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"I'm trying"

Please...none of the usual jokes!

Better part of the last year has been somewhat less than easy for me as those of you who are regulars here know, I have had my 'ups and downs' but one way or another I have managed to get through whatever life threw at me though usually with alot of support from one or two very special individuals....and then just as it all seemed to be getting slightly easier the next problems presented themselves.

The specifics are not necessary, nor anything I want to give details of here but in a very different way, life suddenly got tough again, and whilst no one can judge anothers level of difficulty in coping with a given situation, the likelihood is that these new problems are affecting others more than myself....and that is what made me think.

Today was a bleak day for me, maybe one of my bleakest for a long time and there were moments when I began to feel completely overwhelmed and helpless and during one of those moments I heard myself say "but I'm trying, honestly, I'm doing my best"...but was I? Have I been?

Someone said to me sometime back that it isn't the outcome of one's effort that counts it's how hard they try, how much effort they put into the situation that really matters and I began to think about this and to wonder if I really am trying my very best to do what is required of me? And my answer...I don't know. I know I'm trying damned hard but when it gets really tough for me am I truly making that extra effort or am I allowing my worries and concerns to get the better of me rather than considering those of the other parties first?

Yes, I try hard, yes I put in a 100% but there are times, are there not, when if we really care we dig deep, we look into places we don't often dare even peep into and we find that extra little bit, the bit that truly puts the other first. It maybe takes time to get to that point, it is maybe a painful process but we have to overcome our own fears, or at least take them off the starting grid for a while and start looking at a problem from a different perspective.

It's easy to say I know, and a whole lot less easy to do but sometimes we just have to really try our hardest and not just say it.

I don't believe it

I find this little tale completely confounding, I really can't believe that anyone would behave in this way!

One of my stops on the infamous sandwich round is a building site, (yup, mud up to my eyeballs...I do a glamorous job!), this site is a barn conversion among some very upmarket properties with attendant large and mature gardens. The small cul-de-sac is situated on a sharp right hand bend...and that's where the story began.

At approx. 1.00 am a car travelling along the road, failed for whatever reason, to navigate the bend, in fact he did precisely the opposite and carried on straight ahead, leaving the road via a grass verge, a very sturdy fence, ploughing through dense shrubbery and three very substantial trees. The vehicle and it's occupant finally came to a halt with an oak tree firmly planted through the bonnet, the engine block and the centre consul.

Now this is where it becomes unbelivable. A resident in one of the houses heard the commotion but could see nothing when she looked out of her window (not surprising, the car was so well buried in the undergrowth even when one knew it was there, it was hard to see). A few minutes later she heard a man on the green in front of her property apparently moaning in pain....so what did she do....damn all is what she did!!!

Now to expand on this it has to be said she had been burgled recently and was somwhat miffed that it took the local constabulary over 6 hours to attend, she was also alone in the house when the accident occurred and not surprisingly was afraid to leave her house and investigate alone.

I can fully understand her concern at leaving her property, I would have thought twice too, but what really confounds me is that whatever she personally feels about the police she didn't have the sense or consideration to call them and tell them that there had been an accident and there was an injured man wandering about!

This gets worse; the following morning at about 7 she decided she still couldn't investigate for fear that she might find someone badly injured, or worse still deceased, so she finally made a 999 call!

So......apparently her annoyance with the local police force dictated that it was acceptable to let the victim suffer or die over the preceding 6 hours but it wasn't acceptable that she should find the possible result of her (and I can't think of any other word for it) negligence!

The driver might have been drunk, he might have been driving badly, the accident might have been the result of any number of factors but to do absolutely nothing about it for 6 hours seems unforgivable to me.

Oh...and 'incidentally', by mid afternoon the police had ascertained that the car wasn't stolen but still couldn't locate the driver. Whether he wandered off injured and is now dead in a ditch (this is a very rural location) or whether he is 'lying low', who knows (and presumably 'Mrs.Caring onlooker' doesn't much care) but I sincerely hope that if I am ever involved in an RTA someone a bit more public spirited than this woman witnesses it and does something with a little more urgency!!!

Valentine cat!

Day out

You know...one of the things I noticed during my day in the snow last week was something very unusual....a sight I rarely see, something that was kinda really cool.

Ok, so in the U.K. we seem to make a big issue of a bit of snow. A few inches and everything grinds to a halt, the schools close and parents can't or don't make it into work....and so what happened on Thursday of note?

Everywhere I went there were whole families out together playing in the snow, walking dogs, sledging or building snowmen. Mums, dads, grandparents and kids, all together, forced by the conditions to spend a whole day in each others company with nothing planned and actually having time and a chance to enjoy being with one another.....and on foot, not shut away in their proverbial, air conditioned, Chelsea tractors etc.

Maybe we should have snow more often!

Snow paws!

This week was Tilly's first real encounter with snow....and it has to be said she wasn't impressed one bit. Her snow paws it seems are not yet developed!

In fact, as the pictures show, she went to great lengths to avoid walking in it at all!

Winter wonderland

The white van from hell (yup, I still have the old one...it's a long story) amazingly did me proud in yesterday's snowfall.

As anyone who has been here over a winter knows, I adore snow and I was determined to make the most of it so off I set in the 'van horriblis', determined to enjoy the snow and complete my days driving, despite the conditions.


And complete it I did and I have to admit the van did me proud, it just tolerated whatever I did to it to get it through the white stuff, in fact it did better than that. When early in my journey I encountered a long steep hill (unavoidable) that had thwarted everyone to that point in time, with some persistence and cussedness and an inordinate amount of time, me and my van made it to the top.....the only vehicle that did until later in the day! :o)


When the weather forecasters said we would have snow today they weren't wrong. When I woke at 3am there was nothing, by the time I had to prize myself from my bed at 5 there was three inches. When I left for work that had increased to four inches and so it went on.

The rest of the day was much the same, very slow, with much slipping and sliding and necessitating on three occasions that I be pushed and shoved by kind bystanders until my wheels could gain enough purchase to actually propel me forward.


Snow...I love it, it was a long hard day, for miles and miles I never made it out of second gear or above 20mph and I rarely saw another vehicle at times but it was fab and it was very beautiful...ok, I'm absolutely beat now but hey....it was worth it!

(Images clickable)

Snow....

....we've got more snow! Yayyyy :o)

On the less 'yayyy' side it's not long after 5am and I have get my my car out of this street via a very steep hill to make my way to work....and then try to persuade the van from hell to do it's stuff.

Oh....and incase you were in any doubt, I never did get the new van yet! Do I look surprised?

Photo's later hopefully.

It's a mad mad world!

...or at least the little bit of it I inhabit seems to be!

The last couple of weeks seem to have been manic and mostly I have been barely able to decide which way up I am, let alone get anything constructive done or make my way here to the blogosphere. Extremely remiss of me I know (and thank you to those of you who mailed me enquiring as to my state of health and wellbeing), I have tried but between a broken internet connection (ugh), personal pressures to attend too and an all pervading need to sleep I just don't seem to have done anything but work, worry and at least attempt to get some shut-eye.

Life has a habit of doing that doesn't it? Just when you think you are beginning to 'get it sussed' it suddenly presents you with a whole new batch of challenges and hurdles....another heap of stuff to deal with, another pile of problems, more hitting the ground running. Yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. A worrier? Who me?? ;o)

So that's it, a non-post but some explanation at least as to my lack of presence here recently.

I promise to try and do better from now on.....and to answer the ever increasing pile of email I seem to be currently acquiring again!

What is it they say? (whoever 'they' may be)....

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"!

Cass

I just learned that Cass of 'Cancergiggles' is no longer with us.

Somehow, despite knowing the reality, to read his blog and mails it was always hard to believe it would ever actually happen. He was one amazing man.

My thoughts are with his family.

To the victor the spoils

Today was 'crunch day' in the life of the 'white van from hell (v.2)'

This week, has in general, not been a good one, a small nightmare one way and another would probably be a closer description but today finished it off suitably horribly....though as ever the cloud had a silver lining!

The van from hell has, as you know, had many and various problems but to give my employer their due they had begun to sort them out. I have for instance two new tyres, a repaired door and a replacement wing and indicator on order.

None of that however would have helped today's little 'incident'.

This afternoon, almost at the end of my driving day, as I approached a roundabout and a queue of stationary traffic, my accelerator took it upon itself to stick, infact not only did it stick, it upped the revs.....not a good situation!!!! It was one of those moments when things begin to move in slow motion and you just know this is not scenario you want to be dealing with!

My reaction I have to admit was kinda 'knee jerk', I knocked it into neutral, stamped on the brakes and accompanied by the sound of squealing tyres and flying sandwiches I eventually came to a screaming halt....hitting the kerb broadside en route. Phew. No damage done, just some rather disapproving looks from nearby vehicles and a racing heart!

I gathered my wits and returned to 'base' where I recounted this incident to 'Mr very stupid employer man'....who didn't seem to believe me, saying that it hadn't happened to him! Well no, I assumed it hadn't or he might not have driven it again. Tsk! My hackles were up...I have had my fill of this guy this week one way and another and I am somewhat beyond fearing losing the job.....a very 'heated exchange' followed!

Now, lest you be fooled that he actually cares whether I live or die I would like to assure you he does not but what he does obsess care about is the mighty dollar. One can only assume that the possibility I was telling him the truth dawned upon him.....and with it the possibility that if I was injured I could very well be into him and his little nest egg in a big way...... because by some miraculous intervention ( I can think of no other likely explanation) he suddenly offered me a new van.....an almost brand new one, a bigger one, one with lights and tyres and doors and locks and all sorts of other exciting paraphernalia, you know, the kind of stuff other peoples vans are sporting in the 21st century....... ;o)

Hey ho.....I might have had a dreadful week, a damn near miss and a prolonged shouting match but as of Monday I have a van that actually has all the bits it is supposed to have!!!!