Not of course that I would ever dream of casting aspersions on the 'interests' of you my loyal readers, nor consider you anything other than proper, polite and individuals of good taste but the thought came to mind, that of all the pictures I have ever used on my header only one was requested (and still is) to be returned! Only one drew comments and requests for a copy.....it was the only slightly risque image I ever used, the couple on the beach! Hmmmm.
And yes, I have made promise to return it again sometime, for someone, but I have to have a change for a day or two, so perhaps the above will do for now :o)
Wednesday, 9 February 2005
Tuesday, 8 February 2005
I can't miss a day!
I'm having one of those days.....the one's where absolutely nothing is making it's way through the cotton wool that is currently masquerading as my brain and presenting itself as worthy of blogging. Absolutely damn all. Not a thing. Zip, zilch, nowt.
But here I am anyways, with one sole purpose......if I don't post something today it will be the first day of 2005 that I have missed and I just can't have that. My new years resolution (if you can call it that) was to post every day this year. I wasn't going to divulge that for fear of setting myself up for a fall but there it is, I have admitted it as poor excuse for this 'nothing' post that says sod all but at least carries the appropriate date!
Is that cheating I wonder?
But here I am anyways, with one sole purpose......if I don't post something today it will be the first day of 2005 that I have missed and I just can't have that. My new years resolution (if you can call it that) was to post every day this year. I wasn't going to divulge that for fear of setting myself up for a fall but there it is, I have admitted it as poor excuse for this 'nothing' post that says sod all but at least carries the appropriate date!
Is that cheating I wonder?
Monday, 7 February 2005
Ellen MacArthur has done it!
to Ellen MacArthur who has just broken the world record for sailing solo around the world with over a day to spare!
What a woman.
It's a tall world
This is not something new in my life, the world is most definitely not made to cater for those of us that are somewhat 'challenged' in the height department.
At 'optimistically' five foot I have long suffered clothes with sleeves half way to my knees, trousers with enough spare at the bottom of the leg to make a second pair and dresses that have the bust at my waist, the waist at my hips and reveal not just an attractive decolletage (should I have one) but the whole damn lot to a point somewhere midway between my shoulders and my navel!
I have had a lifetime of having to ask for assistance when trying to reach a product on a supermarket shelf, of being referred to as 'sweet' or 'cute' (neither of which accurately describes my nature!) because I am small, people have even been known to pat me on the head in a condescending manner and of course it has been the source of many jokes.
I am used to it, it has it's funny side and there are worse things that could have afflicted me but now something new.
I mentioned recently that the store in which I work is currently undergoing a re-fit, or rather a substantial re-build, well said work is progressing nicely, with one or two exceptions that I will go into on another occasion. This week saw the completion of the new desk that myself and those of usunlucky lucky enough to spend our days dealing with customer complaints inhabit for the eight hour stint.
And so we 'moved in' last Tuesday, tills, computers, and all the masses of sundry items required for us to do our job and serve the public in the manner to which they have become accustomed,where moved to our new 'abode' overnight. The morning bought chaos. I was alone running this area for the morning, I could find nothing, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and scattered randomly around, my tannoy and 'customer requires help' buzzers where defunct, only one pc and one till worked and the power sockets where non existent.
All of this was somewhat challenging but do-able, I muddled through, gradually cleaned and organised between customers, if not to perfection at least to a point where I could operate reasonably......... but woe is me, the height issue/small person problem raised it's head once more and in a far more difficult manner than the norm.
The whole damn desk has been built for someone of at least 5' 10'', I can't see my customers and they can't see me over the pc and till screens! Oh joy. Add to that the tills have been set so high that I cannot manoeuvre myself any which way to be able to view the screen through the appropriate bit of my varifocal lenses, resulting in a week of sore eyes and headaches.
Yes, I know there is a duty of care, that my employer should alleviate this problem. I offered to use a small box or stool or some such 'high tech' piece of equipment to stand on but apparently health and safety doesn't allow that.
Please forgive my scepticism but I have a feeling this will turn into a bone of contention. My initial mention of the problem seemed to be treated as moaning or grumbling and I got the distinct feeling among the laughter, that it was taken less than seriously. Things are hectic right now, management are stressed and there are myriad deadlines to meet and things to get done, so for now I will wait and see.....but who will give me good odds on anyone coming back to me on this one without my having to make an issue of it?!
Lol, just give me a box someone!
At 'optimistically' five foot I have long suffered clothes with sleeves half way to my knees, trousers with enough spare at the bottom of the leg to make a second pair and dresses that have the bust at my waist, the waist at my hips and reveal not just an attractive decolletage (should I have one) but the whole damn lot to a point somewhere midway between my shoulders and my navel!
I have had a lifetime of having to ask for assistance when trying to reach a product on a supermarket shelf, of being referred to as 'sweet' or 'cute' (neither of which accurately describes my nature!) because I am small, people have even been known to pat me on the head in a condescending manner and of course it has been the source of many jokes.
I am used to it, it has it's funny side and there are worse things that could have afflicted me but now something new.
I mentioned recently that the store in which I work is currently undergoing a re-fit, or rather a substantial re-build, well said work is progressing nicely, with one or two exceptions that I will go into on another occasion. This week saw the completion of the new desk that myself and those of us
And so we 'moved in' last Tuesday, tills, computers, and all the masses of sundry items required for us to do our job and serve the public in the manner to which they have become accustomed,where moved to our new 'abode' overnight. The morning bought chaos. I was alone running this area for the morning, I could find nothing, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and scattered randomly around, my tannoy and 'customer requires help' buzzers where defunct, only one pc and one till worked and the power sockets where non existent.
All of this was somewhat challenging but do-able, I muddled through, gradually cleaned and organised between customers, if not to perfection at least to a point where I could operate reasonably......... but woe is me, the height issue/small person problem raised it's head once more and in a far more difficult manner than the norm.
The whole damn desk has been built for someone of at least 5' 10'', I can't see my customers and they can't see me over the pc and till screens! Oh joy. Add to that the tills have been set so high that I cannot manoeuvre myself any which way to be able to view the screen through the appropriate bit of my varifocal lenses, resulting in a week of sore eyes and headaches.
Yes, I know there is a duty of care, that my employer should alleviate this problem. I offered to use a small box or stool or some such 'high tech' piece of equipment to stand on but apparently health and safety doesn't allow that.
Please forgive my scepticism but I have a feeling this will turn into a bone of contention. My initial mention of the problem seemed to be treated as moaning or grumbling and I got the distinct feeling among the laughter, that it was taken less than seriously. Things are hectic right now, management are stressed and there are myriad deadlines to meet and things to get done, so for now I will wait and see.....but who will give me good odds on anyone coming back to me on this one without my having to make an issue of it?!
Lol, just give me a box someone!
Eyes wide shut!
A whole house!
The above picture is not overly attractive and it appears to be of little interest but it illustrates well my level of attention to detail......or 'not' in this instance! We all do it, that slightly concerning thing where we drive into town or go about some other day to day routine and then can't recall the journey or quite how we got to that point.
The picture above shows the white gable end of a house, nothing too strange there but for the fact that house is at the bottom of the lane in which we live. I drive or walk into here facing it each time I come home and yet last time I took any notice it wasn't there! Ok, so it's been winter and dark most of that time and I have hopefully been concentrating on driving but it would have been kinda less worrying if I had noticed a whole house being built a little before it was almost complete!
I do have a vague recollection of unusual noise in the vicinity but I assumed it was emanating for the stables and farm there.......hells bells, it's not 200 yards away and I never noticed a whole, and I might add, big house, being constructed!!! Doh!
Any mention of age here is strictly prohibited!
Sunday, 6 February 2005
Virtual frustration
Perhaps it is just me but at times I find this blogging malarky frustrating. I am not referring here to the technical difficulties any of we intrepid bloggers face with regular monotony, I mean something slightly more profound.
Those sceptical souls out side of the blogosphere find it hard to relate to the principle that we find true friends, support, understanding and enjoyment from this endeavor, how often have you been told we are not 'real friends' or 'real people' or that you 'need to get out more' or 'get a life? I beg to differ there but that is not what this post is about and so before I digress further...... back to my point.
The frustration for me is in forging good and real friendships with people who in reality I know I am unlikely ever to meet. People I would love to sit and share a coffee with and to talk face to face with, people who's lives are difficult in some way and I cannot help as much as I would like. Friends who I genuinely care about and feel somehow I am not doing enough for, or who I would just like to be able to give a hug from time to time. People I know I would get on with like 'a house on fire', laugh unendingly with and have fun with.
The w.w.w. and the blogosphere has opened up a whole new world of interesting people for those of us that choose to use it and yet like anything, it is not perfect and brings with it it's own new aggravations and frustrations.
Words are powerful, they are an important form of communication but are not our only form of communication. We interact with our body language, our dialect, our facial expressions, our syntax, our voice tones and our personal manner of speech, to name but a few, and all of those things are missing here. It is easy to be misunderstood when one can't hear the others tone of voice or see their expression and it's hard often to express exactly what we mean and know that the other party has grasped our meaning. How often have you had an I.M conversation, an IRC conversation or sent an email....... only to find yourself struggling with only the typed word as your communication to undo some unintended hurt or to make yourself completely understood? As a veteran of IRC I can recall many a time I have sat in frustration at my inability to communicate exactly what I mean.
Yes we have webcams but they are very limited and I have rarely seen one that offers anything more than a badly pixelated, jumping image on a good day!
That said, the positives far outweigh the negatives and who among us would be without it now? Not me that's for sure". Frustrations, misunderstandings, aggravations and the rest of it, I'll take 'em all, for despite all of it my world has become a bigger more interesting place with the advent of the w.w.w. and I have met people I count among my true friends.
Those sceptical souls out side of the blogosphere find it hard to relate to the principle that we find true friends, support, understanding and enjoyment from this endeavor, how often have you been told we are not 'real friends' or 'real people' or that you 'need to get out more' or 'get a life? I beg to differ there but that is not what this post is about and so before I digress further...... back to my point.
The frustration for me is in forging good and real friendships with people who in reality I know I am unlikely ever to meet. People I would love to sit and share a coffee with and to talk face to face with, people who's lives are difficult in some way and I cannot help as much as I would like. Friends who I genuinely care about and feel somehow I am not doing enough for, or who I would just like to be able to give a hug from time to time. People I know I would get on with like 'a house on fire', laugh unendingly with and have fun with.
The w.w.w. and the blogosphere has opened up a whole new world of interesting people for those of us that choose to use it and yet like anything, it is not perfect and brings with it it's own new aggravations and frustrations.
Words are powerful, they are an important form of communication but are not our only form of communication. We interact with our body language, our dialect, our facial expressions, our syntax, our voice tones and our personal manner of speech, to name but a few, and all of those things are missing here. It is easy to be misunderstood when one can't hear the others tone of voice or see their expression and it's hard often to express exactly what we mean and know that the other party has grasped our meaning. How often have you had an I.M conversation, an IRC conversation or sent an email....... only to find yourself struggling with only the typed word as your communication to undo some unintended hurt or to make yourself completely understood? As a veteran of IRC I can recall many a time I have sat in frustration at my inability to communicate exactly what I mean.
Yes we have webcams but they are very limited and I have rarely seen one that offers anything more than a badly pixelated, jumping image on a good day!
That said, the positives far outweigh the negatives and who among us would be without it now? Not me that's for sure". Frustrations, misunderstandings, aggravations and the rest of it, I'll take 'em all, for despite all of it my world has become a bigger more interesting place with the advent of the w.w.w. and I have met people I count among my true friends.
Saturday, 5 February 2005
Whatever happened to......
....my life of laziness leisure? I'll tell you what happened, reality snuck up on me and bit me hard on the rear! I saw it coming, I wasn't pleased to see it's approach but like it or not things had to change a little.
So for now my life of leisure is curtailed somewhat. A matter of opportunity and a stern look on my virtual bank managers face collided and suddenly my days of working only two days a week are over! Bah!
This is nothing too serious I might add, I only have to work five days a week now and then, in the main it will be three or four but hell....I'm just not used to it! During my life of leisure I rarely got to bed before 1am and then I considered it early, the last few nights I have fallen into bed at 11ish and struggled to remain even remotely coherent for that long.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not really complaining here, I was lucky (if one can consider losing a close relative lucky), I unexpectedly inherited a considerable (to me) sum a while back, I could have been sensible, invested it, bought two new cars (oh how I wish I had done that right now), I could have bought a small property maybe or started a small business but no, I chose to live a comfortable life of relative leisure for a little over 2 years instead.
What fun we had in that time, it was bound to come to an end but the memories where worth every penny. I'd do the same all over again, without question.
So, just in case you where wondering........ now you have the answer to why my template has only changed once in two weeks! :o)
So for now my life of leisure is curtailed somewhat. A matter of opportunity and a stern look on my virtual bank managers face collided and suddenly my days of working only two days a week are over! Bah!
This is nothing too serious I might add, I only have to work five days a week now and then, in the main it will be three or four but hell....I'm just not used to it! During my life of leisure I rarely got to bed before 1am and then I considered it early, the last few nights I have fallen into bed at 11ish and struggled to remain even remotely coherent for that long.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not really complaining here, I was lucky (if one can consider losing a close relative lucky), I unexpectedly inherited a considerable (to me) sum a while back, I could have been sensible, invested it, bought two new cars (oh how I wish I had done that right now), I could have bought a small property maybe or started a small business but no, I chose to live a comfortable life of relative leisure for a little over 2 years instead.
What fun we had in that time, it was bound to come to an end but the memories where worth every penny. I'd do the same all over again, without question.
So, just in case you where wondering........ now you have the answer to why my template has only changed once in two weeks! :o)
Friday, 4 February 2005
Weird?
I was meandering around earlier today looking for pictures when I came across this one. It was on 'Getty images' a serious image site, not a joke site or something similar.
Why do I say this? Look carefully at the picture, you may need to enlarge it, what do you see? I'm sure there is a legitimate explanation, likely it has been manipulated in some way, but it on first sight it's weird!
(Click to enlarge)
©Getty Images
Why do I say this? Look carefully at the picture, you may need to enlarge it, what do you see? I'm sure there is a legitimate explanation, likely it has been manipulated in some way, but it on first sight it's weird!
(Click to enlarge)
©Getty Images
Friday's feast (34)
Appetizer - If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
An Irish wolf hound so I could know what it's like to be big and tall for a change! :o)
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of?
My bedroom.
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?
That depends on whether we are including 'getting my head together' time...... an hour with, half an hour without.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?
I have seven but am not really close to them, one I am closer to than the others.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)
Just my way!
An Irish wolf hound so I could know what it's like to be big and tall for a change! :o)
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of?
My bedroom.
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?
That depends on whether we are including 'getting my head together' time...... an hour with, half an hour without.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?
I have seven but am not really close to them, one I am closer to than the others.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)
Just my way!
Thursday, 3 February 2005
Goodbye Ivan Noble
Ivan Noble, the BBC journalist who began a 'tumour diary' on the BBC website in August 2002, when he was diagnosed with cancer has died in a London hospice aged 37.
I read his journal throughout most of his illness, though for inexplicable reasons not for the last few weeks. On Sunday he made his last post, written beforehand late in 2004 knowing he would become unable to carry on writing at some point. On Monday he sadly died.
His ability to conquer his fear and to look his life in the eye was an inspiration and strength to many thousands of people. May his family take comfort at least from that and may he rest in peace.
I read his journal throughout most of his illness, though for inexplicable reasons not for the last few weeks. On Sunday he made his last post, written beforehand late in 2004 knowing he would become unable to carry on writing at some point. On Monday he sadly died.
His ability to conquer his fear and to look his life in the eye was an inspiration and strength to many thousands of people. May his family take comfort at least from that and may he rest in peace.
Google meme
Never one to miss a meme I copied this from Lisa's blog.
This is how it works:
You do a google image search for your answers to the picture headings. You're supposed to post the very first picture you find, but like Lisa I cheated on one or two because they where completely inappropriate, in fact the one for my name was bordering on something better suited to a 'readers wives' page!
So here goes......
First car:
Place I Grew Up:
Place I live now:
My name:
Grandmother's Name:
Favorite Food:
Favorite Song:
Favorite Smell:
Favorite Shoes:
This is how it works:
You do a google image search for your answers to the picture headings. You're supposed to post the very first picture you find, but like Lisa I cheated on one or two because they where completely inappropriate, in fact the one for my name was bordering on something better suited to a 'readers wives' page!
So here goes......
First car:
Place I Grew Up:
Place I live now:
My name:
Grandmother's Name:
Favorite Food:
Favorite Song:
Favorite Smell:
Favorite Shoes:
Wednesday, 2 February 2005
The good and the bad
The bad:
Yesterday the exhaust fell off my car, today the brakes seized! I might remind you this car is only three and a half years old, regularly serviced, blah, blah, blah! Argghhhhh!
The good:
These snowdrops I found poking their little heads out of the soil at the side of the road :o)
(Click to enlarge)
Snowdrops
Snowdrops
Yesterday the exhaust fell off my car, today the brakes seized! I might remind you this car is only three and a half years old, regularly serviced, blah, blah, blah! Argghhhhh!
The good:
These snowdrops I found poking their little heads out of the soil at the side of the road :o)
(Click to enlarge)
Snowdrops
Snowdrops
Tuesday, 1 February 2005
31st January 2002: Part 2 ~ The meeting
As I drove along the A40 into London in the darkness of early morning, I felt a long and difficult journey was finally coming to an end. I was heading toward something I had wanted and played out in my mind since the beginning and suddenly it was becoming a reality. No longer was this relationship going to be conducted via a key board or a cell phone, no longer did I have to lie and deceive.
I had slept little the previous night, the months that went before had been some of the most difficult of my life and I was running on adrenaline. PG called me through the night updating me on his whereabouts. Unfortunately he had to travel by coach, there were no suitable flights and a nine hour overnight coach journey, is not to be recommended. Suddenly we were both nervous, we had almost reached our goal and for the first time the 'what if's' set in. Up until this point we had never questioned our decision or feelings where this situation was concerned. My entire life I had been unable to make a simple decision without at least a decades serious deliberation but on this occasion I had known my mind unequivocally. I had never believed the 'you just know if something's right' philosophy, wrote it off as romantic clap-trap but along with many of my beliefs over that time, it changed.
We felt we knew one another so well, we had gone through some tough times and decisions together, we had supported one another, we had laughed and cried together but we had never met. 'What if' we hated each other, 'what if' we had nothing to talk about when face to face, 'what if' in reality there was no 'spark'...what if, what if........
At 3am I abandoned all hope of sleep and knowing I had to be in town for 6am I got up and got ready to leave for my drive.....PG was at this point somewhere around Northampton and we agreed no more calls until I hit London.
I can say in complete honesty I have never been so excited or scared as I was driving into London in the darkness that winter's morning.
As I left the A40 and headed toward Hyde Park corner PG called me to say he had finally arrived. Even at 6.15am finding a parking space was not entirely straight forward and I made my way to a street behind Selfridges where I landed my little car in a 'residents only' space....to hell with the clamp, my thoughts were on other things.
My mind was racing, after all this time and trauma we were only 2 minutes walk apart. I was aware of a strange sense of wanting to prolong this moment and of concentrating on every second of it, in an attempt to burn it into my memory forever.
I had the upper hand, I know the west end of London well, PG didn't, I knew I could sneak up behind him unnoticed. I got within 30 feet of him, I recognised his back view immediately and I called his phone....at ten foot apart I asked him to turn around.
We stood in the half light under Marble Arch, after all this time now only feet apart.......... we just stood.
For a few seconds everything seemed surreal, momentarily, now faced with each other I wondered what should be the very first words I should say, it should be something momentous or amusing perhaps? I had played this moment over and over in my head for months. It wasn't of course anything momentous or amusing, I was too nervous to be smart and in the event, to this day, I cannot remember. As we walked toward each other I remember saying 'oh s*** this is it' to myself. We looked at one other, a few inches apart grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats, not quite sure what to do next. I don't recall what we said or who spoke first but I do recall feeling as though I had 'come home' at last as I was lifted off the ground in the tightest, biggest hug ever!
And that was it, everything was simple from that moment on, we walked back to my car in animated conversation, to rescue it from it's illegal spot, thankfully clamp-less. I drove to Park lane where I deposited it in a car park and we just sat and talked and talked. Sometime later having decided that an underground NCP car park was not an ideal backdrop we set out on our first day together.
We walked down to Leicester Square hand in hand where we escaped the cold of the early morning in Starbucks. Sat over a latte my mind was still racing with a thousand thoughts of how incredible the world felt, of relief that our last minute 'what if's' where unfounded and of how perfect it felt to finally be together. I aplogised laughingly for staring, I felt as if I was constantly just staring, trying to take in every physical aspect of this man for whom I had left my previous life without ever meeting.
We walked miles that day just talking, we walked from Leicester Square to Whitehall and Parliament Square, down to the millennium wheel and then to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, where we sat in the cold winter sun gazing stupidly at one another. At this point I remembered I had made my father a promise that I would call him sometime before midday to let him know I was alright. I am not naive and despite the fact that I knew I was safe meeting PG under these circumstances I could understand my parents slight concern. I made the call to a pair of relieved parents and on we went to Piccadilly, Knightsbridge and finally, as dusk began to fall, on to Exhibition Road and the science museum.
It may not seem a romantic venue but life is rarely like the movies. All day, faced at last with the physicality of one another we had suddenly become, in an odd way, almost shy. It took until we were sat appropriately in the 'computer bit', gazing at one another like lovesick teenagers for PG to pluck up the courage to kiss me. Yes....after all this time our first kiss was not accompanied by the gentle sound of a string quartet or in a romantic tropical setting...... but surrounded by computer components and the sound of air conditioning! How typical!
I made two mistakes, vanity will of course out and I had worn a pair of new boots for this encounter, by now having walked miles, my feet where second to useless so we succumbed to a cab and made our way to a restaurant for dinner where, I made my second mistake. Amid this romantic evening of love sick puppy eyes and hand holding across the table, I managed in my still adrenaline fuelled and distracted state, to exit gracefully to answer the call of nature, straight into the gents bathroom! An error I didn't realise until laughingly PG pointed it out to me on my exit! Any vestige of ramaining pretence was lost at that moment and we headed out into the cold night air, arms wrapped around one another laughing and giggling, completely comfortable and at ease.
We spent four magical days together, we packed into those days a whole courtship and then it was time for him to return to Scotland. The temptation for him to stay or for me to go with him was almost impossible to resist but common sense prevailed for once and after heart wrenching goodbyes I returned to a now empty house alone, my parents having returned to Canada whilst I was in London.
The following weeks where almost harder than before we had met. I drove to Scotland twice where we spent a long weekend together each time and by March we could tolerate it no longer. I packed 'Poppy' and what belongings I could into my car, bid my parents a tearful farewell and swung the car onto the M1, headed one last time for Scotland.
I have never looked back, many have said I took a massive risk, that it was ill advised to leave my life behind before PG and I met, most I think, thought it would never work...... but for me there was never a risk, there was no question. For the first time in my life I just knew and I considered it unfair to hold my husband in some kind of 'reserve' should I be wrong. Whatever our problems he didn't deserve that.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I had slept little the previous night, the months that went before had been some of the most difficult of my life and I was running on adrenaline. PG called me through the night updating me on his whereabouts. Unfortunately he had to travel by coach, there were no suitable flights and a nine hour overnight coach journey, is not to be recommended. Suddenly we were both nervous, we had almost reached our goal and for the first time the 'what if's' set in. Up until this point we had never questioned our decision or feelings where this situation was concerned. My entire life I had been unable to make a simple decision without at least a decades serious deliberation but on this occasion I had known my mind unequivocally. I had never believed the 'you just know if something's right' philosophy, wrote it off as romantic clap-trap but along with many of my beliefs over that time, it changed.
We felt we knew one another so well, we had gone through some tough times and decisions together, we had supported one another, we had laughed and cried together but we had never met. 'What if' we hated each other, 'what if' we had nothing to talk about when face to face, 'what if' in reality there was no 'spark'...what if, what if........
At 3am I abandoned all hope of sleep and knowing I had to be in town for 6am I got up and got ready to leave for my drive.....PG was at this point somewhere around Northampton and we agreed no more calls until I hit London.
I can say in complete honesty I have never been so excited or scared as I was driving into London in the darkness that winter's morning.
As I left the A40 and headed toward Hyde Park corner PG called me to say he had finally arrived. Even at 6.15am finding a parking space was not entirely straight forward and I made my way to a street behind Selfridges where I landed my little car in a 'residents only' space....to hell with the clamp, my thoughts were on other things.
My mind was racing, after all this time and trauma we were only 2 minutes walk apart. I was aware of a strange sense of wanting to prolong this moment and of concentrating on every second of it, in an attempt to burn it into my memory forever.
I had the upper hand, I know the west end of London well, PG didn't, I knew I could sneak up behind him unnoticed. I got within 30 feet of him, I recognised his back view immediately and I called his phone....at ten foot apart I asked him to turn around.
We stood in the half light under Marble Arch, after all this time now only feet apart.......... we just stood.
For a few seconds everything seemed surreal, momentarily, now faced with each other I wondered what should be the very first words I should say, it should be something momentous or amusing perhaps? I had played this moment over and over in my head for months. It wasn't of course anything momentous or amusing, I was too nervous to be smart and in the event, to this day, I cannot remember. As we walked toward each other I remember saying 'oh s*** this is it' to myself. We looked at one other, a few inches apart grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats, not quite sure what to do next. I don't recall what we said or who spoke first but I do recall feeling as though I had 'come home' at last as I was lifted off the ground in the tightest, biggest hug ever!
And that was it, everything was simple from that moment on, we walked back to my car in animated conversation, to rescue it from it's illegal spot, thankfully clamp-less. I drove to Park lane where I deposited it in a car park and we just sat and talked and talked. Sometime later having decided that an underground NCP car park was not an ideal backdrop we set out on our first day together.
We walked down to Leicester Square hand in hand where we escaped the cold of the early morning in Starbucks. Sat over a latte my mind was still racing with a thousand thoughts of how incredible the world felt, of relief that our last minute 'what if's' where unfounded and of how perfect it felt to finally be together. I aplogised laughingly for staring, I felt as if I was constantly just staring, trying to take in every physical aspect of this man for whom I had left my previous life without ever meeting.
We walked miles that day just talking, we walked from Leicester Square to Whitehall and Parliament Square, down to the millennium wheel and then to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, where we sat in the cold winter sun gazing stupidly at one another. At this point I remembered I had made my father a promise that I would call him sometime before midday to let him know I was alright. I am not naive and despite the fact that I knew I was safe meeting PG under these circumstances I could understand my parents slight concern. I made the call to a pair of relieved parents and on we went to Piccadilly, Knightsbridge and finally, as dusk began to fall, on to Exhibition Road and the science museum.
It may not seem a romantic venue but life is rarely like the movies. All day, faced at last with the physicality of one another we had suddenly become, in an odd way, almost shy. It took until we were sat appropriately in the 'computer bit', gazing at one another like lovesick teenagers for PG to pluck up the courage to kiss me. Yes....after all this time our first kiss was not accompanied by the gentle sound of a string quartet or in a romantic tropical setting...... but surrounded by computer components and the sound of air conditioning! How typical!
I made two mistakes, vanity will of course out and I had worn a pair of new boots for this encounter, by now having walked miles, my feet where second to useless so we succumbed to a cab and made our way to a restaurant for dinner where, I made my second mistake. Amid this romantic evening of love sick puppy eyes and hand holding across the table, I managed in my still adrenaline fuelled and distracted state, to exit gracefully to answer the call of nature, straight into the gents bathroom! An error I didn't realise until laughingly PG pointed it out to me on my exit! Any vestige of ramaining pretence was lost at that moment and we headed out into the cold night air, arms wrapped around one another laughing and giggling, completely comfortable and at ease.
We spent four magical days together, we packed into those days a whole courtship and then it was time for him to return to Scotland. The temptation for him to stay or for me to go with him was almost impossible to resist but common sense prevailed for once and after heart wrenching goodbyes I returned to a now empty house alone, my parents having returned to Canada whilst I was in London.
The following weeks where almost harder than before we had met. I drove to Scotland twice where we spent a long weekend together each time and by March we could tolerate it no longer. I packed 'Poppy' and what belongings I could into my car, bid my parents a tearful farewell and swung the car onto the M1, headed one last time for Scotland.
I have never looked back, many have said I took a massive risk, that it was ill advised to leave my life behind before PG and I met, most I think, thought it would never work...... but for me there was never a risk, there was no question. For the first time in my life I just knew and I considered it unfair to hold my husband in some kind of 'reserve' should I be wrong. Whatever our problems he didn't deserve that.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
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