It has not been the best of weekends in many ways, in fact I would really like to rewind to Friday night and begin again. It has been such an un-nice weekend that I am doing something I rarely do...just sitting down and typing with absolutely no idea of my post already formulated. Ok, so I don't generally have it meticulously planned but I do usually have some rough idea of what I am going to type and from what angle I will approach the subject....but not this time.
As ever my Saturday and Sunday have been spent working at the day job, something that whilst I don't adore it normally distracts me from any difficulties and problems I have.....but not this time.
I am dog tired, I'm worn out with thinking and I'm fed up, nay worse than that, I have the hump, good and proper but I feel guilty for it, for reasons that will become apparent.
Last week a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer, she doesn't deserve it (does anyone). She is being immensely brave, she has been inspirational, a trooper and her attitude has amazed me but the fact that she has to fight this fight at all saddens and angers me, as it does her. I'm a big girl, I know that life is crap sometimes, I know that there is not reason in all things but still I find myself wanting to shout 'WHY HER' and still I find myself running out of supportive and positive things to say to her sometimes.
So that's why I feel guilty, this isn't happening to me, it's happening to her, she is being marvelous and I'm being confused, it should be her being confused and me being marvelous!
And another thing......'Mr Exhibitionist' treated me to another 'show' this morning, so again I am mulling over and over my next course of action, still indecisive, still unsure of my best route......bloody hell fire, I thought I had that one sorted.
More guilt, my friend is fighting cancer and I'm worrying over what to do about a weirdo..............crap perspective there I think.
I'm feeling pathetic, selfish, confuzzled and pissed off right now........ with me, with the world at large and with unfairness!
Normal service will be resumed in the morning.
Sunday, 24 July 2005
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1 Comments:
Stick with her and be her friend. You don't have to 'say' just 'be'.
As for the other thing, I have no clue what to say, except that it is a legitimate problem, so don't feel guilty for having it bother you.
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