34 legs!
Friday, 4 February 2005
Friday's feast (34)
Appetizer - If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
An Irish wolf hound so I could know what it's like to be big and tall for a change! :o)
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of?
My bedroom.
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?
That depends on whether we are including 'getting my head together' time...... an hour with, half an hour without.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?
I have seven but am not really close to them, one I am closer to than the others.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)
Just my way!
An Irish wolf hound so I could know what it's like to be big and tall for a change! :o)
Soup - What does the color purple make you think of?
My bedroom.
Salad - Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?
That depends on whether we are including 'getting my head together' time...... an hour with, half an hour without.
Main Course - How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?
I have seven but am not really close to them, one I am closer to than the others.
Dessert - Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)
Just my way!
Thursday, 3 February 2005
Goodbye Ivan Noble
Ivan Noble, the BBC journalist who began a 'tumour diary' on the BBC website in August 2002, when he was diagnosed with cancer has died in a London hospice aged 37.
I read his journal throughout most of his illness, though for inexplicable reasons not for the last few weeks. On Sunday he made his last post, written beforehand late in 2004 knowing he would become unable to carry on writing at some point. On Monday he sadly died.
His ability to conquer his fear and to look his life in the eye was an inspiration and strength to many thousands of people. May his family take comfort at least from that and may he rest in peace.
I read his journal throughout most of his illness, though for inexplicable reasons not for the last few weeks. On Sunday he made his last post, written beforehand late in 2004 knowing he would become unable to carry on writing at some point. On Monday he sadly died.
His ability to conquer his fear and to look his life in the eye was an inspiration and strength to many thousands of people. May his family take comfort at least from that and may he rest in peace.
Google meme
Never one to miss a meme I copied this from Lisa's blog.
This is how it works:
You do a google image search for your answers to the picture headings. You're supposed to post the very first picture you find, but like Lisa I cheated on one or two because they where completely inappropriate, in fact the one for my name was bordering on something better suited to a 'readers wives' page!
So here goes......
First car:
Place I Grew Up:
Place I live now:
My name:
Grandmother's Name:
Favorite Food:
Favorite Song:
Favorite Smell:
Favorite Shoes:
This is how it works:
You do a google image search for your answers to the picture headings. You're supposed to post the very first picture you find, but like Lisa I cheated on one or two because they where completely inappropriate, in fact the one for my name was bordering on something better suited to a 'readers wives' page!
So here goes......
First car:
Place I Grew Up:
Place I live now:
My name:
Grandmother's Name:
Favorite Food:
Favorite Song:
Favorite Smell:
Favorite Shoes:
Wednesday, 2 February 2005
The good and the bad
The bad:
Yesterday the exhaust fell off my car, today the brakes seized! I might remind you this car is only three and a half years old, regularly serviced, blah, blah, blah! Argghhhhh!
The good:
These snowdrops I found poking their little heads out of the soil at the side of the road :o)
(Click to enlarge)
Snowdrops
Snowdrops
Yesterday the exhaust fell off my car, today the brakes seized! I might remind you this car is only three and a half years old, regularly serviced, blah, blah, blah! Argghhhhh!
The good:
These snowdrops I found poking their little heads out of the soil at the side of the road :o)
(Click to enlarge)
Snowdrops
Snowdrops
Tuesday, 1 February 2005
31st January 2002: Part 2 ~ The meeting
As I drove along the A40 into London in the darkness of early morning, I felt a long and difficult journey was finally coming to an end. I was heading toward something I had wanted and played out in my mind since the beginning and suddenly it was becoming a reality. No longer was this relationship going to be conducted via a key board or a cell phone, no longer did I have to lie and deceive.
I had slept little the previous night, the months that went before had been some of the most difficult of my life and I was running on adrenaline. PG called me through the night updating me on his whereabouts. Unfortunately he had to travel by coach, there were no suitable flights and a nine hour overnight coach journey, is not to be recommended. Suddenly we were both nervous, we had almost reached our goal and for the first time the 'what if's' set in. Up until this point we had never questioned our decision or feelings where this situation was concerned. My entire life I had been unable to make a simple decision without at least a decades serious deliberation but on this occasion I had known my mind unequivocally. I had never believed the 'you just know if something's right' philosophy, wrote it off as romantic clap-trap but along with many of my beliefs over that time, it changed.
We felt we knew one another so well, we had gone through some tough times and decisions together, we had supported one another, we had laughed and cried together but we had never met. 'What if' we hated each other, 'what if' we had nothing to talk about when face to face, 'what if' in reality there was no 'spark'...what if, what if........
At 3am I abandoned all hope of sleep and knowing I had to be in town for 6am I got up and got ready to leave for my drive.....PG was at this point somewhere around Northampton and we agreed no more calls until I hit London.
I can say in complete honesty I have never been so excited or scared as I was driving into London in the darkness that winter's morning.
As I left the A40 and headed toward Hyde Park corner PG called me to say he had finally arrived. Even at 6.15am finding a parking space was not entirely straight forward and I made my way to a street behind Selfridges where I landed my little car in a 'residents only' space....to hell with the clamp, my thoughts were on other things.
My mind was racing, after all this time and trauma we were only 2 minutes walk apart. I was aware of a strange sense of wanting to prolong this moment and of concentrating on every second of it, in an attempt to burn it into my memory forever.
I had the upper hand, I know the west end of London well, PG didn't, I knew I could sneak up behind him unnoticed. I got within 30 feet of him, I recognised his back view immediately and I called his phone....at ten foot apart I asked him to turn around.
We stood in the half light under Marble Arch, after all this time now only feet apart.......... we just stood.
For a few seconds everything seemed surreal, momentarily, now faced with each other I wondered what should be the very first words I should say, it should be something momentous or amusing perhaps? I had played this moment over and over in my head for months. It wasn't of course anything momentous or amusing, I was too nervous to be smart and in the event, to this day, I cannot remember. As we walked toward each other I remember saying 'oh s*** this is it' to myself. We looked at one other, a few inches apart grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats, not quite sure what to do next. I don't recall what we said or who spoke first but I do recall feeling as though I had 'come home' at last as I was lifted off the ground in the tightest, biggest hug ever!
And that was it, everything was simple from that moment on, we walked back to my car in animated conversation, to rescue it from it's illegal spot, thankfully clamp-less. I drove to Park lane where I deposited it in a car park and we just sat and talked and talked. Sometime later having decided that an underground NCP car park was not an ideal backdrop we set out on our first day together.
We walked down to Leicester Square hand in hand where we escaped the cold of the early morning in Starbucks. Sat over a latte my mind was still racing with a thousand thoughts of how incredible the world felt, of relief that our last minute 'what if's' where unfounded and of how perfect it felt to finally be together. I aplogised laughingly for staring, I felt as if I was constantly just staring, trying to take in every physical aspect of this man for whom I had left my previous life without ever meeting.
We walked miles that day just talking, we walked from Leicester Square to Whitehall and Parliament Square, down to the millennium wheel and then to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, where we sat in the cold winter sun gazing stupidly at one another. At this point I remembered I had made my father a promise that I would call him sometime before midday to let him know I was alright. I am not naive and despite the fact that I knew I was safe meeting PG under these circumstances I could understand my parents slight concern. I made the call to a pair of relieved parents and on we went to Piccadilly, Knightsbridge and finally, as dusk began to fall, on to Exhibition Road and the science museum.
It may not seem a romantic venue but life is rarely like the movies. All day, faced at last with the physicality of one another we had suddenly become, in an odd way, almost shy. It took until we were sat appropriately in the 'computer bit', gazing at one another like lovesick teenagers for PG to pluck up the courage to kiss me. Yes....after all this time our first kiss was not accompanied by the gentle sound of a string quartet or in a romantic tropical setting...... but surrounded by computer components and the sound of air conditioning! How typical!
I made two mistakes, vanity will of course out and I had worn a pair of new boots for this encounter, by now having walked miles, my feet where second to useless so we succumbed to a cab and made our way to a restaurant for dinner where, I made my second mistake. Amid this romantic evening of love sick puppy eyes and hand holding across the table, I managed in my still adrenaline fuelled and distracted state, to exit gracefully to answer the call of nature, straight into the gents bathroom! An error I didn't realise until laughingly PG pointed it out to me on my exit! Any vestige of ramaining pretence was lost at that moment and we headed out into the cold night air, arms wrapped around one another laughing and giggling, completely comfortable and at ease.
We spent four magical days together, we packed into those days a whole courtship and then it was time for him to return to Scotland. The temptation for him to stay or for me to go with him was almost impossible to resist but common sense prevailed for once and after heart wrenching goodbyes I returned to a now empty house alone, my parents having returned to Canada whilst I was in London.
The following weeks where almost harder than before we had met. I drove to Scotland twice where we spent a long weekend together each time and by March we could tolerate it no longer. I packed 'Poppy' and what belongings I could into my car, bid my parents a tearful farewell and swung the car onto the M1, headed one last time for Scotland.
I have never looked back, many have said I took a massive risk, that it was ill advised to leave my life behind before PG and I met, most I think, thought it would never work...... but for me there was never a risk, there was no question. For the first time in my life I just knew and I considered it unfair to hold my husband in some kind of 'reserve' should I be wrong. Whatever our problems he didn't deserve that.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I had slept little the previous night, the months that went before had been some of the most difficult of my life and I was running on adrenaline. PG called me through the night updating me on his whereabouts. Unfortunately he had to travel by coach, there were no suitable flights and a nine hour overnight coach journey, is not to be recommended. Suddenly we were both nervous, we had almost reached our goal and for the first time the 'what if's' set in. Up until this point we had never questioned our decision or feelings where this situation was concerned. My entire life I had been unable to make a simple decision without at least a decades serious deliberation but on this occasion I had known my mind unequivocally. I had never believed the 'you just know if something's right' philosophy, wrote it off as romantic clap-trap but along with many of my beliefs over that time, it changed.
We felt we knew one another so well, we had gone through some tough times and decisions together, we had supported one another, we had laughed and cried together but we had never met. 'What if' we hated each other, 'what if' we had nothing to talk about when face to face, 'what if' in reality there was no 'spark'...what if, what if........
At 3am I abandoned all hope of sleep and knowing I had to be in town for 6am I got up and got ready to leave for my drive.....PG was at this point somewhere around Northampton and we agreed no more calls until I hit London.
I can say in complete honesty I have never been so excited or scared as I was driving into London in the darkness that winter's morning.
As I left the A40 and headed toward Hyde Park corner PG called me to say he had finally arrived. Even at 6.15am finding a parking space was not entirely straight forward and I made my way to a street behind Selfridges where I landed my little car in a 'residents only' space....to hell with the clamp, my thoughts were on other things.
My mind was racing, after all this time and trauma we were only 2 minutes walk apart. I was aware of a strange sense of wanting to prolong this moment and of concentrating on every second of it, in an attempt to burn it into my memory forever.
I had the upper hand, I know the west end of London well, PG didn't, I knew I could sneak up behind him unnoticed. I got within 30 feet of him, I recognised his back view immediately and I called his phone....at ten foot apart I asked him to turn around.
We stood in the half light under Marble Arch, after all this time now only feet apart.......... we just stood.
For a few seconds everything seemed surreal, momentarily, now faced with each other I wondered what should be the very first words I should say, it should be something momentous or amusing perhaps? I had played this moment over and over in my head for months. It wasn't of course anything momentous or amusing, I was too nervous to be smart and in the event, to this day, I cannot remember. As we walked toward each other I remember saying 'oh s*** this is it' to myself. We looked at one other, a few inches apart grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats, not quite sure what to do next. I don't recall what we said or who spoke first but I do recall feeling as though I had 'come home' at last as I was lifted off the ground in the tightest, biggest hug ever!
And that was it, everything was simple from that moment on, we walked back to my car in animated conversation, to rescue it from it's illegal spot, thankfully clamp-less. I drove to Park lane where I deposited it in a car park and we just sat and talked and talked. Sometime later having decided that an underground NCP car park was not an ideal backdrop we set out on our first day together.
We walked down to Leicester Square hand in hand where we escaped the cold of the early morning in Starbucks. Sat over a latte my mind was still racing with a thousand thoughts of how incredible the world felt, of relief that our last minute 'what if's' where unfounded and of how perfect it felt to finally be together. I aplogised laughingly for staring, I felt as if I was constantly just staring, trying to take in every physical aspect of this man for whom I had left my previous life without ever meeting.
We walked miles that day just talking, we walked from Leicester Square to Whitehall and Parliament Square, down to the millennium wheel and then to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, where we sat in the cold winter sun gazing stupidly at one another. At this point I remembered I had made my father a promise that I would call him sometime before midday to let him know I was alright. I am not naive and despite the fact that I knew I was safe meeting PG under these circumstances I could understand my parents slight concern. I made the call to a pair of relieved parents and on we went to Piccadilly, Knightsbridge and finally, as dusk began to fall, on to Exhibition Road and the science museum.
It may not seem a romantic venue but life is rarely like the movies. All day, faced at last with the physicality of one another we had suddenly become, in an odd way, almost shy. It took until we were sat appropriately in the 'computer bit', gazing at one another like lovesick teenagers for PG to pluck up the courage to kiss me. Yes....after all this time our first kiss was not accompanied by the gentle sound of a string quartet or in a romantic tropical setting...... but surrounded by computer components and the sound of air conditioning! How typical!
I made two mistakes, vanity will of course out and I had worn a pair of new boots for this encounter, by now having walked miles, my feet where second to useless so we succumbed to a cab and made our way to a restaurant for dinner where, I made my second mistake. Amid this romantic evening of love sick puppy eyes and hand holding across the table, I managed in my still adrenaline fuelled and distracted state, to exit gracefully to answer the call of nature, straight into the gents bathroom! An error I didn't realise until laughingly PG pointed it out to me on my exit! Any vestige of ramaining pretence was lost at that moment and we headed out into the cold night air, arms wrapped around one another laughing and giggling, completely comfortable and at ease.
We spent four magical days together, we packed into those days a whole courtship and then it was time for him to return to Scotland. The temptation for him to stay or for me to go with him was almost impossible to resist but common sense prevailed for once and after heart wrenching goodbyes I returned to a now empty house alone, my parents having returned to Canada whilst I was in London.
The following weeks where almost harder than before we had met. I drove to Scotland twice where we spent a long weekend together each time and by March we could tolerate it no longer. I packed 'Poppy' and what belongings I could into my car, bid my parents a tearful farewell and swung the car onto the M1, headed one last time for Scotland.
I have never looked back, many have said I took a massive risk, that it was ill advised to leave my life behind before PG and I met, most I think, thought it would never work...... but for me there was never a risk, there was no question. For the first time in my life I just knew and I considered it unfair to hold my husband in some kind of 'reserve' should I be wrong. Whatever our problems he didn't deserve that.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Monday, 31 January 2005
31st January 2002: Part 1
I have thought long and hard since beginning this blog as to whether I should tell this story for a number of reasons. Firstly it is in some respects very private, secondly my actions caused hurt to others and finally it perhaps doesn't paint a very good picture of me, something none of us advertise easily I suspect. Having said all that, it is also the story of what for me was a very significant time in my life and today, the third anniversary of the event, seems an appropriate time to take the 'bull by the horns' and share it. You may not like it, you may judge me badly but it is honest and it happened.
The 31st of January 2002 is my 'Groundhog day', the day in my life that given the opportunity I would re-live over and over. PG and I don't have a wedding anniversary to celebrate, by virtue of the simple fact we aren't married and we cannot celebrate the day we first 'met', because we can't remember exactly when it was, at the time it was not significant.
So the story begins sometime in the autumn of 2002. I was living near London, married and had just changed my job to a position it turned out I disliked, working in the same company as my husband. Had you asked me at the time if my marriage was in trouble I doubt I would have recognised it, though with the benefit if hindsight it was a marriage that should never have happened for many reasons. This is not by way of an excuse for my subsequent behaviour, rather some explanation.
I was bored, I was looking for a new interest and decided to buy and learn to use a computer..... from the moment I hit a key I was hooked and it was thus that one night by chance, PG and I met. I was 'investigating' IRC, purely out of hellishness because it had received so much bad publicity and 'ran into' PG.
I am not given to flights of fancy, soppy tales of love and romance and I was certainly not looking for love, had I been, the internet would not have been the place I would have chosen. Already in my second marriage and horrified by the fact that I had been divorced once, I was in my mind, married this time for the duration.
Despite my level headedness something inexplicable happened that evening, in that conversation.......I knew that this man was special to me and I knew the feeling was mutual.
And so began the inevitable nightmare of logging into IRC and talking into the small hours, of feeling overwhelming guilt at the suggestion in my mind that I was being deceitful and of trying to resist the temptation. I felt as if I where on a roller coaster, I knew I should get off but I couldn't and as the weeks progressed the feeling of guilt and deception began to take it's toll. PG and I agreed to stop before the situation got out of hand or went any further. Thus far we had only ever 'spoken' via the internet. To use the phone was to me a big step further in the dishonesty.
It sounds pathetic, I would have perhaps judged someone else harshly in my situation for uttering phrases such as 'we couldn't help it' or 'it just happened', prior to this but that's how it was....we couldn't help it! Regardless of our heartsearching and efforts to stay away from one another, invariably within days we were sat up all night talking once more.
I was wracked with guilt, PG was wracked with guilt and for all we both felt for one another it was fast becoming a nightmare. I kept telling myself it was just an 'internet thing', that we couldn't possibly know one another properly but I didn't believe what I told myself and neither did PG. I had no one to talk to, all my friends at the time where also my husbands friends and my parents, who I would usually have confided in and asked for advice, had been overseas for 4 months nursing a sick relative.
Eventually when the whole scenario became too much for me I called my sister just before Christmas and talked to her. She suggested I sit my husband down and discuss our marriage and it's problems before things went further. I did, he perhaps understandably, hit the roof but would not accept there was a problem. I lost the plot, got in my car and headed for Scotland and PG! My sister intervened 100 miles from home, persuaded me this was not the best course of action and to go to her home in the midlands...... and there I stayed for a week. By this time PG and I were calling one another and the deception was to me horrendous, the constant clearing of call logs on my phone and my ability to learn fast how to 'cover my tracks'(I became an expert) on the computer horrified me. I had until then in my life not thought I was capable of such dishonesty, had probably never told more than a handful of fibs in my 40 years and here I was lying through my teeth at every turn.
I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say that Christmas was my worst, PG and I wanted to be together, my husband's reaction was bordering on the frightening and he still wouldn't admit there was a problem and seek help but despite all that, I was persuaded to 'go home' and make a go of my marriage. My inability to cope with the situation I had created was thus that my doctor told me to make a decision soon, signed me off work and prescribed me Vallium for a few days, which only succeeded in clouding my thoughts and ability to make a decision further. My job was a difficulty, working with my husband was not ideal so I contacted my previous company (the same as my current employer) and begged for a job. I got one, and a promotion at that, and was due to start a fortnight hence.
A week or so later my parents arrived home for a few days, their passports had expired and they had to return from Canada to renew them.....they walked into this shambles that had become my life, at a time in theirs that was already very difficult and for that I will always be sorry. I was summoned by my father to explain myself which I duly did, not knowing what reaction I would receive and feeling like a pathetic child completely out of control of my life. Their reaction was wonderful, as ever they where there when I most needed them. Yes, they where not impressed with my timing or some aspects of how I had conducted this debacle but they understood and supported me. Something I'm not sure I expected from a couple married for over 40 years but for which I will be eternally grateful.
The following day, without ever having met PG for real I left my husband, I was sad in some respects, he was a good man in many ways and I hurt him but he and I just were not suited. My overriding memories of that day where of a feeling of massive relief and of the pleasure of being able to talk to PG without looking over my shoulder and feeling guilt. That day was the 25th of January 2002.
The following day, functioning on auto pilot, I began my new job and PG began making arrangements to travel from Scotland to London.
On the 31st January, 3 years ago today, on a cold, crisp, dark morning, after he had made the journey overnight, we finally met face to face at 6.30am at Marble Arch in the west end of London!
To be continued.
The 31st of January 2002 is my 'Groundhog day', the day in my life that given the opportunity I would re-live over and over. PG and I don't have a wedding anniversary to celebrate, by virtue of the simple fact we aren't married and we cannot celebrate the day we first 'met', because we can't remember exactly when it was, at the time it was not significant.
So the story begins sometime in the autumn of 2002. I was living near London, married and had just changed my job to a position it turned out I disliked, working in the same company as my husband. Had you asked me at the time if my marriage was in trouble I doubt I would have recognised it, though with the benefit if hindsight it was a marriage that should never have happened for many reasons. This is not by way of an excuse for my subsequent behaviour, rather some explanation.
I was bored, I was looking for a new interest and decided to buy and learn to use a computer..... from the moment I hit a key I was hooked and it was thus that one night by chance, PG and I met. I was 'investigating' IRC, purely out of hellishness because it had received so much bad publicity and 'ran into' PG.
I am not given to flights of fancy, soppy tales of love and romance and I was certainly not looking for love, had I been, the internet would not have been the place I would have chosen. Already in my second marriage and horrified by the fact that I had been divorced once, I was in my mind, married this time for the duration.
Despite my level headedness something inexplicable happened that evening, in that conversation.......I knew that this man was special to me and I knew the feeling was mutual.
And so began the inevitable nightmare of logging into IRC and talking into the small hours, of feeling overwhelming guilt at the suggestion in my mind that I was being deceitful and of trying to resist the temptation. I felt as if I where on a roller coaster, I knew I should get off but I couldn't and as the weeks progressed the feeling of guilt and deception began to take it's toll. PG and I agreed to stop before the situation got out of hand or went any further. Thus far we had only ever 'spoken' via the internet. To use the phone was to me a big step further in the dishonesty.
It sounds pathetic, I would have perhaps judged someone else harshly in my situation for uttering phrases such as 'we couldn't help it' or 'it just happened', prior to this but that's how it was....we couldn't help it! Regardless of our heartsearching and efforts to stay away from one another, invariably within days we were sat up all night talking once more.
I was wracked with guilt, PG was wracked with guilt and for all we both felt for one another it was fast becoming a nightmare. I kept telling myself it was just an 'internet thing', that we couldn't possibly know one another properly but I didn't believe what I told myself and neither did PG. I had no one to talk to, all my friends at the time where also my husbands friends and my parents, who I would usually have confided in and asked for advice, had been overseas for 4 months nursing a sick relative.
Eventually when the whole scenario became too much for me I called my sister just before Christmas and talked to her. She suggested I sit my husband down and discuss our marriage and it's problems before things went further. I did, he perhaps understandably, hit the roof but would not accept there was a problem. I lost the plot, got in my car and headed for Scotland and PG! My sister intervened 100 miles from home, persuaded me this was not the best course of action and to go to her home in the midlands...... and there I stayed for a week. By this time PG and I were calling one another and the deception was to me horrendous, the constant clearing of call logs on my phone and my ability to learn fast how to 'cover my tracks'(I became an expert) on the computer horrified me. I had until then in my life not thought I was capable of such dishonesty, had probably never told more than a handful of fibs in my 40 years and here I was lying through my teeth at every turn.
I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say that Christmas was my worst, PG and I wanted to be together, my husband's reaction was bordering on the frightening and he still wouldn't admit there was a problem and seek help but despite all that, I was persuaded to 'go home' and make a go of my marriage. My inability to cope with the situation I had created was thus that my doctor told me to make a decision soon, signed me off work and prescribed me Vallium for a few days, which only succeeded in clouding my thoughts and ability to make a decision further. My job was a difficulty, working with my husband was not ideal so I contacted my previous company (the same as my current employer) and begged for a job. I got one, and a promotion at that, and was due to start a fortnight hence.
A week or so later my parents arrived home for a few days, their passports had expired and they had to return from Canada to renew them.....they walked into this shambles that had become my life, at a time in theirs that was already very difficult and for that I will always be sorry. I was summoned by my father to explain myself which I duly did, not knowing what reaction I would receive and feeling like a pathetic child completely out of control of my life. Their reaction was wonderful, as ever they where there when I most needed them. Yes, they where not impressed with my timing or some aspects of how I had conducted this debacle but they understood and supported me. Something I'm not sure I expected from a couple married for over 40 years but for which I will be eternally grateful.
The following day, without ever having met PG for real I left my husband, I was sad in some respects, he was a good man in many ways and I hurt him but he and I just were not suited. My overriding memories of that day where of a feeling of massive relief and of the pleasure of being able to talk to PG without looking over my shoulder and feeling guilt. That day was the 25th of January 2002.
The following day, functioning on auto pilot, I began my new job and PG began making arrangements to travel from Scotland to London.
On the 31st January, 3 years ago today, on a cold, crisp, dark morning, after he had made the journey overnight, we finally met face to face at 6.30am at Marble Arch in the west end of London!
To be continued.
'Graybar'
Occasionally in life we come across a piece of art, a tune or a lyric, a poem or a piece of writing that immediately grabs our attention, and keeps us enthralled. It evokes in us strong emotions, good or bad, may be a sudden and powerful reminder of something. It may fascinate us or scare us, it may make us question or be filled with wonder…… or may do all of those and more.
‘Graybar’, a blog whose author is a Norwegian lady named Karine, is for me one such experience.
A number of weeks ago I was surfing the blogosphere and by some route, now forgotten, I came upon Karine’s writing by chance. I sat into the small hours of the morning and read from the first paragraph to the last! In those hours I laughed so hard my face hurt, I cried, I felt happiness, sadness, empathy, anger and other indefinable emotions. By the time I had finished reading I felt I had been allowed a privileged glimpse into the life of someone special.
Karin writes about her day to day life, about ‘Kidlet’ her son, ‘Catlet’ her beautiful grey cat, her social life, her husband, her friends and her family and life’s up’s and down’s, much as we all do, she is bright, articulate and well read and she has a very specific reason for beginning and maintaining her blog.
The first post was made 13 days after she was diagnosed with stage IVB metastatic cervical cancer and she felt that to mail all those who she cared about and who cared about her would be too hard, so she began ‘Graybar’.
It would not be an exaggeration to say I am in some awe of this lady; she is facing a difficult time in her life with courage, common sense and humour. Should I ever find myself in her situation I would like to think I could be half the woman she is. Karine herself would likely beg to differ; she genuinely doesn’t see herself as brave and courageous and amusingly refers to her ability to have ‘a one woman pity party’ from time to time. It would in my mind be a strange individual who didn’t.
This blog is not depressing, Karine is not depressing, she deals with her situation, her treatments and her emotions in a refreshingly honest way and does not dwell on the negative. She writes amusing, informative and enlightening posts and lives a rich and full life as far as her illness allows….. and I suspect beyond! Her writing is a journey through a situation I suggest most of us fear to some extent and her great ability with words leaves one feeling in some small way that they have been there with her, through the highs and lows.
I could extol the virtues of this lady and her approach to life unendingly but I suggest instead you read it for yourself.
If ever there was a blog that should be published in book form it is this one, for not only is it a poignant, sensitive, informative and amusing piece of writing it would also, in my opinion, be of great help to anyone else finding themselves facing a similar situation. Certainly many of Karine's thoughts, theories and her ethos will remain with me.
~This posting is made with Karine's kind permission~
‘Graybar’, a blog whose author is a Norwegian lady named Karine, is for me one such experience.
A number of weeks ago I was surfing the blogosphere and by some route, now forgotten, I came upon Karine’s writing by chance. I sat into the small hours of the morning and read from the first paragraph to the last! In those hours I laughed so hard my face hurt, I cried, I felt happiness, sadness, empathy, anger and other indefinable emotions. By the time I had finished reading I felt I had been allowed a privileged glimpse into the life of someone special.
Karin writes about her day to day life, about ‘Kidlet’ her son, ‘Catlet’ her beautiful grey cat, her social life, her husband, her friends and her family and life’s up’s and down’s, much as we all do, she is bright, articulate and well read and she has a very specific reason for beginning and maintaining her blog.
The first post was made 13 days after she was diagnosed with stage IVB metastatic cervical cancer and she felt that to mail all those who she cared about and who cared about her would be too hard, so she began ‘Graybar’.
It would not be an exaggeration to say I am in some awe of this lady; she is facing a difficult time in her life with courage, common sense and humour. Should I ever find myself in her situation I would like to think I could be half the woman she is. Karine herself would likely beg to differ; she genuinely doesn’t see herself as brave and courageous and amusingly refers to her ability to have ‘a one woman pity party’ from time to time. It would in my mind be a strange individual who didn’t.
This blog is not depressing, Karine is not depressing, she deals with her situation, her treatments and her emotions in a refreshingly honest way and does not dwell on the negative. She writes amusing, informative and enlightening posts and lives a rich and full life as far as her illness allows….. and I suspect beyond! Her writing is a journey through a situation I suggest most of us fear to some extent and her great ability with words leaves one feeling in some small way that they have been there with her, through the highs and lows.
I could extol the virtues of this lady and her approach to life unendingly but I suggest instead you read it for yourself.
If ever there was a blog that should be published in book form it is this one, for not only is it a poignant, sensitive, informative and amusing piece of writing it would also, in my opinion, be of great help to anyone else finding themselves facing a similar situation. Certainly many of Karine's thoughts, theories and her ethos will remain with me.
~This posting is made with Karine's kind permission~
Sunday, 30 January 2005
I don't believe it!
Down there on the right somewhere you will notice my hit counter has been replaced with an unpleasant little thingy telling me my code has changed and that I need to apply a new code. No problem there I thought and off I went to Bravenet to retrieve the promised new code.
What did I find? My counter has disappeared, completely and utterly wiped from the face of Bravenet....not a sign of it anywhere, like it never existed, counter, stats, management...all gone...kaput!
So I have mailed them, as you do, in a rather 'to the point' manner and I await a helpful reply...hmmmmm. Until then nothing, zip, zilch, nowt!
I have a distinct feeling I am going to have to install a new counter and guess at what number the old one stood. I have a rough idea but damn....will this thing ever all hang together at one time??!!
What did I find? My counter has disappeared, completely and utterly wiped from the face of Bravenet....not a sign of it anywhere, like it never existed, counter, stats, management...all gone...kaput!
So I have mailed them, as you do, in a rather 'to the point' manner and I await a helpful reply...hmmmmm. Until then nothing, zip, zilch, nowt!
I have a distinct feeling I am going to have to install a new counter and guess at what number the old one stood. I have a rough idea but damn....will this thing ever all hang together at one time??!!
Saturday, 29 January 2005
Friday, 28 January 2005
Haloscan: I have capitulated
I have given up the unequal struggle, for now at least, and added Haloscan commenting. I am far too obsessed to miss comments purely because blogger has it's myriad technical difficulties and the frustration of late has been unprecedented.
So it's there, loitering at the bottom along with Blogger comments, I couldn't bear to lose all my old comments so the two will have to run side by side. Hopefully one or the other will work at any given time and if Blogger ever 'get's it's act together' I can dispense with Haloscan eventually.
Goddamn, I even had to pay real money, to the sum of $12 USD, for email notification, this had better be good! :o)
So it's there, loitering at the bottom along with Blogger comments, I couldn't bear to lose all my old comments so the two will have to run side by side. Hopefully one or the other will work at any given time and if Blogger ever 'get's it's act together' I can dispense with Haloscan eventually.
Goddamn, I even had to pay real money, to the sum of $12 USD, for email notification, this had better be good! :o)
Friday's feast (33)
Appetizer - If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have?
'Computer active'....er, I have a subscription to that already so maybe 'Cosmopolitan' even though I'm too old for it's reader base!
Soup - If you were to suddenly become famous, what would you choose as your stage name?
Lord knows!
Salad - What ingredients make an awesome salad? Dressing? Croutons?
Parmesan cheese and dressing
Main Course - What do you like most about your current job?
My colleagues
Dessert - Who is your favorite instrumental musician (not a singer)?
Miles Davis
'Computer active'....er, I have a subscription to that already so maybe 'Cosmopolitan' even though I'm too old for it's reader base!
Soup - If you were to suddenly become famous, what would you choose as your stage name?
Lord knows!
Salad - What ingredients make an awesome salad? Dressing? Croutons?
Parmesan cheese and dressing
Main Course - What do you like most about your current job?
My colleagues
Dessert - Who is your favorite instrumental musician (not a singer)?
Miles Davis
Tsunami spoof
I am rarely inflamed to such an extent as I was this morning reading this news report. I can laugh with the best of them at sick jokes and politically incorrect 'offerings' but this particular instance is beyond all boundaries of decency and acceptability.
What on earth where these people thinking of and what on earth where those who made and produced the item thinking of??
I'm sorry, but an apology and the offering of a meagre weeks salary by those who made the decision to air this item is not good enough. I am as a rule on the side of the underdog and not in favour of corporate heavy-handedness but in this instance the employer is right. It is easy to apologise after the event and when one's own life is about to be affected.
Crass stupidity and insensitivity of this magnitude is inexcusable and those guilty of it shouldn't be allowed to escape with apologies manufactured doubtless for the purpose of saving their own skins!
What on earth where these people thinking of and what on earth where those who made and produced the item thinking of??
I'm sorry, but an apology and the offering of a meagre weeks salary by those who made the decision to air this item is not good enough. I am as a rule on the side of the underdog and not in favour of corporate heavy-handedness but in this instance the employer is right. It is easy to apologise after the event and when one's own life is about to be affected.
Crass stupidity and insensitivity of this magnitude is inexcusable and those guilty of it shouldn't be allowed to escape with apologies manufactured doubtless for the purpose of saving their own skins!
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