Tilly's new home

This is one of the hardest posts I've written but I don't think there is going to be a good time so perhaps getting it over with while I'm still in pieces will help somehow, or at least mean I don't have to go over it all again at a later date.

So.....Tilly's position here had, for various reasons' become untenable and there was no option left open to me other than to find her the best new home I could.

That home is in Loughborough, the lady in question is the colleage of a relative and is (and it sees justifiably so) referred to as the 'mad cat woman'.....and she is just thaT, this lady is as mad about her cats as I am.

'V' is a 'cat mum' some years younger than myself who considers her cats to be about the most important things in her life. She has two, 'Billy', a 6 month old tom and 'Eddie', a toroishell and white girl a little older....she now has three, Tilly being her new addition.

I have tried to think of the positives in this situation but mostly it seems hard, nay impossible, when I miss the little madam so much but there are positives. The very first time I spoke to 'V' (on MSN, neither of us could bear to talk in person at this stage) I knew she was the kind of human I wanted to look after Tilly if I couldn't. She knows cats, she loves them, her home is set up perfectly for them and they are a big part of her life. She treats them as I did mine, she doesn't allow them out all night, she doesn't allow them out when she isn't about to minister to them should they be involved in some sort of accident.....and she lets them sleep in her bed..........something Tilly would hate to be banned from.

And so that was it, a few conversations later I knew that given I couldn't put off the inevitable any longer, this was the individual I wanted to take care of Tilly. Both 'V' and I agreed it would be too upsetting for us both if I was to hand her over myself and so it was arranged that my parents would take her on Saturday morning. All that left was for me to deal with the real biggy....saying goodbye.

Friday afternoon I did just that, and whilst I'm sure there are those out there who don't understand, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. In the end it was in danger of becoming a protracted and drawn out thing, something not helpful to any of us, so when the moment I had dreaded for months, finally came I gave her one last big hug and legged it out of the house and to Fletch's for a day or two.

As luck wouldn't have it the M25 was a nightmare and when I least needed to be stuck in traffic with time to think I was sat like a crying lemon for 3 hours, trying to drive what should have been a 90 minute journey.

On the upside thus far all seems to have gone well. Tilly didn't utter a sound on her two hour drive Saturday morning and when she arrived to meet 'V' things went better than I could have hoped for under the circumstances and cats being very territorial, as cats are! Tilly immediately got herself out of her 'carrying contraption' and greeted 'V' (who adored her) happily and when, a little time later' she was introduced one by one to her two new 'housemates', there was no flying fur. Instead there was a tentative sniffing of noses, one small hiss (thank you Tilly) and then they all went off in their seperate directions. Half and hour later Tilly was to be found reposing on 'V's bed!

Right now I still feel horrible, I miss the little soul terribly, I can't seem to stop snivelling, everything reminds me of her and the house seems empty, I've had a cat for all of my adult life and it's going to take some time to adjust but it could be worse. she say's without much conviction

It won't be the same, I don't imagine I will stop missing her for a long time but I will get to see her again occasionally. 'V' is happy for me to visit, though until I and Tilly have both settled a little I won't. She needs to feel at home in her new place and I need to get used to not having her around first. And finally, and maybe this is the bit that's making it all bearable right now.... 'V' has said that should I become able to home Tilly myself again at some point she would hand her back. We have agreed however that should that happy situation arise we would see how we all feel, Tilly, 'V' and myself, if for instance Tilly was very happy and settled it might not be the best thing for her to move yet again......'V' will likely have become attached to her etc. etc. We'll see, I'm trying not to count on that happening and view this as permanent, but even the possibility that this isn't a forever situation is helping right now.

Please, someone tell me the hardest part is over...because it sure as hell don't feel like it.

My apologies for rambling and for any spelling and grammar errors but I don't have the inclination to re-read this right now to check.


*Be happy little Tilly puss, I'll always be your 'mum'.

Tilly has gone.......

.....to her new home.

:o(((((

I have dreaded this day more than almost anything, always promised myself that somehow I would not let it come to this but having left no stone unturned I ran out of options.

More when I can get my head together....

Building a nursery

No, don't panic, the title isn't some convoluted route to announcing that some maternal situation has befallen me!

One of the better aspects of driving a white van for a living is that my route is mainly centered around country lanes, not good I know when it rains or snows but now that the meteorological conditions have improved a little and the natural world has hit spring there are treats to be enjoyed.

One such lane is currently offering a plethora of baby rabbits to entertain me, up to ten rushing about playing together at any one time under the watchful gaze of their parent rabbits. Yesterday, having managed to park up in close proximity to one I very quietly exited the van, stealing a piece of lettuce from a sandwich on my way and managed to persuade one small rabbit to within a meter of me quite quickly....and there I was thinking that lettuce was only a rabbit delicacy in story books!

Today a new treat presented itself. Part of my route takes me alongside a canal. Between the tow path and the car park I use is a small strip of grass verge, on that verge a pair of swans have decided to set up a nursery!


'Mrs. swan' has already taken to her nest, though there is as yet no sign of an egg, and whilst she reposes in all her splendour atop a large pile of twigs nest, 'Mr. swan' is hurriedly and unendingly reinforcing it with more and more twigs, moss and other paraphernalia designed to make his lady more comfortable throughout her confinement. (Why do the males of our species not behave in such a manner I wonder?!)

Neither prospective parent seems too concerned at my standing within a few feet of them, though that may change one they have charge of eggs but I am hopeful that each weekday on my round I can get to see the rest of the story unfold, next some eggs and then in a few weeks time with a little luck some swanlets :o)


It's taken almost four months but at last there seems to be a positive to driving the infernal white van!

Assuming all goes well at the nursery I will try and keep you updated, though images may continue to be of the same poor quality as today's....finding an excuse to be carting my camera around everyday might be difficult....my phone however is allowed.

The Tilly 'situation'

Well in a nutshell nothing has changed thus far.....Tilly is still with me, as happy as ever, completely unaware of any impending changes to her little life.

I for my part am only too aware.

She is still headed for a new home, though the logistics and one or two other aspects, are currently causing delays. If all goes to plan her new home will be an excellent one but somehow, though maybe it should, that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me.


I have reached the stage where although I am still hoping for some kind of divine intervention or miracle, the constant emotional ups and downs of thinking she is going and then the plan suffers a setback is beginning to get to me in a big way, I would almost (please note I only say 'almost') wish if it's got to happen I could get it over with instead of keep having to deal with the less than happy anticipation of it.

But it seems, divine intervention is short here and I'm just going to have to tolerate the situation somehow for as long as it lasts.....on the upside of course every extra day I have her is a bonus now and to be made the most of.

Once it's all over I will maybe tell you a few of the details of her prospective new home but for now I'm doing my best not to think too much about it all....hence the now only occasional Tilly posts.

In the meantime I'm trying to enjoy every extra moment with her and posting some recent pictures of her while I still can! :o(


(Images clickable)

Five things you didn't know

I have taken up the challenge offered by 'Little Cat' to complete this meme. I have to list five things about me that I haven't ever revealed in my blog. Here are the rules: 1. Get tagged 2. List five things that have not been revealed on your blog 3. Tag five others.

Here goes:

1. I am left handed.....hey, don't they say all the best people are! ;o)

2. I am a clothes size 6 despite spending my life trying not to be by devouring copious amounts of chocolate. Don't be envious or impressed, I would prefer not to be.....and no, I don't have an eating disorder other than the obsession with chocolate!

3. Contrarily (given my history) I still believe in love.

4. At age thirty I had a heavy duty nervous breakdown, ok, so 'nervous breakdown' is not a technical term but I won't bore you with the medical specifics.

5. At age 12 I could back summersault on a beam, a move which at the time in gymnastic regs. was 'illegal'....the memories of the bruises etc. incurred in training do not bear remembering! Ouch!

....and today I am feeling mean so I will tag a few of you:

Lisa
Fletch
Shephard
Barbara
and
Jenny.

Not forgotten

It has been two years since Karine of 'Graybar' sadly died at an age none of us should have to face what she did.

Despite not having know her long before she left us she was, and remains, a great inspiration to me, her courage and fortitude were amazing.

This week.......

....has been a very strange week for me. A week full of profound memories, of sadness and confusion but also of hope and happiness.

A week when thoughts have come unbidden, a myriad of conflicting emotions, when I am reminded of the strength of the human spirit and of gentleness of heart.

It has been a week of introspection but also of a salving joy in knowing that inividuals can triumph over great adversity and pain, that existence is finite and that in that knowledge our thirst for life, our ability to strive forward, to present a great strength, can overcome.

Only rarely in our life are we truly tested, either physicaly or emotionally. Our physiological self can be trained to deal with almost any extreme, our psychological being has to face so much more.

Occasionally in our life are we priveledged to feel immense respect and admiration; this week I have been priveledged.

Communication!

Whilst out and about today in my white van I saw an amazing sight. When I say 'amazing' I mean that only in the most sarcastic of tones.

Now I appreciate that the fact that I have never had children and therefor not had to deal on a daily basis with their demands may cause me to be somewhat underqualified to judge what I saw but still I found it at the very least a tad peculiar and more than a tad concerning.

There sat opposite me at traffic lights, in a very expensive BMW Chelsea tractor was an attractive woamn in her thirties with two small children seated suitably in child seats in the rear. Nothing too amazing there I know.

What caught my eye was that the woman in question was, rather than making herself available to her offspring should they require her attention, listening to and fiddling copiously with....an iPod!

The possibility of actually interracting with her children it seems was not on her list of priorities.....and like I said, whilst I may be underqualified appreciate the trials of parenthood and non stop child chatter, maybe she would need to know should one of them suddenly encounter some kind of in-car small child emergency!

Hey ho....what do I know, it just struck me as a little odd.

Cut loose!

Finally, after almost ten months of having no computer or internet connection of my own I am connected!

I have my new laptop and a superfast wireless connection to do as I please with, when I please, no more irksome restrictions......yayyyy!!

Unfortunately I do have to go to work full time these days though so the 24/7 computer obsession of days gone by in gemmak's-ville will remain a thing of the past...ok...so that's probably not a bad thing! ;o)

Automatic-ally stupid!

If ever there was an opportunity to make a considerable fool of myself this last Saturday was it!

The evening came and myself, Fletch and a couple of friends duly went out for a drink and dinner as arranged, the less said about the dinner the better but that's another story.

As a non drinker (well I have been corrupted some of late but none-the-less I can happily live without it) I was nominated as 'taxi driver' at some point in the evening. This was not something to which I objected considering the car I was to 'taxi' in was a brand new Mercedes worth more than some houses I have owned.

So the time for the journey home arrived and bearing in mind when one is given such a vehicle to drive one would like to at least look reasonably competent I managed quite rapidly to appear completely incompetent! My first pitfall was the new fangled 'key'...what the hell was I supposed to do with that odd shaped bit of plastic? I sure as hell didn't know, it wasn't like any kind of kery I had ever seen ;o)

The cars owner did the honours and then came pitfall number two....how to move the seat! Hey....my old car has a little handle, not a myriad of buttons to move every possible part of the upholstery to seating perfection! Again the owner did the honours.

And then came the real embarrassing moment. Ugh! Nice Mercs of course are automatic (why anyone would want an auto I don't know but obviously they do). I had anticipated this but having started the engine, no matter how hard I pressed on the accelerator the damn thing just wouldnt move anywhere, and each time I took my foot off the brake we rolled gradually (and very slowly) into the thankfully quiet road. Of course as this was happening all those present were (in various states of amusement/panic) telling me to hit the gas! Yes! I know the bloody principle.... it just wasn't happening!

Eventually after what seemed an eternity of my thinking I had either managed to single handedly ruin this car in two minutes flat or was about to get hit by some unsuspecting driver finding me in the middle of the road motionless, one of our number thought to remind me that the brake pedal was very wide....I heaved my foot hard right and finally found the accelerator.....as opposed to the right hand side of the brake pedal!

Doh.....hell, and I drive for a living!

Backwards!

I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Sunday drivers!

No....it's not the usual kind of Sunday driver that I am referring to here, the 'Ford Fiesta @ 28mph' brigade taking auntie out for a breath of carbon monoxide after way too much sherry with her beef and Yorkshire pud, no, this is an entirely different breed.

To be more specific Fletch, who to be fair isn't a 'sunny sunday' kinda biker but who on this last Sunday came up with an idea which required my assistance.

We would make a video! Not any old video mind you, this video was to be of our Sunday meanderings on Eloise (yes his bike has a name) and whilst he rode merrily along, yours truly was parked on the back, camera in hand, trying desperately against the wind to keep the damn thing steady to some degree.

Ok, so it was quite amusing, save for the small fact that I'm not dextrous enough to operate the camera with bike gloves on and as a consequence had to ride with my hands unprotected. Eekkk.

Anyways, the final cut is below (editing credits go to Fletch) and of all the things I've done on a bike in my time (no lewd comments please) this one was new to me. If nothing else taught me two things.....the B.B.C. won't be offering me a job as a camera woman anytime soon and the Cambridgeshire countryside is pretty boring!

Tilly....

.....has to go to a new home.

I tried everything I could think of to keep her with me but I have run out of options and possibilities. I have to accept it now somehow.

Fait acomplis......

:o(((

To Hope

When by my solitary hearth I sit,
And hateful thoughts enwrap my soul in gloom;
When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Whene'er I wander, at the fall of night,
Where woven boughs shut out the moon's bright ray,
Should sad Despondency my musings fright,
And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,
Peep with the moonbeams through the leafy roof,
And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof!

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,
Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;
When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,
Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart:
Chase him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,
And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene'er the fate of those I hold most dear
Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,
O bright-eyed Hope, my morbidfancy cheer;
Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:
Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Should e'er unhappy love my bosom pain,
From cruel parents, or relentless fair;
O let me think it is not quite in vain
To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,
Let me not see our country's honour fade:
O let me see our land retain her soul,
Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom's shade.
From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed
Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot's high bequest,
Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!
With the base purple of a court oppress'd,
Bowing her head, and ready to expire:
But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings
That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star
Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;
Brightening the half veil'd face of heaven afar:
So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,
Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,
Waving thy silver pinions o'er my head!

~John Keates~