31st January 2002: Part 2 ~ The meeting

As I drove along the A40 into London in the darkness of early morning, I felt a long and difficult journey was finally coming to an end. I was heading toward something I had wanted and played out in my mind since the beginning and suddenly it was becoming a reality. No longer was this relationship going to be conducted via a key board or a cell phone, no longer did I have to lie and deceive.

I had slept little the previous night, the months that went before had been some of the most difficult of my life and I was running on adrenaline. PG called me through the night updating me on his whereabouts. Unfortunately he had to travel by coach, there were no suitable flights and a nine hour overnight coach journey, is not to be recommended. Suddenly we were both nervous, we had almost reached our goal and for the first time the 'what if's' set in. Up until this point we had never questioned our decision or feelings where this situation was concerned. My entire life I had been unable to make a simple decision without at least a decades serious deliberation but on this occasion I had known my mind unequivocally. I had never believed the 'you just know if something's right' philosophy, wrote it off as romantic clap-trap but along with many of my beliefs over that time, it changed.

We felt we knew one another so well, we had gone through some tough times and decisions together, we had supported one another, we had laughed and cried together but we had never met. 'What if' we hated each other, 'what if' we had nothing to talk about when face to face, 'what if' in reality there was no 'spark'...what if, what if........

At 3am I abandoned all hope of sleep and knowing I had to be in town for 6am I got up and got ready to leave for my drive.....PG was at this point somewhere around Northampton and we agreed no more calls until I hit London.

I can say in complete honesty I have never been so excited or scared as I was driving into London in the darkness that winter's morning.

As I left the A40 and headed toward Hyde Park corner PG called me to say he had finally arrived. Even at 6.15am finding a parking space was not entirely straight forward and I made my way to a street behind Selfridges where I landed my little car in a 'residents only' space....to hell with the clamp, my thoughts were on other things.

My mind was racing, after all this time and trauma we were only 2 minutes walk apart. I was aware of a strange sense of wanting to prolong this moment and of concentrating on every second of it, in an attempt to burn it into my memory forever.

I had the upper hand, I know the west end of London well, PG didn't, I knew I could sneak up behind him unnoticed. I got within 30 feet of him, I recognised his back view immediately and I called his phone....at ten foot apart I asked him to turn around.

We stood in the half light under Marble Arch, after all this time now only feet apart.......... we just stood.

For a few seconds everything seemed surreal, momentarily, now faced with each other I wondered what should be the very first words I should say, it should be something momentous or amusing perhaps? I had played this moment over and over in my head for months. It wasn't of course anything momentous or amusing, I was too nervous to be smart and in the event, to this day, I cannot remember. As we walked toward each other I remember saying 'oh s*** this is it' to myself. We looked at one other, a few inches apart grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats, not quite sure what to do next. I don't recall what we said or who spoke first but I do recall feeling as though I had 'come home' at last as I was lifted off the ground in the tightest, biggest hug ever!

And that was it, everything was simple from that moment on, we walked back to my car in animated conversation, to rescue it from it's illegal spot, thankfully clamp-less. I drove to Park lane where I deposited it in a car park and we just sat and talked and talked. Sometime later having decided that an underground NCP car park was not an ideal backdrop we set out on our first day together.

We walked down to Leicester Square hand in hand where we escaped the cold of the early morning in Starbucks. Sat over a latte my mind was still racing with a thousand thoughts of how incredible the world felt, of relief that our last minute 'what if's' where unfounded and of how perfect it felt to finally be together. I aplogised laughingly for staring, I felt as if I was constantly just staring, trying to take in every physical aspect of this man for whom I had left my previous life without ever meeting.

We walked miles that day just talking, we walked from Leicester Square to Whitehall and Parliament Square, down to the millennium wheel and then to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, where we sat in the cold winter sun gazing stupidly at one another. At this point I remembered I had made my father a promise that I would call him sometime before midday to let him know I was alright. I am not naive and despite the fact that I knew I was safe meeting PG under these circumstances I could understand my parents slight concern. I made the call to a pair of relieved parents and on we went to Piccadilly, Knightsbridge and finally, as dusk began to fall, on to Exhibition Road and the science museum.

It may not seem a romantic venue but life is rarely like the movies. All day, faced at last with the physicality of one another we had suddenly become, in an odd way, almost shy. It took until we were sat appropriately in the 'computer bit', gazing at one another like lovesick teenagers for PG to pluck up the courage to kiss me. Yes....after all this time our first kiss was not accompanied by the gentle sound of a string quartet or in a romantic tropical setting...... but surrounded by computer components and the sound of air conditioning! How typical!

I made two mistakes, vanity will of course out and I had worn a pair of new boots for this encounter, by now having walked miles, my feet where second to useless so we succumbed to a cab and made our way to a restaurant for dinner where, I made my second mistake. Amid this romantic evening of love sick puppy eyes and hand holding across the table, I managed in my still adrenaline fuelled and distracted state, to exit gracefully to answer the call of nature, straight into the gents bathroom! An error I didn't realise until laughingly PG pointed it out to me on my exit! Any vestige of ramaining pretence was lost at that moment and we headed out into the cold night air, arms wrapped around one another laughing and giggling, completely comfortable and at ease.

We spent four magical days together, we packed into those days a whole courtship and then it was time for him to return to Scotland. The temptation for him to stay or for me to go with him was almost impossible to resist but common sense prevailed for once and after heart wrenching goodbyes I returned to a now empty house alone, my parents having returned to Canada whilst I was in London.

The following weeks where almost harder than before we had met. I drove to Scotland twice where we spent a long weekend together each time and by March we could tolerate it no longer. I packed 'Poppy' and what belongings I could into my car, bid my parents a tearful farewell and swung the car onto the M1, headed one last time for Scotland.

I have never looked back, many have said I took a massive risk, that it was ill advised to leave my life behind before PG and I met, most I think, thought it would never work...... but for me there was never a risk, there was no question. For the first time in my life I just knew and I considered it unfair to hold my husband in some kind of 'reserve' should I be wrong. Whatever our problems he didn't deserve that.

And the rest, as they say, is history.