Automatic-ally stupid!

If ever there was an opportunity to make a considerable fool of myself this last Saturday was it!

The evening came and myself, Fletch and a couple of friends duly went out for a drink and dinner as arranged, the less said about the dinner the better but that's another story.

As a non drinker (well I have been corrupted some of late but none-the-less I can happily live without it) I was nominated as 'taxi driver' at some point in the evening. This was not something to which I objected considering the car I was to 'taxi' in was a brand new Mercedes worth more than some houses I have owned.

So the time for the journey home arrived and bearing in mind when one is given such a vehicle to drive one would like to at least look reasonably competent I managed quite rapidly to appear completely incompetent! My first pitfall was the new fangled 'key'...what the hell was I supposed to do with that odd shaped bit of plastic? I sure as hell didn't know, it wasn't like any kind of kery I had ever seen ;o)

The cars owner did the honours and then came pitfall number two....how to move the seat! Hey....my old car has a little handle, not a myriad of buttons to move every possible part of the upholstery to seating perfection! Again the owner did the honours.

And then came the real embarrassing moment. Ugh! Nice Mercs of course are automatic (why anyone would want an auto I don't know but obviously they do). I had anticipated this but having started the engine, no matter how hard I pressed on the accelerator the damn thing just wouldnt move anywhere, and each time I took my foot off the brake we rolled gradually (and very slowly) into the thankfully quiet road. Of course as this was happening all those present were (in various states of amusement/panic) telling me to hit the gas! Yes! I know the bloody principle.... it just wasn't happening!

Eventually after what seemed an eternity of my thinking I had either managed to single handedly ruin this car in two minutes flat or was about to get hit by some unsuspecting driver finding me in the middle of the road motionless, one of our number thought to remind me that the brake pedal was very wide....I heaved my foot hard right and finally found the accelerator.....as opposed to the right hand side of the brake pedal!

Doh.....hell, and I drive for a living!