Perhaps that seems an odd route to some, I can imagine that in missing something it is maybe, for some, better to maintain any kind of contact where possible but for me it was easier on my state of mind to take the route of complete avoidance....and that was difficult on a practical level as well as an emotional one. For twenty five years a large part of my life has been 'cat', I have cat 'stuff' everywhere, bits and pieces, books, etc. etc, the usual paraphernaila we all collect over time....well mine was all cat related and suddenly to find it a painful thing left me feeling in a strange way lost, almost like I didn't quite know who I was any longer and struggling in my diffucult moments to find any kind of comfort, for prior to now in my dark moments it had been my cats I focussed on to raise my mood.
This likely all seems somewhat extreme, or odd, or worse to some, and maybe it is but for me it's fact, perhaps it's the 'childless woman' syndrome (albeit to be childless was a concious decision on my part), perhaps it's my obsessive nature but whatever my madness, losing Tilly was very hard and remains very hard.
I am improving though and as proof my 'madness' is lessening a little I have found on my daily white van travels a little cat, a farm cat who is happy to roll over for me and have her tummmy tickled and has absolutely no objection to being plucked from the floor for a cuddle and to wrap herself around my neck purring! :o)
Hey, she's not Tilly, she's not mine and she's likely flea ridden if I cared to investigate... but she's a pretty little thing, she is proof that I am accepting the situation and she brightens my day on those days she cares to drag herself from other farm feline activities and show her face. :o)
(Phone camera...apologies)
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