Celebrity love island

© ITV

I hold my hands up, looking shame-faced and admit that I did indeed watch last night's opening episode of this, the latest in reality TV offerings....well after all the hype and publicity one just has to doesn't one?

The title in itself is a little misleading, for this delectation produced for our viewing pleasure is neither about love nor does it appear to have celebrities! What it is most definitely about is that thing, the subject most likely to sell anything....sex. Let's face it, the producers of this 'wonder' are not hoping for anyone to fall madly in love and live happily ever after, what they are hoping for is some seriously hot,one on one action of a more base nature. Infact two on two or three on three would probably be even more welcome, this is after all about ratings!

As for the contestants, they I imagine, are more than likely to oblige. With a party including the likes of the ever demure Rebecca Loos, the somewhat appropriately named Abi Titmuss, Fran Cosgrove and Calum Best, who seems to have inherited most of his fathers less attractive qualities, tempting them to 'get it on' is not going to take massive effort.....hell, where Callum is concerned the media rumour mill would have us believe that Abi Titmuss is already notched on his bed post!

This bunch of z-listers, who with the exception of two athletes, Lee sharpe and Du'aine Ladejo, are famous for nothing more in the main than 'being famous' (the result of their much reported sexual exploits) are going to have a hard time poor daahlings. A tropical paradise, every luxury on tap and a prize of 100k to boot must be very difficult to live with, so difficult infact that last nights episode saw the 34 year old Jayne Middlemiss crying effusively to camera, because she couldn't sleep and wanted her mum! What's all that about then?.... give me strength!

There was just one amusing moment, one in which Fran Cosgrove referred to Abi as promiscuous.............she seemed most affronted, arguing that he surely must not understand the true meaning of the word, sorry Ms Titmuss but I fear it is you who has a problem with the definition.....or a very short personal memory.

In short it was a poorly hung together show, who's presenters seemed to have need of further training on the specifics of 'auto cue'. Very little happened and the majority of an hour and a half's prime time television was taken up in watching twelve, very minor, '20 or 30 something' celebrities, behaving like a bunch of over excited teenagers on a school day trip!

Yup, it has all the ingredients .......I'm sure it will be a great success and er, damned annoyingly addictive!