I'm me!

The last few months of my life have been a pretty steep learning curve in one way and another and situations and emotions I thought, or at least hoped, I would never have to face, I have had to look hard in the eye at a time when I mistakenly imagined I was begining to get my life in some semlance of order and be in the place emotionally that I had always wanted to be.

No-one's life is always straightforward and there are many with far greater difficulties than mine to face. We are each the sum of our own individual life experience, we all have our personal ups and downs, our happy times and our sad and it's those experiences, the good and the bad shape us and make us the individuals we are.

I have learned, I hope, a considerable amount about myself and about others over the last three months. Most of it I would have been only too glad to have never had to learn but the option wasn't mine to choose, so having been thrown in the deep end without a life jacket so to speak, I had two choices, sink or swim. I chose to swim, though as those who are closest to me would tell you, I did a fair amount of just treading water trying not to drown, while I mustered the strength and decided which!

I'm still some way from 'fixed' but I'm also a long way from where I was three months ago and emotionally, if not yet practically, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I've learned, if nothing else, that I am who I am and never again will I try to be someone I'm not. I'm me....and I kinda even like some bits of me! The other bits are a work in progress.

I'm far from perfect, I probably have more than my fair share of 'quirks', I make mistakes, I make poor choices, I fuck up spectacularly sometimes and I'm certainly not all 'sugar and spice'......but there's some okay bits in there too and I'll be damned if I'm going to go through life any longer trying to please everyone.

My bio in my profile here has long said that 'one of the things I have learned in half a lifetime' is that 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'.... so maybe it's time I stopped trying and started living my life my way. I can't morph into something I'm not to suit others and I'm not even sure anymore that I want to.

I'm me, I have always been me, I will always be me and those who don't like it can do the other thing!