Back where I started?

Isn't it odd how the mind works at times...ok, 'odd' may not be quite the word I'm looking for here, perhaps peculiar or annoying would be more suitable words but which ever it is, I don't much like it!

It's almost six weeks since Tilly went to her new home and in a kind of perverse way I had been quite proud of myself for how I had coped. The first week or so was hellish, I missed her terribly but gradually I got slightly more used

to her absence. I thought of her still often every day, I checked my mail avidly for news of how she was doing but the sadness lessened a little to a more manageable level.

As the weeks went on the feeling progressed slightly further in a positive manner, I could even see benefits (if I looked really hard) for her in her new lifestyle and for me in one or two practical aspects, though there was never a moment I wouldn't have jumped at the chance to have her back with me had it been possible. I had even managed to look at a few photographs of her and smile as opposed to feeling sad and was considering I might soon be able to cope with visiting her without falling to bits.

And so I thought I was over the worst, onward and upward and all that....and then yesterday happened and for no reason I can fathom it all came rushing back, suddenly out of the blue I missed her dreadfully again, I had nightmares about her for the minimal part of the night I slept at all and then today it feels like I'm back at the start again.....I even found myself driving along a busy 'A' road yesterday afternoon with tears streaming unstoppably down my silly red face at just the thought of her.

Goddamn it....I thought I had a handle on this and it appears I haven't at all, I have no idea why, maybe I'm feeling a little more fragile than usual, maybe this 'up and down' pattern is normal or maybe I'm just 'hormonal' but whatever is it's cause one thing is for sure...I miss her little furry cat-ness terribly again right now.

:o(