Ok guys, you will if you visit here regularly be aware of the TP situation. For those of you not familiar TP stands for 'The Patient' and is my father, the history can be found here.
Well, a few weeks ago TP had his one year follow up oncology appointment and all appeared to be going remarkably well.
Unfortunately, as per the law of sod, yesterday, quite suddenly, we learned after a long day at hospital that is far from the case.
I won't bore you with details and TP is anyway a very private individual and wouldn't want his medical history 'out there' but suffice to say, things are not good and treatment is very unlikely to be possible.
That's it then, you know what's going on in the background but I won't be saying much about it here, for a while at least it's 'chin up and shoulders back' but you will understand if I am a little more peculiar on occasion than usual!
F*ck!
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Simon Toefields latest - 'Fly Guy'
For cat lovers everywhere, a new Simon Toefield treat, this guy really knows cats, hilarious!
Previous Toefield treats can be found HERE.
Previous Toefield treats can be found HERE.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
One small step!
Ok, so those of you who have loyally visited here over the years will already know my dire financial situation, for those who are new, I was declared bankrupt a few years ago thanks to an ex in the main, ooops did I say that out loud? and discharged early at about eight months, for 'conducting my affairs suitably'.
Bankruptcy, for those who might think it is the easy way out, is not, far from it, in fact it has caused me more difficulties on a practical level than most other things I have come up against and on an emotional level it's not a great boost to one's self esteem!
Being discharged makes precious little difference in real terms, my credit rating is shot for at least six years and my ability to rent or buy a property is almost zero via legitimate channels but today I had a small breakthrough, well for me it felt pretty big I have to admit!
Today, ta da, my bank finally reinstated my debit card, at last I don't have to carry piles of cash everywhere, I can shop online, I can shop in Tesco (or wherever) without having to add every damn item up and I no longer have panic that if I lose concentration at the petrol pumps and squirt too much gas in the tank I'm not going to have enough cash to pay with!
Believe me, in my little world this is a significant step forward and I almost feel like a normal human being again! Well, for now anyways, before you say it!
Oh...and it's not often I have had cause to thank a banking institution in my life but a big thank you to Barclays, who were the only bank that would entertain me when the going got really tough!
You rock guys!
Bankruptcy, for those who might think it is the easy way out, is not, far from it, in fact it has caused me more difficulties on a practical level than most other things I have come up against and on an emotional level it's not a great boost to one's self esteem!
Being discharged makes precious little difference in real terms, my credit rating is shot for at least six years and my ability to rent or buy a property is almost zero via legitimate channels but today I had a small breakthrough, well for me it felt pretty big I have to admit!
Today, ta da, my bank finally reinstated my debit card, at last I don't have to carry piles of cash everywhere, I can shop online, I can shop in Tesco (or wherever) without having to add every damn item up and I no longer have panic that if I lose concentration at the petrol pumps and squirt too much gas in the tank I'm not going to have enough cash to pay with!
Believe me, in my little world this is a significant step forward and I almost feel like a normal human being again! Well, for now anyways, before you say it!
Oh...and it's not often I have had cause to thank a banking institution in my life but a big thank you to Barclays, who were the only bank that would entertain me when the going got really tough!
You rock guys!
Monday, 27 July 2009
'The best marriage proposal....
...in world history'! Not.
Is this for real?? Please someone tell me it isn't!
Is this for real?? Please someone tell me it isn't!
Friday, 24 July 2009
Interview #2....
...took place this morning, involved some pretty arduous testing and more of the traditional interview stuff and appeared to go very well.
So bloody 'well' in fact that the end result was my being told me I am way over qualified and hence probably not suitable for the job!! Fab!
The parting shot was that I would be contacted sometime next week with the final outcome but I suspect we can probably guess what it's going to be.
Hey ho....next! On the positive side the whole rigmarole was good experience and if I have to be turned down better for that reason than the alternative!
So bloody 'well' in fact that the end result was my being told me I am way over qualified and hence probably not suitable for the job!! Fab!
The parting shot was that I would be contacted sometime next week with the final outcome but I suspect we can probably guess what it's going to be.
Hey ho....next! On the positive side the whole rigmarole was good experience and if I have to be turned down better for that reason than the alternative!
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
The interview....
.....appeared to go well is the best I can say, but who knows!
As ever it seems it was pretty much of a grilling but I survived it intact and there was talk of 'getting me back' to meet some of the hierarchy in a few days.
Whether it was just talk remains to be seen but I should know in a day or two.
Amusingly, she says with some large degree of sarcasm, I had to 'sign on' immediately after the interview, when I asked the woman who is supposed to be 'helping me back to work' if she was interested in the fact that I had arrived hot foot from an interview she said no! When I asked her if she had any jobs on her system for me today she said....no, without as much as a glance at her screen and that she didn't have time.
I will add here that there were five staff members visible, three of whom were chatting and I was the sole 'client' in the building!
Ppffttt......each time I go there I get more incensed!
As ever it seems it was pretty much of a grilling but I survived it intact and there was talk of 'getting me back' to meet some of the hierarchy in a few days.
Whether it was just talk remains to be seen but I should know in a day or two.
Amusingly, she says with some large degree of sarcasm, I had to 'sign on' immediately after the interview, when I asked the woman who is supposed to be 'helping me back to work' if she was interested in the fact that I had arrived hot foot from an interview she said no! When I asked her if she had any jobs on her system for me today she said....no, without as much as a glance at her screen and that she didn't have time.
I will add here that there were five staff members visible, three of whom were chatting and I was the sole 'client' in the building!
Ppffttt......each time I go there I get more incensed!
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Monday, 20 July 2009
Red sky at night
Yesterday's sunset...... it appears the Midlands does sunsets as impressively as it does rain!
(Clickable)
(Clickable)
Sunday, 19 July 2009
Would you credit it....
....I have a job interview next week, the first for some time!!!
Most applications don't even warrant the basic etiquette of a reply these days let alone an interview but this one has, so who knows, it's just nice in the current climatethank you Mr Brown to merely have my C.V. make the grade!
No details yet, other than it's only part-time but that's better than no-time. I'll regale you with more details should I secure the position, chickens and eggs and all that......
Most applications don't even warrant the basic etiquette of a reply these days let alone an interview but this one has, so who knows, it's just nice in the current climate
No details yet, other than it's only part-time but that's better than no-time. I'll regale you with more details should I secure the position, chickens and eggs and all that......
Saturday, 18 July 2009
Thunder!
Yesterday afternoon we had here in this little patch of the Midlands, one of the most impressive summer storms I have seen in the UK for a long time! Save for the fact that it knocked out the power and caused the rabbit some consternation it was incredible, it just went on......and on......and on.
Absolutely torrential rain, stunning fork lightening and house shaking claps of thunder directly overhead for something approaching two hours and all accompanied by an unusually strong wind for even a summer storm here.
By the time it passed, the roads were flooded and littered with vehicles that weren't enamoured of that level of engine/moisture content and my walk into town would have been better served had I used a small boat!
The video does it absolutely no justice but it's the best I could do without rendering my camera subsequently useless!
Absolutely torrential rain, stunning fork lightening and house shaking claps of thunder directly overhead for something approaching two hours and all accompanied by an unusually strong wind for even a summer storm here.
By the time it passed, the roads were flooded and littered with vehicles that weren't enamoured of that level of engine/moisture content and my walk into town would have been better served had I used a small boat!
The video does it absolutely no justice but it's the best I could do without rendering my camera subsequently useless!
Friday, 17 July 2009
Talking to the wall!
Well, my house/rabbit sitting excursion is about half way through and I have to admit I won't be particularly sorry when it's over!
I'm sure there are those who imagine that ten days alone, no kids, no partner, no responsibilities save for a small rabbit and only themselves to please would be think it heaven but I promise you....it wears thin, very thin.
I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only person left on the planet and it seems so long since I actually spoke face to face to another human being I am starting to wonder that when I do open my mouth any sound if any sound will actually emit from it....yeah, I know, those of you who know me personally might find that an amusing possibility! Really, save for one or two shop assistants I haven't actually spoken to anyone since Monday and I don't much like it. I have tried the rabbit but his conversation is somewhat limited! I'm pretty used to being alone but this is a little extreme.
Then there's the house. Please, remind me, if the option ever presents itself, that I don't ever want to live alone in a big house, give me a small flat any day. Ok, this may not be very big but four bedrooms, too many bathrooms too choose from and a number of relatively palatial reception rooms (isn't that what estate agents grandly call them?) is way too much space for just one person and necessitates that I attend to much too much in the way of cleaning!
Oh....and late at night and bleary eyed I can live without having so many points of entry to secure!
Yup, give me a small flat any time....and thank heavens for Twitter. ;o)
I'm sure there are those who imagine that ten days alone, no kids, no partner, no responsibilities save for a small rabbit and only themselves to please would be think it heaven but I promise you....it wears thin, very thin.
I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only person left on the planet and it seems so long since I actually spoke face to face to another human being I am starting to wonder that when I do open my mouth any sound if any sound will actually emit from it....yeah, I know, those of you who know me personally might find that an amusing possibility! Really, save for one or two shop assistants I haven't actually spoken to anyone since Monday and I don't much like it. I have tried the rabbit but his conversation is somewhat limited! I'm pretty used to being alone but this is a little extreme.
Then there's the house. Please, remind me, if the option ever presents itself, that I don't ever want to live alone in a big house, give me a small flat any day. Ok, this may not be very big but four bedrooms, too many bathrooms too choose from and a number of relatively palatial reception rooms (isn't that what estate agents grandly call them?) is way too much space for just one person and necessitates that I attend to much too much in the way of cleaning!
Oh....and late at night and bleary eyed I can live without having so many points of entry to secure!
Yup, give me a small flat any time....and thank heavens for Twitter. ;o)
Thursday, 16 July 2009
The song in my head
When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Breakfast time!
So, I'm ensconced in my 'holiday home', four bedrooms to choose from, no-one to please but myself, a lovely garden to sit in should the sun decide to shine, which at night boasts foxes and badgers, horses and chickens next door, one small and very culinarliy (is that a word?) fussy but cute rabbit to take care of, meet 'Gonzo', there's no accounting for the choices of kids is there!
and an OMG, what am I supposed to do with this?? allotment in 'full growth spurt' about the size of a small football pitch to deal with!
Gonzo is suppose to be a Netherland dwarf rabbit but some 'accidental' breeding is suspected given that he is in reality approximately the size of two Netherlands and lives in a palatial home that in emergency I could probably share with him!
Said rabbit requires that I adopt a new early morning routine. He would prefer that I attended to his menu before I have partaken of my first coffee but he has no chance, though kale and apple has to be cut and treats found very soon after the first mouthful of caffeine is enjoyed, or one risks much Leporidae displeasure!
He is though a pretty cute rabbit and does permit cuddles without too much performance... though I have yet to have the courage to attempt to transport him into the house for fear he will do the 'wriggly wabbit' thing, escape my grasp and and on day one does a disappearing act never to be seen again!
and an
Gonzo is suppose to be a Netherland dwarf rabbit but some 'accidental' breeding is suspected given that he is in reality approximately the size of two Netherlands and lives in a palatial home that in emergency I could probably share with him!
Said rabbit requires that I adopt a new early morning routine. He would prefer that I attended to his menu before I have partaken of my first coffee but he has no chance, though kale and apple has to be cut and treats found very soon after the first mouthful of caffeine is enjoyed, or one risks much Leporidae displeasure!He is though a pretty cute rabbit and does permit cuddles without too much performance... though I have yet to have the courage to attempt to transport him into the house for fear he will do the 'wriggly wabbit' thing, escape my grasp and and on day one does a disappearing act never to be seen again!
Saturday, 11 July 2009
A kind of holiday and more crap car!
Tomorrow I get to go on 'holiday'...well kinda!
My days of proper holidays are pretty much behind me for now I suspect but I am heading to er...the Midlands (see I told you this wasn't going to be quite like my multi country holidays of the past!) to house and rabbit-sit for my sister and her family.
Ten days with a big house and all the trappings yada, yada, yada all to myself... but to be honest I'm not looking forward to it, in fact I am heading there in some degree of trepidation to say the least.
Firstly the crap car had done it's 'thing' again and last week decided to present 'braking issues'. As I consequence, with no money to get it fixed I have to drive all the way there on the 'A' routes at a slow speed, in case the situation arises where I have to rely on my gear box and a degree of clever maneuvering to come to a halt!
Secondly, I am a wimp and I don't like being alone for long periods, particularly not when I'm not on top 'happy form'. The thought of ten days, 24/7 completely on my own (save for the rabbit), in a mostly alien town where I know absolutely no-one, actually pretty much scares me rigid but it has to be done.
I will have plenty to keep me occupied, a big house to spring clean, an allotment to attend too (Oh I know how to live!)and a rabbit which I suspect I might turn into a house rabbit for the duration but I think by the time I get back I will probably be well practiced in themadness art of talking to myself!
Be warned...if you 'twitter' prepare to have to tolerate much of me over the next short while!!
My days of proper holidays are pretty much behind me for now I suspect but I am heading to er...the Midlands (see I told you this wasn't going to be quite like my multi country holidays of the past!) to house and rabbit-sit for my sister and her family.
Ten days with a big house and all the trappings yada, yada, yada all to myself... but to be honest I'm not looking forward to it, in fact I am heading there in some degree of trepidation to say the least.
Firstly the crap car had done it's 'thing' again and last week decided to present 'braking issues'. As I consequence, with no money to get it fixed I have to drive all the way there on the 'A' routes at a slow speed, in case the situation arises where I have to rely on my gear box and a degree of clever maneuvering to come to a halt!
Secondly, I am a wimp and I don't like being alone for long periods, particularly not when I'm not on top 'happy form'. The thought of ten days, 24/7 completely on my own (save for the rabbit), in a mostly alien town where I know absolutely no-one, actually pretty much scares me rigid but it has to be done.
I will have plenty to keep me occupied, a big house to spring clean, an allotment to attend too (Oh I know how to live!)and a rabbit which I suspect I might turn into a house rabbit for the duration but I think by the time I get back I will probably be well practiced in the
Be warned...if you 'twitter' prepare to have to tolerate much of me over the next short while!!
Thursday, 9 July 2009
Somebody....
......today, told me I was remarkable, who or why doesn't matter here, what matters is that they did.
It's not often, if ever, I have had a description like that applied to me and whilst I might beg to differ, just that one small thing has made a massive difference to what has thus far been a pretty shitty week in 'gemmaks-ville'.
Maybe we should all make more effort to say to people the positives that we think instead of keeping them to ourselves and assuming that somehow they just know.
It's not often, if ever, I have had a description like that applied to me and whilst I might beg to differ, just that one small thing has made a massive difference to what has thus far been a pretty shitty week in 'gemmaks-ville'.
Maybe we should all make more effort to say to people the positives that we think instead of keeping them to ourselves and assuming that somehow they just know.
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Monday, 6 July 2009
The good the bad and the ugly
The anniversary weekend! As follows.....
The good:
1. My parents had a fab 50th wedding anniversary.
2. I got to spend quality time with my siblings and nieces.
3. Which resulted in my 'house and rabbit sitting' for a week, next week in the Midlands. A whole four bed house all to myself!
4. No one took a picture of me in the dreaded 'frock'. Result! (For those who are desperate, and you must be is all I can say, there's a pic in the Sept' 08 archive somewhere if you care to root around.)
5. The sun continued to shine on us all day.
The Bad:
1. I was the only single adult there.
2. It made me feel very lonely.
3. I couldn't sleep and had no wifi or A/C, not sure to this day how I managed!
4. I couldn't get drunk, I was the 'nominated driver'.
5. I couldn't get drunk but I've had a headache ever since regardless!
The ugly:
1. Eating wayyyyy to much cake
2. Wearing the dreaded 'frock'.
3. Forgetting to remove my make up at night and seeing the result in the morning.
4. No A/C and a ground floor room necessitating that the windows remained closed!
5. Imagining being married longer than I have lived! ;o)
The good:
1. My parents had a fab 50th wedding anniversary.
2. I got to spend quality time with my siblings and nieces.
3. Which resulted in my 'house and rabbit sitting' for a week, next week in the Midlands. A whole four bed house all to myself!
4. No one took a picture of me in the dreaded 'frock'. Result! (For those who are desperate, and you must be is all I can say, there's a pic in the Sept' 08 archive somewhere if you care to root around.)
5. The sun continued to shine on us all day.
The Bad:
1. I was the only single adult there.
2. It made me feel very lonely.
3. I couldn't sleep and had no wifi or A/C, not sure to this day how I managed!
4. I couldn't get drunk, I was the 'nominated driver'.
5. I couldn't get drunk but I've had a headache ever since regardless!
The ugly:
1. Eating wayyyyy to much cake
2. Wearing the dreaded 'frock'.
3. Forgetting to remove my make up at night and seeing the result in the morning.
4. No A/C and a ground floor room necessitating that the windows remained closed!
5. Imagining being married longer than I have lived! ;o)
Friday, 3 July 2009
The 50 year weekend
Tommorow is my parents 50th wedding anniversary!!
50 whole years!!!
Hells bells, with my somewhat relationship/marriage history the thought seems barely possible let alone the actuality...how do people do that? I have to say I'm impressed by any one who can achieve such a long term partnership, I just wish I knew their secret! One things for sure, I ain't ever gonna make it to a golden wedding celebration of my own, unless of course I live an inordinate length of time and find anyone who actually wants to marry me and fast! ;o)
Stranger still in this day and age, though I have no issue either way I have to say, I, the eldest child of said long lasting marriage was actually born after the wedding, some years after in fact, that too is about as rare as a 50 year marriage I imagine now.
So, today is the day for getting my mother to the hairdresser and sorting out a manicure etc. etc. in readiness for the planned celebrations at a local hotel over the weekend. It's going to feel pretty odd for me, I haven't often had to be a 'single' at such events and I'm not overly keen on the idea I have to admit. No more am I, as those of you who are regular here will know, on the fact that I have to wear a dress!!
I don't 'do' dresses, I had too one time last year but aside from that I haven't worn a dress for probably 30 years, Hence the same one is going to be wheeled out tomorrow and probably that will be it's only two uses before it is relegated to someplace in the dark recesses of the wardrobe, never to see the light of day again!
There is an upside though, I do at least have my own room and use of all facilities......pool, jacuzzi yada yada, it's just a pity I don't have anyone to share them with ;o)
.......but there's always the wifi connection to keep me occupied!
50 whole years!!!
Hells bells, with my somewhat relationship/marriage history the thought seems barely possible let alone the actuality...how do people do that? I have to say I'm impressed by any one who can achieve such a long term partnership, I just wish I knew their secret! One things for sure, I ain't ever gonna make it to a golden wedding celebration of my own, unless of course I live an inordinate length of time and find anyone who actually wants to marry me and fast! ;o)
Stranger still in this day and age, though I have no issue either way I have to say, I, the eldest child of said long lasting marriage was actually born after the wedding, some years after in fact, that too is about as rare as a 50 year marriage I imagine now.
So, today is the day for getting my mother to the hairdresser and sorting out a manicure etc. etc. in readiness for the planned celebrations at a local hotel over the weekend. It's going to feel pretty odd for me, I haven't often had to be a 'single' at such events and I'm not overly keen on the idea I have to admit. No more am I, as those of you who are regular here will know, on the fact that I have to wear a dress!!
I don't 'do' dresses, I had too one time last year but aside from that I haven't worn a dress for probably 30 years, Hence the same one is going to be wheeled out tomorrow and probably that will be it's only two uses before it is relegated to someplace in the dark recesses of the wardrobe, never to see the light of day again!
There is an upside though, I do at least have my own room and use of all facilities......pool, jacuzzi yada yada, it's just a pity I don't have anyone to share them with ;o)
.......but there's always the wifi connection to keep me occupied!
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
It takes two to tango!
So, yesterday evening saw my penultimate session with the counsellor charged with helping me sort my tangled brain out subsequent to my being so unceremoniously dumped a few months back. There's only next weeks visit left to attend and then I'm done...well, as 'done' as I'm going to get in the short term.
Was it any use? I began with some degree of scepticism I have to admit and I carried that through the first few meetings but as time has gone on I have to admit it has been useful, very useful in fact.
There is no magic cure for having your emotions so completely messed up, it's hard work and each week I have dreaded it, it's like you almost begin to form a scab over the wound and then someone comes along and picks the damn thing back off again before it's actually finished with the healing process..... but on balance it was worth it, well worth it.
For anyone who has never had the 'pleasure' of counselling it's most unpleasant aspect is that rather than coming out of a session feeling better you usually come out feeling a whole lot worse than you went in, it takes time to understand and process the information and longer still to feel the benefits...but it works, with perseverance.
It's been hard going and I'm not all mended yet, I doubt I will ever be quite the person I was before but I'm getting there gradually and now at least I have the tools to help me move forward.
I have learned a lot, about me, about the situation and about why....most of which it wouldn't be appropriate to 'put out' here but most importantly for me I have finally begun to believe that it wasn't all me.
It takes two to tango.....and all that!
*and to the person who has been there holding my hand metaphorically throughout each session, a massive thank you (you know who you are) you have been truly amazing.
Was it any use? I began with some degree of scepticism I have to admit and I carried that through the first few meetings but as time has gone on I have to admit it has been useful, very useful in fact.
There is no magic cure for having your emotions so completely messed up, it's hard work and each week I have dreaded it, it's like you almost begin to form a scab over the wound and then someone comes along and picks the damn thing back off again before it's actually finished with the healing process..... but on balance it was worth it, well worth it.
For anyone who has never had the 'pleasure' of counselling it's most unpleasant aspect is that rather than coming out of a session feeling better you usually come out feeling a whole lot worse than you went in, it takes time to understand and process the information and longer still to feel the benefits...but it works, with perseverance.
It's been hard going and I'm not all mended yet, I doubt I will ever be quite the person I was before but I'm getting there gradually and now at least I have the tools to help me move forward.
I have learned a lot, about me, about the situation and about why....most of which it wouldn't be appropriate to 'put out' here but most importantly for me I have finally begun to believe that it wasn't all me.
It takes two to tango.....and all that!
*and to the person who has been there holding my hand metaphorically throughout each session, a massive thank you (you know who you are) you have been truly amazing.
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