So, a week has passed now since my dad died and it's all been pretty surreal and traumatic, in fact it's been utter madness in many ways with such a myriad of emotions to balance with the unending number of tasks and appointments that seemingly have to be dealt with in the event of a death.
No-one tells you quite how much red tape there is to be negotiated after the event, or just how many times you are going to have to keep reiterating the details of something that is difficult to tell just once, let alone time and time again and certainly nothing prepares you for the feeling of helplessness there is involved in literally watching someone you love die in front of you.
It's a tough call but one that most of us have, or will have to go through at some stage in our lives and it's a very steep learning curve which somehow leaves little time at this point to really grieve.
I have learned to be strong over the last year, probably more so than I would have liked but still, one of the hardest parts for me is the not having someone, who at the end of the day, when I'm completely frazzled, will just hold onto me and make me believe it will all be ok, someone to curl up in bed with and feel close too and to escape all this emotional madness with for a few minutes.
The single life really doesn't 'do it' for me and never has that been more apparent than now.
Saturday, 5 December 2009
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6 Comments:
Hi Gemmak
I know too well what you mean when you say “Someone to curl up to in bed with and feeling close and to escape all emotional madness with for a few minutes”.
Surreal it might seem, never the less a tremendous feeling of two becoming one, sharing each others emotional feelings, needs, love and silent unspoken thoughts, sorrow and expectations.
I know for I’ve been down that avenue.
All I can say is keep going girl time is a great healer.
One day your Prince Charming will come along on a White Charger and sweep you off and you will have a future life you deserve - Mick X
Mick: As ever, thankyou and I sincerely hope you are right ref. my prince charming, I'm getting a little short of faith on that one right now xx
Hi gemmak,
we have never met but I know Andy and you supported each other over the last year or so. I am so sorry to read about your Dad. I hope over the next few weeks/months you will gain strength from the time you spent together. You're right it is surreal and traumatic and no-one does tell you how traumatic it is to keep repeating the same information over and over again. We are just starting out on the next part of the most difficult journey ever travelled but slowly and surely we will get there.
Take care
Sara (mrs mac_kix_windoze) and family xxx
something will happen to lift you, it will, it will, it will. There, I've written it 3 times so it will come true!
dear Gem....Remember, part of you IS your father, who he was, and what he did is ingrained into your genes and psyche. He is only partly gone, you are part of what he has left, to continue in the world.
What you are going through cannot be negative, and is not lost or in vain. It will help you understand what some friend will be going through in the future...and with justification you will be able to say...'I know how you feel, I've been there'.
Your Dad could wish no more off you, than that.
dear Gem....Remember, part of you IS your father, who he was, and what he did is ingrained into your genes and psyche. He is only partly gone, you are part of what he has left, to continue in the world.
What you are going through cannot be negative, and is not lost or in vain. It will help you understand what some friend will be going through in the future...and with justification you will be able to say...'I know how you feel, I've been there'.
Your Dad could wish no more off you, than that.
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