Life is peculiar in gemmak's-ville these days. Human beings are as a rule scared of change and yet we are ultimately adaptable if we allow ourselves the chance, if we take the risk.
Standing on the precipice of any life changing decision is a scary place to be, the fear of the unknown is for most of us less braver souls something to be anticipated with some trepidation, the decision to take the final leap into the void of uncharted territory is something we recoil from, the comfort of the know quantity that is our familiar life has a strong pull on our sense of safety and belonging.
Gemmak's-ville seems of late to be one 'precipice' after another, no sooner have I closed my eyes, held my breath and taken the leap into one new situation than the next seems to have presented itself.....I feel as if I hit the ground running recently on an almost weekly basis....and hell....I don't 'do' change, I don't 'do' decisions!
My days of a 'simple' life seem to have come to a temporary end. My personality is such that the 'wait and see' approach just doesn't happen in my mind, what happens in my little department of grey matter is what feels like almost constant consideration of the situations I find myself in and having to resolve. I need to make some big decisions and big decisions aren't my 'forte'......and sleep...what on earth is sleep? Hey, on a good day (or night to be more specific) I manage maybe 4-5 hours of fitful semi consciousness, though more usually I manage to function on something closer to 2 hours.
But all is not lost for whilst the hard stuff seems to dominate for now and I mostly have problems deciding 'which way is up', every now and then something small but less problematic happens and for a short time life seems blissfully simple and less of a bother. Suddenly something small makes all of the big decisions seem so much easier, the feeling of pressure, of constant 'thinking' disappears and life feels hopeful.
Give me time...maybe I'll even get to like the sensation of hitting the ground running...ok, so there are likely to be a few grazed knees along the way but I'm getting kinda used to living outside of the comfort zone.
And hey...it's nearly the weekend again! :o)
Thursday, 6 July 2006
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1 Comments:
Can I ever relate! My life too has been a constant falling outside the comfort zone. It causes great growth, but boy it is ever disconcerting sometimes! Hang in there lady. What I've learned of you in the past few months says you'll do fine and when you come back to a place of peace (and we almost always do), you'll be deeper, stronger and probably (because of your personality, not because it's a platitude) happier.
Tom
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