(Clickable)
Saturday, 21 April 2007
Thursday, 19 April 2007
A place to ponder
My life as you know, has of late not been always too straightforward but in an odd way the job from hell, albeit not very distracting in itself, has been a source of some small pleasures for me.
Day to day the making and delivering of sandwiches, under the tutelage of 'the bitch supervisor from hell' and in vans in varying states of disrepair does nothing to lighten my mood but it does provide me en-route with one or two little treats that somehow have managed to help me through my difficult days.
As my route has evolved I have taken in one or two tiny 'diversions'. Hell, , I work a full shift without being allowed a break (yes I know it's contrary to employment law) so I don't feel guilty in building into my day a few minutes to enjoy the better aspects of trailing around the same roads day in and day out.
There are the rabbits, baby rabbits, up to ten of them at a time playing each morning in a small lane close to my first call. There is by coincidence a small lay-by in the vicinity, which just cries out for me to stop and watch for a few minutes as they play and burrow in the hedges along both sides of the lane.
Further on, about half way through my day is my 'farm cat', who when she shows herself, happily allows me to pick her up and cuddle her for as long as I like while she purrs merrily.
Then of course there are the swans, the mother swan is still sat like lady muck, unmoving beyond the reach of her neck, whilst her mate fetches and carries for her constantly with a small entourage of ducks.
And finally, toward the end of my day there is my 'place to ponder'. Another lay-by but this time in a secluded spot a little off the road, so as to avoid my being caught by the possible passing of my boss. This spot is just a gated entrance to a field but is quiet save for the sound of the breeze in the trees that surround it and the birdsong of a multitude of feathered flutterers. There have been daffodils in the field bobbing their yellow heads and then latterly cows who trampled them but who cares, cows have friendly, happy faces, they can be forgiven. Beautiful large pine cones on the ground, holly berries being devoured by small birds and more rabbits. It is here each day around lunchtime that I stop with my 'hastily bought from a garage cup of awful coffee' to have a cigarette and just to ponder, just to try and get my head straight if it requires it and to take a break from the stuff that is life.
(Clickable) Phone camera again.....I really must buy a better one sometime!
Day to day the making and delivering of sandwiches, under the tutelage of 'the bitch supervisor from hell' and in vans in varying states of disrepair does nothing to lighten my mood but it does provide me en-route with one or two little treats that somehow have managed to help me through my difficult days.
As my route has evolved I have taken in one or two tiny 'diversions'. Hell, , I work a full shift without being allowed a break (yes I know it's contrary to employment law) so I don't feel guilty in building into my day a few minutes to enjoy the better aspects of trailing around the same roads day in and day out.
There are the rabbits, baby rabbits, up to ten of them at a time playing each morning in a small lane close to my first call. There is by coincidence a small lay-by in the vicinity, which just cries out for me to stop and watch for a few minutes as they play and burrow in the hedges along both sides of the lane.
Further on, about half way through my day is my 'farm cat', who when she shows herself, happily allows me to pick her up and cuddle her for as long as I like while she purrs merrily.
Then of course there are the swans, the mother swan is still sat like lady muck, unmoving beyond the reach of her neck, whilst her mate fetches and carries for her constantly with a small entourage of ducks.
And finally, toward the end of my day there is my 'place to ponder'. Another lay-by but this time in a secluded spot a little off the road, so as to avoid my being caught by the possible passing of my boss. This spot is just a gated entrance to a field but is quiet save for the sound of the breeze in the trees that surround it and the birdsong of a multitude of feathered flutterers. There have been daffodils in the field bobbing their yellow heads and then latterly cows who trampled them but who cares, cows have friendly, happy faces, they can be forgiven. Beautiful large pine cones on the ground, holly berries being devoured by small birds and more rabbits. It is here each day around lunchtime that I stop with my 'hastily bought from a garage cup of awful coffee' to have a cigarette and just to ponder, just to try and get my head straight if it requires it and to take a break from the stuff that is life.
(Clickable) Phone camera again.....I really must buy a better one sometime!
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Power of recall
Those among our number who are bright enough to be involved in the research of the mind have long insisted that our brains take in and 'record' every single piece of information we encounter, be that visually, audibly, by experience,
by our intention to learn or by any other form of stimulus. Everything goes in, our mind remembers it all, it is only our ability to recollect that information that is at fault.
Our skills in dragging from the depths of our mind the appropriate information, if and when we need it, are somewhat lacking when compared to the human hard drive facility it seems.
So why then, when recalling the simplest of facts is necessary on a day to day basis we often fail dismally and yet, when we least expect (or need) it, suddenly something small is so evocative that our powers of recollection begin to run on overdrive!
Earlier this week I happened upon something from my past, it was unintentional and unexpected, it was only a small find, something barely tangible but *BANG*, in an instant and without warning I was transported back to that time.
It had been a happy time, one of my happiest, if not the happiest.... and there I was suddenly re-living it, completely lost in the sights, the sounds, the smells and the emotions involved. The whole shebang hit me in such minute detail and with such force that for a short while I felt I was there, that I could reach out and touch those moments again. I could recall every aspect of the situation and circumstances and all with such unbelievable breathtaking clarity that the here and now faded away into temporary obscurity. I was utterly taken over by the power of the memory and it's intensity..... and all triggered by just one small find.
Our minds are sometimes amazing, the power with which we can recall certain things is astounding..... particularly in these days, when as a '40 something' my usual recall abilities dictate that it is not uncommon to struggle, for instance, to remember even the name of a film I saw only last week!
by our intention to learn or by any other form of stimulus. Everything goes in, our mind remembers it all, it is only our ability to recollect that information that is at fault.
Our skills in dragging from the depths of our mind the appropriate information, if and when we need it, are somewhat lacking when compared to the human hard drive facility it seems.
So why then, when recalling the simplest of facts is necessary on a day to day basis we often fail dismally and yet, when we least expect (or need) it, suddenly something small is so evocative that our powers of recollection begin to run on overdrive!
Earlier this week I happened upon something from my past, it was unintentional and unexpected, it was only a small find, something barely tangible but *BANG*, in an instant and without warning I was transported back to that time.
It had been a happy time, one of my happiest, if not the happiest.... and there I was suddenly re-living it, completely lost in the sights, the sounds, the smells and the emotions involved. The whole shebang hit me in such minute detail and with such force that for a short while I felt I was there, that I could reach out and touch those moments again. I could recall every aspect of the situation and circumstances and all with such unbelievable breathtaking clarity that the here and now faded away into temporary obscurity. I was utterly taken over by the power of the memory and it's intensity..... and all triggered by just one small find.
Our minds are sometimes amazing, the power with which we can recall certain things is astounding..... particularly in these days, when as a '40 something' my usual recall abilities dictate that it is not uncommon to struggle, for instance, to remember even the name of a film I saw only last week!
Monday, 16 April 2007
Homework!
Taken from an hilarious (well I thought it was funny) email.
School work with a difference!
School work with a difference!
Sunday, 15 April 2007
The madness of me?
Since Tilly departed my day to day life I have been makling an effort to avoid anything 'cat', anything at all that reminded me of her little furry-ness made me so sad and miserable that avoidance seemed the best option.
Perhaps that seems an odd route to some, I can imagine that in missing something it is maybe, for some, better to maintain any kind of contact where possible but for me it was easier on my state of mind to take the route of complete avoidance....and that was difficult on a practical level as well as an emotional one. For twenty five years a large part of my life has been 'cat', I have cat 'stuff' everywhere, bits and pieces, books, etc. etc, the usual paraphernaila we all collect over time....well mine was all cat related and suddenly to find it a painful thing left me feeling in a strange way lost, almost like I didn't quite know who I was any longer and struggling in my diffucult moments to find any kind of comfort, for prior to now in my dark moments it had been my cats I focussed on to raise my mood.
This likely all seems somewhat extreme, or odd, or worse to some, and maybe it is but for me it's fact, perhaps it's the 'childless woman' syndrome (albeit to be childless was a concious decision on my part), perhaps it's my obsessive nature but whatever my madness, losing Tilly was very hard and remains very hard.
I am improving though and as proof my 'madness' is lessening a little I have found on my daily white van travels a little cat, a farm cat who is happy to roll over for me and have her tummmy tickled and has absolutely no objection to being plucked from the floor for a cuddle and to wrap herself around my neck purring! :o)
Hey, she's not Tilly, she's not mine and she's likely flea ridden if I cared to investigate... but she's a pretty little thing, she is proof that I am accepting the situation and she brightens my day on those days she cares to drag herself from other farm feline activities and show her face. :o)
(Phone camera...apologies)
Perhaps that seems an odd route to some, I can imagine that in missing something it is maybe, for some, better to maintain any kind of contact where possible but for me it was easier on my state of mind to take the route of complete avoidance....and that was difficult on a practical level as well as an emotional one. For twenty five years a large part of my life has been 'cat', I have cat 'stuff' everywhere, bits and pieces, books, etc. etc, the usual paraphernaila we all collect over time....well mine was all cat related and suddenly to find it a painful thing left me feeling in a strange way lost, almost like I didn't quite know who I was any longer and struggling in my diffucult moments to find any kind of comfort, for prior to now in my dark moments it had been my cats I focussed on to raise my mood.
This likely all seems somewhat extreme, or odd, or worse to some, and maybe it is but for me it's fact, perhaps it's the 'childless woman' syndrome (albeit to be childless was a concious decision on my part), perhaps it's my obsessive nature but whatever my madness, losing Tilly was very hard and remains very hard.
I am improving though and as proof my 'madness' is lessening a little I have found on my daily white van travels a little cat, a farm cat who is happy to roll over for me and have her tummmy tickled and has absolutely no objection to being plucked from the floor for a cuddle and to wrap herself around my neck purring! :o)
Hey, she's not Tilly, she's not mine and she's likely flea ridden if I cared to investigate... but she's a pretty little thing, she is proof that I am accepting the situation and she brightens my day on those days she cares to drag herself from other farm feline activities and show her face. :o)
(Phone camera...apologies)
Saturday, 14 April 2007
Friday, 13 April 2007
Oh how typical!
I don't have a very good record with Friday the 13th as long serving readers here will know, so it seems appropriately typical that today, yet another Friday the 13th, should be my birthday!
Kinda figures....bloody typical!
Kinda figures....bloody typical!
Thursday, 12 April 2007
Eggs....
...there are eggs at last! :o)
Two apparently, though I haven't seen them myself but I have it on good authority that under that white-ness there are definately two. Her ladyship is certainly being somewhat less friendly than she has been recently, I was risking life, limb and some annoyed 'hisses' just trying to take this picture and she seems to be set there for the duration of the gestation period, no sign of movement further than her neck will stretch!
(Phone camera, crap quality, sorry)
Two apparently, though I haven't seen them myself but I have it on good authority that under that white-ness there are definately two. Her ladyship is certainly being somewhat less friendly than she has been recently, I was risking life, limb and some annoyed 'hisses' just trying to take this picture and she seems to be set there for the duration of the gestation period, no sign of movement further than her neck will stretch!
(Phone camera, crap quality, sorry)
Wednesday, 11 April 2007
A multi story!
Good grief...on a scale of one to ten for idiocy and lack of concentration I was up there at something around 1000 this afternoon!
I have been on a 'shoe quest', that is I need new shoes and my parents offered to buy me some for my birthday. This should not be a trauma but with size 2-3 feet and manufacturers beginning sizes at 4, buying new shoes is always somewhat of a tiresome carry on!
And so for weeks intermittently I have been trying to track down the one pair of size 3 shoes apparently left in the world, but time is running out, the birthday is soon so this week I have spent 7 whole damn hours on the shoe quest in shopping centers. I found one pair size 3....but that is not the point of this tale of stupidity!
Upon arrival at the local shopping centre this afternoon my phone rang, I answered it and became embroiled in the conversation. I think it pertinent at this point to suggest that blame may be laid at the feet (no pun intended) of the caller, for had he not called, my afternoon would have gone swimmingly...yes, definitely not my fault! ;o)
So.....embroiled in the call I left the car, locked it and headed for the shoe shops. It was an hour or two later I realised I had absolutely no recollection of where in the multi story car park I had left it......and furthermore my ticket for escape seemed to be missing....again no recollection of where it was! Gah!
In very slight panic mode I made my way back to the parking levels (still shoe-less) and began the hunt for my car......four floors I trawled and not a hint of it could I find. In slightly more severe panic mode at this point I decided best I go for a coffee and a cigarette and re-group my thoughts. I was not after all looking forward to subsequently having to pay a whole days rate (£25) for my also lost ticket!
Coffee and nicotine consumed I decided there was only one thing for it, wait for the shops to close, the car park to empty, and then take another look....my car should by then be almost alone and although I would have to walk a number of flights of stairs in my search, it should be easier to spot. In the meantime to kill the remaining time while I waited for the close of business I set about more shopping.
I decided to try on some items in a clothing store sometime later and in the usual hot and unpleasant scramble out of my clothes in the dressing room I took off the baseball cap I had been wearing to hide my rather less than perfect 'post work' coiffure. As I took off my hat what should I see but my parking ticket float down to the ground from my head....uh??....please don't ask how it got there, I have no idea whatsoever!
Things improved from that point on....I found some shoes that fitted (black and shocking pink....don't cringe) and my plan for the vanishing car was a success too. I had only to trail three flights of car park stairs before my little car stood out alone in front of me in the wide open space of the now almost empty parking bays!
Hurrahhhh!
I have been on a 'shoe quest', that is I need new shoes and my parents offered to buy me some for my birthday. This should not be a trauma but with size 2-3 feet and manufacturers beginning sizes at 4, buying new shoes is always somewhat of a tiresome carry on!
And so for weeks intermittently I have been trying to track down the one pair of size 3 shoes apparently left in the world, but time is running out, the birthday is soon so this week I have spent 7 whole damn hours on the shoe quest in shopping centers. I found one pair size 3....but that is not the point of this tale of stupidity!
Upon arrival at the local shopping centre this afternoon my phone rang, I answered it and became embroiled in the conversation. I think it pertinent at this point to suggest that blame may be laid at the feet (no pun intended) of the caller, for had he not called, my afternoon would have gone swimmingly...yes, definitely not my fault! ;o)
So.....embroiled in the call I left the car, locked it and headed for the shoe shops. It was an hour or two later I realised I had absolutely no recollection of where in the multi story car park I had left it......and furthermore my ticket for escape seemed to be missing....again no recollection of where it was! Gah!
In very slight panic mode I made my way back to the parking levels (still shoe-less) and began the hunt for my car......four floors I trawled and not a hint of it could I find. In slightly more severe panic mode at this point I decided best I go for a coffee and a cigarette and re-group my thoughts. I was not after all looking forward to subsequently having to pay a whole days rate (£25) for my also lost ticket!
Coffee and nicotine consumed I decided there was only one thing for it, wait for the shops to close, the car park to empty, and then take another look....my car should by then be almost alone and although I would have to walk a number of flights of stairs in my search, it should be easier to spot. In the meantime to kill the remaining time while I waited for the close of business I set about more shopping.
I decided to try on some items in a clothing store sometime later and in the usual hot and unpleasant scramble out of my clothes in the dressing room I took off the baseball cap I had been wearing to hide my rather less than perfect 'post work' coiffure. As I took off my hat what should I see but my parking ticket float down to the ground from my head....uh??....please don't ask how it got there, I have no idea whatsoever!
Things improved from that point on....I found some shoes that fitted (black and shocking pink....don't cringe) and my plan for the vanishing car was a success too. I had only to trail three flights of car park stairs before my little car stood out alone in front of me in the wide open space of the now almost empty parking bays!
Hurrahhhh!
Tuesday, 10 April 2007
Before I start....
.....I will apologise for what is about to come but this is my blog and right now I need somewhere to just shout/scream/vent call it whatever you will!
So here goes:
*&%$F*UCK*&%$F*CK*&%$*F*CK&*^%*
Maybe I'm just having a particularly bad day, maybe I've just had enough temporarliy, maybe I'm just being pathetic and feeling sorry for myself but whatever it is it's not a good day in gemmak's-ville today. Ok, so a proportion of my life recently has left a little to be desired but today sucks big time.<
I don't feel too well, my job drove me nuts today, I miss Tilly more than I ever imagined, I feel lonely and I'm thoroughly pissed off. I seem to take one step forward and two backward most of the time and just once in a while an easy day or something working out without me having to fight would be freakin amazing. Jesus, even a whole two days without tears would be a treat.
Yes I know I'm being selfish, there are plenty out there with problems and pain that would put my problems and upsets into very sharp perspective but today maybe I need to be selfish for a little while.....get it off my chest or something. My ability for some positivity seems to have deserted me temporarily and I'm utterly fed up.
Ok, rant over....I'll go crawl under a stone until I'm in better humour.
Tomorrow is another day......
yeah I know, probably it won't be much better but maybe my ability to cope with it will have improved.
So here goes:
*&%$F*UCK*&%$F*CK*&%$*F*CK&*^%*
Maybe I'm just having a particularly bad day, maybe I've just had enough temporarliy, maybe I'm just being pathetic and feeling sorry for myself but whatever it is it's not a good day in gemmak's-ville today. Ok, so a proportion of my life recently has left a little to be desired but today sucks big time.<
I don't feel too well, my job drove me nuts today, I miss Tilly more than I ever imagined, I feel lonely and I'm thoroughly pissed off. I seem to take one step forward and two backward most of the time and just once in a while an easy day or something working out without me having to fight would be freakin amazing. Jesus, even a whole two days without tears would be a treat.
Yes I know I'm being selfish, there are plenty out there with problems and pain that would put my problems and upsets into very sharp perspective but today maybe I need to be selfish for a little while.....get it off my chest or something. My ability for some positivity seems to have deserted me temporarily and I'm utterly fed up.
Ok, rant over....I'll go crawl under a stone until I'm in better humour.
Tomorrow is another day......
yeah I know, probably it won't be much better but maybe my ability to cope with it will have improved.
Monday, 9 April 2007
I wonder.....
......will I ever get used to this latest Microsoft pigs ear offering so lovingly referred to as 'Vista'?!
Perseverance and asignifigant number of patches will probably sort it all out but for now....please can I have XP back?!
Really though...it would be nice to be able to connect to a secure connection without someone who knows his stuff (cheers Fletch) having to spend two weeks working out Microsoft's inadequacies! How long did it take them to 'perfect' Vista?? Hmmm.
....ok, ok, I'll keep trying, doubtless I said something similar about XP a few years back!
Perseverance and a
Really though...it would be nice to be able to connect to a secure connection without someone who knows his stuff (cheers Fletch) having to spend two weeks working out Microsoft's inadequacies! How long did it take them to 'perfect' Vista?? Hmmm.
....ok, ok, I'll keep trying, doubtless I said something similar about XP a few years back!
Saturday, 7 April 2007
Real Motorbikes!
If you would like to see what real motorbikes are like and how they should be ridden to the extreme here's a Video on Fletch's Blog showing Motorbikes competing in the Paris Dakar Rallye (It makes the Superbikes look like child's play!)
Even if you don’t 'Do' motorbikes take a quick look, it made the hairs on my back stand on end.
Truly extreme.
(OK Fletch you ride like that I'll still ride Pillion! ;o) )
Even if you don’t 'Do' motorbikes take a quick look, it made the hairs on my back stand on end.
Truly extreme.
(OK Fletch you ride like that I'll still ride Pillion! ;o) )
Friday, 6 April 2007
From my mail box
"Oestrogen issues" - 10 ways to know if you have oestrogen issues!
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate to your cheese omlette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every car sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 0800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..
.....and this that particularly amused me:
(for those that don't know my real name there is a clue in there somewhere!) ;o)
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate to your cheese omlette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every car sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 0800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..
.....and this that particularly amused me:
(for those that don't know my real name there is a clue in there somewhere!) ;o)
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
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