Excuse me??

Every once in a while something small happens that really 'gets my goat' and reminds me just how insensitive and rude some people can be!

This afternoon during work, I was having a conversation with a colleague about marriage, or rather the fact that at approximately the same age I have been married twice whilst she hasn't been married at all. It was a relatively light hearted conversation, just one of those little chats one has in a few spare moments, nothing heavy, nothing long winded.

At the tail end of this conversation colleague number two butts in uninvited, with a little gem aimed in my direction. "Well I wouldn't boast about it" she said, looking me in the eye!

Excuse me??, boast about what I asked, "being married twice" came the reply, er....I wasn't I answered, "it was a statement of fact". "Well you don't seem to mind discussing it" she retorted, "no, you are right I don't I said......"but I would appreciate it if you didn't make judgments about me without finding out the facts first". One of those uncomfortable silences ensued, she was a little taken aback, as the norm I usually take the inevitable jokes I seem to be the butt of from time to time and smile sweetly(ish), but this time my tone was somewhat terser.

What had really aggravated me was that she had made assumptions about my morals and integrity and was judging me accordingly knowing very little about my situation. This particular lady is a long time married, very moralistic and idealistic individual, who has a tendency to moral superiority. Don't get me wrong, we are generally quite friendly and I admire her integrity but I do not like her attitude toward what she sees as we 'degenerates'. We have been this route before on other subjects but she is rarely to be persuaded that not everyone is the same as herself but that does not make them lesser beings!

I have been vaguely aware that she 'disapproves' of my marital history but until now she had never said anything quite so insensitive. Not entirely put off she approached the subject again to suggest that as I had 'run off with someone' she wasn't sure how she had been insensitive. Ok, let's put her straight here I thought and proceeded to enlighten her that my first husband had woken up one morning after 14 years of marriage, told me he didn't and had never loved me and shot through. I lost my home and job and was forced to move 200 miles back to my parents, I have no idea why to date...... and had he not taken the action he did, I probably would still be married to him.

Her face was an absolute picture, I think I made my point!

This kind of judgmental insensitivity is something I usually come up against where the "do you have children" question comes up. I am always surprised by the number of people who will ask in the first place why I don't have children and then tell me I must be odd or selfish not to have had them. Do these people ever think that maybe I don't have offspring because maybe I couldn't have them, do they ever consider that they might be directing these judgments toward someone who's life is blighted by the lack of a child....I doubt it.

Just for the record I don't have kids because I chose not to, in the main circumstances where never right and I was never massively maternal but those that ask in such a condescending manner don't know that!

Can you tell colleague number two annoyed me? Whatever happened to diplomacy and tact!