One year on

Today marks a year since I made the decision to leave Scotland, at times it seems like no time at all but at others it seems like a lifetime ago.

The day I left was a very difficult one for all of the obvious reasons but I think with the benefit of hindsight, whilst I anticipated my immediate future would be likely very hard, I didn't anticipate quite how hard it would be or just how many hurdles I would have to get over along the way.

I really didn't think for instance that I would have to declare myself bankrupt, I thought that ultimately I would find another way, I didn't imagine that a year on I would still be living with my parents and I certainly never anticipated the very worst of the problems I encountered.....that I would lose Tilly. But I did.

There were many things I didn't anticipate, some I have blogged about over the year, some I have not because they invade the privacy of others or are just too personal for even me to put out on the world wide web. There have been moments when I began to be live I wouldn't make it, there have been small triumphs, there has been many tears and dark times but there have been some truly amazing times too and maybe along the way I have learnt a little.

One thing I have learnt for sure is that it's when the crap hits the fan that you discover who in your life can truly be relied upon, regardless of how difficult things get and just how important those people are. I have had hammered home to me the value of the small things in life, of noticing the sunrise, the raindrops on a leaf, a rabbit running or the sight of a newborn calf laying in the grass. Without those small daily pleasures I think I might have gone mad at some times when all I seemed to do for weeks on end was worry about one thing or another.

Many, many things have surprised me but most of all what has surprised me is that I have made it through this far....whilst still maintaining some degree of sanity. I have climbed mountains I never thought I could and coped with situations, sometimes well and sometimes very badly, that had you asked me a year ago I wouldn't have thought I could deal with at all. But cope I did, one way or another.

It's not been a year that I would like to re-live but there have been some high points and some very special times and for those, and those who made them possible I am extremely grateful, as I am to all who stuck by me and helped drag me kicking and screaming this far.

Maybe along the way I have become stronger, I hope so even if it is only a little stronger and maybe with a modicum of luck the next year will be an improvement on the last.

So.....Thank you to my small band of staunch supporters, you know who you are but you will never know just how much I appreciate you.