On my stalker and my stupidity!

I suppose it was always likely to happen one day, we, or at least I think I am savvy enough to avoid it but it seems it's not always as straightforward as we might like to imagine!

What am I talking about? Well, I appear to have got myself a somewhat scary stalker via the interweb. Ugh. :(

To cut a long story short he has been less than impressed by my telling him I don't want to meet up with him. In part it's my own fault. My gut reaction weeks ago was that this guy was bad news but for whatever reason I chose to give him a 'second chance' and began responding to his emails/texts again. Silly, stupid woman! None of that excuses his behaviour however.

The reasons I chose to do that are perhaps complicated and maybe I don't entirely understand them myself, in part he was nice, interesting, bright, amusing yada, yada, in fact there were aspects of him that were very interesting but there were one or two things that just got my safety antenna jangling like bells right from the start. I should have listened!

I know all the rules, I've been on t'internet long enough and I'm old enough and ugly enough to know better but I still made a serious error of judgement and a poor decision, which in an odd way is psychologically the interesting aspect and a maybe a good lesson learned.

No matter how much time I have spent on the internet, no matter how savvy I might think I am, I still allowed myself, against all the contrary evidence and advice from one or two trusted male friends (thank you guys, you know who you are) to be manipulated into something that deep down I felt was concerning! I need to look at that in me a little harder maybe!

....And I have got my comeuppance for my stupidity. This guy lives close by, is angry with me and whilst he hasn't actually threatened me yet I have thus far had 24 hours feeling like I'm looking over my shoulder all the time and a sleepless night worrying about what, if any, his next move might be. He doesn't thankfully know my address but he does know the town and I'm sure it's not beyond him to search the electoral roll if he felt so inclined. He has however not contacted me now since yesterday morning when I told him in no uncertain terms to 'cease all communication', so my fingers are firmly crossed!

Hopefully it will all come to nothing more but I'm not ashamed to say it's scared the crap out of me and I don't like feeling this vulnerable one - little - bit. Maybe it is however a good and timely wake up call, because whilst I'm sure most guys out there are ok and this is my first and only 'incident' in many years, some are not ok, very not ok in fact and I had allowed myself to become far too complacent.

Stupid, stupid, idiot, f*ckwit woman!

A police warning for men!

I suspect there is a fair chance that you have seen this, it seems to be doing 'the rounds' but just now in my life I find it so amusing I had to share it here too in case you missed it! ;)

"Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called ' Beer' . The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this ' Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book."

Kick ass karma?

The last couple of weeks in gemmaks-ville have been pretty odd for a variety of reasons, my domestic situation continues to be something of a trial, the work, or rather the lack of it, issue remains a thorn in my side, my finances are dire and the man thing is just beyond pathetic.

My stress levels are running pretty high and my motivation pretty low.

I'm beginning to feel as if someone has put a hex on me or has a little pin ridden doll representation of me hidden away somewhere. Perhaps I was particularly bad in a previous existence and this is my karma, whatever it is, given that just about everything I have had any involvement with over the last year appears to go horribly wrong as soon as I get anywhere close I think I can be forgiven for a tiny bit of negativity in my current thinking.

I keep on trying to be hopeful and telling myself things will change and improve but they just don't damn them. Each event that crops up seems to be yet something else that's difficult or miserable and I truly don't think that it's down to how I approach or perceive things at the moment. In all honesty I think I have remained pretty positive throughout and handled more than some could, sure I've had my down times but despite a run of pretty tough life events hitting me one after another I am still standing..... and most times with a smile on my face, albeit sometimes a slightly 'painted' one.

Surely, sometime soon, anytime now would be good please, just one really good/happy/positive/life affirming thing will happen, I'm not greedy, one will do me, I'll be more than happy with any sign that things are going to begin getting a little easier and that the mere fact that I would like something is no longer going to appear to be good enough reason alone that it shouldn't happen!

Bugger....enough already, whatever happened to life being fun just some of the time?!!

The Dancing Dodo.....

....I shouldn't love it but I do! I'm the marketing guys dream on this one I know but hey, it makes me smile! :)

Get close!

Things that made me smile yesterday when I was feeling particularly un-smiley! (Click for the big ones.)

Pretty in pink!

Look me in the eye!

Pollenate me!

Hairy!

A kick in the teeth!

Well, the disappearing man finally surfaced and with him probably the biggest kick in the teeth I've had for a while.

Apparently he 'likes me' but is 'concerned about my domestic situation'. So, as if the situation isn't hard enough to deal with and one I desperately want to escape but can't yet, now it seems that it also affects my ability to be in a relationship!

F*ck! Can anything else go wrong I wonder? Enough already!

I can't decide whether I am gutted that might be the case with other guys or whether he just didn't like me as much as he says and it's an excuse.

Do men really think that way? Am I being completely naive in thinking that my current imperfect life isn't going to put the right guy off?

Whatever, I'm not happy and I feel like I am being penalised again for at least trying to do the right thing. Maybe I should learn, against my better judgement, to be a little more economical with the truth in future!

Meh! :(

TFIF & LOLz!

One way and another this last week has been pretty much one I would rather forget so in an effort not to moan and groan here, one or two bits of nonesense instead which raised a smile among the rest of the codswallop! :)




and lastly, this about sums up my current state of mind and vague look!

More dating doom!

How hard can it be? I mean really, just how hard can it be to meet a man who is and does 'what it says on the packet'? One would think it shouldn't be too difficult, one might be very wrong.

It would seem, or at least thus far in my experience, that it's nigh on bloody impossible!

I expect to meet my fair share of frogs and I don't expect to meet a prince but somewhere about in the middle of those two extremes might be nice. No, actually, what might be nice would be for someone, just -- one -- man, one time, to be/do/say what he promises, even half way there would be a nice novelty!! Please?

Jeez, is honesty up there with rocket science these days or is it me? Is expecting some degree of normal integrity just too much to ask of someone? Apparently it is, oh how utterly naive of me.

The latest in the sorry line of dates appeared to be a bit different (Yeah, I know,where have you heard that one before?!). We had much in common, an amazing amount in fact, we talked easily for hours, we laughed and we appeared to want the same things. It was he that pushed to meet soon, we met, we enjoyed one anothers company, the real life thing seemed to be as good as we had hoped, or better and when we parted at the end of the date we both felt kind of disappointed it had to end. As soon as he got home he contacted me, very complimentary, very keen to meet again, it was all good.

'WAS' is the operative word here because 'Mr I won't mess you around or play games, I am honest, genuine and reliable' appears now to have done a vanishing act! Well to be more precise this is the second vanishing act. The first time he turned up again full of apology and reason, this time nothing and I will be damned if I'm going to contact him, much as I might like too and much as I am having to sit on my hands to prevent myself from calling or texting him. Dammit!

Maybe there is a valid reason, maybe I will eat my words but you will forgive my scepticism when I say I suspect it's probably all bullshit again!

My cage has been well and truly rattled this time! I await his call, I imagine I will be waiting quite some time!

For a long long time I have said I would never be one of the 'all men are bastards' brigade and deep down I do know there are some good guys out there but there but they seem to be very thin on the ground and each time this happens it's getting harder to keep the faith!

*And yes Mr B, I know what you will say and maybe I am beginning to think you are right!

Thankyou....

....to everyone of you for all the birthday wishes yesterday, here in comments, on facebook and on Twitter. You lot made my day! :)

It was always going to be an odd day for one reason and another, my home situation is somewhat strange and difficult, it's was my first 'occasion' since my fathers death and the ongoing dating saga wasn't causing me much in the way of joy but regardless, I had a good day and a very nice evening with a friend.

It wasn't anything like the party madness one might expect but I think I'm getting a bit beyond all that, it was however a day full of cake, chocolate and the reminder that I have some very good friends out there.

Again, I thank you guys. It may have been a strange day but ultimately I enjoyed it and the gift of friendship is the very best kind of gift!

It's my birthday....

....and it's not started well!

'The date' who showed such promise appears to have possibly done a u-turn and I've woken up feeling poorly. Meh!

Perhaps things will improve as the day goes on. I do at least have the offer of an evening out at a friends later :)

Date debrief!

So, the bike ride, it didn't happen, however this is not a bad thing in that it didn't happen because we were so busy talking we just never got to it!! :)

We talked easily, we laughed a lot, I like him, he likes me, we want the same things in life, we like the same things, we have the same passions, it's looking good....

Like I said yesterday though, we shall see, no counting of little yellow fluffy chicks!

It's been a while....

....since I last got into my leathers and sat on a bike, about two years to be more specific, which is way too long, but today I have a date with a very nice man and a very big bike!

This one shows much more promise than some of my previous 'encounters' but given my recent experiences with men let's just say I'm not holding my breath, things could 'go to pot' just as quickly as they seem to have developed but I can't help but be a little excited this time, try as I might not to be.

Whatever, a day out back in the saddle is going to be fun, I've missed it, I can't wait and the fact that the man is passionate about good coffee and good chocolate too is something of a bonus and a half decent start! :)

We will see....

Un-birthday!

Today is my 'un-birthday'!

On my actual birthday in a few days time there will be only myself here so today my sister and nieces are here and we are having a little family lunch, there will be chocolate and there will be cake!

It feels very odd this year, it's my first 'occasion' since my dad died and life with my mother has been pretty 'challenging' since so this little gathering will be different to those that have gone before. It will be good to be together and to do something nice for a change, family soirees of late have not been happy fun filled occasions needless to say, but this one will be! ;)

Bring on the cake then.....

Stand to attention!

Maybe you have to be a mad cat person like myself but I love this! :)