Odd aint it....

...this life malarky?

You know those rare moments, when out of the blue from the haze of confusion and questions that usually muddle one's mind comes a sudden, clear realisation that hits squarely between the eyes and momenarily provides insight....well today, as I drove my white van (I do my thinking behind the wheel of that van, maybe not a good time but hey...) I had one of those moments.

I was marvelling at the beauty that two days and nights of frost and sub zero temperatures had bestowed on the countryside, it was almost like snow, white covering every surface and glittering in the winter sunlight, amazingly intricate ice crystals clinging to every surface like tiny diamonds set against the backdrop of blue sky and fallen autumn leaves and I realised in that moment that for the last year or so life seems to have been about survival not living.

It feels as though I have had many personal mountains to climb, almost daily I find myself trying not to worry about one thing or another, not to allow myself to feel for fear of where that might lead me, not to look either side of my usual conciousness in case that raises further concerns. There have been some of my bleakest moments and blackest thoughts and I've had to fight hard sometimes for my sanity. It has been a time of very low low's but also some very high high's and I have survived but I don't want to merley survive, I want to live, I want to notice more of the good and the beauty around me and not get lost in the mire of my mind and my thoughts.

There are millions of people in this world who truly have to fight for their whole lives just merely to stay alive and survive, to put food in their mouths and to escape disease, famine and war and they bear difficulties as a matter of course, year in and year out, that we in the Western world can't even begin to imagine.

In comparison my mountains pale into insignifigance, that doesn't necessarily make them less painful to me but sometimes a sight of particular beauty, a small unexpected kindness, a reminder of just how much there is out there to enjoy, if only we take the time to look for it and to actually see it, allows us to see beyond the bounds of our usual and individual thought processes and be thankful for what we have, however little or much that might be in usually accepted terms.