I decided it would unlikely enjoy such bitter howling winds and so transplanted it into a pot for re-homing at my parents.
Every year now my father regales me with progress reports and photographs and my once little tiny twig, has in it's seven or eight years now transformed itself under the close supervision and tutelage of my mothers green fingers into this:
It's now bigger than me (yes I know most things are) and happily produces it's stunning blooms year after year...much the same as the insurance companies involved in the original accident claim who harassed me year after year for five years for one statement after another.....but each spring it is worth it. :o)
(Images clickable)
Saturday, 1 April 2006
Saturday silliness
So, you travel all the way from Scotland to London, you take a walk along the South Bank to take in the sights, sounds and smells of the city and what do you hear??? From every point, above the day to day melee of voices and traffic could only be heard one thing.......
Turn up the sound.....and if for some reason you can't, scroll down to the bottom!
South Bank
Video sent by gemmak
Bagpipes! Bloody Scottish bagpipes is what you hear! :o)
Turn up the sound.....and if for some reason you can't, scroll down to the bottom!
South Bank
Video sent by gemmak
Bagpipes! Bloody Scottish bagpipes is what you hear! :o)
Monday, 20 March 2006
London...at last!
Finally, having sorted out my delightful hackers as far as I can and completed the weekend at the day job I have a few moments to recount a few details of our recent trip to my parents. For those of you (Dale), wanting photographs my apologies, I didn't take many, the weather was for the main part dull and dismal and bitterly cold so I spent more time scuttling from one warm place to another than I did bothering to stand in the wind with my camera plastered to my eye!
So, the journey south was shall we say 'interesting', we woke as you already know to my much wished for snow, on the only day of the year we didn't actually want it! The first part of the drive was a little 'hairy', in places the effect of the falling snow and that which was drifting off the fields and hills in the wind was of whiteout, one moment we were driving in reasonable visibility and the next it was impossible to see anything at all.....but it was beautiful, the drifts has formed themselves in the wind into wonderful eight foot high, round white sculptures, with clouds of ethereal white snow dust swirling all around them. Now that was something I would have loved to photograph but stopping on the side of the road in such conditions is not advisable!
As we progressed further south the lying snow became less but the falling snow still hampered visibility and so the going was slow, peculiarly just as the forecasters had predicted as we hit the midlands the snow completely disappeared, the sun filtered through the clouds and the road was dry...almost as if one had drawn a line under Birmingham!
And so...eventually, eight hours later we arrived to much celebration and chatter. Not only had we not managed to visit since the summer but also it had been my fathers birthday the previous day so the 'party-ing' had been held over for a day. Only a small celebration, we are not into big events but it was fab and it meant that for the first time in over two years I got to see my brother and his wife and spend an evening catching up with them.
London Eye.
Monday we ventured onto the underground, 'post rush hour' I might add, and headed for the South Bank and the Hayward Gallery to see the Dan Flavin exhibition Now art might be one of my 'obsessions' but I don't profess to understand most of what I see and that is probably the best description of how I felt about this particular set of offerings, I just didn't understand it as it was intended. Another of my little passions is lighting, something I must have inherited I think from my TV lighting employed father and whilst large numbers of multi coloured fluorescent tubes gave off a kind of aesthetically pleasing light I think I was missing something somewhere from what Mr Flavin was trying to say! Hey, but the building is fab!
From the South bank.
Over the river
Onward from fluorescent art via a walk along the South bank in the wind and much coffee, we decided next to visit the London Imax cinema for an African Safari....wow, I have to say this genre of cinematic technology had never really appealed to me but it was really something else. If you have ever viewed a 3D imax production you will know exactly what I mean and if you haven't you really ought too, just once. It is phenomenal and so realistic that if one snuck a look at one's fellow cinema goers it was apparent that it had the same effect on everyone....all around kept 'poking' a finger into mid air...because it really appeared that what we were looking at was literally just a few inches from our faces and not yards away on a screen. To begin with it was actually a little disconcerting but it quickly became just completely absorbing. Really worth a visit if you have never been to one before....oh and of course there is popcorn!
London Imax.
The remainder of our two days were in the main taken up with optimizing the opportunity for retail therapy, something not easily available at home, and the evenings were spent happily eating and drinking copious amounts of good food and wine (my self excluded of course from the wine, yes, really I'm tee total) and catching up with six months chatter and gossip!
The day we returned back to Scotland...it snowed again, how typical...but thank fully nothing significant, we stopped off at my sisters in the Midlands en-route and spent a few hours of fun with her and my nieces, and then it was onward in the wee small hours back to Scotland and two very boisterous, waiting cats!
Only four days I know but a lovely fours days spent with my parents, in the bosom of my family, chilled out....hell, it seemed like only a few hours by the time we got back!
So, the journey south was shall we say 'interesting', we woke as you already know to my much wished for snow, on the only day of the year we didn't actually want it! The first part of the drive was a little 'hairy', in places the effect of the falling snow and that which was drifting off the fields and hills in the wind was of whiteout, one moment we were driving in reasonable visibility and the next it was impossible to see anything at all.....but it was beautiful, the drifts has formed themselves in the wind into wonderful eight foot high, round white sculptures, with clouds of ethereal white snow dust swirling all around them. Now that was something I would have loved to photograph but stopping on the side of the road in such conditions is not advisable!
As we progressed further south the lying snow became less but the falling snow still hampered visibility and so the going was slow, peculiarly just as the forecasters had predicted as we hit the midlands the snow completely disappeared, the sun filtered through the clouds and the road was dry...almost as if one had drawn a line under Birmingham!
And so...eventually, eight hours later we arrived to much celebration and chatter. Not only had we not managed to visit since the summer but also it had been my fathers birthday the previous day so the 'party-ing' had been held over for a day. Only a small celebration, we are not into big events but it was fab and it meant that for the first time in over two years I got to see my brother and his wife and spend an evening catching up with them.
London Eye.
Monday we ventured onto the underground, 'post rush hour' I might add, and headed for the South Bank and the Hayward Gallery to see the Dan Flavin exhibition Now art might be one of my 'obsessions' but I don't profess to understand most of what I see and that is probably the best description of how I felt about this particular set of offerings, I just didn't understand it as it was intended. Another of my little passions is lighting, something I must have inherited I think from my TV lighting employed father and whilst large numbers of multi coloured fluorescent tubes gave off a kind of aesthetically pleasing light I think I was missing something somewhere from what Mr Flavin was trying to say! Hey, but the building is fab!
From the South bank.
Over the river
Onward from fluorescent art via a walk along the South bank in the wind and much coffee, we decided next to visit the London Imax cinema for an African Safari....wow, I have to say this genre of cinematic technology had never really appealed to me but it was really something else. If you have ever viewed a 3D imax production you will know exactly what I mean and if you haven't you really ought too, just once. It is phenomenal and so realistic that if one snuck a look at one's fellow cinema goers it was apparent that it had the same effect on everyone....all around kept 'poking' a finger into mid air...because it really appeared that what we were looking at was literally just a few inches from our faces and not yards away on a screen. To begin with it was actually a little disconcerting but it quickly became just completely absorbing. Really worth a visit if you have never been to one before....oh and of course there is popcorn!
London Imax.
The remainder of our two days were in the main taken up with optimizing the opportunity for retail therapy, something not easily available at home, and the evenings were spent happily eating and drinking copious amounts of good food and wine (my self excluded of course from the wine, yes, really I'm tee total) and catching up with six months chatter and gossip!
The day we returned back to Scotland...it snowed again, how typical...but thank fully nothing significant, we stopped off at my sisters in the Midlands en-route and spent a few hours of fun with her and my nieces, and then it was onward in the wee small hours back to Scotland and two very boisterous, waiting cats!
Only four days I know but a lovely fours days spent with my parents, in the bosom of my family, chilled out....hell, it seemed like only a few hours by the time we got back!
Monday, 13 February 2006
A remarkable cat's tale
Meet 'Holly'.......
Holly is at the center of a heartwarming and quite remarkable story, though it might not seem so to begin with. She belongs, or I should say belonged, to a long time friend of mine, I'll call her 'L' for the purpose of this story.
'L' and I met when she came many years ago to the place I worked, as a 'Saturday checkout operator'. at the time she was only 17 years of age and about to go to university but gradually, finding we had much in common we became firm friends and until I moved here to Scotland we spent a great deal of time together.
'L' had not had an easy life in her 17 years. As a child she had lost her twin to a road traffic accident in which both she and her father were also involved and injured. Some years later, in an effort to live with their loss a special family holiday was arranged as a way to try and draw a line under the past a little and make a new start. They went for a month to Canada. It was in Canada that 'L', whilst swimming in a lake, contracted a viral infection that within days had caused her kidneys to fail dramatically. Eventually she was stable enough to be returned to the UK, where sometime later she received a transplant.
As is often the case it was not all 'plain sailing' and her bodies rejection of the organ was severe. To this day she requires some pretty heavy duty medication and has to live with a permanent Hickman line in her chest. She copes admirably.She lives alone, owns her own house, works full time and has a hectic social life when her health permits it. In the days when I lived in London and she was an almost daily visitor to my home her medications became so routine that we had stocks in our fridge and hooks hidden under pictures on the wall, specifically to hang her I.V. bags from. I got quite adept over time at removing fatally dangerous air bubbles from her line and would 'hook her up', go make dinner and she would receive her medication as we ate to save wasting time later when we might want to go out. 'L' never let her difficulties restrict her more than they had to, though frequent stays in hospital often disrupted plans. She went to university, travelled some, rode pillion on many outings with us and was to overcome yet another major difficulty in her life, though the details of that are not for me to expand on here.
Among all of this one of her passions was her cats, Jarvis and Holly. Even this could not be simple for 'L'. Jarvis, a beautiful ginger and white tom, died suddenly at age four of a previously undiagnosed congenital heart defect, this for 'L' was almost the last straw but as ever, after a while, she rallied her strength and got on with her life.
Shortly afterwards she was forced to move house and she and Holly packed their bags and settled into a new home. But Holly it seemed, did not settle, and within days had circumnavigated 'L's attempts to keep her indoors until she was familiar with her new surroundings and had made an escape. She was never seen again and after weeks of advertising and hunting the search was abandoned and 'L' sadly resigned herself to the thought that 'something had happened' to her.
She didn't get another cat.
And then, on Saturday, three years after the disappearance, she called me, full of excitement. A local vet had just called her to say she had Holly in her surgery. 'L' was over the moon but skeptical.
Apparently it would seem that when Holly bolted she became stray. A kindly lady about a mile away had been feeding her all that time but not really wanting a cat had not fully 'adopted' her. This lady, a few days ago, having decided to go away on holiday, was concerned that the cat would go hungry so had caught her and taken her to the vets for inoculations with the intention of putting her in a cattery until she returned. Whilst checking the cat over the vet had noticed a small lump under the skin of her neck and on investigation had discovered it was a microchip. She scanned the cat and up popped 'L's details. Thankfully 'L' had never changed her mobile number.
And so yesterday, amid much excitement and a little trepidation that somehow this would not be Holly she went to visit the found cat. Within seconds of meeting, said cat, normally quite retiring, recognised her old friend and began rubbing around her legs, rolling on her back at her feet and purring madly........ after all that time she still appeared to remember her.....and so, for 'L', for once their is a happy ending, mother and cat are reunited and this time the doors and windows will be firmly shut until Holly is used to her 'new' home!
Holly is at the center of a heartwarming and quite remarkable story, though it might not seem so to begin with. She belongs, or I should say belonged, to a long time friend of mine, I'll call her 'L' for the purpose of this story.
'L' and I met when she came many years ago to the place I worked, as a 'Saturday checkout operator'. at the time she was only 17 years of age and about to go to university but gradually, finding we had much in common we became firm friends and until I moved here to Scotland we spent a great deal of time together.
'L' had not had an easy life in her 17 years. As a child she had lost her twin to a road traffic accident in which both she and her father were also involved and injured. Some years later, in an effort to live with their loss a special family holiday was arranged as a way to try and draw a line under the past a little and make a new start. They went for a month to Canada. It was in Canada that 'L', whilst swimming in a lake, contracted a viral infection that within days had caused her kidneys to fail dramatically. Eventually she was stable enough to be returned to the UK, where sometime later she received a transplant.
As is often the case it was not all 'plain sailing' and her bodies rejection of the organ was severe. To this day she requires some pretty heavy duty medication and has to live with a permanent Hickman line in her chest. She copes admirably.She lives alone, owns her own house, works full time and has a hectic social life when her health permits it. In the days when I lived in London and she was an almost daily visitor to my home her medications became so routine that we had stocks in our fridge and hooks hidden under pictures on the wall, specifically to hang her I.V. bags from. I got quite adept over time at removing fatally dangerous air bubbles from her line and would 'hook her up', go make dinner and she would receive her medication as we ate to save wasting time later when we might want to go out. 'L' never let her difficulties restrict her more than they had to, though frequent stays in hospital often disrupted plans. She went to university, travelled some, rode pillion on many outings with us and was to overcome yet another major difficulty in her life, though the details of that are not for me to expand on here.
Among all of this one of her passions was her cats, Jarvis and Holly. Even this could not be simple for 'L'. Jarvis, a beautiful ginger and white tom, died suddenly at age four of a previously undiagnosed congenital heart defect, this for 'L' was almost the last straw but as ever, after a while, she rallied her strength and got on with her life.
Shortly afterwards she was forced to move house and she and Holly packed their bags and settled into a new home. But Holly it seemed, did not settle, and within days had circumnavigated 'L's attempts to keep her indoors until she was familiar with her new surroundings and had made an escape. She was never seen again and after weeks of advertising and hunting the search was abandoned and 'L' sadly resigned herself to the thought that 'something had happened' to her.
She didn't get another cat.
And then, on Saturday, three years after the disappearance, she called me, full of excitement. A local vet had just called her to say she had Holly in her surgery. 'L' was over the moon but skeptical.
Apparently it would seem that when Holly bolted she became stray. A kindly lady about a mile away had been feeding her all that time but not really wanting a cat had not fully 'adopted' her. This lady, a few days ago, having decided to go away on holiday, was concerned that the cat would go hungry so had caught her and taken her to the vets for inoculations with the intention of putting her in a cattery until she returned. Whilst checking the cat over the vet had noticed a small lump under the skin of her neck and on investigation had discovered it was a microchip. She scanned the cat and up popped 'L's details. Thankfully 'L' had never changed her mobile number.
And so yesterday, amid much excitement and a little trepidation that somehow this would not be Holly she went to visit the found cat. Within seconds of meeting, said cat, normally quite retiring, recognised her old friend and began rubbing around her legs, rolling on her back at her feet and purring madly........ after all that time she still appeared to remember her.....and so, for 'L', for once their is a happy ending, mother and cat are reunited and this time the doors and windows will be firmly shut until Holly is used to her 'new' home!
Thursday, 22 December 2005
....and still on customer service
Today being my last day at work before Christmas I think that one more shot at the 'idiot customer' is in order!
Enjoy :o)
Enjoy :o)
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
Caller: (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dell Computers:
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*****g stupid to own a computer!!"
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