On getting it wrong again

So, it seems this dating game is not my forte, I just don't have what it takes or my judgement is pretty severely impaired in one way or another.

Really, I thought I was being careful, I have tried and tried not to fall into the traps of thinking people can't be trusted and generalising but it seems all I am doing is proving the very theory I am trying to disprove. I keep telling myself that one time I will get it right but however I play this damn game I just don't seem too!

This time I thought I was cool, we appeared to have everything going for us, in fact we did and in many ways we still do have, but what I hadn't accounted for was his 'issues' and whilst I have been left pretty flattened by this latest incident I really can't say he was dishonest or bad, he is just struggling with life himself right now and I happened to be a casualty of that. Something I think he hadn't anticipated and is himself very sorry for.

None of that changes the fact though that again I am left confused and with puffy eyes and a shiny nose, this I promise you is not a good look, and whilst I know I did nothing wrong, that in itself makes it harder.... and more than that, the fact that I understand his issues and can't help him (or myself by proxy), despite knowing the psychology, is particularly difficult for me to get my head around.

I really didn't think I had got in this deep but it seems I have and what it leaves me feeling that concerns me the most, is that I have really begun to feel scared now to even try again. I mean, how on earth do I know who I can trust not to hurt me? I've got it wrong so often! I don't want to be a cynic, I don't want to always be looking over my emotional shoulder. I used to think the gains were worth the risk but I am so sick of being sad and I just don't know anymore if it is actually worth the risk or whether I should just give up and forget the whole thing.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, I was never a player or into games and this time, even though everything seemed right, even though I did all the things one is advised to do, I still managed to get it very wrong.

Oh...and to add insult to injury, aside from the puffy eyes, the shiny nose and the emotional fallout, all I seem to have left of this latest foray into matters of the heart is his cold and razor rash. Great! How bloody delightful!