Don't say 'old'!

Please allow me a moment of self-indulgent, mild annoyance! I am feeling somewhat miffed this morning and what's more my miff'ed-ness is caused by something I can do absolutely nothing about....and that in itself miffs me even more! Miffed, miffed, miffed!

So what is it that's 'got my goat', me is what, more specifically the general collapse of me, the decline of all things physical that are me, or were me once upon a time!

I really never imagined I would dislike getting older, there are in theory at least, supposed to be benefits to the ageing process, we are supposed to feel more 'sorted', more at ease with ourselves, have attained a greater degree of comfort in our own skin, be less concerned of what others think, feel confident in who we are and have the best sex of our lives as a result of all this confidence and comfort. We are supposed be financially secure, at the peak of our career and looking forward to a gradual lessening of life's pressures.

Yeah right!

Whilst I won't take issue with the confidence aspects what everyone fails to warn you about, or you choose conveniently to ignore, is the fact that all these things might be fab.... if only your physical self could keep up the bloody pace!

What's with all this disintegration? I have too many bits already that groan badly in the cold weather, my vision seems to be almost daily getting further from the 20/20 it once was, I have hormones that really are moaning, hell, adolescence was a walk in the park by comparison, I am 'blessed' with some ailment that means my hardly filled teeth, are literally falling out of my head and now if I fall asleep on my tummy (which is the only way I can fall asleep these days) something very peculiar happens to my back and I can't maneuver myself into an upright position without himself rolling me very carefully and gingerly off the edge! How elegant.

Worse still and to add insult to injury I now find a 'dimple' (I can't bring myself to say the 'C word', the ladies among you will understand) on my thigh, I 'lost' my car in Tesco's car park for fifteen whole minutes last week and I find I can't remember a file path long enough to actually get to it, or a piece of code long enough to type the whole damn thing in one hit!

So where did it all go so horribly, hatefully wrong I wonder? When did all this disintegration sneak up on me without my noticing it's gradual advance?

I can see very little to recommend this getting older malarkey save for two things, knowing that if I don't get what I want for Christmas then no matter, the next one will be along any day now and having the ability to find it amusing, when a body part I didn't previously know existed gives way spectacularly, during what is supposed to be some of the best 'carnal activity' of my life!