It's late, I'm alone and it's Friday, Friday's were always special. I'm typing through a valium induced haze and I'm completely lost and confused. The last week has been singularly the worst of my life and yes, right now I feel sorry for myself, bloody sorry for myself, pathetically so no doubt but that's how it is.
Just a week ago I was happy, I can still hear the laughter ringing in my ears and see the smiles, life seemed good and I had everything important to me. I had love.
Now I feel like I've been hit by a steam train and I'm left facing the resulting pain and bloody mess with absolutely no idea where or how to begin repairing the damage. The impact tore away half of what I was, of who I was... and somehow I didn't even see it's approach until the last moment.
And then it was too late.
There was no time left for me to avoid or stop the carnage. It hit with such force, taking with it instantly all that I knew as my life and hurling me to a place completely unknown, to another life, another world, where open wounds bleed unhealed and silent screams go unheard, where hopes wither and dreams die, where good turns to bad and precious memories taunt, where everything is a reminder of the past and the future is gone.....
"I know most of you have been where I am tonight: the crash site of unrequited love".
20 Comments:
Thank you for boarding the life-train... yours is straight ahead...
Walking through North London at 11pm, my plastic carrier bags stuffed with my belongings, tears streaming down my face. I can't breathe, I don't know what to do. People are looking. Somehow I have to make it back home. Nothing matters any more, I just want to turn round and run back, I'll beg if I have to...
Yeah I know where you're at honey. Keep yourself busy is all I can say. It doesn't matter how. Get out there and chatter to random people, go meet Ian and go for a drink. Get steaming drunk and sit online crying to people....whatever YOU want to do xxx
Sorry hun ... it's not nice, but as you say, we've all been there. There's nothing you can do other than 'one day at a time'. Thinking of you. Take care of yourself. x
Yes indeed. Do all the above but deal with it gradually, in your time. Cry when you feel you need to and take it a day at a time, but work your way through it - don't just shut it all away. You may not feel it now but you are a strong person. You have dealt with stuff before and you will do it this time too. xx
I am so sorry take care of yourself (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))
I wish there was something I could do to help. {{{Hugs}}}
I'm with PJB. :o) I told you about the tears and snot didn't I.
Big Hugs mate. xxxxxxx
Hang in there... you're doing well for what you've been through. So proud of you. :)
Thinking of you x x x Hang in there, you will find your way again, and you will have your life back. It will be different but it will be your life. Give yourself time to grieve and heal, and do something nice for yourself every day. Even if its a coffee in Neros ;o).
Hugs
x x x x
Sending thoughts your way.
xxxxx
You know where to find me.
Gemmak we haven't spoken often but I know you through H2H. I dont know why but this morning I am sitting at my computer and decided to find you. My heart is already heavy this morning as I know my daughter is about to face this pain and I just wanted to say you are in my thoughts. I wish I could find some words of comfort but I have searched all morning to find words to comfort my daughter and know that they dont exist. The heart mends, the pain fades and we eventually see a new life, a new future......no help now I know but you will get there. Stay strong lovely and anytime you need to scream look me up. Chris J.xx
Oh yes. Driving round the M25 desperately looking for the next junction because I can't see to drive through the tears and exhaustion from not sleeping the night before.
Here if you need me hun *hugs*
So sorry that you are facing so much pain. You do not deserve it and I will be thinking of you.
I know it's not much, but Im sending hugs and love your way. Be strong. You know where I am.
Love Duncan x
J, I know the pain, the way you are feeling and it hurts so much that words are inadequate to describe it, no matter how much you feel now, you will get through this and with the support of true friends. Keep strong, we are here for you... {{hugs}} xx
I know that you have people in your life to look after you, and they will do just that.
Hope you feel better, even though it will take time.
Oh girl, do not let him make you upset!
Remember, everything happens for a reason and he's unlucky, not you.
You are most definitely entitled to love; you just have to believe in it.
And as always, I'm here if you need to hear more :)
xxxx
Stay strong things do get better, these things test us and dealing with life on lifes term is hard, hang on in there and live for the day,
Laters
Nicey
J,
I'm not going to tell you to buck up, rub dirt on it, and walk it off. It's harder than that. But, keep your wits about you, and you will come out of the other end of the tunnel.
Best,
J
one foot in front of the other...and just try to keep moving ...
walking is perfect... as you are doing... fresh air seems important..well, it did to me when I was finally forced to go outside the four walls....
time does eventually help a bit..... and there is always more than one person in the world for you..
but, honestly, it will suck for awhile...
And then there is this .......sometimes a miracle happens... as it did for me. A special person happened along at a time when I least expected him. I stank, was in the same housecoat I had worn for weeks without laundering it... hair uncombed, face a wreck from tears and ...well, who knows what the hell happened... he wouldn't go away....
That was 27 years ago................................
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