A day to forget

The time always comes in situations such as my current one where the 'honeymoon period' (no pun intended) is over and the business of getting on with real life has to be attended to.

Ok....so for a short while we maybe allow ourselves time to adjust a little, time to pretend things will be easier than we know the reality will be, a break from the recent traumas to stand back, take stock and begin to consider our next move...today was that day.

The first of the big decisions had been waiting to be made for a while and could wait no longer, today was the day the proverbial bullet had to be bitten, and somewhat firmly at that.

I am of course referring to my rather tenuous financial situation, ignoring it was not going to make it disappear and so this morning, already feeling considerably less that full of confidence for one reason and another, I set about taking the last of the professional advice I needed to come to a final decision....and made the decision. There is no alternative option left open to me other than to file for personal bankruptcy. Not something I relish and a situation that for me, that the irony of which will not be lost on some, but the sooner I file the papers the sooner I can begin to look forward to a more 'normal' life. It ain't gonna be an overnight transition by any means, more like years of overnights but it can't be avoided and so in a weeks time the bull will be taken by the horns and gemmak will become officially 'financially f**ked'.

The amusing aspect (ok, so maybe I say 'amusing' through gritted teeth but you know what I mean) of this scenario is that it costs a fair few quid to render oneself bankrupt!! Hell, if I had that kind of money readily available I might not be considering this course of action at all but hey ho, life is full of such absurdities and I have but one possession left worth anything (and a lot more in sentimentality) and so it will be sold, my dues paid and a damn hard lesson learnt.

Oh, but my delightful day was not yet complete. Having navigated my way through that legal maze it was off to the DSS to 'sign on', no job having yet been secured and my bank account looking sadly bare I gave in in the name of not starving.

This expedition I have to say was marginally worse than the bankruptcy hoo ha, if I had any vestige of self esteem left when I walked into the hallowed government building I certainly didn't when I left! Having been subjected to the banal and ridiculous myriad of questions fired at me by an 18 year old upstart who assumed I probably hadn't worked a day in my life, had 16 children by 17 different fathers and at least one plasma screen in each government supported bedroom of my palatal home...... I was then informed I had to undergo two further grillings before a decision would be made as to whether I am entitled to the princely sum of £57 a week!

Like I said, a day to forget! it was a tough one, one of my toughest, ten rounds with Muhammed Ali might have been preferable and I have to admit to being rather less amused by the whole situation than it maybe appears here but if you didn't laugh you'de cry....yup, ok, I did my fair share of that too as the day went on but with a little help from Nero's (ok, I'm broke, maybe I shouldn't be patronising Nero's but WTF I needed something) and my usual excellent 'support team' (thank you as ever, you know who you are) I managed to make it this far, albeit in a rather 'wobbly' fashion!

Hey......shit happens, today was a scary one to put it mildly, I'm still kinda reeling but tomorrow is another day, I still have the most important things in my life, (no, not my laptop, that will become of interest to the bailiffs) and maybe, just maybe, one day in the future some fool will let me have a mortgage again!

Does now seem an appropriate moment to utter the words 'pigs' and 'wings' and 'life sucks' at times?