It was not, in many ways, as terrible as it first sounds; in fact it was on her part immaculate timing and an exit, that for those of us that loved her was perfect.
Yes, of course we were deeply sadden and I still miss her greatly but she always had what I suppose is a common fear of dying alone and being found by a stranger. In the event we had all spent the day and evening at a lovely hotel eating good food and drinking good wine with all my parents’ closest family and friends. My grandmother had made a speech and was surrounded by those important to her. She had for a time become maybe a little ‘tired of life’ on occasion and could, on her bad days, be ‘hard work’ but had a wonderful happy day that day.
She died very quickly the following night with my parents at her side.
I couldn’t help but imagine she had planned it, that she purposely made it to that important day and then decided enough was enough.
Don’t misunderstand me, this lady was for her age reasonably fit and in full control of her faculties, I just think she had had enough by then.
Many many of my childhood memories include my Grandmother. We often spent holidays in Gateshead with my grandparents and they are still some of my favourite memories. She was a stoic Geordie lady who only left her beloved Gateshead to escape the smog (she was asthmatic) and to be near us. My father is an only child and so we were all the close family she had. Sadly only about a year after the move my Grandfather died, still only in his late 50’s. In some ways I don’t think she ever got over that loss but she made the best of it. She took on various part time jobs, made friends, took in a lodger who ultimately stayed for years and years and took holidays back in the North East with her old friends.
I was lucky to spend the last few years of her life close to her. I moved at 20 years old, miles from home but returned and lived within half a mile for her last 5 years. We always had a tendency as she got older to try and protect her from some of life’s less pleasant aspects, where they affected us but she was nobodies fool and always knew what was going on! When my 1st marriage disintegrated she was brilliant, we spent a lot of time together and her support of me was unwavering. Despite her advancing years we did some mad things together and had an absolute blast. I’m not sure what she would have thought about the demise of my 2nd marriage, or the way I handled it but I know ultimately she would have supported me and would have been ‘over the moon’ that by strange coincidence I ended up living in ‘her North East’ and with a Geordie!
So yes, to lose her was very sad but we were lucky to have her so long and her departure, given that we all have to make one at some time, was perfect for her. I’m not religious or particularly spiritual but I still hear her laugh occasionally like she’s really here, still see her pulling funny faces and in an odd way feel she is never far away keeping and eye on me.
Gateshead, approx.1935
1 Comments:
Hi,
Nice to meet you at last :o)
I have posted a reply in your comments.
Post a Comment