It ain't like this in the movies!

I have somewhat of a penchant for taking baths in the winter, a situation that PG thinks is a waste of money.....we have a perfectly good shower he reasons, that doesn't use world resources to such extreme and doesn't require a mortgage to pay the fuel bill in spring!

Not to be deterred I still prefer to have a bath, somehow standing butt naked in the shower on a cold morning or evening isn't such an attractive prospect.

And so it was, that submerged in my un-eco friendly bath today, I pondered how like many things the thought is good but in practice the experience is not always quite what we would like.

Have you ever noticed how, in the movies, in romantic novels and in a plethora of advice on relaxation techniques etc. those doing the 'submerged in the bath thing', are calm, elegant and relaxed in a haven of sweet smelling, steamless pleasure? Not for them is there a neighbour incessently knocking on the door while you stumble, dripping all over the floor reaching for a towel and a robe shouting 'I'm in the bloody bath'! In the movies they don't run out of hot water, sit on the soap, sliding sideways risking life and limb and nor have I ever seen a 'bathing beauty' emerge from the water crinkled like a prune, overly pink and with hair in a tangled wet mess! Oh no....in the movies they are serene, beautiful, perfectly made up and with not a hair out of place!

So while I mused on this my mind wandered further into the 'it ain't like this in the movies' thing......... to watery romantic encounters. We have all seen it, the romantic couple, playfully making out in the bath, probably all tried it.... but how in Gods name does that work? From the outset its not good news, two adults in a normal bath? No chance, well not with any degree of comfort or romance.

In the movies no one has the 'tap end' burning hole in their spine or the plug located in a most uncomfortable spot. Far from the erotic and elegant encounters portrayed on video tape, in reality those attempting this feat, for a feat it is, become more akin to foundering whales vying for the tiny space and getting for the most part cold! The water displacement threatens to cause a flood Noah would be proud of and most certainly, never in the movies, have I seen a cat precariously attempting to walk along the slippery edge of said bath, about to slip in and cause mortal damage to tender parts!

Did I say I liked to have a bath?..........I think I'll consider showering more often!