A sad Sunday

Yesterday was an extremely unpleasant day and not one I wish to experience again if I can possibly avoid it.

I felt like I spent the day on a knife edge, I can't and won't regale you with the details, I don't feel it is appropriate, nor is it respectful but from early in the working day it became apparent to me that something of some magnitude had happened to one of my colleagues. One or two small incidents that at first seemed unrelated suddenly added up in my head and although the 'powers that be' couldn't divulge any information by lunch time I had worked it out.

I spent the afternoon in some strange kind of state of mind, slightly surreal, one minute telling myself I had added 2+2 and gotten 5, the next just knowing in my gut that I had it right. It felt odd, inside of me there was the turmoil of not actually having had my suspicions confirmed and the waiting but outwardly there was a smiling, laughing individual carrying on dealing with customers and their problems like nothing untoward was happening. Thank the Lord for good training and years of practice at applying the 'professional smile'.

Late in the day, after the store had closed and only myself and a duty manager remained the news came from the police that our colleague and friend had died in slightly unusual circumstances. We spent some time dealing with the practicalities of that information in a quiet, stunned manner and then went home.

The evening for me was odder still, unable to speak of the days events with other colleagues, as they were to be told, I was in somewhat of a daze.

This morning it still feels unreal and my first thought was that I am glad not to be in work today when the news becomes general and the atmosphere becomes inevitable difficult as one after another of my colleagues learns the news. Typically and obtusely though, my second thought is that in a strange way I would like to be there to try and support the others, I have afterall had a day to get used to the news, they have not. I also feel in an odd way that I would liked to have been able to help out the manager with whom I worked yesterday and who has the unenviable task of imparting the news all day long as staff members arrive for work. The two of us went through it alone together yesterday evening and though professionalism would probably prevent him from admitting it, that created an unusual bond and I wish I could help him out a little today.

A sad day.