Another crap van.....

....and another small disaster!

This week it seems is not turning out to be my best. After yesterdays carrying-ons I had kind of hoped for a better day today....harumph, it was not to be.

The new van (ok, it's way older than the last one....why are you not surprised?) is barely an improvement, though it does boast a heater of sorts, a functioning (just) propshaft and central locking.....and thereby hangs my problem of today.

My delightful employer failed to tell me that the button on the key is so sensitive that just the act of turning the ignition off is likely to activate the locking system and of course, wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what happened. I stopped at my second call of the morning, turned the ignition off, got out, shut the door and hey presto...I was firmly locked out. FFS! I was far from full of Christmas joy I can tell you!

This time I was determined not to call for assistance only to be the recipient of more hassle and so made a deal with the guys on the site I was at: anyone who could get me into my van without causing damage could have what they liked to eat on me.

It worked like a dream, ten or so of them pitched in trying one way or another, until one guy (presumably of slightly dubious 'history') told me to look away and he would get me in....20 seconds later I was in...... I was happy, I care not how or why he learned to do it, the fact that he could was fine with me and all it cost me was the price of a breakfast....more than worth it to avoid the hell I would have suffered had I called the boss! :o)

The death of a disaster legend

The white van from hell is dead! I killed it!

Now, before any of you start making utterances about women drivers and all that malarky, let me fill you in on a few details here.

The route I drive everyday in the pursuit of making the lunchtimes of the locality a moment of gourmet magic is in the main on country roads. One of these 'highways' in particular is liable to flooding in a number of places. There is a longer route but after more than a few arguements with boss #2 I gave in and did as I was told i.e. "not waste time (time is money yada, yada, yada) driving the extra miles" and instead plough on through the floods when they occur. Assured as I was that a diesel angine won't give out because it has no distributor! Now this guy is supposed to be a time served mechanic among other things but even I know that engines are more complicated than that but having argued my corner, drive through I did...on numerous occasions over the last month.

Today was different. The heavens opened and my route flooded 'very nicely' in the middle of nowhere and as ever I gritted my teeth and went for it....only to come to a grinding halt in the middle of a flood maybe a foot deep, ten car lengths in width and a considerable length. This flood took over the road, went up the bank and carried on into the woods at either side.

So what was I to do? I was stranded in the pouring rain and my only route for escape was to wade out...yeah right, fat chance. I called my boss, the one who instructed me that the van wouldn't give up and requested rescuing...he was not impressed and as I had suspected might be the case (with his parents being the other partners in the business) he started trying desperately to wriggle out of responsibility for the debacle first claiming he hadn't advised me to drive through and then that he hadn't realised 'which flood I meant' (despite having claimed to have drive through it himself on many occasions)!

And sit in my small lake I did, with the water rising
above the doors and gradually seeping in...and I waited and waited and waited....

In the meantime the rain continued to pour down and other traffic wishing to use the route intermittently pulled up infront of me flashing lights or 'hooting', presumably to get me to shift (this is a one track road). Now forgive my ignorance here but there I was, knee deep in a small lake, stuck smack, bang in the middle of the road with my hazzard warning lights on..what exactly were they expecting me to do? Did they imagine I was sat there for the good of my health? Was my predicament not apparent to even the most stupid of individuals?

A large pick up even turned up, two builders got out, stood at the edge of my personal 'lake', asked me what had happened, then laughed.....and drove off. Hello.....it might have been nice to offer me a tow or at least have 'rescued' me from my cab!

Finally my boss appeared looking none too pleased and failing completely to grasp the principle that this was his fault....and he had come without a two rope!!! FFS!!!.

At this point my patience was wearing a tad thin-ish and I was very cold and wet so I pointed out that he might like to drive himself to a local garage where he might find assistance. He did...leaving me behind still stranded in my cab, the thought that I might be getting just a tiny bit disgrunteld very pissed off sitting like a fool in a big puddle never seemingly crossed his mind!

I won't bore you with the rest but suffice to say two very nice guys in a truck arrived sometime later and hauld me and my van to dry land and then to their garage where the van was pronounced D.O.A. Yup, I told him it would happen, I argued with him time after time but he wouldn't have it and yet, somehow now, it is deemed my fault that the white van from hell needs a new engine and is considered a write off!!

Belive me, I have made my position and my feelings crystal clear. If I had been idiot enough to choose that course of action for myself as opposed to under his insistent instruction I would be only to happy to take the fall...... but 'new girl' or not I'm not having this pinned on me and if I have to walk I will. I am livid. It's bad enough that he was so stupid but to now try and wriggle free of the responsibility for the outcome infuriates me....it's not gonna happen I promise you.

Hey...on the upside I get a different van tomorrow, surely it can't be any worse....can it?

Butch Cattidy & Sundance?

Heh :o)

Thanks JW

Ohhhh.....

.....I've just noticed this little spot in the blogosphere has passed the 80000 hits mark...whoda thunk it!

Certainly not me!

Panic is setting in....

.....it's less than three weeks until Christmas and the normally 'organised to the Christmas hilt' gemmak hasn't even bought a Christmas card yet, let alone had any inspiration as to what gifts to buy, or further more how to finance said purchases!

Do you think anyone would notice if I just hibernated for a few weeks? ;o)

How ridiculous!

Ok...so clumsy me, I dropped my mobile phone a few days back and broke the back cover. Upon investigation I discovered it is not a part that can be purchased at retail so contacted o2, the provider from whom it originally came. Bear in mind I have only had this phone three or four weeks.

O2 very kindly said they would send me a replacement part free of charge and that it would be with me by yesterday....you know what's coming don't you? of course you do, it didn't arrive. I called again today to confirm it was in transit only to be informed that they can't provide the part and have no idea why I was told otherwise!!! My displeasure at their lack of reliability was registered and I was told to go to an o2 store where the part could be ordered.

Off I trundled to said store.

The staff in said store informed me they 'don't order parts' and had no idea why I was informed otherwise!!! FFS I registered further displeasure and 'suggested' that they call their head office whilst I was there to sort this debacle out. They did....no joy, both laid blame and responsibility at each others door!

I was by this time beginning to breath fire and the 'sales associate' dealing with me was beginning to look a little flustered.

I took over the phone conversation and made it reasonably clear I expected one or other of them to sort this out, afterall, I only wanted one small part that by their own admission was only a couple of quid. The lady on the end of the phone contacted Nokia (apparently) and came back to me saying they couldn't provide the part either!! Hello? They manufacture the damn phone so if they can't I wondered who the hell can?! The answer, apparently no one!!

My displeasure became more intense. By this stage I had spent maybe and hour and a half talking to half-wits, getting conflicting advice and very little in the way of results.

Finally 'girl wonder' on the end of the line said she had a solution....wait for it....she would send me out a new phone! I explained yet again I only need one part of the cover, they didn't need to waste a whole handset but it fell on deaf ears. Apparently they can only send out whole phones, not just parts and the suggestion she just take the back off the phone and mail it to me thereby at least saving the cost of a courier, was met with complete confusion!!!

I gave up at that point! If they see fit to waste £300 then who am I to stop them I thought but hells bells, it's the 'throw away' society gone mad....is it any wonder we are using upresourcess at such a rate of knots when a company of such magnitude behave in such a ridiculous manner?

How a woman's brain works!

This was sent to me as an email by a friend (thanks 'Retroguy')....the image struck a chord with me...my brain feels just like this lately....oh, and I couldn't resist the punchline!

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:



Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

*Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls! ;o)

...but I don't 'do' cooking!

When I saw my job as the driver of the white van from hell advertised it said nothing about 'cooking'. In fact it very carefully didn't it seems to me, what it actually asked for was a 'sandwich van salesperson'. Had it mentioned anything remotely involved with culinary skills you would have seen me headed in the opposite direction....and fast!

There are things I do and things that I definitely don't do and one of the definite don'ts is anything remotely associated with food, aside from eating it of course or dipping the odd strawberry into deliciously melted chocolate. Domestic I can be, cleaning, ironing, washing, vacuuming...all no problem but things culinary...ugh! Ok, so my way to a mans heart is not through his stomach! ;o)

It has come as somewhat of a shock to me therefore to discover that by 06.30 each weekday morning I am up to my armpits in 'sandwich making' equipment, for in reality not only do I have to deliver said delights but I also have to produce them all myself beforehand, this is not good, it does not start my day well to be surrounded by commercial quantities of various hams, cheeses, salad stuffs and other assorted 'fillings', nor do mountainous piles of empty baguettes, and other bread products fill me with joy with there apparent need to be transformed into attractive lunchtime fare, by my own hand.



But fill them I must and if you please, at the rate of approximately 60 an hour.... yes, that's one a minute, no mean feat let me tell you. That includes wielding an electric knife (OMG), the 'buttering' procedure (though the stuff we use has long since lost any resemblance to real butter) and the tidy and attractive inclusion of usually something in the region of five or six different items of filling...all of which are hell bent on not remaining where I originally put them!

But there is worse still to come. Once I have fought tooth and nail with lettuce, beetroot, stuffing, pineapple, corn, etc. etc. etc and various dead animals and persuaded them successfully to 'stay put' I then have to somehow maneuver them into a long thin bag and then into a 'sealing' contraption, all the time fighting the attempts of the darned stuff to escape and fall untidily into an ungainly heap at the bottom of the bag!

Now this might not sound like too much of a trauma to most of you but I really don't 'do' cooking and to me this comes under the heading of cooking, it involves food and knives doesn't it? Yes? so it's cooking then and I don't do it, I just don't!...or at least I didn't!

...but three weeks in and I've got it mastered, I've got a routine and a plan and this morning by 7.30 all 60 were done and dusted and immaculately waiting to be sold within the ridiculous given timeframe. There they were all tidy and yummy looking, nothing hanging out or sitting sadly at the bottom of the bags and at last, my supervisor (I use the term loosely here) who can rarely let a moment go by without criticism, could find nothing to winge about!

...but I still don't 'do' cooking! Ppffttt.

Wonders will never cease!

At last! The white van from hell has a new prop-shaft!!

This may not sound like heaven to you but for me, who has had the displeasure of near dragging the offending vehicle along behind me these last two weeks, it is a gift of large and much coveted proportions!

No longer does my every minute pressure on the accelerator cause there to be unnerving shuddering below me, no longer do I sound like an approaching tribe of over excited banshees and finally, oh joy, when I hit the gas I am propelled forward at a reasonable rate as opposed to having to sort through a selection of low gears in an effort to merely keep going! Ok, so this is still not anything Schumacher would be fighting to drive but it is a a very large step forward.

Yes, there are still the airless tyres, lack of heater, jammed door, failed fan and one (slow) speed wipers to attend too but I am for now just thankful for small mercies!

Oh....and it's Friday tomorrow, so it's all good. It's seemed a hell of a time in coming this week but who cares now, it's almost here and a Friday is a Friday and not to be sniffed at, two whole days of nice stuff and sleeping and not a white van in sight!

***************
On the subject of Friday's, tomorrow is likely to be a difficult one for someone very close to me (you know who you are), a day of uncertainty, mixed emotions and upheaval, so my friend, if you read this, know I am thinking of you and that I wish I could do more to help.

Aversion therapy!

Luckily it's owner wasn't home! ;o)


(Clickable)

Another meme

I have no idea now who I stole this from but if you recognise it as yours, thanks....but what happened to the '4's?

As ever...if you wanna have a go feel free, just let me know so I can go look.

TEN FIRSTS

First Best Pal: 'Karen'
First Hamster: Never had one
First Piercing: Ears,...my only piercing.
First Crush: Hell....that was a long time ago....some boy in my 3rd year of junior school, his name escapes me.
First CD: I dont remember.
First Car: A lime green 'mini'.
First Love: 'Robert'
First Stuffed Animal: A teddy my Godmother gave me the day I was born, I still have him but he's a little 'delicate' now!
First Teacher: Don't recall her name but she was scary!
First Watch: Tiny 'timex' with a navy blue face.

NINE LASTS

Last Beverage: Coffee of course!
Last Vehicle Ride: Drove home from work.
Last Movie Seen: Highlander.
Last Phone Call: A friend.
Last CD Played: A compilation in my car.
Last Bubble Bath: Last night.
Last Time You Cried: About two hours ago.
Last Person who gave you a hug: Um....
Last Time you rang your mum/dad/guardian: This afternoon.

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS

Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Nope.
Have you ever been arrested: No
Have you ever skinny dipped: Yes.
Have you ever been on TV: Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: No...the regret is those I didn't kiss! ;o)
Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you knew: Excuse me...there are some things even I don't blog!
Have you ever been in love: Yes.
Have you ever wanted to slap/punch a friend: No.

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING

1 Fleece
2 Fleece jacket...ok, I'm cold!
3 Knickers
4 Socks
5 Slippers (oh, this is painting an attractive picture - not)
6 Earrings
7 Ring

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY (in no particular order)
1. Got up.
2. Wanted to sleep!
3. Smoked too much.
4. Had a Tilly 'conversation'.
5. Been to work.
6. Procrastinated.

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER

1. Tilly.
2. Chocolate.
3. Cuddles
4. Sleeping!
5. Maple sugar.

THREE CHOICES

1. Eat or drink: Eat
2. Blonde or brunette: No preference.
3. Pink or black: PINK!!!!


TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Realise my dream.
2. Feel content that I have done most of the things I wanted to do before I die!

I could...

...if I wasn't so perpetually knackered of late, regale you with tales of the white van from hell, of how my rear offside tyre still remains unrepaired and requires that I find among my daily calls to various mechanical workshops, one kind soul or another with an air-line just handy and ready to offer assistance in keeping me on the road!

I could tell you about the prop shaft that has now been received from the manufacturers but still loiters unhelpfully in it's packing instead of loitering in it's proper place among the components that make up my van.

I could perhaps amuse you with tales of customer complaints......yup, customers it seems in all 'walks' of life, not just my previous life, like to complain much more than they like to shout joyously at how impressed they are that in the torrential rain I stand there like a fool day after day getting saturated, just so they can have something to eat for lunch. Today's complaint I could add, that apparently warranted an abusive phone call, was that I had delivered five pints of milk to a customer and the bottles didn't all carry the same 'use by' date. They were of course all in date just not the same!!!!....WTF is that all about then?

I could tell you of the less than moral business practices I am encouraged to pursue, but that I don't and won't, which seems to cause my new employer a deal of exasperation and consternation, or I could enlighten you as to how I am encouraged to break the speed limits and/or use the company mobile phone while driving to keep to the impossible schedules.

I would like to amuse you with a tale of how I (very gently) backed my van into another this morning, it was the fault of a dog, a puppy infact, that had unfairly attracted my attention by looking so cute and cuddly and who's cute and cuddliness caused me to perform this maneuver infront of a queue of customers! No damage done, well in the case of my van one would be unable to detect any if there was some it is already so battered, but the vehicle of the other party was rendered unhurt! My pride however was not but I considered it the better part of valor, under the circumstances, to take the 'woman driver' jokes and jibes without complaint. ;o)

....and finally, if I had any energy to post I might tell you just how rewarding and fulfilling delivering sandwiches for a living is but I'd be fibbing...... and besides the 5am starts are still killing me, so instead of blogging I'll just go watch Corrie....and fall asleep yet again! ;o)

Really...

....I promise you, I haven't forgotten that I'm supposed to post something here from time to time other than images, it's just that I'm so so tired!

This working for a living business, along with the 5am wake up call, is taking some getting used to and if I'm not chasing around the countryside in the van from hell then I seem to be able to do little more in the way of anything constructive than sleep!

Bear with me please while I get my second wind.....

Invisible bike!

Well I think it's funny! ;o)