Was it really only four years.......

....ago today that my life changed so dramatically? It seems like a whole other life now, a whole lifetime away, I can't imagine my life was any other way than it is right now, but it was.

For me the events 25th January 2002 in my little life were very significant, they were good and bad for differing reasons but the decision had to be made and whilst most, had they known, would probably have thought me mad/cruel/stupid/misguided etc. etc. I knew, probably for the first time in my life, that I was making the right decision for me..... and ultimately for the others involved.

I am still sorry for those I hurt, I still wish there had been some other way but sometimes there is no real choice, other than to take the path in life we know we need too, despite the fallout.

Those of you who know me well might know already to what significant event in my life I am referring, those who don't may think my decision bad, wrong, unkind or immoral, some may have been on the receiving end of what I did or been in my position and know how hard it was to bite the bullet and go against everything I had believed previously in my life. For myself I have experienced it from both sides, maybe that made it harder, maybe knowing how I had been hurt years before made it more difficult to do it to someone else but I had, probably for the first time in my life, to do what was right for me, regardless of the consequences and against my usual moral code, for want of a better term.

This day four years ago my life changed in an instant, beyond recognition, and I was as scared as hell, it felt almost like I had jumped off a cliff, I had no real idea what would happen next or when I would hit the ground, but I had to jump, and jump I did.

January 25th 2002 I left my then husband, for a man I had never yet met, who lived 400 miles away.

The fallout was difficult, it was always going to be. I had always tried to live my life the 'right way' until that point. I knew I would cause hurt, I knew many of those who knew me would think I had gone mad or taken leave of my senses, friends I had would turn their backs on me and others would disapprove strongly. Had anyone told me years earlier the course I would choose I would have laughed at them, I didn't 'do' things like that but life changes, we change. Judge me as you will, as hard as it was, I knew, for the first time in my life, what I had to do.