"I'm trying"

Please...none of the usual jokes!

Better part of the last year has been somewhat less than easy for me as those of you who are regulars here know, I have had my 'ups and downs' but one way or another I have managed to get through whatever life threw at me though usually with alot of support from one or two very special individuals....and then just as it all seemed to be getting slightly easier the next problems presented themselves.

The specifics are not necessary, nor anything I want to give details of here but in a very different way, life suddenly got tough again, and whilst no one can judge anothers level of difficulty in coping with a given situation, the likelihood is that these new problems are affecting others more than myself....and that is what made me think.

Today was a bleak day for me, maybe one of my bleakest for a long time and there were moments when I began to feel completely overwhelmed and helpless and during one of those moments I heard myself say "but I'm trying, honestly, I'm doing my best"...but was I? Have I been?

Someone said to me sometime back that it isn't the outcome of one's effort that counts it's how hard they try, how much effort they put into the situation that really matters and I began to think about this and to wonder if I really am trying my very best to do what is required of me? And my answer...I don't know. I know I'm trying damned hard but when it gets really tough for me am I truly making that extra effort or am I allowing my worries and concerns to get the better of me rather than considering those of the other parties first?

Yes, I try hard, yes I put in a 100% but there are times, are there not, when if we really care we dig deep, we look into places we don't often dare even peep into and we find that extra little bit, the bit that truly puts the other first. It maybe takes time to get to that point, it is maybe a painful process but we have to overcome our own fears, or at least take them off the starting grid for a while and start looking at a problem from a different perspective.

It's easy to say I know, and a whole lot less easy to do but sometimes we just have to really try our hardest and not just say it.