A Tilly first

So, picture the scene (and it's not a particularly attractive one), it's early morning, a damp and dismal start to the day and having already made it to my first caffeine and nicotine hit I'm two floors up attending to my ablutions when I hear from the garden faint panicking sounds coming from my mother

My father is way this week and concerned my mother might have had some mishap befall her I listen more intently..... and with small big panic rising realise she is talking in very concerned tones to Tilly. Always one to panic first and think later I race the two flights of stairs, three at a time convinced at the very least, that 'madam' has been injured and my mother maybe struggling to deal with whatever situation she has been faced with.......but what do I find?

My mother is indeed struggling with squirmy small cat, though somewhat carefully for she is mindful of Tillys claws and teeth, items she is not adversed to sinking into soft flesh. The reason for the cat/mother tussle rapidly becomes apparent as I near the furor....Tilly has her first ever catch (rubber bands aside), a still very much alive tiny, cute ball of fieldmouse, as yet not dispatched to the big mousehole in the sky.... and she is rather determined to hold onto it!

Whilst my mother may not be too adept at this procedure unfortunately for Tilly's pride I am and with one swift shake the tiny round mouse was rescued from feline jaws, Tilly was put unceremoniously indoors and off I went to investigate the state of her prey. All it seemed was well, there was no sign of injury and the little creature, as tiny as it was managed to bite me hard enough to draw blood! Mouse was put into the shrubbery and after a reasonable period of 'forgetting time' Tilly was released from her incarceration!

She has been spotted since almost continually 'parked' atop the compost heap monitoring intently the spot from where her quarry originated, in the apparent hope presumably, that it has been stupid enough to return and that her next attempt at proudly presenting her grandmother with a 'gift' won't be so unkindly thwarted!!!

One Dream

A dream, swathed in swirling, gentle, midnight moonglow,
the minds eye, imaginations of the soul, just a moment, a breath away.

A dream, so near, so far, gently hued and winged in feathers, soft,
unfettered thoughts reach out to unreality, reality?
words drifting, whispered into silent, blue black night.


A dream, ethereal magic, star studded, soul touched, set free to soar,
behind eyes, heavy lidded, closed, a world apart, hand outstretched in gossamer gentle, silken threaded, grasp.

A dream unspoken, unheard, a moment, a second in time suspended, a golden orb, moon-like, in conciousness held, eternally.
For fleeting moment touched, warm wrapped, safe in vulnerablility.

A dream, one dream held close, moon-glow haloed in dark starred silent night.
One dream, one wish.......one moon.

Television addict

Meme with a difference, stolen from
Justitia because I haven't done one of these in what seems like an age.

Instructions: Bold (or change the color) of all of the following TV shows which you've seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime. Bold and Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it. If you want, add up to 3 additional shows (keep the list in alphabetical order).


24
3rd Rock from the Sun
7th Heaven
Adam-12
Aeon Flux
A.L.F
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Alias
Allo Allo
American Idol/Pop Idol/Canadian Idol/Australian Idol
America's Next Top Model/Germany's Next Top Model
Angel
Arrested Development
Babylon 5
Babylon 5: CrusadeBattlestarGalactica (the old one)Battlestar Galactica (the new one)Baywatch
Beavis & Butthead
The Ben Stiller Show
Beverly Hills 90210
Bewitched
Bonanza
Bones
Bosom Buddies
Boston Legal
Boy Meets World
Brady Bunch
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Bug Juice
Casualty
Chappelle's Show
Charlie's Angels
Charmed
Cheers
China Beach
Columbo
Commander in Chief
Coronation Street
Coupling
Cowboy Bebop
Crossing Jordan
CSI
CSI: Miami
CSI: NY
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Dallas
Dancing with the Stars
Danny Phantom
Dark Angel
Dark Skies
Davinci's Inquest
Dawson's Creek
Dead Like Me
Deadliest Catch
Deadwood
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Designing Women
Desperate Housewives
Dharma & Greg
Different Strokes
Doctor Who (new Who)
Doctor Who (series 1-26)
Dragnet
Due South
Dungeons and Dragons (old cartoon)
Dynasty
Earth 2
Emergency!
Entourage
ER
Everwood
Everybody Loves Raymond
Facts of Life
Falcon Crest
Family Guy
Family Ties
Fantasy Island
Farscape
Fawlty Towers
Felicity
Firefly
Flamingo Road
Frasier
Friends
Full House
Futurama
Get Smart
Gilligan's Island
Gilmore Girls
Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Green Wing
Grey's Anatomy
Growing Pains
Gunsmoke
Happy Days
Head of the Class
Highlander
Hill Street Blues
Hogan's Heroes
Home Improvement
Homicide: Life on the Street
House
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy
Invader Zim
Invasion
Iron Chef (Japan)
Iron Chef (USA)
Ironsides
JAG
Jackass
Jeopardy
Joey
John Doe
Kath and Kim
Knight Rider
Knots Landing
La Femme Nikita
LA Law
Laugh-In
Laverne and Shirley
Law & Order
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Law & Order: SVU
Little House on the Prairie
Lizzie McGuire
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Lost
Lost in Space
Love, American Style
M*A*S*H
MacGyver
Magnum P.I.
Malcolm in the Middle
Married...With Children
Melrose Place
Miami Vice
Mission Impossible
Monk
Moonlighting
Mork & Mindy
Murphy Brown
My Family
My Favorite Martian
My Life as a Dog
My Mother the Car
My So-Called Life
My Three Sons
My Two Dads
Mysterious Cities of Gold
NCIS
Night Court
Nip/Tuck
Northern Exposure
Not the nine o'clock news
Numbers
One Tree Hill
OzParker Lewis
Can't Lose
Perfect Strangers
Perry Mason
Picket Fences
Pirates of Darkwater
Pokemon
Power Rangers
Prison Break
Profiler
Project Runway
Psyche
Quantum Leap
Queer As Folk (US)
Queer as Folk (British)
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy
ReGenesis
Remington Steele
Rescue Me
Road Rules
ROME
Roseanne
Roswell
Samurai Jack
Saved by the Bell
Scarecrow and Mrs. King
Scooby-Doo Where Are You?
Scrubs
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Six Feet Under
Slings and Arrows
Smallville
Small Wonder
So Weird
South Park
Spaced
Spongebob Squarepants
Sports Night
Square Pegs
St. Elsewhere
Star Trek
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: Enterprise
Stargate Atlantis - New season
Stargate
SG-1 -Newseason
Superman
Supernatural
Surface
Survivor
Taxi
Teen Titans
Teletubbies
That Girl
That 70's Show
That's So Raven
The 4400
The Addams Family
The Andy Griffith Show
The A-Team
The Avengers
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Bionic Woman
The Colbert Report
The Cosby Show
The Daily Show
The Days And Nights Of Molly Dodd
The Dead Zone
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flintstones
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Golden Girls
The Jetsons
The L Word
The Love
Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Mighty Boosh
The Monkees
The Munsters
The Mythbusters
The O.C.
The Office (UK)
The Office (US)
The Pretender
The Prisoner
The Real World
The Shield
The Simpsons
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Sopranos
The Suite
Life of Zack and Cody
The Twilight Zone
The Waltons
The West Wing
The Wonder Years
The X-Files
Third Watch
thirtysomething
Three's Company
Top Gear
Twin Peaks
Twitch City
Upstairs, Downstairs
Veronica Mars
Wings
What Not To Wear (US)What Not To Wear (UK)
Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
Witchblade
Will and Grace
Wonderfalls
Wonder Woman
Xena: Warrior Princess
Young Hercules

Hmmmmm..I'm not sure I'm very proud of this, I might not watch TV nowadays but it looks like that wasn't always the case!!

As ever I'm supposed to tag three of you but I'm feeling kind, just do it if you want to and let me know in comments so I can check out if you're as addicted as I was!

Top ten quotes....

....as decided by 'The Board of Wisdom' and with thanks to 'Only Me' for the link.

I'm not sure some of these are quotes in the way we usually mean them but whatever, some are pretty good....#9 specifically!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly".

2. A girl asked a boy if she was pretty.
He said no.
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.
She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, he said,
"You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die."

3. "I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind".


4. "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them".

5. True Love Means...

A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a deserted road on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, we're going too fast. I'm scared! And I don't want anything to happen.

Guy: Come on, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Your having fun right?

Girl: NO...please stop. I'm really scared

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I LOVE YOU! Now please slow down.

Guy: Give me a hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you help me out here? Will you take my Helmet off me and put it on you? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle has crashed into a building break failure. Two people found, but only one survived.

The Truth is: That halfway down the road the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug him for one last time. Then had her wear his helmet so she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

6. "The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in."

7. "A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but your best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "that was f***ing awesome"

8. "What do you do when the only one that can make you stop crying, is the person who made you cry?"

9. Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

10. "No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all".

A sad anniversary

It's one year ago today that Poppy died. :o((


~ Never forgotten...sleep tight 'Poppy cat' ~

That's it....

...time is up I can't any longer prevaricate about my current situation.

I'm sick to death of living in this limbo, of having a thousand and one things to consider and to make decisions about. Maybe I needed time to let my mind adapt to the changes in my life recently, maybe I just needed a little time to think but whatever it was I did need I don't need it anymore, what I do need is to get some semblance of order back into my life and instead of thinking about what I'm going to do, actually do it!

There is no point mulling over the why's and where for's any longer, nothing to be gained by imagining that somehow, something will magically happen to alleviate the situation because it won't, this is the real world and shit happens so it's time for action and this week I will take action.

So many things depend right now on other things happening and the first is that I have to bite the bullet and file my bankruptcy papers with the courts. Goodbye credit rating, goodbye mortgages and credit cards...I have to enter the twighlight world of 'financial non-entity' but enter it I will and with a fist full of cash for ironically one has to pay a considerable sum for the priveledge

Ok, so an hour with a judge and another few with a receiver isn't my idea of fun but it has to be done, the sooner it's done the sooner I can begin looking forward to my discharge, not that in practice discharge from bankruptcy makes much difference, the courts might consider a year long enough punishment but most other institutions consider six years more appropriate!

Hey ho, it's a start, I can't say I relish the next week or two but it will be one less thing to worry about and consider and one more thing I can begin to consign to history.

Don't quit

I saw this while I was out and about at the weekend....kinda rung true and made me smile :o)

When things go wrong, and sometimes they will,
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
when funds are low and debts are high and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must but don't you quit.

Life is strange with it's twists and turns as everyone of us sometimes learns,
and many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is much nearer than it seems to a faint or faltering man,
often the struggler gives up when he might have won the victors cup,
and when he learns too late as night comes down how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of clouds of doubt,
and you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, it's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Skylight

What's a girl to do?

Life is looking pretty good today, my options are endless, well ok, maybe only in a day to day sense, the whole world isn't exactly at my feet but I'm looking forward to a good day!

The site of my recent dental trauma is by now allowing me to perform slightly more normally, I may even manage to eat enough not to spend the entire day hungry as I did the last two days, the long awaited prospect of being able to clean my teeth properly beckons, believe me, you didn't want to kiss me the last 48 hours and the pain is receding nicely. The only downside is a week of salt mouthwashes....not an attractive proposition but even the possibility of opening my mouth wide enough to enable that function is a pleasure after the last two days!

Add to all that, by circumstance I have unlimited internet access today, it's early and I'm surprisingly wide awake, I have coffee, feline company, a stack of books to read, a whole completely free day at my disposal.......and shops! Hell, what's a girl to do?

Now...in the mind of a female that probably doesn't seem a difficult decision to make but to the male of the species it's maybe less obvious, so let me explain: You see it's like this.......woman undergoes big and scary trauma, woman suffers pain and discomfort as a result, woman behaves with more than the usual degree of bravery in the face of adversity......the result; woman feels deserved of a treat and goes shopping!

See...no contest, the theory and actuality are straightforward.....

Woman considers herself to have suffered, the only real and true cure is to shop!

There is no choice!

It's a conspiracy

Yesterday was the dreaded day for my first round of dental pummelling. You may or may not (probably not) remember my posting on my recent visit for a check up, the first in five years courtesy of Scotland's lack of dentists prepared to work on the NHS.

On that occasion I was cheerfully informed I needed a crown but I would be contacted further if anything more showed up in the X-rays. Something more did show up...apparently two small fillings, today I was to have the first of these.

Now, my phobia of dentists has also not gone unmentioned here. Well, it's not so much the dentist. him or herself presents no problem but the procedures they carry out do....a big problem, the biggest of which is extraction! But, having met 'Mr Very Nice Dentist' at my check up and having been assured he understood my fears and that I was to have a filling, I set off this morning only half scared to death.

Upon my arrival, with the benefit of hindsight, the receptionists greeting of me was marginally strange, she appeared slightly uncomfortable but in my state of nervousness I barely registered her existence let alone her manner, and so in I went when I was called, full of bravery......only to be informed by 'Mr Very Nice Dentist' that the tooth I thought was to be filled actually required extraction!!!! Yes, he could possibly repair it with two or three hours work but it would only last a year or two and alternatively it could be wrenched from my mouth brutally removed painlessly, in a matter of seconds.

At this point my flight or fight response kicked in big time, my body suddenly knew it was harboring way too much adrenaline and in that horrible state of trying to hide near panic, I tried to listen coherently to 'Mr Very Nice Dentists' advice.

There was it seemed nothing really to decide. My five year lack of dental care (Thank you Scotland's NHS, I love you too) had resulted in a pretty crap tooth and out it had to come and so hanging onto the nurses hand for dear life, trying to somehow not behave like a small frightened child, I gritted my teeth (pun intended) and we went for it. Four large injections later (yup, it wouldn't 'numb up' with the usual two, oh joy) and a swift and practiced wrench and the offending tooth was history, amazingly I am still here to tell the tale!!!...... Though I did require to be left prone for ten minutes before I could maintain an upright position without assistance, my legs didn't really know what they were doing for a while, my hands shook uncontrollably and I was damn glad I had my dad with me to drive home!

So why the 'conspiracy' title...because the dentist knew all along, as did his nurse and receptionist that the tooth was to go but he also knew that if he had told me in the original phone call what was to be done, I would have never shown up!

This guy certainly has me sussed and he was of course right. At the very least I would have had a fair few sleepless nights prior to the dreaded appointment and indeed would probably have cancelled...as it is, it's all done and dusted and whilst I might feel like I've been punched in the face right now by someone with significant upper body strength, it's a good job done with a minimum of cowardice and hoo ha!

The guy is a bastard star! :o)

Anyone got a straw?

Deserved success

On the subject, (ok we weren't but I was a few days ago) of my rediscovered pleasure in books, congratulations to Tom Reynolds (AKA his real name), author of the almost legendary blog 'Random Acts of Reality', who made it into The Guardian today.....on the subject of his book 'Blood, Sweat and Tea' which is going into it's second print and has remained in Amazons top thirty for over four weeks now!

Wow!

Read the internet version here.

Oh, and it's kinda wired to finally get to see a picture of someone you have only imagined for so long.

The last bastion falls

A small disaster has befallen the life of gemmak today, or at least the knowledge that it will do before very much longer.

Since my move South, when things have become particularly 'trying' and I have sought a place of solace, I have headed to the great and the good that is Caffe Nero ....and you thought it was just a coffee bar eh?


Nero's was is my little bit of heaven, my place of escape, somehwere I can wile away an hour or two with a good book, a fantastic restretto or cappuccino and most of all a place I can enjoy these things and settle my mind's concerns, all with a cigarette in hand....for Nero's didn't judge, they didn't deem the pariahs like myself as evil, no, they allowed the top floor of their wonderful coffee emporium to be inhabited by smokers! It was heaven indeed. They stood alone, Nero's was hallowed ground. The one place, the only place I knew that allowed me, as the devil incarnate, to truly relax with my favourite things, caffeine, a book and a smoke.

But the last bastion has fallen, things are looking bleak, for today, as I made my merry way to the counter to order, book clutched in hand, I was greeted by a heinous sign announcing that from 14th September, they too will bow to the pressure of the 'good and the sensible', of those who hop blithely onto one or another of the politically correct bandwagons..... and smoking will no longer be allowed anywhere on their premises.

There have of course been customer surveys (though no one 'surveyed' me despite my almost daily visits) professing to prove that their customers wishes are that the evil weed be banned but hey, did anyone survey any smokers?, because one thing is for sure, in the particular branch I use, the top floor, the smokers domain, is always far busier than the lower floor that is already a smoke free zone!

A bleak day indeed.....hell, I know that next year it will be obligatory anyways but I had faith in these guys.....

Toilet humour!

Thank you to Astrantia for leaving this link in my comments.

For any of you cat people who didn't catch it there it's worth a click. :o)

It's good to talk

So, it's Friday again and it's seemed a long time in coming this week in some respects, though somewhere deep inside of me something has changed over the last few days and this week hasn't been quite as difficult as many that have gone before in recent months. Somehow the 'rawness' of my emotions seems to be salved a little.

Firstly there has been the 'niece distraction', and albeit I joke about the trials and tribulations of being an auntie and I wouldn't want a whole child, she has been fun, her company has distracted me from my current aggravations and it's just kinda nice to be with someone for whom life appears simple and who's immediate happiness depends on sweets, fun and lots of cuddles. I shall miss her when she goes, loath though I am to admit it.

Secondly I think my lighter mood can be put down to communication....it's good to talk,(why am I using a BT tagline? I hate BT!), it's good to really talk, to share one's greatest fears and concerns, to air grievances and try to find a deeper understanding of what makes ourselves and others function and react as we do. It is maybe rare to be able to be completely honest and open with others, to have an affinity that allows us to take the risk, take the final steps to make ourselves completely vulnerable, and it takes immense trust in one's confidante, for when we open ourselves up to others and dare to explore parts of our own psyche we don't usually, or prefer not too, acknowledge in ourselves, we are at our most vulnerable. It is hard, it hurts like hell and we don't always receive the answers that we want, but it is also calming to have our thoughts and feelings listened too, validated and to share our innermost fears....true communication is invaluable, a rare gift.

Yup...I think that's the word, 'calm', I feel a little calmer this week, I no longer feel quite like a headless chicken rushing about trying to take the world and it's wife on all at once, I have slept some, I don't feel quite so overwhelmed and now, add to that, it's Friday!.....and you know how I love Fridays.

Ok, so nothing has really changed, the practicalities and problems I face remain much the same but maybe, just maybe, my perception of them and of some of the situations I find myself in has changed some.

......things are looking up (she say's tentatively), long may it last! :o)


*Thank you for being there.......you know who you are.