31st January 2002: Part 1

I have thought long and hard since beginning this blog as to whether I should tell this story for a number of reasons. Firstly it is in some respects very private, secondly my actions caused hurt to others and finally it perhaps doesn't paint a very good picture of me, something none of us advertise easily I suspect. Having said all that, it is also the story of what for me was a very significant time in my life and today, the third anniversary of the event, seems an appropriate time to take the 'bull by the horns' and share it. You may not like it, you may judge me badly but it is honest and it happened.

The 31st of January 2002 is my 'Groundhog day', the day in my life that given the opportunity I would re-live over and over. PG and I don't have a wedding anniversary to celebrate, by virtue of the simple fact we aren't married and we cannot celebrate the day we first 'met', because we can't remember exactly when it was, at the time it was not significant.

So the story begins sometime in the autumn of 2002. I was living near London, married and had just changed my job to a position it turned out I disliked, working in the same company as my husband. Had you asked me at the time if my marriage was in trouble I doubt I would have recognised it, though with the benefit if hindsight it was a marriage that should never have happened for many reasons. This is not by way of an excuse for my subsequent behaviour, rather some explanation.

I was bored, I was looking for a new interest and decided to buy and learn to use a computer..... from the moment I hit a key I was hooked and it was thus that one night by chance, PG and I met. I was 'investigating' IRC, purely out of hellishness because it had received so much bad publicity and 'ran into' PG.

I am not given to flights of fancy, soppy tales of love and romance and I was certainly not looking for love, had I been, the internet would not have been the place I would have chosen. Already in my second marriage and horrified by the fact that I had been divorced once, I was in my mind, married this time for the duration.

Despite my level headedness something inexplicable happened that evening, in that conversation.......I knew that this man was special to me and I knew the feeling was mutual.

And so began the inevitable nightmare of logging into IRC and talking into the small hours, of feeling overwhelming guilt at the suggestion in my mind that I was being deceitful and of trying to resist the temptation. I felt as if I where on a roller coaster, I knew I should get off but I couldn't and as the weeks progressed the feeling of guilt and deception began to take it's toll. PG and I agreed to stop before the situation got out of hand or went any further. Thus far we had only ever 'spoken' via the internet. To use the phone was to me a big step further in the dishonesty.

It sounds pathetic, I would have perhaps judged someone else harshly in my situation for uttering phrases such as 'we couldn't help it' or 'it just happened', prior to this but that's how it was....we couldn't help it! Regardless of our heartsearching and efforts to stay away from one another, invariably within days we were sat up all night talking once more.

I was wracked with guilt, PG was wracked with guilt and for all we both felt for one another it was fast becoming a nightmare. I kept telling myself it was just an 'internet thing', that we couldn't possibly know one another properly but I didn't believe what I told myself and neither did PG. I had no one to talk to, all my friends at the time where also my husbands friends and my parents, who I would usually have confided in and asked for advice, had been overseas for 4 months nursing a sick relative.

Eventually when the whole scenario became too much for me I called my sister just before Christmas and talked to her. She suggested I sit my husband down and discuss our marriage and it's problems before things went further. I did, he perhaps understandably, hit the roof but would not accept there was a problem. I lost the plot, got in my car and headed for Scotland and PG! My sister intervened 100 miles from home, persuaded me this was not the best course of action and to go to her home in the midlands...... and there I stayed for a week. By this time PG and I were calling one another and the deception was to me horrendous, the constant clearing of call logs on my phone and my ability to learn fast how to 'cover my tracks'(I became an expert) on the computer horrified me. I had until then in my life not thought I was capable of such dishonesty, had probably never told more than a handful of fibs in my 40 years and here I was lying through my teeth at every turn.

I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say that Christmas was my worst, PG and I wanted to be together, my husband's reaction was bordering on the frightening and he still wouldn't admit there was a problem and seek help but despite all that, I was persuaded to 'go home' and make a go of my marriage. My inability to cope with the situation I had created was thus that my doctor told me to make a decision soon, signed me off work and prescribed me Vallium for a few days, which only succeeded in clouding my thoughts and ability to make a decision further. My job was a difficulty, working with my husband was not ideal so I contacted my previous company (the same as my current employer) and begged for a job. I got one, and a promotion at that, and was due to start a fortnight hence.

A week or so later my parents arrived home for a few days, their passports had expired and they had to return from Canada to renew them.....they walked into this shambles that had become my life, at a time in theirs that was already very difficult and for that I will always be sorry. I was summoned by my father to explain myself which I duly did, not knowing what reaction I would receive and feeling like a pathetic child completely out of control of my life. Their reaction was wonderful, as ever they where there when I most needed them. Yes, they where not impressed with my timing or some aspects of how I had conducted this debacle but they understood and supported me. Something I'm not sure I expected from a couple married for over 40 years but for which I will be eternally grateful.

The following day, without ever having met PG for real I left my husband, I was sad in some respects, he was a good man in many ways and I hurt him but he and I just were not suited. My overriding memories of that day where of a feeling of massive relief and of the pleasure of being able to talk to PG without looking over my shoulder and feeling guilt. That day was the 25th of January 2002.

The following day, functioning on auto pilot, I began my new job and PG began making arrangements to travel from Scotland to London.

On the 31st January, 3 years ago today, on a cold, crisp, dark morning, after he had made the journey overnight, we finally met face to face at 6.30am at Marble Arch in the west end of London!

To be continued.

'Graybar'

Occasionally in life we come across a piece of art, a tune or a lyric, a poem or a piece of writing that immediately grabs our attention, and keeps us enthralled. It evokes in us strong emotions, good or bad, may be a sudden and powerful reminder of something. It may fascinate us or scare us, it may make us question or be filled with wonder…… or may do all of those and more.

‘Graybar’, a blog whose author is a Norwegian lady named Karine, is for me one such experience.

A number of weeks ago I was surfing the blogosphere and by some route, now forgotten, I came upon Karine’s writing by chance. I sat into the small hours of the morning and read from the first paragraph to the last! In those hours I laughed so hard my face hurt, I cried, I felt happiness, sadness, empathy, anger and other indefinable emotions. By the time I had finished reading I felt I had been allowed a privileged glimpse into the life of someone special.

Karin writes about her day to day life, about ‘Kidlet’ her son, ‘Catlet’ her beautiful grey cat, her social life, her husband, her friends and her family and life’s up’s and down’s, much as we all do, she is bright, articulate and well read and she has a very specific reason for beginning and maintaining her blog.

The first post was made 13 days after she was diagnosed with stage IVB metastatic cervical cancer and she felt that to mail all those who she cared about and who cared about her would be too hard, so she began ‘Graybar’.

It would not be an exaggeration to say I am in some awe of this lady; she is facing a difficult time in her life with courage, common sense and humour. Should I ever find myself in her situation I would like to think I could be half the woman she is. Karine herself would likely beg to differ; she genuinely doesn’t see herself as brave and courageous and amusingly refers to her ability to have ‘a one woman pity party’ from time to time. It would in my mind be a strange individual who didn’t.

This blog is not depressing, Karine is not depressing, she deals with her situation, her treatments and her emotions in a refreshingly honest way and does not dwell on the negative. She writes amusing, informative and enlightening posts and lives a rich and full life as far as her illness allows….. and I suspect beyond! Her writing is a journey through a situation I suggest most of us fear to some extent and her great ability with words leaves one feeling in some small way that they have been there with her, through the highs and lows.

I could extol the virtues of this lady and her approach to life unendingly but I suggest instead you read it for yourself.

If ever there was a blog that should be published in book form it is this one, for not only is it a poignant, sensitive, informative and amusing piece of writing it would also, in my opinion, be of great help to anyone else finding themselves facing a similar situation. Certainly many of Karine's thoughts, theories and her ethos will remain with me.

~This posting is made with Karine's kind permission~

I don't believe it!

Down there on the right somewhere you will notice my hit counter has been replaced with an unpleasant little thingy telling me my code has changed and that I need to apply a new code. No problem there I thought and off I went to Bravenet to retrieve the promised new code.

What did I find? My counter has disappeared, completely and utterly wiped from the face of Bravenet....not a sign of it anywhere, like it never existed, counter, stats, management...all gone...kaput!

So I have mailed them, as you do, in a rather 'to the point' manner and I await a helpful reply...hmmmmm. Until then nothing, zip, zilch, nowt!

I have a distinct feeling I am going to have to install a new counter and guess at what number the old one stood. I have a rough idea but damn....will this thing ever all hang together at one time??!!

Cat-atonic!

Cat-atonic.

Red stripe

Yesterday afternoon's strange sunset.

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Sunset 29.01.2005

Haloscan: I have capitulated

I have given up the unequal struggle, for now at least, and added Haloscan commenting. I am far too obsessed to miss comments purely because blogger has it's myriad technical difficulties and the frustration of late has been unprecedented.

So it's there, loitering at the bottom along with Blogger comments, I couldn't bear to lose all my old comments so the two will have to run side by side. Hopefully one or the other will work at any given time and if Blogger ever 'get's it's act together' I can dispense with Haloscan eventually.

Goddamn, I even had to pay real money, to the sum of $12 USD, for email notification, this had better be good! :o)

Friday's feast (33)

Appetizer - If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have?

'Computer active'....er, I have a subscription to that already so maybe 'Cosmopolitan' even though I'm too old for it's reader base!

Soup - If you were to suddenly become famous, what would you choose as your stage name?

Lord knows!

Salad - What ingredients make an awesome salad? Dressing? Croutons?

Parmesan cheese and dressing

Main Course - What do you like most about your current job?

My colleagues

Dessert - Who is your favorite instrumental musician (not a singer)?

Miles Davis

Tsunami spoof

I am rarely inflamed to such an extent as I was this morning reading this news report. I can laugh with the best of them at sick jokes and politically incorrect 'offerings' but this particular instance is beyond all boundaries of decency and acceptability.

What on earth where these people thinking of and what on earth where those who made and produced the item thinking of??

I'm sorry, but an apology and the offering of a meagre weeks salary by those who made the decision to air this item is not good enough. I am as a rule on the side of the underdog and not in favour of corporate heavy-handedness but in this instance the employer is right. It is easy to apologise after the event and when one's own life is about to be affected.

Crass stupidity and insensitivity of this magnitude is inexcusable and those guilty of it shouldn't be allowed to escape with apologies manufactured doubtless for the purpose of saving their own skins!

Ok.....

....Especially for Larry, Mohan, Wacky Southern Housewife and her MIL...... 'the' pic is back! :o)

Spring has sprung....

......if only for today!

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Sunshine.


Bright day.

Virtual 'thorn's in the side'

Some things have a habit of being particularly aggravating, not horrendously terrible just life's little 'bug bears', those things that make you go grrrrr despite one's powers of rationalisation knowing they shouldn't.

Two of these jolly little incidents greeted me this morning.

Firstly, for techie reasons I shan't bore you with, my email gave up the ghost, this required me to install new settings.....which I duly did, courtesy of Wanadoo, only to find that along with the operational stuff I required it also installed one of those aggravating search bars at the bottom of the outlook page. I hate them, if I wanted one I would choose to have one, I do not want one surreptitiously planted there via 'the back door' and I'll be damned if I can get shot of it! Any ideas on means of removal, from those more technically able than myself, would be appreciated.

My second aggravation was an email virus hoax, kindly sent to me by a friend, in all good faith. This hoax concerns a virus reported to arrive under the title 'A virtual card for you' which claims to 'destroy sector zero'. Yeah right! Check this one out here or here for further proof of it's stupidity.

I will never understand what pleasure some probably bright and technically savvy individual gains from these bits of idiocy....probably the fact that they get the likes of me spitting!.....so I won't, I'll stay calm, I won't react, or scream or shout or show any annoyance what so ever.......think calm thoughts......

....not working...arghhhh.....

Why oh why......

....do blogger have to test our patience to such extremes?

It seems I am not the only one to have suffered unending frustrations of late. Everything takes close to a lifetime to open, if it does at all, I can only comment with occasional success, I am never notified of a comment by email any longer and trying to publish is a feat of endurance!

Just as I had almost given up the unequal struggle and migrated my comments to Haloscan , something I have thus far resisted ( I don't want to lose my past comments), what happened?....I'll tell you....Blogger started to 'play the game' at last!

I won't hold my breath!

The world gone mad!

'Going equipped'!

Few can have missed the news story reported over the last few days concerning Sarah McCaffery the young lady from Tyne and Wear who was fined for eating an apple whilst driving. Ms McCaffrey was issued with a fixed penalty fine of £30 for her 'offence' but objected and opted to go to trial, where she was found guilty, fined £60 and ordered to pay £100 costs.

Northumbria police and the CPS spent over £10000 in their endeavours to secure this conviction!

This morning a report has emerged of a man who was fined by Greater Manchester Police for playing his car stereo system too loudly.....apparently the decibel level was only half of the possible full volume.

Doubtless we will be subjected now to a string of such stories from the media, never an organisation to miss the opportunity of 'jumping on the bandwagon' and inflaming popular opinion.

That said I have to admit to being somewhat dismayed by this story.

I have in the main spent a lifetime as pro police and an advocate of our justice system but the case of Ms McCaffery seems utter nonsense. In the first instance I find it hard to accept that eating an apple at the wheel constitutes a serious case of 'not being in control of her vehicle', though I do accept that it is not absolutely ideal and in the second instance I do not understand why, if the local constabulary considered it appropriate to stop this young lady for her misdemeanor in the first place, she was not given a friendly warning. Lets face it....who doesn't on occasion eat/ smoke/ drink at the wheel? The fact that we 'all do it' does not of course make it right but it begs the question why we have not all been hauled infront of a magistrate for such crimes.

Finally, the most appalling result of what was perhaps an over zealous young officers actions, is the fact that the police force in question, rather than handling this case with common sense, then proceeded to spend £10000 of public money in acquiring evidence against this most heinous of criminals to ensure a conviction!

Has the world gone mad?

I truly never thought I would see the day I would utter this opinion but are there not real criminals, the murderers, rapists, armed thugs and drug cartels to attend to? £10000 may well be a 'drop in the ocean' where the fight against such serious crime is concerned but surely securing a conviction against Ms McCaffery was not the most intelligent use of resources.

Common sense it seems was sadly lacking in this instance, the constable who made the initial decision may well have thought in his wisdom he was acting correctly, indeed he was acting within the confines of his remit but was there not a sergeant or inspector etc. 'back at the station' who could have taken action to avert this debacle before the CPS, a helicopter, a spotter plane, a squad car bristling with technology and the courts became so expensively involved?

Well done PC Butler, you should go far!

Is this my best side?

Ditto

A line in the sand snow

Saturday night around 10.30 I was loitering feeling sorry for myself on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate when there was a knock on the door. PG and I looked at each other, no one ever knocks on the door here at night, PG stood up grumbling and answered it.

Our visitor was my friend and neighbour, we will call her 'W' for now. 'W' insisted that I put on a jacket, a pair of shoes and go with her.....destination unknown and never mind the cold or the abandoning of my hot chocolate, this was too important!

It was apparent this was not an emergency, rather something of some amusement to her and though I was completely confounded I duly obeyed my instructions and ventured out into the cold night.

We set off in 'W's car, both of us laughing and with her repeatedly telling me "you are not gonna believe what I have to show you"....my confusion was not relieved by this!

Perhaps half a mile from home everything became clear, 'W' stopped the car (there is no traffic here late at night) and infront of us in the road was a very definite line, like someone had 'coloured it in' in a childs colouring book, one side of the line, black tarmac, the other side of the line....SNOW! There was no gradual fading in, it was a hard line, one side it had snowed the other it hadn't!!

To add to 'W's amusement was the fact that the side on which we live was the snow-less side, despite all my forecast watching and wishing the snow had dared to stop just half a mile from us!!! My passion for snow is well known here.

"Look up" she said to me, above our heads was a hard line in the dark sky, one side white puffy snow clouds, the other side, our side...... a clear sky, bright with twinkling stars!

This place we live in may drive me mad in some respects but it offers some amazing sights now and then!!

The horrid weekend

Harrumph!!

On Saturday morning I woke with the threat of another cold descending upon me, it didn't remain 'descending'for long, it landed full force bringing with it something that felt akin to a grape in my throat and an inability to get warm. The grape rapidly advanced into a grapefruit and the lack of warmth issue became a lost cause!

My arrival at work was accompanied by the unpleasant realisation that I was to spend the following two days stood in a bitter wind, by a doorway who's (theoretically)automatic doors were failing in their duty to detect individuals and duly open or close and consequently remained staunchly open. Add to that, courtesy of the building work currently underway, the heating was broken! The contractors employed to fix such failures do not work on a weekend.....oh happy days!

I do not 'do' cold!

And so we stood, cold to the bone, miserable and huddled in turn around a small fan heater....and we had it good. The poor young souls operating the checkouts could do nothing but sit and freeze. Should we provide them each with a heater the power trips out....more joy!

All day rotas were hastily suggested to send them one by one for a coffee on a continuing rotation but this only worked in part, no matter how cold one is, if there are customers in a queue, or anything vaguely resembling the threat of a queue, then we must remain.

We ran around, we larked about where we could but it was to no avail, we remained miserably cold, a little band of pinched and pale faces met customers who persisted in telling us "it's cold in here today"...........YES, WE KNOW, we are trying our damnedest to ignore it......as they departed for warm and cosy homes!

I am still cold, I can't get warm, I still have a grapefruit in my throat, I think long time immersion in a hot bath is next on my agenda! :o)

The spirit is willing......

....but the body is weak!

I had every intention of blogging my rather horrid weekend this evening, nothing startling I hasten to add, just run of the mill, small time horrid..... it is not to be.

My arrival home found PG firmly ensconced infront of the pc (how dare he?) and by the time I had ejected him, which was but a few minutes ago, my will to do anything other than eat chocolate and sleep had deserted me.

I tried, I logged on.... but the will is still A.W.O.L........ and so I bid you all good night!

Sweet dreams.

The other side of the hill

It seems that so often on the weekend I blog here about the beautiful sight that greets me on the last leg of my journey to work in the early hours. As I clear the final hill toward town I am met with a stunning vista as far as the eye can see, a seascape like none other I have ever seen.

This morning, despite having woken with (bah!) a cold I managed to organise myself enough to take my camera with me. The sunrise was not a particularly good one and I only had a minute or two to spare, given that a coffee before work was obligatory..... but these pictures might give an impression of why I still love the drive to work!

(Click to enlarge)

Over the hill.

The Northern most bay in England.

Just because.....

....this picture made me smile and maybe it will do the same for you.

Cheers Magz.


Devon Rex kittens.

Help!

Anyone out there good with CSS/HTML??

You might (will) notice my header title is slightly off centre, you will also notice, if you are viewing in Firefox, that the title is split into two lines. Yes, I know it's a small point but I'm a pedantic bag at times and I want it straight!!!

I'm beaten, I'll be damned if I can get it to behave.....please, anyone out there wanna look at my source and tell me where I went wrong??

I thank you.

Friday's feast (32)

Appetizer - What is one quality you really admire about yourself?
I'm honest.

Soup - What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?
'Pantene'

Salad - Describe your favorite movie scene. You know, the one that just gets to you every time you watch it.
The final scene in 'An officer and a gentleman', the one where RG carries his leading lady out of the factory she is working in....yeah I know, cheesy but hey, I'm a woman!

Main Course - If you were a veggie, which one would you be, and why?
I am a veggie so I think I'de be me!

Dessert - If you could take a weekend trip within 100 miles of your current residence, where would you like to go?
Either to Edinburgh city centre to spend a weekend doing all the things I no longer get a chance to do as often as I used to, eating out, clubbing, going to the movies/theatre and shopping. Alternatively if I needed luxury and pampering Duns Castle assuming I can 'weekend away' so close to home!

Quiet please!

I feel assailed by noise today, everything everywhere has been abnormally noisy and loud. Forget cream cakes, chocolate, a romantic dinner or good sex.... all I crave right now is a little peace and quiet!

Last night the wind returned with a vengeance, speeds of up to 50 mph and gusts over 70 prevailed until mid afternoon today. All night long the windows rattled, the roof banged loudly, slates crashed to the ground intermittently, the loft hatch lifted and dropped with a thud a thousand times and the floor quite literally vibrated.

Parts of dismembered trees, dustbins, boxes, plant pots and all manner of debris flew and crashed around and by 2 am I had given up the unequal struggle that was sleep and took refuge with a cup of drinking chocolate in front of the TV. The wind howled and whistled around the building without end, the street lights swayed an unnerving degree, one positioned worryingly over my car rocked back and forth all night and day and the electricity flickered madly on and off, with far too much frequency.

I managed 3 hours sleep and then braved the elements to get to work........more noise! The wind battered and howled my small car for the entire journey and was 'beautifully' accompanied by the sound of my exhaust, which chose this morning to 'blow'.

My arrival at work I hoped would bring some peace, Thursdays are not generally particularly busy and we no longer have 'musak' droning on....oh how wrong can one be? Somehow it slipped my mind that the store where I work has just begun a major rebuild. We of course trade throughout this, a third of the square footage is behind hoardings at a time, while shopfitters, electricians, plumbers and all manner of tradesmen and women 'do their thing' with hammers, saws, kango hammers, cranes, iron work, brickwork blah, blah, blah. The place was utter bedlam.

And on it went, nine hours of constant noise, of shouting to be heard and of not being able to hear.... and then it was time for home......more wind, more blowing exhaust and 'oh joy', PG had the music channel on upon my arrival, at some unearthly decibel level!

PLEASE...all I want is a a little quiet, to be able to hear myself think, is that too much to ask?

And the wind still blows and the roof still rattles..............

Arghhhhhh!!

It's one of 'those days'

You know the ones, where you just can't seem to 'get it together', well I'm having one!

I've drifted about doing damn all this morning, gazing into space and half starting various things but finishing none. This state of mind is no doubt self inflicted, PG has worked a night shift the last two days and somehow when he's absent I don't manage to make it to bed until stupid o'clock. Last night I was still glassy eyed and fiddling here until gone 2am and the previous night almost 4.30 am

When I finally did meander bed-ward I couldn't sleep.....courtesy of one small cat choosing the hours of darkness and the bed, as a platform for her latest rendition of the 'cat tango'! Please don't advise me to shut her out, she begins unending practice of her rotovation skills on the door should I make that move.

So now, PG is home and asleep, the golf course is flooded so that's out and he wants to 'do something' this afternoon. The 'something' is ill defined as yet and I see a difference of opinion on the horizon! Yes, I know I moan intermittently that we 'never go anywhere' and I hate to waste the opportunity of some time together, which is rare, but please....why today? I need to do nothing today!

Hey ho, perhaps I will muster a modicum of energy and interest and head out somewhere............but don't count on it!

Who says.......

Tortie

....that cat's aren't as bright as dogs?

Meet 'Tortie', affectionately known as 'Poo'..... don't ask, I don't know!

Tortie's humans are good friends of ours, in fact the first friends I met when I moved here and didn't know a soul and long time friends of PG's. Tortie is one of those cats, that given half a chance you would kidnap and take home, she has a particularly soft coat, a gentle nature and a face that appears to be permanently smiling.

Tortie is the apple of her 'mothers' eye, though three years ago, with the birth of her first human sibling 'Tortie time' became understandably, slightly more limited. She adjusted well and settled into the new routine. She now faces a new challenge, human sibling number two is imminent and she has decided that if she cannot naturally command the appropriate level of attention at all times, then she must take matters into her own hands or in this case her own paws!

Tortie has discovered that no amount of incessant, pitiful meowing at the door will attract instant attention when she requires entry into her cozy home from hunting expeditions....... with the added responsibilities and distractions her 'mum' has of late, instant access is not always available.

Not to be thwarted in her efforts to attract the attention she desires, she has recently learnt and perfected the art of 'knocking'! To this end she has begun persistently and intrepidly, balancing on the narrow window ledge, whilst knocking voraciously on the glass with her delicate little paw until someone does the honours and opens 'her' door!!

It's snowing at last!

Not the stuff of blizzards and a whiteout thus far.... but it's a start! :o)

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It's snowing!

The smell of snow?

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Snow clouds over the 'backyard'? 17.01.05 ~ 12.51 hrs

Again we are forecast snow, theoretically this will fall between 15.00 hrs today and overnight, though having learnt from this years previous predictions I will resist the temptation to rush out to William Hill with ideas of making my fortune!

It's looking good having said that, the barometric pressure is falling nicely, the temperature is dropping at about 1 degree centigrade an hour and precipitation looks likely.

In these parts there are locals who profess to be able to 'see' snow in the clouds or even more peculiarly can 'smell' snow in the air. I have to confess that in my short experience they tend to be right in their predictions, unfortunately I don't have access to such a person right now so will have to rely on electronic gadgetry which seems to be somewhat less reliable of late!

As sod's law would have it.....if it is going to snow heavily it will be tonight, why?....because PG is working a night shift for two days and my constant wishing for the white stuff could come back to haunt me by leaving him marooned at work and myself alone in the dark with no heating or power.....not of course that I have any tendency, what so ever, toward pessimism!

A mother at 66

A Romanian woman, Adriana Iliescu, is reported to have given birth at the age of 66 in Bucharest following nine years of fertility treatment. It is believed to be the greatest age at which a woman has produced a child and has earned her a place in the record books. Previously the honour was held by a woman of 65.

Ms Iliescu's daughter was born prematurely by caesarian section weighing 3lbs, after her twin died in the womb.

I don't apologise for feeling that this is a ridiculous, ill considered and selfish act. I do understand that for many women the need to have a child is an inherent and deep seated aspect of their psychological make up and that to have remained childless, is for some a devastating situation. Does there not thought come a point where one learns at least to accept fate and build a life without children.

To become a parent at the age of 66 seems to be a choice entirely about the needs and wishes of the mother, not those of the child. I don't doubt for one minute that this baby will be loved and cared for but in reality, at 66, one is unlikely to live to see many of the important life stages of the offspring and is even more unlikely to have the physical capacity to be involved in the child's life to the degree a younger parent would and should be. This child is very likely to have to deal with the trauma of losing her mother at a relatively early time in her life, something most parents abhor the thought of.....this lady had created the possibility of that happening willingly and knowingly.

And where were the morals and common sense of the medical profession here? Ms Iliescu, a well qualified and intelligent woman it seems, may well have had her ability to see this decision in the 'cold light of day' impaired by her emotional need for a child but could the professionals caring for her not see the problems involved?

I don't believe as women we have an absolute right to children at any cost and particularly where that cost is likely to be highest for the child, though I am an advocate of assisted fertility in appropriate circumstances.

I am childless, in part from choice but in part due to circumstance. My choice was made more on the basis that my life was never in a place where I felt I could offer a child a stable and suitable life, than a decision made purely because I didn't want a child. Yes, certainly my psyche seemed to be lacking the desperate need to reproduce that many women suffer, so the decision for me was not perhaps as difficult as for many who find they are unable to conceive naturally.....but I do know that it is possible to have a life without children!

Maybe I should be rejoicing in the happiness of this lady and in the technology that allowed her to fulfill her dream but I just can't help feeling she has made a selfish decision that has a strong possibility of adversely affecting her daughters wellbeing and happiness at a time in her life when she should be care free and happy.

Adriana Iliescu says her family have a history of longevity, let's hope she is right!

What a lightweight!

I'm feeling pathetic!

It's not three years since I was working full time and I had done since leaving school, it never bothered me, I still found time to do the things I wanted to and I still had at least a modicum of energy left at the end of it all.

Not so now! Two days at work, granted it's quite a challenging job now and then, particularly on the weekend but I'm shattered....yup....in just two days I'm pathetically tired. The energy remains for nothing more than a half hearted crawl around the blogosphere and to fall into bed....perhaps one episode of CSI if I make a concerted effort.

Is this the dreaded age catching up, is it just that I'm no longer used to it, or am I turning into a laid back, life's no rush, country bumpkin already?

Whatever...where did the 'city girl' go?....what a lightweight! Lol.

Strawberry milkshake

For an old cat who would have us believe she is incapable of much exercise nowadays, Poppy appeared to manage remarkably well in navigating her way along the sofa, making a significant leap onto the desk and in picking her way through items thereon....... to obtain access to the remains of a strawberry milkshake PG left unattended!

And they say cat's don't have a sweet tooth!


The cat that got the 'cream'

Friday's feast (31)...ooops, on a saturday!

Er...I forgot to post this yesterday!

Appetizer - If you could have a free subscription to any online service, which would you like to have?
Ebay

Soup - Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.)
Cream porcelain suite, taupe carpet, blue and white walls with silver 'swirls', blue shower curtain with silver swirls, chrome shaving mirror, chrome over sink mirror and pots, tumbler etc. Pine door, architrave and loo seat, floor to ceiling unit for all of PG's 'stuff', never have I known a guy with so many 'personal grooming' items, Tart! :o)

Salad - What does the shape of a triangle make you think of?
The 'Bermuda Triangle'.

Main Course - Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries.
1. An 'anytime' cell phone contract.
2. A pair of 'Gucci' shoes.
3. To buy all my chocolate from Charbonnel and Walker.

Dessert - What was the last really great movie you watched?
God knows.....I haven't watched what I consider to be a good movie for years.

Very strange

I am reliably informed that momentarily, at some point yesterday my blog appeared in the top 5 list on The Weblog Review! I have absolutely no idea how or why, I haven't done anything, I haven't contacted anyone and it's months and months since my own review took place and even then it wasn't the stuff of top 5's.

Had WSH not mailed me the instant she saw it I would never have known, indeed when she checked back I had disappeared as rapidly as I had appeared! No doubt in my case the result of an incorrect 'click' on the part of some anonymous individual at the 'working end'.

Which brings me to more oddities. Late last night I meandered around in my stats and pondered the searches that had led people here....slightly worrying!! Among the searches were the words or phrases 'foot fetish', 'pornography' and 'knickers'......all I can say is whoever ran those searches must have been horribly disappointed to arrive here, I can't imagine this what they were looking for! Others of amusement included 'mysticalball works', 'slippery flowers' and 'life and crime of Mike Tyson', heaven knows how those three landed up here at all.

Oh....and to whoever searched 'gemmack' 27 times in one day.....you got it wrong matey :op

Cold start

The gales have now departed this corner of Scotland to be replaced by sub zero temperatures, fiery skies and a harsh frost.

These two pictures where taken only a few seconds apart but in opposite directions.

(click to enlarge)

Sun up 14.01.05


Cold Start 14.01.05

Three things....

I thieved this quiz off Wacky Southern Housewife, who in turn thieved it from elsewhere, blah, blah ,blah, you know how it goes!

3 names you go by:
1. My own
2. gemmak
3. JK

3 screen names you have:
Uh?

3 things you like about yourself:
1. I'm honest
2. My size
3. I'm stubborn, ok, so it annoys the hell out of others, do I care?

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. My nose
2. Having my ears pierced twice
3. Smoking

3 things that scare you:
1. SPIDERS!!!
2. Violence
3. Dying

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Cigarettes
2. Coffee
3. Computer

3 things you're wearing right now:
1. Track pants
2. Fleece.....I never promised I was elegant!
3. My grandmothers wedding ring

3 of your favourite bands/artists:
1. Katie melua
2. Lighthouse family
3. Robbie Williams...yeah yeah, I know.

3 of your favourite songs at present:
1. The closest thing to crazy ~ Katie melua
2. End of the sky ~ Lighthouse Family
3. Chained to you ~ Savage garden

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Build my own computer from scratch
2. Learn to ride a horse
3. Learn to play chess

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Intellect
2. Sex....who doesn't?
3. Sensitivity

2 truths and a lie:
1. I competed in the Olympics as a gymnast in 1976
2. I left my husband for someone I had never met
3. I live in one country and work in another

3 physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Strong thighs
2. Good butt
3. Nice hands....I can't define that, sorry!

3 things you just can't do:
1. Play an instrument
2. Look at a spider
3. Tolerate unkindness

3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. Er...blogging!
2. DIY
3. Photography

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Sleep
2. Meet whoever sacked Joe Gordon
3. Find a magic potion to make Poppy live forever

3 careers you're considering:
1. Idle rich!
2. Anything where the main purpose is not economic gain
3. Hell, if I had this many ideas I wouldn't be working in retail!

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. USA
2. Switzerland
3. Canada

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. Horatio
2. Hermione
3. Hubert ........Well no one said they had to be nice names :o)

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Pay off my credit cards!
2. Own a dream car/bike
3. Make a difference somehow

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Lisa
2. Jack
3. Magz

An aptitude for inelegance!

Stretch!


Yawn!

Another one bites the dust!

As anyone who passes by here regularly will know, there is little that is guaranteed to get my hackles to rise more rapidly than the current 'trend' for employers to dismiss employees who apparently 'bringing the company into disrepute' by blogging on the subject of their work.

It is thus that I sit here now steaming, to coin a phrase.

Blackrat yesterday posted on the subject and via his comments I came upon this article in the Guardian today.

The blog, 'The Woolamaloo Gazette' and it's author can be found here

It is pointless my banging on about freedom of speech again, indeed freedom of speech is something I hold very strong views on but I have been there before. What amazes me most, aside from the obvious pomposity of companies who feel they have a right to control an employees life outside of work, is how the buffoons who attempt to hold that control persist in turning what where small blogs, read by only a few individuals into front page news for the broadsheets and thereby providing all the bad publicity they apparently seek to avoid!

Very astute move guys!

I for one will not be patronising Waterstones, Edinburgh again, or Waterstones anywhere for that matter. I doubt the loss of my meagre annual spend will give the C.E.O. nightmares but a few thousand 'me's' might give him or her a little discomfort and it will sure as hell make me feel better!

Let's go fly a kite

Not for the feeble!

With all this talk of wind there has been much mention of kites, mostly related to myself and the possibility that the kite would in fact fly me.

I have been there, I promise you!

Many moons ago, well I can't do the math to tell you exactly how many moons but something in the region of 12 years in any case, my then husband got 'into' flying power kites. These were most definitely not the kites you might buy for £20 and fly gently on a hill somewhere with children in tow, these where 'grown up' kites, power kites, flexifoils, stunt kites and fighting kites.

It was an eye opener for me at the time, this kind of kite flying I think was in relative infancy at the time though still quite technically advanced. We trailed all over the country attending 'kite festivals' and to the few outlets from where we could purchase the damn things.

As time went on we learnt to build our own, I doubt many households purchased an expensive sewing machine purely to build kites or had cupboards full if carbon fibre spars and 'ripstop' parachute fabric!

The majority of these things were beyond my physical capacity, without a doubt most would fly me, many of them required two men to hang onto them in any strength of breeze, could pull a buggy at relatively high speeds along a suitable open space and the line would easily remove ones fingers in an instant without heavy leather handwear as protection.

The specifics of the type of wind required were beyond me but one things was for sure, in wind of strengths such as we have here right now it was a 'no go', a grown up kite can be flown in remarkably little breeze and still have the ability to drag a grown man uncontrollably. The greatest fear of course was being in the position of losing control, these things cost hundreds of pounds and to 'let go' was not an option!

I for my part, unable to fly with the 'big boys' for much of the time, produced my own more novelty version which drew much attention at the various flying meetings we joined...... a black cat with 4 kittens hanging off the line below it,( a cat? no surprise there then!). This game was a damn good way of building upper body strength! Even that, with its 2 metre diameter 'mother cat' and .75 metre kittens was a handful that my 7.5 stone frame struggled with and often had to be anchored or rescued by a kindly and more suitably macho counterpart!

Even kite flying has it's attractions! ;o)

Sorry.....

......I know I promised previously to try and ignore the small landmarks on my hit counter but it's just impossible!

Wooooooo........ I just made 15000 hits!

Whilst on the subject of such things I read this post earlier today where the blogs mentioned apparently receive up to 5000 hits a day.....hells bells, I would become apoplectic with excitement if I where to attain 500 in one day let alone 5000,....... but how on earth does one respond to the number of comments that popularity must generate!

Yet more gales

(Click to enlarge)

Over the crest of the hill.


Toward Lindisfarne.

If I thought the gales of the last few days where a little concerning it seems I was mistaken for apparently the worst has yet to come. The wind speeds Saturday through to Monday where in the low 30's but commencing this afternoon they are set to gust at up to 80mph..... thus far though we have been lucky in our little patch of Scotland.

On the west coast the situation has been far worse, Cumbria has suffered severe flooding resulting in the sad deaths of three people, millions of pounds of damage has been done to property and thousands of those resident in the area remain without power for the third day.

On Saturday as I drove my little car to work, battered by high winds and torrential rain I thought it could get no worse, that was until yesterday morning when things had progressed from 'challenging' to 'very challenging' and any driving skills I have acquired over the years where severely tested.

The journey was odd in that it felt a little surreal. The extreme conditions seemed to have disrupted the day to day operations of the natural world completely and confused the hedgerow inhabitants. The roads where littered with debris from trees that had suffered from the continual battering, it was apparent that overnight, local farmers has been forced from their beds to remove, by whatever means available, a number of mature trees felled by the strength of the wind and in parts rainwaters stood deep enough for me to have to crawl through, barely moving and wondering if I would make it to the other side without it overflowing the height of my car's sill and rendering me 'paddling'.

The wildlife was behaving in an unusual manner, creatures normally not evident at this time of day where still scuttling about manically, bedraggled rabbits were runnig along the hedgerows, birds normally soaring gracefully were buffeted inelegantly and two barn owls sat staunchly on a fence post, looking statuesque despite it being way past their bed time! As I struggled against a vicious sidewind over the Tweed estuary, which had broken its banks flooding the nearby fields, the resident swans, who have by this time normally moved off to go about their days business sat huddled and floating in places they don't, as a rule, have the opportunity to float!

What was most surreal was the view. Toward the end on my drive each day, as I come over the crest of a hill I am greeted with a wonderful panoramic view of the bay, the pictures above show part of that view, the whole town lies before me, it's red roofs set against the deep blue of the sea, the island of Lindisfarne sits on the horizon with it's lighthouse blinking and sea and sky merge into one indefinable background.

Yesterday morning as I cleared the crest of the hill the view was changed dramatically to a sight I have never before been witness too. The sea, instead of blending with the sky into one backdrop of blue, was brown, a sandy brown, churned up by hours of pounding from heavy surf fuelled by the winds, not just along the coastline but as far as the eye could see to the horizon and up the entire length of the estuary in the opposite direction.

The impact was phenomenal, and a sight I am at a loss to describe adequately. The light reflecting off the strangely coloured expanse of sea coloured everything, the whole town and view appeared entirely changed and surreal, dark and foreign to my eyes, it felt oddly threatening coupled with the sound of the wind howling around me and I was reminded of the horrors unfolding in Asia and of the absolute power of the natural world, the forces of nature against which we, who are so used to being in control of our lives have no strength or weapon.

Gone With the Wind (not)

In the US, winds of 21 mph or better would be considered the start of a good tornado, especially in Nebraska. However, in Scotland, it appears to be the norm. The winds are up to 21mph today and expected to be in the 30+ mph range tomorrow. I'm guessing they build sturdy homes in Scotland with well-nailed down roofs. :)

Gem is at work today, but I thought I would pop in just for a second to say that, as far as I'm aware, we should not see Gem fluttering about over our heads. She is not gone with the wind; just working her rear-end off at work.

I thought I might leave you with a link for entertainment purposes: An actual castle being built in the United States.

Have a good day!
Lisa

Back briefly

Just popping in very briefly to explain my slightly abnormal silence (some would say a blessing) over the last day or two. Having posted some concern regarding my impending journey to work yesterday in the early hours, I then disappeared. My apologies TW, for causing you concern and thank you for having that concern.... but all is well, I didn't blow away and the gales are finally subsiding.

The journey into to work was a little 'challenging' but uneventful thank fully and my only reason for not posting since is two very long days at work followed by a meeting and time for little else! Right now I'm just in and fit for nothing but sleep.....I have another very early start tomorrow and then it's back to normal for a few days 'playtime'.

On that note I will bid you all goodnight........oh, and "sweet dreams Jelly Bean" :o)

And the wind blows

For the last two days the gales here have been almost continuous, the winds eased a little yesterday afternoon only to gather strength again in the evening. My drive home from work was 'interesting', there were one or two very large trees felled by the power of the gale and attempting to hold my car in a straight line was somewhat of a challenge!

This morning things have only worsened, more high winds are forecast, along with snow, though I won't hold my breath on the snow aspect after the last week or two's 'no shows'.

I have no idea of the current wind speed but it's high, in fact I would go as far as to say it's slightly scary, even to me who generally likes extreme weather and I am a little concerned about my imminent journey to work ........ Believe me, gales would not cut it as a valid reason not to make it in and on time at that! Bear in mind here that right now I cannot make it along the access balcony to this flat without holding tight to the rails and the fact that our roof appears still to be intact is an impressive testament to the skills of whoever constructed it!

That's it for now, I'm off to shower and brave the elements......oh happy days!