Car karma?

At eight o'clock this morning the crap car is due to undergo it's annual and very scary MOT test. The test itself of course is not scary but the outcome very well might be...very scary indeed.

Add to that I have a much looked forward to date tonight, which requires I drive an approximate one hundred mile round trip.....you see my immediate dilemma should the stamp on the oh so important piece of paper carry the heinous 'FAIL' word!

I am on pins waiting and hoping that this is where my luck chooses to change!

Any good car karma is more than welcome to be sent my way ;)

Frustration!

'gemmak', or at least gemmak the blog will be six years old in a week or two's time but more recently this little space on the internet has become more and more frustrating for me. Not because I can't think of anything to write, precisely the reverse, I can think of much I would like to say, but I can't!

As time has marched on gemmak has undergone some degree of 'outing', as many blog/bloggers have. Some of this gradual erosion of anonymity is the result of my own sometimes slightly too complacent attitude and some as the result of other circumstances.

When I began I didn't have any real idea why I was blogging or what I hoped I would gain from it, to be honest I didn't imagine anyone would read it or that I would sustain it for long but as the years passed and life 'did it's thing' I found I was using blogging, to some degree at least in a quite cathartic way. Psychology has long recognised that writing things down when the going gets tough can be helpful and for me blogging has the same effect, though in a stronger sense. I can't define why that is, I don't know if it because blogging provides feedback and support, because I have maybe a narcissistic streak, because just writing certain experiences in itself helps to clarify the mind or whether it's a little bit of all of those things. Whichever or whatever it is cathartic and on occasion I suspect being able to 'out it out there' (whatever 'it' may be) has probably helped save my sometimes questionable sanity.

So why the frustration? Well, as my anonymity has gradually been lost I am less and less able to put into the public domain certain aspects of my life. I sit here frequently itching to type about some particular issue or event and just can't, either to protect the privacy of others involved or because I am aware that what I want to say risks offending or upsetting some who read. It frustrates the hell out of me.

I have looked into moving the whole blog (much too big a job given the number of posts and images) to a platform that allows protected posts, I have considered just ditching this and starting over (but the narcissistic bit of me can't bear to lose all this now) and I have considered linking certain posts to another private blog or passworded account. None of those options seem to be quite suitable for one reason or another unfortunately and so I remain frustrated with my finger ends poised to type, feeling somewhat gagged and wondering why the hell Blogger can't or doesn't offer the protected post option.

Answers on a postcard (or comment) please!

Bite me!

My most embarrassing incident ever!

There are some things that perhaps for our own dignity we should never share but also, as one rarely able to resist a challenge we have to break that rule, or I do at least!

The challenge in this case comes from a competition launched by Urbanvox, to blog 'your most embarrassing incident ever'. I don't embarrass easily so stories in this vein are few and far between but there is one which instantly comes to mind, which perhaps not for the reasons one might imagine, managed to have me curling up inside and wishing the ground would open up beneath me very quickly...so here goes, I will do my very best to word this appropriately but be warned, it's content is adult in nature and maybe not for the faint of heart.

Embarrassing incident - Part 1.

It began as what should have been, and for the most part was, a very pleasant evening, the specifics of when, where and who I won't share to protect the innocent but the scenario was an evening with a very nice man, pretty early on in the relationship, early enough that what followed was far from ideal!

So, for the incident to begin let's just say that late on in the evening things became a little 'heated' and the physical aspect of this date became shall we say fulfilled. It was at this point, after it was too late, that I suddenly remembered with some degree of horror, that I was er....wearing internal feminine protection! No, before you ask, neither of us noticed, I don't know why or how but we didn't, but oh how I wish that we had!

I made light of the situation (as you do) and in the wee small hours went home to what I can only describe as a fraught hour or two of 'fishing and ferreting' in vain and desperately more frantic attempts to retrieve the offending item. It was a complete 'fail'. I trawled the internet for information on my problem and I tried all the recommended tricks but still to no avail, I couldn't even locate it the damn thing!

Now I know enough about physiology to know it couldn't get 'lost' but the (albeit rare) possibility of TSS had to be considered, so eventually I fell into bed and decided I would address the whole debacle again when I woke up.

Embarrassing incident - Part 2.

Sunday morning dawned and I decided I had no option but to attend my local A&E department...who found the entire story highly amusing and thanked me for brightening their Sunday morning! Thanks guys, I'm glad to be of service! My situation of course is not too unusual in A&E circles but the specifics of my physiological case (don't read too much into that, I have a tilted womb, for the ladies who have one you know the issues, ok, TMI maybe) meant that what should have been a simple procedure became almost an hour of the 'legs in stirrups thing', while various doctors peered and poked with various versions of forcept! This was not a fun experience but finally the job was done and I shuffled off home feeling a little battle scarred.

The finale.

Now, all that might be pretty embarrassing for many but like I said, I'm not easily given to embarrassment so thus far in this tale I had mostly seen the funny, if slight panic stricken side, the final part however was the really dire bit.

I arrived home to be met by my concerned parents. I had already managed to explain reasonably discreetly to my mother why I was making a quick dash to A&E but had spared my father the information, he was never good at that stuff but on my arrival he insisted on being told 'what was up'! Jeez.

My mother and myself tried as best we could to find a way to tell him I was fine and he didn't need to know more detail but he just wasn't having it..... and believe me when I say, being reduced to standing in front of one's father, who was himself mortally uncomfortable talking about such things, trying to explain the specifics of my previous 18 hours, has to be the most embarrassing incident of my life! By comparison the rest was a walk in the park!!!

Internet dating - The mistakes we make!

I'm probably breaching copyright here but this article from The Telegraph was sent to me by a friend and had me in stitches. For any of you who might have been daft enough to get involved in all of this some of it will be probably painfully resonant of past experiences ...for everyone else it's just damn funny!


Where women go wrong;

# They talk about cats, self-help books and soap operas; to men, this is dull and may indicate the beginnings of insanity.
# They talk about past relationships; the ultimate turn-off.
# They dress either dress too sluttily, or turn up disguised as Margaret Thatcher.
# They boast about their highly paid jobs and salaries; this can make less well-paid men feel small, helpless and angry.
# They get drunk and emotional.
# They sometimes expect sex on the first date, which can leave men feeling ‘used’.
# They talk about marriage, families and babies precipitously; men like to feel that marriage is their idea, even if it is plainly not.
# They give mixed messages; if you like a man, say do, if you don’t, politely disappear.


and where men go wrong;

# They lie on their profiles. About everything: height, ‘hair situation’, age, marital status, children...
# If you’re overweight and 60-years-old don’t expect a warm response form a 23-year-old woman looking for a ‘a sporty man aged 22 to 35’
# They can’t spell: “Hi Cuttie, how r ya?”
# They are too pushy: They don’t think that most women prefer to get to know the man a little (email/ phone etc) before they meet a complete stranger.
# They use sexual innuendo: e.g. to girl who likes fishing: “Will you hold my rod?”
# They don’t always bother with innuendo: “I want you now sexy”
# They confuse dating with getting laid.
# They are shy. A bit shy is cute, too shy is weird.

The full article is HERE.

Ms. Not So Savvy!

So, Ms. 'thought she was pretty internet savvy' here has made a glaringly fundamental mistake!

This blog began with the intention of being anonymous and for the most part, over almost six years, I have achieved that. There has of course been one or two 'glitches' but nothing major and I was pretty convinced that I had secured it well enough that strangers couldn't find it and associate it with me, the real person.

WRONG!

It transpired yesterday that someone I had met online only the day before, managed to find 'gemmak'....and more worryingly, he did it very easily, dammit! I had overlooked one thing (that I am aware of!). Well to be more specific I hadn't overlooked it, I had considered it and thought it highly unlikely anyone would go that route.

Wrong again!

As it happens in this case (if you read this you know who you are and I should thank you for making me aware!)it doesn't actually matter and there's no real issue other than my embarrassment but given my recent stalker episode it does concern me. I have however now 'plugged the hole' so it will be much harder for anyone to go the same route in the future but it has made me think again about the fact that over the years I have got a little complacent and that I must sharpen up my act.

Incidentally, for obvious reasons I won't advertise the 'loophole' here but if you want to know for the preservation of your own anonymity, just drop me a line or a comment.

Ms. Not so bloody savvy eh? Duh!

South Park meets Facebook!

Very funny and worryingly accurate! ;)

Short dog day!

Today I have sole charge of 'Short Dog' aka 'Alfie', my brothers absolutely yummy canine. The reason for his nickname is obvious... don't mock the afflicted, I know how he feels and don't be fooled by those legs, he can walk/run almost forever, I am in for a day of somewhat 'brisk' exercise I suspect...though he also has a penchant for snuggling up next to me in bed and dog chilling!

This promises to be a good day, sunshine, company, walking and very probably ice cream, well it would be very unkind not to treat him, would it not?!

Right then...I'm off, I have lead, treats and those nasty but necessary little bags in hand and I intend spending the day happily being dragged hither and thither! :)

Orange!

More HERE. (Click for big)

On my stalker and my stupidity!

I suppose it was always likely to happen one day, we, or at least I think I am savvy enough to avoid it but it seems it's not always as straightforward as we might like to imagine!

What am I talking about? Well, I appear to have got myself a somewhat scary stalker via the interweb. Ugh. :(

To cut a long story short he has been less than impressed by my telling him I don't want to meet up with him. In part it's my own fault. My gut reaction weeks ago was that this guy was bad news but for whatever reason I chose to give him a 'second chance' and began responding to his emails/texts again. Silly, stupid woman! None of that excuses his behaviour however.

The reasons I chose to do that are perhaps complicated and maybe I don't entirely understand them myself, in part he was nice, interesting, bright, amusing yada, yada, in fact there were aspects of him that were very interesting but there were one or two things that just got my safety antenna jangling like bells right from the start. I should have listened!

I know all the rules, I've been on t'internet long enough and I'm old enough and ugly enough to know better but I still made a serious error of judgement and a poor decision, which in an odd way is psychologically the interesting aspect and a maybe a good lesson learned.

No matter how much time I have spent on the internet, no matter how savvy I might think I am, I still allowed myself, against all the contrary evidence and advice from one or two trusted male friends (thank you guys, you know who you are) to be manipulated into something that deep down I felt was concerning! I need to look at that in me a little harder maybe!

....And I have got my comeuppance for my stupidity. This guy lives close by, is angry with me and whilst he hasn't actually threatened me yet I have thus far had 24 hours feeling like I'm looking over my shoulder all the time and a sleepless night worrying about what, if any, his next move might be. He doesn't thankfully know my address but he does know the town and I'm sure it's not beyond him to search the electoral roll if he felt so inclined. He has however not contacted me now since yesterday morning when I told him in no uncertain terms to 'cease all communication', so my fingers are firmly crossed!

Hopefully it will all come to nothing more but I'm not ashamed to say it's scared the crap out of me and I don't like feeling this vulnerable one - little - bit. Maybe it is however a good and timely wake up call, because whilst I'm sure most guys out there are ok and this is my first and only 'incident' in many years, some are not ok, very not ok in fact and I had allowed myself to become far too complacent.

Stupid, stupid, idiot, f*ckwit woman!

A police warning for men!

I suspect there is a fair chance that you have seen this, it seems to be doing 'the rounds' but just now in my life I find it so amusing I had to share it here too in case you missed it! ;)

"Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called ' Beer' . The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'. Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this ' Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book."

Kick ass karma?

The last couple of weeks in gemmaks-ville have been pretty odd for a variety of reasons, my domestic situation continues to be something of a trial, the work, or rather the lack of it, issue remains a thorn in my side, my finances are dire and the man thing is just beyond pathetic.

My stress levels are running pretty high and my motivation pretty low.

I'm beginning to feel as if someone has put a hex on me or has a little pin ridden doll representation of me hidden away somewhere. Perhaps I was particularly bad in a previous existence and this is my karma, whatever it is, given that just about everything I have had any involvement with over the last year appears to go horribly wrong as soon as I get anywhere close I think I can be forgiven for a tiny bit of negativity in my current thinking.

I keep on trying to be hopeful and telling myself things will change and improve but they just don't damn them. Each event that crops up seems to be yet something else that's difficult or miserable and I truly don't think that it's down to how I approach or perceive things at the moment. In all honesty I think I have remained pretty positive throughout and handled more than some could, sure I've had my down times but despite a run of pretty tough life events hitting me one after another I am still standing..... and most times with a smile on my face, albeit sometimes a slightly 'painted' one.

Surely, sometime soon, anytime now would be good please, just one really good/happy/positive/life affirming thing will happen, I'm not greedy, one will do me, I'll be more than happy with any sign that things are going to begin getting a little easier and that the mere fact that I would like something is no longer going to appear to be good enough reason alone that it shouldn't happen!

Bugger....enough already, whatever happened to life being fun just some of the time?!!

The Dancing Dodo.....

....I shouldn't love it but I do! I'm the marketing guys dream on this one I know but hey, it makes me smile! :)

Get close!

Things that made me smile yesterday when I was feeling particularly un-smiley! (Click for the big ones.)

Pretty in pink!

Look me in the eye!

Pollenate me!

Hairy!