Last post!

Ok, ok, you can stop all the cheering and clapping, this post title doesn't signify that gemmak's-ville is closing down, you don't escape as easily as all that, it is merely a reference to this being the very last post in my 'post every day for a year' challenge!

I can no longer remember who it was who set the challenge or if it was just me that challenged me but however or whoever, I did it, this post is the final one in a year of getting a post published, by hook or by crook, every day since the 1st January 2005....I did it! Yayyy.

Perhaps only a small discipline I know but there have been times I promise you when it felt like a small mill stone around my neck, when I could think of absolutely nothing worth typing, yes I know that has been apparent from my content on many occasions, or was for one reason or another unable to access the internet.... but with a little help from my friends ....thank you Lisa, I managed it one way or another.

This morning at 5 am I thought I was going to be thwarted at the final moment. I got up for work and to post 'Saturday silliness' only to find that the ever efficient Wanadoo had killed off my connection yet again. Panic set in, given that last time it took them almost three weeks to rectify (something for which we are still enjoying months of free service), I left PG with instructions to get me a connection, any connection, up and running by this evening! He did not receive his instructions well at that time in the morning but none the less he got it fixed and here I am.

So that's it, my year is over, all that remains is to thank my tirelessly loyal readers for tolerating a year of such drivel and to wish you all a happy 2006.

Saturday silliness

Tilly toes

A Tilly first....... I might add though that she didn't get much further, she's still testing her 'snow paws'!

Playing catch-up

Is it only me that can go away for just three days and then find that it takes forever to catch up? Surely such a short period away from home shouldn't cause such disruption? Who knows, but for me twas ever thus and this 'post festive' spell is no different.

I feel as though all I have done since we arrived home is one load of laundry after another, followed by copious amounts of ironing, cleaning and sorting out of one thing or another.

I have blogs waiting to be designed, emails protruding from my ears, as yet unanswered, comments barely read and on and on the list seems to go! Tomorrow I get the payback for Christmas off work, the first of four full days back in retail hell, I hate it, the boredom and frustration that goes hand in hand with it is enough to drive me demented, all the more so when I have so much here I need to get done.

Ahhh, but then there is the snow, the beautiful, beautiful snow that is still very much in evidence in gemmak's-ville. Maybe I am so behind because I have spent way too much long gazing out of the window the last two days watching the flakes fall silently, creating a pristine white carpet as they gather on the floor. It is truly beautiful, every tree and branch is laden, my whole panoramic view is white from top to bottom, the stuff of my dreams........ though when I attempt to get into work tomorrow I may feel a little differently!


So far we have only perhaps 2.5 inches but we have more forecast for tonight and tomorrow. The roads in the sub zero temperatures are already like a slick of ice out here in the middle of nowhere and despite the forecast suggesting we should be at minus 2 degrees, at my back door the mercury is showing minus 7 already. PG had some difficulty getting his car out of here earlier this afternoon, courtesy of a hill between us and the main roads and I spent over an hour just trying to get into my little car to defrost it and clear the snow from it a little in readiness for my 7 am start tomorrow.


Hey ho, it's all worth it just to see the pure white fields glistening in the sunlight and hear the crisp sound as it squishes underfoot.

So what of Christmas

Our Christmas was fab, a far cry from that of last year when PG was working and I was sat here on my own for most of the day with a Marks & Spencer 'Christmas dinner for one'. Oh that every year we could escape the perils of our employers just for a day or two!

The journey South on Christmas eve was a breeze, the roads were clear, there were no hold-ups, no accidents and we had it cracked in a little over four hours. We took PG's new car and what a difference. I have never had a big car with all the bells and whistles and associated comforts and boy, do they make a difference. I didn't arrive feeling like a wrung out dishcloth for once.

Our arrival was met with much excitement from my nieces, who we haven't seen since the summer and then only very briefly and immediately any feeling that 'it didn't feel like Christmas' that I had harboured before evaporated. Games were played, dens were built, and the usual rules such as 'no chocolate before dinner' were utterly broken.....well, that's what auntie's are for isn't it?

Christmas day began as is the way of small children very early. Whilst the rest of the party slumbered on E & E my nieces crept into our bedroom at the crack of dawn full of high excitement and clutching their stockings to eject me from my bed to join in the manic opening process. This was kind of agreed the night before with one proviso, that once up they had to allow me two minutes to make a coffee and smoke a cigarette before we got underway! Hell, even on Christmas day some things are sacrosanct!

Much excitement later we deemed it a civilised hour (ok, it was only 7.30 but these are children and it's Christmas) to wake the rest of the household, trying to contain the enthusiasm of a 9 and 11 year old any longer was proving impossible when they were aware that behind the living room door 'Santa' had left the most enormous pile of parcels.

And the rest of the day passed in a blur of screeching, laughing, tearing of wrapping paper and wild exclamation at the contents of each parcel as it was revealed and then 'tested'.....just about every gift had to be wrenched unceremoniously from it's packaging for a little 'investigate' before rapidly being abandoned for the next unopened package. By lunch time the place was it's usual Christmas day midden of wrappings, half opened toys and various chocolate bits and pieces left half eaten....... just as Christmas day should be!

Copious amounts of festive fare were consumed, my sister is a qualified chef and her husband and my parents good amateurs, my family (aside from me who hates to cook but loves good food) 'do' serious, yummy, to die for food and this occasion was no different, the non stop round of culinary delights and treats on offer was as ever amazing, every tiny spare space in my little body I think was stuffed full.....and some!

Boxing day was another day of juvenile madness and fun, punctuated by the obligatory walk in the afternoon to walk off the previous days gluttony, no one really wanted to go as ever but the elders insisted as they do and we duly complied though who they are kidding that an hours potter might in some way make up for such gormandising I don't know! heh.

Tuesday arrived way too soon but that fact that it arrived covered in my much wished for snow made up in some small part for the fact that the long awaited time with my family was almost over and way too quickly. There was much joking that of all the day, after all my wishing that it would snow it chose to on the day we had to drive 300 miles home. We bid our sad farewells and off we set on what turned out to be a long and arduous, snow filled drive punctuated only by the pleasure of visiting Kitty en-route as blogged yesterday.

The up side of arriving home of course was to be reunited with Ditto and Tilly who we had so missed. Ditto was duly collected from the cattery and immediately registered her annoyance by peeing in the car, gah! Tilly on the other hand, who had seemingly had a marvelous Christmas with our friends, couldn't have cared less whether we collected her or not and was returned home with something approaching twenty new toys and a multitude of cat treats in her little travel bag!

And so that is about it, gemmak's Christmas 2005, it's back to work for me tomorrow, assuming I can get there of course, right now my wished for 'white stuff' is causing somewhat of a problem but more on that later.

Guess where we went for coffee!

Yesterday, 'post the perfect Christmas' we woke to the icing on the cake.....snow! I was of course overjoyed though it is safe to say the PG, only too well aware of the 300 mile journey ahead of us, was somewhat less enthralled. My only reservation was that a tentative arrangement we had made just prior to Christmas might have to be foregone under the circumstances.

Thankfully as we set off and made our way onto the M1 the weather improved a little and we decided that we would try to fullfill our little plan. With that in mind I sent a short text to someone asking if she was free and immediately my phone rang and a cheerful voice confirmed that our litte plan was going to come together!

And so it was that PG and I made our way to the home of Kitty, she of 'Kitty's Scritchings' fame for coffee!

Kitty (left) and gemmak
This was a first for me, the first time I have managed to meet another blogger for 'real' and we had a fab time.....there was most definitely no shortage of chattering, nor of cats to cuddle and fuss. For those of you not familiar with Kitty's blog, she has four of the most beautiful friendly felines, so adorable in fact that PG made an attempt at kidnapping 'Pixel', though he was thwarted by Kitty!

Sadly we were on quite a tight schedule having a deadline by which we had to 'rescue' Ditto from the cattery. We had intended to only stay for half an hour but as we women will we managed to drag it out to nearer and hour before PG reminded us that we really ought to hit the road. Left to our own devices we could have happily sat talking all day no doubt.....whether PG or Wookie, Kittie's partner, who was unfortunately poorly and who had been given dispensation to remain in his sick bed, would have been keen on listening to us gossiping all day is another matter!

For me it was fab to get together with Kitty, I was only sorry that we couldn't disrupt her day longer, I could happily have stayed for hours chattering, cat cuddling and looking at the spectacular view from her living room window....really, you have to visit her blog to see what I mean but you won't have seen anything like it!

Hopefully, given that each time we go to my sisters or my parents we pass within four miles, we will manage to get together again sometime in the future and carry on where we left off yesterday.

Thanks Kitty, a great end to our Christmas holiday. :o)


*You can read Kitty's take on the proceedings HERE.

Snow in gemmak's-ville!

Snow....we have snow! Yayyyy.

I'm home

Finally, after the majority of the day on the road, trundling much of the time somewhat tentatively through my much wished for snow (yes, we got it today of all days when I needed to make a 300 mile drive....that'll teach me) we have arrived home from our Christmas gathering. Ditto and Tilly have been 'reclaimed', I have a cup of much needed coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other and then it's off to bed for me. Last night among the hilarity we only managed three hours sleep, tonight I'm hoping for closer to thirteen!

The day was not all bad, there was a very definite highlight, something that had been tentatively planned prior to the festivities but that we weren't sure would come to fruition ...in the event it did, but I'll leave that for tomorrow..........

Good night ;o)

Totally Tilly!

All innocence!


Inelegant repose


Just cattitude!



(Images clickable)

Memories

Happy boxing day!

Can we get back to normal now? :o)

Happy Christmas!

I'm gone

That's it, we are all packed, the presents are wrapped, the car is loaded up and Tilly is safely ensconced in her Christmas holiday home, silly I know but I am sooo gonna miss her and Ditto over the next few days :o(

We'll drop Ditto off at her temporarily residence en-route and then we are ready to hit the road and face the worst the A1 and M1 can throw at us on a Christmas eve!

You don't escape that easily though, it may be Christmas and I may not have internet access for a few days but having got this far through the year with my 'a post a day for a year' challenge I'm not going to fall at the last fence! One way or another....(and with Lisa's very generous help) you can be rest assured there will be a post here every day........ not that I imagine Bloggers servers will be disrupted by the traffic!

All that remains then before I press the 'off button' ....hell, can I find it?.... is to wish you all a very happy and peaceful Christmas, may it be all that you wish for it to be.

I'm gone.....have a fab one guys. :o)

Audio greetings!

You thought you had escaped didn't you?..... but no chance, if I have to suffer then so do you! Having done this last year, it seems I have been 'persuaded' to do it again this year! Eekkk.

Listen here.

(File size approx. 512kb)


If you detect a very slight racket in the background..... I'll give you just one guess at who it is 'bouncing off the walls'!

Almost there!

At last, the 'big day' that all these past weeks hoo ha have been about is almost upon us, we have almost made it and surprisingly unscathed!

For me this is a one off, I saw the back of my last day at work yesterday evening and I have a whole week off for the festivities, no more retail hell for me until new years eve! Yayyyyy. This is almost unheard of, a true miracle in the sad world that is retail and corporate gain, a whole week off over Christmas just doesn't happen and for me, to the best of my memory, it hasn't happened for something approaching fifteen years! :o) Can you see my broad and cheesy smile?

So what remains to be done? I have to finish the parcel wrapping process and then pack for our impending journey tomorrow. This time it's not the 400 mile haul to London but merely 300 to my sisters in the midlands, where the 'gemmak clan' will assemble for the festivities, well most of them anyways. We get to spend almost four whole days with not only my parents but also my sister, her husband and my nieces, who I haven't seen for soooo long. I can't wait!

We will miss the 'feline brigade' of course. Ditto will be deposited in her usual holiday home tomorrow morning and Tilly, who it was decided is still too young for said establishment, is off for her holidays at a neighbours, our friends W and A who love her almost as much as we do and very kindly offered her 'room at the inn' for the festive period. I hate to leave her behind, Ditto is used to it, she knows the drill but Tilly is still relatively tiny and unaware that she is not being abandoned forever. We have taken her over the last week or two, on a couple of 'practice' visits in the hope that it would familiarise her with her temporary home and teach her that her abandonment is only temporary. On both occasions she shook like a little leaf for ten minutes but then seemed to settle down and begin investigating, so hopefully she will be fine........whether W & A are quite fully aware of what they have let themselves in for from the small tornado is another matter!

And so that's it, a day of organizing and packing and perhaps a little bit more 'playtime' on here, hell I'm going to have three whole days without internet access, I have to get my fix somehow before we leave, one more sleep and then we've made it! We're outta here and heading for our Christmas pud!

But you don't escape 'gemmak's-ville' that easily..........

....and still on customer service

Today being my last day at work before Christmas I think that one more shot at the 'idiot customer' is in order!

Enjoy :o)

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

Caller: (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dell Computers:
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*****g stupid to own a computer!!"

A seasonal thought!

Almost

It had been arranged yesterday that we make our Christmas visit to the 'outlaws', PG's parents, we were to leave directly as he finished work and spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening with them.....we didn't, at the very last moment they 'cried off' (don't ask, grrrr) which left us almost literally stood on the doorstep with nowhere to go. I suggested tentatively that we hit the shops, we had afterall expected to be making a long drive, so perhaps we could just use the opportunity of a free afternoon together and finish off our Christmas shopping? PG didn't even wince, and off we set to Edinburgh. Result!

Shopping was duly done, oh God help my credit card balances, pizza was happily devoured, the place was not horribly crowded, there was a cozy festive atmosphere despite this being a mall and we, yes even PG, enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

Our final purchases made heralding the end of the annual search for interesting and inspired gifts at last, we set off home. I decided I would drive, we were in PG's enormous 'bus' and as I have to do my share of the driving south on Christmas eve I considered I needed to acquaint myself better with it.

Not ten miles from Edinburgh a light began to flash on the dashboard, accompanied by a small alarm! PG has a bad habit of allowing his petrol tank to run very low before filling and true to form we were heading toward the last drop of fuel. I diverted to the nearest town. This is a town of substantial size but it transpired, after much petrol wasting driving around in search, that even as early as 9pm there was no filling station open! Oh happy days. We called into one of those 24/7 grocery stores who confirmed the situation and sent us heading off to the nearest 'open facility'.........another ten miles away! In retrospect we would have been better going back to Edinburgh but hindsight is a marvelous thing!

By this time the situation is getting a little 'tense', we are on country roads, we don't know our way, I am miffed with PG for always letting his car run low and he is miffed with me for 'nagging', we have about 2ml of petrol in our tank, it's pouring with rain and I'm driving a 'bus' I am far from familiar with! PG's suggestion that "it doesn't matter if we grind to a halt, we (that's me) can call out the recovery service you belong to" didn't endear him to me any the more. Yeah right, like I'm gonna call out the RAC because we ran out of petrol....you are walking sunshine! Though the idea of being parked up on an unlit road with no hard shoulder in the dark and wet didn't fill me with glee.

Eventually we spied our 'Mecca', an open filling station just on the opposite side of a stop light, which of course was on stop. As we sat and waited for the lights to change to green the attendant beginning to shut up shop. Arghhhh.

I made an 'executive' decision and in my now state of near rage, jammed the car into first, checked the traffic, dropped the clutch and jumped the lights........we made it! 'Very nice attendant lady' kept one pump open just for us and we were saved!

This wasn't quite the misdemeanor it sounds. Sure, it was something the local constabulary would have 'had' me for but to access this Mecca, though I had to jump the light, I didn't have to move into the path of any traffic, only a 'keep clear' hatched area provided to keep access to the petrol station free, the junction was another 20 yards ahead .....and hell, I think I would have preferred a ticket to being stuck in nowhere's-ville for hours on end waitnig for the RAC.

So finally we made it home, laden with bags to be unpacked....at 11.30 pm to a kitten made more manic than usual by her extended time alone and without human entertainment!

Oh, but PG did buy me a flashing santa hat for my phone so I am considering forgivness...ok, I'm cheap I know!


Heh!

More 'working with Joe Public'

After yesterday's post about the trials and tribulations of working with Joe Public in a service industry, I just had to share THIS, that landed in my inbox courtesy of 'Timber', with you! If it doesn't have you spitting mad it will at least give you a giggle!

I may not be a cop or a 911 operator but I so know how the poor unsuspecting souls in the clip feel. Believe me, I may only work in retail but some people's capacity for idiocy and histrionics is truly staggering at times........ even in my little corner of the world!

Oh very nice!

The last bastion of the Tilly proof areas has been breached, she has attained enough height and strength to adeptly make her way onto the kitchen counter tops, which brings with it all manner of inherent dangers, not least of all the oven hob!

This was the one place we could put things and guarantee she couldn't hurt herself, poison herself or other wise cause harm to herself, now it is gone and along with it has come the inevitable need for almost obsessive disinfecting....... and a new 'Tilly hobby'.

From the moment she first made her way up there she made a bee-line for the pot scourer spongy thing, I had wondered a few days ago why I found it on the floor but assumed I had dropped it there by mistake. I was wrong, it was madam. Each time she ventures 'counter top-ward' her first port of call is the scourer, she picks it up in her mouth, proudly prances along the length of the top, jumps down and deposits it squarely in her litter box!!!!!! If I remove it she puts it back...again and again and again! Arghhhhhh.


Very nice, very hygienic, I can see I am going to have to find a hiding place for even that now!

This kitten is a devil cat hoot, if a little er...challenging at times, of 6 kittens I have reared never before have I encountered one quite so full of mischief!

I survived......

.......what is traditionally the most manic pre-Christmas weekend in retail and believe me, it was manic! Try and they might they didn't get me, winge and moan as they may, complain and abuse as they do 'Joe Customer' didn't beat me, I survived it all.....sanity almost intact.

What is it about Christmas that turns those who are presumably perfectly normal, civil adults in every other aspect of their lives into something approaching screaming, rude, obnoxious spoilt children as soon as they enter a retail outlet? Would they wish their mother/daughter/child/wife to be treated in such a manner, would they find that acceptable?......I think not, so why do they feel they have a right to take their frustrations out on us in such a way? I am paid to take the 'flak', to deal with the problems and to find the solutions, I accept it's not all going to be a walk in the park but there are degrees of acceptable behaviour, even under the stress of the festive rush....not that Joe customer seems to agree on that point. Sure, if something breaks, is out of stock, if the service received is not up to scratch etc. etc. let the complaints come, I will deal with them to the best of my ability, but please Mr/Ms/Mrs valued customer, understand that I can't force maufacturers to open on a Sunday, and produce just for you the item you desire, I am not an electrical engineer, I cannot know the full specification of 32.000 products off the top of my head, I can't always 'mend it' or change it's colour and no I won't carry the cost of a courier from Cornwall to have your heart's desired item instore within the hour!

And understand if you will, I will bend over backwards to help you achieve ownership of your dreamed of item, I will move heaven and earth where I can, I will deliver service above and beyond the call of duty....if you are reasonably polite to me and my staff but if you are rude to us, shout, swear or threaten you have already lost your battle, for no matter how justified your complaint may be all that is in my head now is 'get the hell of out of my face you to**er...go sort it yourself!

So when those that deem it appropriate to abuse shop staff begin their rantings, maybe they would do well to remember that manners and civility will get you our best shot, rudeness will get you absolutely damn all more than we can do to retain our jobs!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In solidarity this post is dedicated to Bert, who I think probably tolerated more than myself this weekend and who understands only too well! ;o)

Yule be lucky!

Ok, so it's Christmas and in an effort to get into the swing of things ( I may not have a tree but I can still do chocolate cake!) as I perused the local supermarket at speed during my lunch hour yesterday, my eyes alighted on a 'yule log'. Ha! thought I, that looks kinda good, maybe I'll have me one of those....and I duly did.

Now in years gone by a yule log was a yule log, it looked like a log, it had snow on it, maybe at a push it was adorned with a plastic robin, a snowman or a sprig of faux holly...... and it had 'bark', it's chocolate coating was rippled, really, it looked like bark! It was a yule log, that's what they look like!

Upon opening, my 2005 version of this traditional treat was investigated and found to be left horribly wanting. What? No robin? No holly? Nope, not a thing sat atop this sorry offering...... and worse was still to come. It's snow, an extremely meager dusting of icing sugar, had long been taken over by atmospheric moisture and reduced to a thin slick of syrup, and the bark? There was no bark just am almost imperceptible 'wrinkle' in a chocolate covering so thin as to barely cover it's modesty.

For covering it needed, this was no yule log, this was no more than a sorry looking Swiss roll in a fancy package, though of course the EU won't allow us to refer to it as such, for it doubtless was produced in a city factory nowhere near to Switzerland!

Did I mention this was Kwik Save? No? oh silly me!

Saturday silliness

Will Tilly ever grow into these ears?!

Growing up

The tiny wee baby kitten, barely weaned, that we bought home with us not yet even two months ago now known deservedly as 'Tornado Tilly' among the more polite 'handles' she acquires from time to time, is most definitely no longer such a baby!

Tiny!

Yesterday saw her penultimate routine visit to the now dreaded vets for her final vaccination. Her attitude to these visits has changed radically since the time she first attended when in her naivete she assumed this was just another place of play! Three hypodermics later and she is well aware that an escape route should be sought at all costs! That said she is still small enough to wrestle relatively easily into the required position for the onslaught of the dreaded needle.

The vet is particularly fond of her, always enamored of her white tail tip, always threatening to kidnap her and never missing a chance to have a cuddle before duly getting on with the technical nastiness.

When we first bought her home she weighed 0.6 kg, two weeks later 0.9, a little after that 1.1 and yesterday 1.6, she is growing rapidly, her obs. are good and she is now fully vaccinated allowing her medically safe access to the great outdoors.......not that she is going to be getting over the threshold for some time yet!

Adolescent and catching up


We have an ongoing 'discussion' on this topic here in gemmak's-ville, for the first part I think she is too tiny still to be out alone in the big bad world, yes I know, I'm a worrier but this is my 'baby', we childless women eh? and for the second part I don't wish to encourage an 'oh, we're expecting kittens accident'! Thus far and for a time yet it is not a concern but I would hate to miss the signs that things are 'afoot' in her little body and discover too late that some old tom cat has 'violated' her!.

This is were there is a difference of opinion, PG would love to have 'Tilly kittens' and whilst the prospect has it's attractions for me, he seems to be rather less than realistic about the fact that we live in a one bedroom flat, I would never be able to give them up and it would doubtless be me carrying out most of the 'practicalities' anyway!

In the meantime I have taken a leaf out of Joanna's book and acquired a tiny harness and lead in an attempt to give her a little taste of the bigger picture. I have been this route before but unlike Joanna and Willow, without success, and it's looking dangerously like it will be a less than a successful solution again on this occasion, for despite all attempts at persuading her to walk when bound in this contraption, all she wants to do is practice her Houdini impression.......... or lie on her back playing with the lead!

Tampon Tilly

As the title suggests this post is not for the faint of heart nor for those men among you who are a little delicate where the 'feminine situation' is concerned, can I suggest that if you fall into one of these categories you click the little red cross, top right, at this point and save yourself the trauma of what is to come. Don't say you wern't warned!

For the sake of decency and family audiences I have considered for days on whether to share with you this tale of madness and mayhem but with a little push from a fellow blogger, who has already been privy to it, we was decided that in retrospect it just had to be told. I will however endeavor to choose my words carefully!

This is of course another a tale of Tilly-ness, thought she has on the occasion I speak of exceeded all expectations of madness and proved beyond doubt she lacks any understanding whatsoever of the basic rules of decency!

I will set the scene for you.

It is Saturday morning 5.30 am and I am in my usual state of bleary eyed-ness preparing for a pre-Christmas day in retail. I am alone, PG is working nights, I have already breakfasted, fed the cats, made the bed and spent half an hour disentangling one manic kitten from computer wiring and detaching her from curtains. I am feeling a little harassed!

So I proceed onto the stage of daily ablutions, I shower and attend to the drying process.

It is here, those of you with a weak constitution but who carried on reading regardless should consider making your exit.

I am 'blessed' on this cold, dark morning with the 'monthly feminine but seems like bi-weekly delight' we woman all so look forward to, I am feeling a little delicate and not entirely compis mentis, my mind is wandering as I continue onto the next stage of the ablutions, I am not paying attention....I should have been, for had I done so I may well have noticed Tilly lurking with intent!

I am naked, straight out of the shower and cold and I have adopted the usual somewhat inelegant and unstable but necessary pose, as I progress to the er.....appliance of 'protection', which as you know involves a piece of string.

Kittens....String....can you see where this is going?

I am no more than half way through this procedure when apparently from nowhere Tilly, having caught sight of the tempting looking string launches herself at it and makes a successful grab for her quarry!!!!!

I promise you this is not a good situation, in fact it is very un-good. Her aim, not yet honed with years of practice, is not all it could have been, only one claw makes contact, though yanking horribly as it does, and in a split second she scrabbles wildly for a better purchase on her goal, fails dismally and slides, claws still drawn down my inner thighs!

Please, I assure you you don't need further details, for the sake of decency I will leave you to your own imaginations at this point but suffice to say the incident woke me up , minor 'injuries' were sustained and you will understand why it is only in retrospect that I find the incident amusing!!!!

How not to save £15!

A small incident at work yesterday left me reminded of just how stupid some people can be but thought it is unkind to find amusement in the misfortune of others, I have to confess myself highly amused in this case!

A lady customer early in the morning, made a large purchase, both in the physical and monetary sense. This lady is well known to us, she shops at the store fairly regularly and nothing is ever straightforwardccccccc *<------- thank you Tilly* where she is concerned. She is not an unplesant individual she is just an aggravation on a busy day, seeming to posses an ability at all times to cause our dealings with her to become overly complicated and protracted.

And so, she made said large purchase which we duly took to the warehouse to be loaded into her car via our back door, it being easier for all than dragging the item the length and breadth of the store. Not surprisingly her purchase wouldn't fit into the car, you would not belive the number of times we deal with this scenario, purely because having bought something immense, customers don't want to pay a delivery charge.

We set about suggesting alternatives, we could hold the item for her until such time as she could arrange to have it collected by someone with a suitable vehicle, we could refund her for the item or we could offer her same day delivery at a cost of £15. Utterly determined, as many are, not to incur a delivery charge and not knowing anyone who could collect her purchase for her she found another solution. There was guy with a van hanging around the back of the stores at the time, we assumed he must be making a delivery to another of the number of outelts on the site, delivery drivers loitering in the warehousing area are usual but this one, having witnessed this carry on, offered to take it to the customers home free of charge, claiming he was 'going her way' anyway.

You will guess of course what happened next. Not knowing this man from Adam, having no idea whatsoever who he was and we having explained to her that he was nothing to do with us, she took him up on his offer, gave him her address, watched him load her item into his van.....and that should have been the end of the situation. Not!

Six hours or so later I took a phone call from this lady wanting to know where her delivery was. I explained that I had no idea and that the delivery driver was nothing to do with us. As ever protracted she rambled on and on about him being at the back of the store and hence we must know who he was. I explained that the area is the back of 6 stores, not just ours and it has public access, a fact that should be patently obvious to anyone. I suggested that she maybe call him....she had of course not asked for his number. I apologised that I couldn't resolve her problem but re-iterated that as we had no idea who he was there was nothing more we could do to help.

Determined as ever some customers are not to take responsibility for their own actions she commenced trying to lay the blame at our feet. This is reasonably standard practice in these these days of the 'sue culture', we have an unending number of customers for instance who buy a product, drop it in the car park and then return expecting us to replace it free of charge, like their clumsiness ormisfortunee is somehow our responsibility!

I had by this time a long snake-like queue of other customers forming, all equally entitled to my attention, enough was enough so I put into play, despite her resistance, polite but firm call endingtechniquess.

I am still, regardless of so many years in the business, amazed at just what extremes some people will employ merely to avoid spending a few quid. This lady certainly is not 'financially challenged' judging by her spending habits and the school her children attend and yet in her desperation to avoid a £15 charge, which includes the fact that the responsibility for her goods is ours until they arrive at her doorstep, she handed over a £200 purchase to a 'man with a van' about whom she knew absolutely nothing!

I know we live in a relatively crime free area but get real lady! I doubt she will ever see her purchase again and I apologise for my unkindness but I can't help but feel she got what she deserved..... and see a rather large dollop of amusement in the situation!

Maybe I am a skeptic, maybe the guy was genuine and just running late but I doubt it, a six hour window seems a little extreme from someone who apparently said "I'll be there soon"!

Snap!

I'm not now and never have been, a great believer in reincarnation and other similar odd theories but PG mentioned a few days ago the fact that Tilly was born just a few days after Poppy cat died and that he had noticed just how similar their markings are on their backs.

Now I know that all tortie and white cats obviously have great similarities but Ditto for instance, is very different, her 'patches' are very defined, both Poppy and Tilly have a more 'marbled' effect and I have to admit, on looking at these pictures I can see where he's coming from!

Poppy

Tilly

So this is Christmas......

....and what have we done?

Well in my case to date still very little and as I rush headlong toward the appointed day the stress levels are rising. How on earth do people do all that has to be done for a family of say six and remain sane?

I have made a little headway, I have at last bought cards, though they remain as yet unwritten, I have managed to track down a few gifts and I have purchased wrapping paper and the other assorted paraphernalia for correct presentation of said gifts....though here in gemmak's-ville I think Tilly may well have destroyed most of it way before any recipient lays so much as an eye on a parcel!

Now Tilly, Tilly is the cause of another Christmas 'discussion', the 'do we or do we not have a tree' discussion. Madam of course would love one and so would I, though the idea of her and a tree in one room, even for a few seconds, fills me with dread. Hells bells, she only has to be given a twig to be rendered manic so heaven knows the results if presented with a whole tree. There is then the issue of the decorations to be considered, here in gemmak's-ville tree decorations have to be hand-blown colour co-ordinated and glass, plastic, machine churned out, glitter ridden, 'baubles' will not be tolerated, another minus, Tilly and glass?? I think not.

And so, for the first Christmas in my life it was decided by mutual consent that a tree would be forgone in the name of Tilly safety and our sanity. I was convinced it would not be a problem, after all we won't even be here on the 'big day', so the decision was made.

But this is Christmas and as time marched on I decided we just had to have something, we couldn't be completely un-decorated so I set about hunting for Tilly-proof alternative and given the very limited outlets here I knew I was riding for a fall. What did I come up with?....really, you don't want to know, for it seems that Christmas circa 2005 is reduced to gaudy, singing, dancing tat where decorations are concerned and the very best I could do was one of those damnable 'candle bridges' and a faux antique 'pot' santa clause!! To add insult to injury the holly and ivy decorating this delightful *cough* item are plastic and the 'candles', that have of course nothing in common with real flame, 'flicker'....well, if I'm being forced to 'do kitsch' I might as well go the whole route and hope that I can bear to look at it long enough to get me to Christmas day.

Really, this is not good and it is certainly not a beautiful blue spruce bedecked with delicate glass ornaments! I'm not sure if I will resist the temptation to hurl it at the wall and go buy a tree at the last minute!

My apologies if you have a passion for these things but I just don't seem to share it, Christmas needs a tree, not a plastic bloody candle!....anyone want a candle bridge...free to good home, postage paid, hell I'll deleiver it personally if I have to! :o)

Hemel hempstead explosions

The initial low key panic of this morning's post when I woke bleary eyed, to the news that the Buncefield oil terminal had suffered a series of explosions, has given way to a strange mix of emotions and thoughts.

My initial worry was that a member of my family or a friend may have suffered, at the time I was first aware of the incident the news was carrying only very sketchy information and the BBC was still waiting for it's reporting team to arrive at the scene. When they did at approx. 8am, having had to make their way from central London, their words and images did little to put my mind at rest but a few phone calls and texts later I had news of all those closest to me who either live or might have been in the vicinity were safe and well.....if in some cases a little shocked.

The news reports state that at this stage the police are ruling nothing out but with the information they have the cause would appear to be accidental, early in the morning, woken but something of such force one can imagine some of the scenario's that were racing through the minds of those living locally.....and I think that is where I feel quite odd because four years ago I was living with my now ex husband in one of the closest residential properties to this site.


Buncefield terminal was built originally on farmland, there was nothing around it, then came the M1 and as Hemel Hempstead grew, so did an industrial estate on the closest road, Maylands Avenue. As time passed many national and international companies like Kodak, Epson, Dixons and BSI based their world or UK headquarters there and gradually, a piece of land between the industrial estate and the oil terminal began to be developed for housing. It was one of these properties I bought.

At the time and subsequently, I occasionally made reference to the fact that I wouldn't like to be there if 'the depot ever went up', I'm not good at distance measurement but only maybe 300-600 yards of fields separated our home from this potential threat of 20 or so petrol storage tanks each with a volume of 300 million gallons....... there were only one or two residential buildings any closer.

Well now we know, as images have flashed around the Western world, what would happen if 'it went up' and whilst I don't want to detract from the horror and pain for those close or involved I am amazed that it wasn't even worse and thankful that this happened early on a Sunday morning, when the the majority of the thousands of people, my ex husband included, who work on the industrial estate and in the offices of Maylands Avenue were at home and not at work.

On a personal and selfish level I am just glad I wasn't there at all. I would now be evacuated, I am given to understand that ex-home currently has no door, windows and only part of the roof, the picture below was taken two roads away.


© Getty Images
Finally I can't help but think of something that given the number of casualties shouldn't really have even entered my head at all but did anyway. When I left that home I also left behind the real gemmak's little grave which I hated to do...... and I keep wondering at how peaceful it will be now with the windows and rubble scattered about it. On the scale of things it's not important I know but I can't help thinking about her there a tiny bit.

Buncefield oil depot explosion

OMG...... the Buncefield oil terminal in Hemel Hempstead, where it is reported this morning three massive explosions resulting in casualties took place, is only 300 yards from the home I shared with my ex-husband ...... many of my friends still live in the vicinity :o(

EDIT: My parents, eight miles away heard and felt this explosion, which was powerful enough to move items in their house......

Saturday silliness

This Saturday's silliness is something we gals know is complete silliness ;o)

PG 1

Among all the ailing, stress and unpleasant snottiness of the last few days one more agreeable happening occurred.......PG finally picked up his new car! What a relief, no more jump starts at 6 am, no more paddling whilst driving, no more leaking doors and hopefully no more massive garage bills, almost bi-monthly, just to keep it on the road.

Ok, so this purchase was forced upon us, despite our being able to ill afford it, by the sudden death of the old one in the face of an MOT inspector, but it's not before time and I can't help but be oh so glad to see the back of the old one.

When I say 'new car' it isn't actually new, it's a few years old but everything seems as it should be, aside from it being a Mondeo........no Mondeo-man jokes please I've done 'em all, and unlike my little car it has all the bells and whistles, though for me, at such a ridiculously small stature, it feels like driving a bus!


The collecting of it went all to hell courtesy of our poorliness. It was intended to be today that we went to collect it and then onward to Edinburgh to 'test' it and finally do some Christmas shopping, but it was ready a day early and we just knew we weren't gonna make it to retail hell today, so PG collected it in the fog and ice alone late yesterday afternoon. Much to my chagrin I was feeling too bleugh to accompany him and consequently have yet to drive it more than twenty yards down the road.....hells bells it's big, thank the Lord for electrically tipping-up seats!

There is a plus side to this size business mind you. Future journeys to London will no longer be in my very small and not particularly salubrious car and if I'm ' conveniently uncomfortable' driving the new one as a result of it's size...... PG will just have to do the driving!

Deep breath....count to ten

Arghhhhh......I still feel like crap, though I am a little tiny bit improved and I'm having 'one of those days'! I know it's only a cold but it's a bitch of a cold and my head feels like it's about to implode.

I'm as stressed as hell trying to catch up with everything I should have done yesterday and didn't, I'm supposed to be at the day job tomorrow but don't feel well enough and daren't call in sick again having experienced the usual arrogant, uncaring and off hand attitude kindness and sympathy when I called in yesterday, I've put the paddle for my bread making machine somewhere I can't locate despite turning the place upside down and PG is working nights which I hate!

oh and it's dismal, pouring with rain and I've spent most of the morning trying to work whilst repeatedly extracting Tilly from the top of the curtains, the back of the computer or from sitting on the keyboard!

Deep breath....ommmmmmmm........

Upright at last

Well I have made it out of my bed though I can't promise you anything bright or witty, no change there then I hear you say.

Having made somewhat of an amusing 'faux pas' with my earlier use of the word 'hooter', (I was referring to my nose I hasten to add and I have to confess to not having heard it used in the manner suggested in my comments) the best I can do for a post today is this:

Tilly's idea of 'love' and one very patient, if somewhat exasperated, Ditto!

It started innocently enough as a cat cuddle......


...Until Tilly decided that whilst sitting on her, Ditto might also require a little 'wash'.....


....though really it was just an excuse to attack by means of stealth......not a paw did Ditto lay on her, though she may well have been excused in doing so under the circumstances!


(Clickable)

Bleugh!

gemmak is in her sick-bed, the dreaded lurgy has descended upon her complete with ragged throat, sore head and much unpleasentness about the hooter region, Rudolph can't compete.

Back later.

Animal lover??

PG and I were presented with a real quandary early this morning and one which we failed dismally and ashamedly to deal with effectively.

Himself was just stepping out side the door on his way for a round of golf, please note here: yesterday he was suffering the usual severe effects of man-flu when golf was not an option, today he has kindly passed it onto me whilst he 'manages', despite his severity of suffering, to make it to golf! But I digress.....

So, he was just stepping outside when I noticed on our access balcony something unusual, a second glance showed it to be a large rabbit! This is stranger than you might think, to gain access to this point said rabbit would have had to climb 15 slippery and frost ridden steel stairs, a feat of some endurance considering it was all too apparent that this poor rabbit was suffering myxomatosis. The poor thing was huddled and shivering up against the wall of the property looking every bit as though he were asking for someone to help.

So how did we fail so dismally? PG and I looked at one another knowing full well what we should do but both also knowing that we wouldn't, despite wishing otherwise, be able to. What we should have done of course was killed it quickly and put it out of it's misery but when faced with the prospect we realised we had no idea how to whilst still ensuring the job was done well, as opposed to making the poor wee thing suffer further. In honestly though, even if we had the knowledge I don't think we could have done it, maybe if we owned a suitable firearm but the bare hands option I really don't think we could have managed.

Some animal lover eh? I feel like crap now about it, if I was truly the animal lover I profess myself to be I would have been stronger!

As it was we did all we could think of. We gathered it up and placed it gently in a warmer and safer place in the sunlight, near to some food should it be up to eating. Not much of a solution eh?. I did try to contact the only person I know who would have been able to deal with the situation correctly and well, but but he wasn't available.

PG went off to golf glum faced and I tried not to think about it but a short while later I stole myself to go back to where we had left the poor mite and reconsider if I could deal with it. I am a city girl, not a country girl, I just don't know how one kills a rabbit humanely but I thought that maybe the vet would attend to it if I could take it to him........but the rabbit was gone, not a sign. I hunted for it a while under the shrubbery and undergrowth but nothing, I couldn't find any sign of it. Now I won't ever know or be able to do anything and I feel even worse.........

Ugh! Useless woman!

The up's and down's

Two items in the news this morning caught my eye, both very different. One extremely sad and the other highly amusing......tell me, just why would someone attempt to physically dismantle a hard drive to recover it's data in a normal domestic environment?!!! Just a little overly zealous and hopeful!

On reading the first I was struck by just how unfair life can be at times.... minutes later I was hooting with laughter at the second. If you're having a bad day and aren't phobic about cockroaches go straight to number two!