Who gives a damn

Hurtling headlong as I am toward yet another birthday, I am having a 'feeling old' day! Generally I don't but today I am.

The weekend was hard, short staffed as ever and with Joe Public more demanding than usual. By the time I navigated my way home in the late afternoon, through the ciccaine (sp?) of pheasants which seemed intent upon ending up under my wheels, I was done for! I recall working at this pace for 50 hours a week, partying night after night all with no ill effect...... instead of collapsing in an ungainly heap on the sofa!

Don't get me wrong, there are most definitely positive aspects to 'getting on'.....I could happily live without going through the teenage years and the 20's again but '40 something' seems to be accompanied by bits that hurt for no good reason and is a damn sight closer to dead than '20 something', a fact that doesn't fill me with joy. My niece kindly told me a few weeks ago that I am old and then promptly followed that little statement up with a tactful question, "will you die soon, auntie (my name)?".... having noted my age and the fact that I smoke.

Gah! Cheers sweetie, and I love you too. Kids..... don't you just love em sometimes!

Add to that I have finally been forced to make an appointment to visit the optician, yet again. As if it's not bad enough that I have eye sight that requires varifocal lenses, now even those need replacing. PG has long since been telling me that sitting infront of this monitor, with my head tilted hard back and squinting to get the correct bit of the lens to focus is not how it's supposed to be! I don't like going to the opticians, why do they have to puff that air thing into your eye? No matter how much warning I'm given it never fails to make me jump like a rabbit and feel like a fool! The financial aspect is no great joy either, vanity is not something that affects me as a rule but where my specs are concerned I am just not going to have something planted on my face all day every day resembling a milk bottle bottom! Hence this further sign of age invariably costs me in excess of £500.......which I can ill afford and even if I could, there are things more interesting to spend it on than another item of proof that I am getting long in the tooth!

Ok....that's it, moaning over, I think perhaps it best that I concentrate now on the good aspects of my ageing state, of knowing 'who I am' (well to a point), of caring less what others think of me, of knowing what I like and don't like, of having enough experience to know 'what's what' up to a point, even if it doesn't stop me behaving like a eejit with monotonous regularity and of having the confidence just to be me.

Age.....who gives a damn?!